why did he want to be friends so bad

[arineunha]

he wanted to break up with me and he said we should just be friends. I cried a lot and said I don't want to be your friend. He kind of panicked. then he asked 'what do you want to be.' I kind of cried and said 'girlfriend.'

 

he changed his mind about breaking up with me but I feel like i'm forcing him into a relationship with me. why does he want to be friends that bad?

[Princess-P]

Maybe he feels like you aren't comparable in a romantic way but because you share similar interests might make good friends.

 

He might care about you but not be in love with you. That happens. But him wanting to not date you shows that he either lost the romantic feeling or it wasn't really there to begin with. Either way that feeling isn't there and won't be there.

 

You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't feel for you the way a partner should. And he should be mature enough not to go back on what he said because you shed some tears and now he feels guilty.

 

You should have let him end the relationship. He should have stuck to his guns. Maybe you can't be friends but you shouldn't be together if there's a chance of finding someone to actually love rather than passive aggressively dating.

[arineunha]

Maybe he feels like you aren't comparable in a romantic way but because you share similar interests might make good friends.

 

He might care about you but not be in love with you. That happens. But him wanting to not date you shows that he either lost the romantic feeling or it wasn't really there to begin with. Either way that feeling isn't there and won't be there.

 

You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't feel for you the way a partner should. And he should be mature enough not to go back on what he said because you shed some tears and now he feels guilty.

 

You should have let him end the relationship. He should have stuck to his guns. Maybe you can't be friends but you shouldn't be together if there's a chance of finding someone to actually love rather than passive aggressively dating.

 

​I agree with you in the sense that he might have lost feelings for me or something and he shouldn't force himself. I thought the love was really there, just last week we were going outside everyday on dates, kissing, and making plans for the future. i'm really sad and i don't intend to guilt him because i still have feelings for him. it feels like we come this far, and he lost feelings for me in a day

 

​i miss everything. i told him that he should just decide because i want him to be happy. he said he's fine being with me and he's happy right now..

 

​but he doesn't initiate or call me anymore. he wants to meet only once a week and i feel so far away from him

[Prince_Towelie]

Been through this a million times.  He doesn't want to be alone.  But he is not 100% happy being with you.  Drop him like it's hot.

 

You deserve, as a human being, either self-respect or someone who will appreciate you.  Period.

Edited January 24, 2017 by Towelie

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

I agree with Towelie.

And it's really hard to let someone you love a lot to go to being friends.

I understand that and you have my sincere empathy.

 

Longterm you don't want to be partner to someone who isn't equally as excited to spend time with you.

Once you find that person you'll be so happy, that this sadness will feel like a droplet of pain in an ocean of happies.

[arineunha]

I agree with Towelie.

And it's really hard to let someone you love a lot to go to being friends.

I understand that and you have my sincere empathy.

 

Longterm you don't want to be partner to someone who isn't equally as excited to spend time with you.

Once you find that person you'll be so happy, that this sadness will feel like a droplet of pain in an ocean of happies.

 

I offered to be his friend a few times just so I could get him to break up with me and be completely honest with me. he says he's fine being in a relationship unless I want to change that, and he says i'm not forcing him. I told him I want a happy relationship, he says 'yeah same, don't worry.'

 

I love him obviously and I don't want to end a relationship if he's being honest here, but I feel a bit insecure maybe because it just seems so bland. I told him it's okay to be friends too now but I think he picked to stay in the relationship

 

I want to find someone that you described, who's enthusiastic about being in a relationship with me.. but feelings get in the way and complicate things. what if i'm not as enthusiastic, what if I don't like someone as much as him

Edited January 24, 2017 by arineunha

[Guest Bunnyblossom]

The biggest problem I had after a breakup was trying to find "someone better than him" or the same.

Instead you've gotta see people for who they are and love them for their differences.

Or you can find yourself encountering the same problem over and over again.

 

^.^ I am pleased that he wants to stay with you.

However you'll have to either start accepting that maybe he really DOES want to stay with you but maybe needs more space than previously- or if it's making you too uncomfortable consider if the feelings of insecurity are worth hanging on for.

It'll be easier on you if you just accept it though.

And I know it's hard to relax, because he tried to break up so that will be subconsciously nagging at you.

But enjoy and be happy. Cuz you HAVEN'T broken up, and he obviously still cares about you or he wouldn't stay.

[Prince_Towelie]

I'm really sorry, but this situation is very familiar to me, and it can only end badly.

 

Men and Women have a really hard time just being friends - if there is any relationship b/t you, it is almost impossible.

 

Offering to be friends is like you both don't want to be alone, but it is not working. 

 

As long as you are in contact with this person (around them, talking, emailing, texting, etc.) it will be impossible to 'break up' or become just friends, until one of you finds someone else, and breaks the other's heart in pieces.  That's just the way it is.  I think he has a secret agenda which involves keeping you around until he meets someone he really loves. 

 

No one is 100% honest about their feelings about relationships, especially guys.  Do you really believe him?

 

Do you really think he honestly wants this relationship to continue forever?

 

Wouldn't you be happier with someone you could trust - 100%?

 

Aren't you constantly hurt by the doubts and questions you have that you know he won't answer for fear of you leaving him completely?

 

One more thing: Guys like / need SEX.  They will keep a relationship going in which they are not happy in just to continue having SEX.  Do you really want to be used like that?

 

I don't believe a word this person is telling you.  That is just my opinion as a guy, who has been in this situation.  You can feel free to take or leave my advice.

Edited January 24, 2017 by Towelie

[arineunha]

I'm really sorry, but this situation is very familiar to me, and it can only end badly.

 

Men and Women have a really hard time just being friends - if there is any relationship b/t you, it is almost impossible.

 

Offering to be friends is like you both don't want to be alone, but it is not working. 

 

As long as you are in contact with this person (around them, talking, emailing, texting, etc.) it will be impossible to 'break up' or become just friends, until one of you finds someone else, and breaks the other's heart in pieces.  That's just the way it is.  I think he has a secret agenda which involves keeping you around until he meets someone he really loves. 

 

No one is 100% honest about their feelings about relationships, especially guys.  Do you really believe him?

 

Do you really think he honestly wants this relationship to continue forever?

 

Wouldn't you be happier with someone you could trust - 100%?

 

Aren't you constantly hurt by the doubts and questions you have that you know he won't answer for fear of you leaving him completely?

 

One more thing: Guys like / need SEX.  They will keep a relationship going in which they are not happy in just to continue having SEX.  Do you really want to be used like that?

 

I don't believe a word this person is telling you.  That is just my opinion as a guy, who has been in this situation.  You can feel free to take or leave my advice.

 

we don't have sex that much, but I rather be with someone I could trust 100%

 

I wish I could think more about this and stuff, but with school..i don't want it to affect my grades. I met all his friends and parents and cousins. He met my family. I don't want to be used but when people ask he still says i'm his girlfriend. also I talked to his friend and his friend told me if he's trying to break up with me, and if we don't end up breaking up, he has something on his mind. school just started and it's stressful, I think his parents put pressure on him. I'm also busy with school. I don't know how he feels and he's probably right about being too busy for me and he lost the connection. we broke up before and it was a terrible feeling. I remember just a week ago before school started, we met each other everyday and went outside and cuddled all day. he even asked my mom for permission to take me outside for our one year anniversary (which is in February) if I stay in this relationship I will make myself anxious and him stressed or unhappy. if I break up, i'll probably be depressed

Edited January 24, 2017 by arineunha

[Prince_Towelie]

I want to help but am a little confused... His friend said that he is either thinking of breaking up with you, or else, he has something 'else' on his mind?

 

I think I understand where you are coming from - being in school, and relationships, and cuddling, it can all get very confusing.

 

I guess what it boils down to is two options: A) You can go with the flow of things, and see where the relationship goes, or You can stop talking to this person.  I don't think there is an in-between.  As long as you are in touch with him, there will be an open wound, with no closure.  Maybe it is easier to just stick together, so you are not alone.  Maybe it would be better to make a clean break and start fresh.  You are in college, after all.  You are young.  You have choices.

[arineunha]

I want to help but am a little confused... His friend said that he is either thinking of breaking up with you, or else, he has something 'else' on his mind?

 

I think I understand where you are coming from - being in school, and relationships, and cuddling, it can all get very confusing.

 

I guess what it boils down to is two options: A) You can go with the flow of things, and see where the relationship goes, or You can stop talking to this person.  I don't think there is an in-between.  As long as you are in touch with him, there will be an open wound, with no closure.  Maybe it is easier to just stick together, so you are not alone.  Maybe it would be better to make a clean break and start fresh.  You are in college, after all.  You are young.  You have choices.

 

I thought we were going to get married and have a whole soccer team as children lel, he really wanted a son. it's really disappointing. sorry if it sounds confusing. I met his friend on my way back home, I told him a little about how my bf wanted to break up with me. He said that I was really calm and he said that my bf is weird sometimes and he might have something on his mind. my bf hides his feelings really well, sometimes I doubt if he has them. the main reason my bf wanted out of the relationship was because I was on my period, and I kind of talked to another guy and I argued with him a lot. I can see where he's going with it, because college gets in the way too.

 

I told him about balancing everything. since I believe i'm able to balance other parts of my life like work, school, and make time for someone I like. I also said I don't want to be friends because it's too painful-like you said keeping in contact, he kind of changed his mind about breaking up after I said that. but I just feel doubtful and insecure about the future

 

thanks for the advice, I appreciate it

Edited January 24, 2017 by arineunha

[Prince_Towelie]

If you are still young and in college, thinking about marriage and kids may be getting a little ahead of yourself.

 

I still feel weird about how he changes his mind about wanting to break up or not, based on what you say about not wanting to be friends.  It just does not sound authentic.  I think maybe you should accept that this guy is not going to work out in the end.  It does not have to be a cut and dry thing, unless it is causing you pain.  But, you should def not take this guy very seriously, whatever he says or does.