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    Boyfriend says hes not into me being little...


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    #1 Happylilnymph

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 12:16 AM

    Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and he has tried before to be daddy towards me, to take role as a caregiver.. He would brush my hair when i ask, give me cuddles, tuck me into bed. Since i was and still am going through a bit of a hard time being little has been a therapy for me. Its helped me regress back to an age i feel comfortable with and lets me self soothe. Lately my boyfriend has left his daddy position. I asked him how he feels about me being little and he told me hes not that into it. Knowing that he's most likely never going to be the caregiver i need makes me so upset that ive come to feel horrible when i want to be little. Ive asked him if i could find someone to be a non sexual caregiver for me but he wont allow it. So now im stuck not being able to regress at all. I dont know what to do at this point. How do i solve this problem? -.-

    #2 sighing

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 12:37 AM

    He has the right to not be interested in ddlg. He tried and decided he wasn't into it. Now you have to decide if you can deal with or even want a vanilla relationship. If not, then maybe you two aren't compatible.


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    #3 Happylilnymph

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 12:48 AM

    Well i love him of course but this is a big part of my life. Im just not sure how to tell him that our relationship wont work.

    #4 sighing

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 01:20 AM

    "We need to talk . . . Ddlg is a huge chunk of what I'm looking for in a relationship . . . we're clearly not compatible . . . I'm breaking up with you." A standard break-up would work just fine. Good luck :)



    #5 Princess-P

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 01:20 AM

    Why can't you be little without a caregiver? If you love him, really and truly, then him not being your Daddy yet still a loving and caring partner in life should be all that matters. Lots of littles are little on their own.

    And if love without a Daddy lable isn't enough better to end things now then later. Be true to yourself but don't hope for someone else to be something they are not.
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    #6 Princessaj

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 01:21 AM

    So sorry to hear that you are going through this problem.

     

    Let's turn that around for a minute. You may want to read this a few times.

     

    In general he wants you to be happy, right?

     

    You are happy being little.

     

    If you tell him that the relationship won't work, that doesn't mean you are mad at each other.

     

    Ask him to wish you to be happy being a little and finding a Daddy.

     

    You, in turn, wish him well in finding a partner that he will be happy with.

     

    Sounds simple, but I know there are lots of feelings involved. If you really think about it, its

    simple that you want the best for each other. Parting this way will give you a good feeling

    if you look back on it in the future. I have a feeling that you will meet someone that will

    make like this never happened.  Hugs


    *glitter*  :heart:  :heart:  :heart:  :heart:  :heart:


    #7 ziva vlad's kitten

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 02:06 AM

    It seems like you are at a crossroad, DD/lg one way, your boyfriend the other way.

    Ive asked him if i could find someone to be a non sexual caregiver for me but he wont allow it.


    This part right here especially caught my attention.
    If he won't allow it, that could quite possibly mean he cares about you enough that he doesn't want to risk you being pulled away from him by a daddy you meet. It also sounds like he's dominant enough to be willing to set boundaries.
    Perhaps there is a middle ground that can be reached. A place where you can be little, on your own (maybe even with little friends), and he doesn't have to be your daddy, but where in your relationship he is still the Dom.
    Perhaps one or both of you would be unsatisfied with a compromise like this, or a compromise that the two of you come up with.

    If you are not able to reach a compromise you will have to choose, your relationship or DD/lg.

    Edited by little ziva, 19 November 2016 - 02:15 AM.

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    #8 PattyCake

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 12:15 PM

    Sorry to hear you are going through this!  It can really be tough, especially for a little.

     

    I have been through something similar before, and my "daddy" needed a break.  It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest.  We took a break from it for awhile, and eventually he missed it.  He came around a few weeks later and said he wanted to try it again, but do it differently.

     

    Maybe see if there are certain parts of it he likes/dislikes and make changes accordingly. 

     

    Good luck! <3  


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    #9 xAntoinette

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 07:54 PM

    Why can't you be little without a caregiver? If you love him, really and truly, then him not being your Daddy yet still a loving and caring partner in life should be all that matters. Lots of littles are little on their own.

     

    I know you mean well and you always do, I've seen quite a few of your posts and you're usually so lovely but this seems so cold. Many people just can't repress their desires like DD/lg, even if they do love the other person it feels to them like they're missing out on something and they can't fully be themselves. Fulfillment in a relationship is a huge part of keeping it alive, and well, if she can't have a caregiver I'd imagine for her she wouldn't be fulfilled.

     

    A lot of people are littles with vanilla partners but that just goes to show that littles are so diverse and different and nobody is the same. 

     

    I hope this wasn't rude in any way, just I felt like this should be addressed. 

     

     

    Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and he has tried before to be daddy towards me, to take role as a caregiver.. He would brush my hair when i ask, give me cuddles, tuck me into bed. Since i was and still am going through a bit of a hard time being little has been a therapy for me. Its helped me regress back to an age i feel comfortable with and lets me self soothe. Lately my boyfriend has left his daddy position. I asked him how he feels about me being little and he told me hes not that into it. Knowing that he's most likely never going to be the caregiver i need makes me so upset that ive come to feel horrible when i want to be little. Ive asked him if i could find someone to be a non sexual caregiver for me but he wont allow it. So now im stuck not being able to regress at all. I dont know what to do at this point. How do i solve this problem? -.-

     

     

    You have two options: 

     

    1) Live with him and be unfulfilled and possibly unhappy but still be with somebody that loves you.

     

    2) Leave him and seek out fulfillment for yourself, get therapy (it seems like from what you said you may need it) work on yourself and grieve the loss of this relationship before looking for one that will fulfill you fully. 

     

    I'm sure there's other options but those two look the most realistic to me, at the moment. 


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    #10 MrB

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    Posted 19 November 2016 - 08:49 PM

    I agree with xAntoinette it does sound like you two are not going to work out. I had a long term relationship with a little fail because of a change like this and she wanted to continue but with the relationship now missing a big part of it and I tried for a bit but I knew it just wasn't right as we were not fully compatible. However I felt so close and so strongly about her that I was absolutely heartbroken because deep down I knew that it was just not going to work out and carrying on like it would just made it worse. I think you should really think about it. I'm sure you do love him and thats the thing about life we can love many people and love people who are not truly a match for us but we can also heal after the pain of losing that person. I wish you all the best and hope you find an amazing Daddy who loves careing for you


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    #11 Mr. Walden

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    Posted 24 November 2016 - 04:00 PM

    princess-p nailed it. you dont have to be constantly on the hunt for a "real" daddy/cg. sometimes in the pursuit of the ideal perfect relationship, we throw away perfectly good vanilla ones.

    WF

    edit: it's shocking to me how quick some people here suggest throwing away a relationship at the drop of a hat. the constant pursuit of a perfect mate can burn alot of bridges. if you dont know how to compromise in a relationship, all i gotta say is enjoy a life of loneliness, and/or never being satisfied.

    Edited by WaldenFound, 24 November 2016 - 04:10 PM.

    Altitude therapy!


    #12 Daddy's_Babygirl

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    Posted 24 November 2016 - 07:46 PM

    princess-p nailed it. you dont have to be constantly on the hunt for a "real" daddy/cg. sometimes in the pursuit of the ideal perfect relationship, we throw away perfectly good vanilla ones.

    WF

    edit: it's shocking to me how quick some people here suggest throwing away a relationship at the drop of a hat. the constant pursuit of a perfect mate can burn alot of bridges. if you dont know how to compromise in a relationship, all i gotta say is enjoy a life of loneliness, and/or never being satisfied.


    You kinda like to attack people on here, and frankly miss the point of most of what people say.

    Almost everyone on here told her she had to decide between a vanilla relationship with her current boyfriend or looking for a new boyfriend. That's not throwing away a relationship at the drop of a hat. Those are BOTH legit options. If she can't give up DDlg and he won't allow her to be little then it is possible leaving is the best option.

    No one should sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of anyone else. Including their partner.
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    #13 LittleBree

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    Posted 26 November 2016 - 07:22 PM

    princess-p nailed it. you dont have to be constantly on the hunt for a "real" daddy/cg. sometimes in the pursuit of the ideal perfect relationship, we throw away perfectly good vanilla ones.

    WF

    edit: it's shocking to me how quick some people here suggest throwing away a relationship at the drop of a hat. the constant pursuit of a perfect mate can burn alot of bridges. if you dont know how to compromise in a relationship, all i gotta say is enjoy a life of loneliness, and/or never being satisfied.

     

    I think you are painting with too much of a broad stroke here. Way too broad. And I have to agree with Daddy's_Babygirl - I would suggest maybe trying to reword your opinions into a less aggressive manner. Unless you are purposefully trying to attack people. I'm not saying you are, but that is definitely how you have come off in the posts I have read of yours. But I digress.

     

    I don't think anyone is saying drop this relationship at "a drop of a hat," actually quite the contrary. Happylilnymph expressed how she is not able to, now, express a vital part of herself and her boyfriend's lack of participation. Most everyone here is advising to do the most important thing. Communicate. However, there is validity in preparation for the possible break up. That is how life works - somethings thing simply do not coexist enough for it to be probable.

     

    But what I want to point out is the last part of your comment (prior to edit) - "we throw away perfectly good vanilla ones." I have only ever been in vanilla relationships before meeting my new Daddy. And I can tell you that as a little, and a submissive, who is heavy into the BDSM world, a "perfectly good vanilla" relationship is in no way ideal. It is maddening, oppressive and causes great sense of self-doubt and confinement. It is very unhealthy to those who need to express a side of him/herself that simply cannot be done in a vanilla setting. Am I saying that the vanilla partner is to be blamed? NOT AT ALL! But I am saying that the (in this case) little will suffer from it. And, to reference your post again, it would almost be better living alone. That's exactly why I haven't been in a relationship since 2011 - I knew I couldn't survive a vanilla dynamic. I met lovely people but if I cannot be myself, what is the point? And I think that is the key element we need to remember here.

     

    If Happylilnymph makes things work with her boyfriend in such a light where she doesn't feel stifled, that is FANTASTIC! However, if she cannot be her little self whilst in a relationship with him, she is heading down a very hard, and possibly depressive, route by staying with him. I would ALWAYS recommend discussion and having all of the "hard" conversations with him prior to ever ending it. Hitting the points of her needs, his needs, what DDlg means to her, why it is so important, finding out why he doesn't like it and seriously trying to come to compromise. If there is any.

     

    But. To touch on another problem that you may be pointing out WF - a ton of people are willing to drop the relationship so quickly because in this dynamic it is a crying shame how many people do jump into a relationship with the wrong person. But that is to be expected in a dynamic like this, sadly. So, in essence, it really is the pursuit of the most ideal mate. And no one should feel judged by going about it however they see fit. The person that drops a relationship and what have you is the one who has to deal with his or her consequences, so there needn't be any harsh words,  "all I gotta say is enjoy a life of loneliness, and/or never being satisfied." And I say this as a person who is wholeheartedly against this kind of thing. If I may direct you to my thoughts - https://www.ddlgforu...ion/#entry69810 - you can see so. But even then, a condescending infliction is never needed. 

     

    Happylilnymph - I would recommend making a list of thought points you have on this issue in your relationship. Do so when you are in a calm and logical mindset. Write them out exactly how you feel. Then ask him if you two can have a serious conversation about this. But make sure you add in the conversations the key points on what he needs as well. It can't be one sided. And just go from there. It may be that you two are not compatible, but this will let you know why and provide closure if that is the case. However, this can be a situation where clear and precise communication will help resolve the problem. Either way, I wish you the very, very best. :)


    Edited by LittleBree, 26 November 2016 - 07:29 PM.

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    #14 Lil' Miss Dolly

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    Posted 26 November 2016 - 10:50 PM

    You're at a weird cross road right now and regardless of what anyone here has to say - only you know what's right for you.

    You absolutely should not be guilted into staying for someone else's feelings. I'm not sure why anyone would think that settling for an unfulfilling relationship is a healthy option. Anyone who would insist on you being unhappy for their own happiness should be lanced like a boil. This isn't a matter of simple compromise.

    As Princess P said, you don't need a partner to be Little, lots of the littles here dont have a dd. Being a Little is who you are inside, not only what you display with your partner. A lot of people come into this thinking that thy NEED a Dom and thats so far from the truth. This is so much more and I think single people (either with no partner or partners not involved in their little space) coming into this lifestyle should have a good grip in things before worrying about looking for a Daddy.

    Tl;dr-
    You can't force anyone to take part in this, you have to decide what YOU need to do to make you happy. You can be little without a dd and for 98% of cases you should get to know your little self first and foremost.


    Edited by Lil' Miss Dolly, 27 November 2016 - 02:27 AM.

    <Desire becomes Surrender, Surrender becomes Power>


    #15 Guest_LittleLexiKitty_*

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    Posted 27 November 2016 - 01:30 AM

    I agree with what everyone else said, if you love him and he loves you and takes care of you (in other ways) then you can continue being little. You also have to ask yourself is it a big enough deal that you must have a CG? or can you be little on your own.

     

    Ive been single for 3 years and yet i live as a little alot, most times its just me and myself drinking from a sippie cup or cuddling my stuffies but i dont need someone else to make me feel little. Even bedtime stories, theres plenty of videos online of people reading bedtime stories and it helps me sleep listening to them.

     

    In the end like i said you just have to decide whats right for you and whats going to make you happy? is being his girlfriend and doing stuff like a vanilla couple enough? or do you need him to embrace your little? if its the second one then maybe you two arnt a good match.


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    #16 Guest_Ginger Step_*

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    Posted 29 November 2016 - 09:51 PM

    Staying on a relationship that makes you unhappy is an act of martyrdom of your own happiness. Life is too short not to be able to giggle like a Little with the one you love. If a happy concession can not be found,maybe you have to consider your hanging with someone who is not really into you. Washing backs goes both ways.
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