My Introduction to BDSM and DD/MD/lg
About a year ago I had met a fantastic girl on the wonders of the internet and from there a relationships slowly built between us. She was shy, cute, funny, playful, and downright talented. I felt like I had finally met someone who I felt like we had known each other our whole lives. Not only was I transgender, but she was intersex and knew my struggles. Our interests clashed in the best way possible. Before you knew it, we were falling head over heels for each other just like any other love birds would do. That is when we talked and talked about our histories and tried to get to know each other inside and out.
Turns out that she had another lover, a Lawyer over in Colorado. She had been going back and forth between there and California, but it really wasn't working out for her. He had completely different views than she did at the time and even though the proposals were enticing, she had never taken him up on it. It had been falling apart for years as she had said and she had played around behind his back as well. I was very confused. In all honesty, I just wanted to know what she wanted. There was a good two to three months where we went back and forth talking about our lives as she eventually broke it off with him. Me being naïve and selfish wanted to have her right away. However, she definitely wasn't resistant to the idea and our relationship took off like a rocket. If I only knew the karma involved that day...
After a good long while, I had decided to bring her up to Montana from Cali. In between that span I had learned plenty of things about her. One fact that threw me off guard was the fact that she had worked in the porn industry for almost 5 years. On top of that, she had lived in 2 different countries and had traveled all across the US. The idea of her being a gypsy in nature was troubling, yet exciting. She spoke Spanish, Japanese, and English very well and was an orphan at birth with 3 adoptive families up until this point in her life, which was strange to me, but I accepted it anyway. She was just too good to pass up.
Jump forward a bit and we are living together for the first couple of weeks and then she sprung it on me. "Well, you see, I'm what's called a Little," she had said cautiously. At this point, I had an open mind to handle about anything. It took me a good fair amount of time and research and before you know it, I was a happy Mommy to a cute and adorable little. However, I knew practically nothing as to how to handle that at the time. Lots of research went into BDSM, learning the different relationship dynamics, all while also tending to our vanilla relationship that had started all of this. I had already known that I was a Switch. However, I had never been given the chance to fully explore that with other partners in the past. Nor did I know the extent to me knowing who I really was.
Fast forward a few weeks and she an I were one in the same. Started taking on each others mannerisms, tried each others things we liked to do, and practically did everything together. That is when I got curious and asked how she would get to little space and she explained it to me. Me being who I was wanted to experience it myself and I had asked her if she knew anything that might help me reach that level. I had never played around with my submissive side all that much. With a smile and a grin, she swapped things up and I had more confused feelings than ever before.
After I had my first experiences with all this, flopping back and forth between Mommy Dom and Little Sub within my Switch dynamic became increasingly difficult. I wasn't sure which I liked more. In this time period, other things started to fall apart and then the arguments started to set in concerning things that any couple would fight about. Money, security, drive and foundation, and all the important things I had not fully established within our relationship. I was not a capable Dom. However, we loved each other dearly. That part we both knew.
That's when it happened. After supporting her need to find new friends since she had just moved, I slowly found out that after leaving to go hang out with her friend that he was her new Daddy. I was left with so many confused feelings, I had no idea how to handle them at the time. I tried to be good and true to what I believed at the time and invited them to a last dinner to say our goodbyes. Once in that restaurant, I got to see what she meant as far as the relationship she had craved as she walked up, collar and leash in the hands of her new lover. A tag line of "Daddy's Little Slut" hanging from her neck. I was furious at the time. That night he had left to go to his car and I burst into tears. She did as well and we ended up sitting in my car breaking down in front of each other. At which point her new lover decided it was time for her to go and I was left in an awful emotional state in a motel. Me being confused and lost decided to go over to their house and say what was on my mind. Which of course was a very bad idea. I ended up disturbing one of their sex sessions and was escorted off their property by his other wife holding a shotgun to my back.
Weeks went by with messages going back and forth between me and her. I spent a good month trying to understand it all. She had claimed that she still loved me, but that we weren't ready for a relationship. Other things that were brought up was the fact that she had said she didn't love him and still loved me, but she couldn't do without the financial security and the fact that I wasn't well versed I the sort of relationship she wanted. All of this had set me on a path to better understand everything.
I was broken and had to rediscover myself. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I was a wreck. It took me weeks with the love still in my heart to understand absolutely every aspect I could about the girl I had loved. I mingled with other Daddy's and Mommy's, took on mentors to teach me the ropes, went to munches as well as scenes to participate on both ends of the spectrum to understand the lifestyle. I slowly tried to teach myself to be the Dom she wanted to be in hopes that she would come back, but only to realize that she wasn't going to. I figured the good part in all this is that I wouldn't make the same mistakes as I did before if I were to ever get back into a relationship with another sub or Daddy myself. I tried to handle myself better and provide the drive and direction that was lacking in my life. I figured if I could not Dom myself, how could I possibly do so to others? I had gotten another job, switched and planned out my major in college, and moved in with a friend to a better more constructive place to live.
It was only then after the three months I had been without her that I had to let her go. After constantly messaging back and forth, due to the new high protocol relationship she was it, her new Daddy had forced her to block me on every platform and we were forced to go no contact ever since. A year in and these were my first experiences with BDSM. After that, I felt lost, didn't know who I was anymore, and had completely foregone whatever I was before it all happened. I spent the rest of my grieving trying to find out who I was. Why was I a switch? Was I really a Dom? Why couldn't I control my Little side and why was I going into littlespace more often even in my daily life? It took even longer to find out who I was.
So with all this said, what are your experiences both good and bad that have stuck with you this entire time? Has there ever been anything to drive you to become the best version of yourself that you could be? How have you handled extremely emotional situations and how has that been used to your benefit?