Social anxiety

[Baby Neko]

Does anyone else here have social anxiety or experience any other types of social difficulties? How do you get around it when interacting with the community? What about in everyday life in general?

 

I have been diagnosed with S.A but I suspect I may be avoidant personality disorder or autistic too since I feel 'worse' than others with S.A seem to feel/act, unless they're just better at managing a social life than I am...

 

I've been trying to get more involved online but I'm still way too nervous to attempt going to any events or meeting people in real life. Since I was a kid whenever I discover a new interest or hobby I tend to just enjoy it all by myself instead of trying to meet with like minded people. It's been much the same with ddlg and bdsm.

 

(Also feel free to just discuss related issues if you need to vent)

 

 

 

 

[GuyWhoLovesTheSun]

Growing up i was a very open child who went up to strangers even and introduced myself, when i was about 10 however, i found myself full of doubt and anxiety of if anyone liked me or if they mearly put up with me. I went through about 8 years of self doubt and being socially awkward before i chose the "i dont really care anymore" approach. I stopped caring what others MAY think of me, which when you have such a disorter, they usually dont think what you think theyre thinking. It worked for me and ive been a very happy (mostly) more charasmatic person, and its made meeting people a lot easier to do. You may not be able to "not care about their thoughts of you" about every person you meet, but its a start when meeting groups of people. I hope this helps ^^

[Guest Melandru]

Speaking from experience with APD here are a few things that helped me...

Never be afraid to ask questions, unfortunately things like APD/SA can mess with your mind and make you second guess seemingly obvious things.. Which then feeds your anxiety and before you know it BOOM! A downward spiral has begun. Even if deep down you know the answer, just ask and get that confirmation and it will stop the spiral before its begun.

Always dress in what makes YOU feel most comfortable. There is nothing worse than going out with SA and thinking "wow I look a mess" or "why did I wear this". Take the time to make yourself feel confident in your look. I always feel better when I think "I look good today" it isn't about impressing others, its about impressing yourself!

The last thing is, just accept anxiety as part of yourself. If you try and fight it all the time and start comparing yourself to non anxious people it will just eat away at you. Learn to control it and make it work for yourself. I tend to be very open with people and I find that it helps me. If someone reacts badly to it, that is their problem not mine. To quote RuPaul "What other people think about me is none of my business".

[Daddy's Meg]

I used to have crippling social anxiety. I couldn't go to the grocery store, the movies, a restaurant, sometimes even work (I work in an office by myself even). Often attempting these things would trigger a full blown anxiety attack. It was absolutely horrible. Anyone that would so much as glance at me, I was sure they hated me. They had seen me, decided I was a bad or ugly person and hated me. My goal when going out in public was just to get through it without bothering anyone, being seen a little as possible and getting out of the situation ASAP.

 

I used to try to cope with lots of things. Breathing exercises (breath 4, hold 4), bringing crutches with me (my phone, a book) anything I could distract myself with so I could avoid looking at people and keep my brain occupied. For awhile after my Daddy moved in (he moved from TX to OH) things got better, I'd cling to him and I felt like I had a great way to hide. He would order for me, handle the money and do a lot of the things that I found difficult. But that too stopped working after awhile and I just got worse and it stopped us from being able to live a full life.

 

You may understand how horrible it feels to get all done up, drive all the way to a restaurant, see three cars (not even remotely full) and immediately start freaking out because you can't bring yourself to leave the car and go in. Disappointing yourself and your partner. It was really absolutely horrible, humiliating, frustrating and depressing.

 

I tried to pump myself up like the above poster, trying to look as good physically as I could so I would feel better. It would work in the beginning, when I'm in the car before I got into a place. But then it didn't matter, because all it took for me was a few too many looks from people, or maybe one person staring and I would become sure something was wrong. I was wrong in some way. There wasn't enough make up in the world to fix whatever I thought people were seeing. I could *not* stop worrying about what people thought of me, I had a real delusional thought pattern that made it impossible to just ignore. I couldn't control it at all no matter how much I tried and wanted to.

 

So, with the inability to live a full life I did the only thing I could. I got help. I made my first therapist appointment. It took a year of bi-monthly sessions, and the addition of a Psychiatrist for medication for things to get better. The social anxiety (for me) become a symptom of something else and it got treated. I still get occasional bouts of anxiety, but nothing near what I used to have. I go to crowded movies and restaurants all I want - even by myself! I just attended a very busy Comic Convention on Friday and a Toy Show on Sunday with tons of people. It's a whole new world once I got myself some professional help. I can't suggest it enough if you're really struggling. It's not easy at all, and I often felt like I was getting no where and should give up on therapy, but in the end it changed my life!

 

 

EDIT:  I wanted to add one other technique I used and learned from the therapist that helped along the way as I got better. And that was Belief vs Proof. I basically had to start reasoning my thinking down so that I can't give into what I believe, only what I can prove. Such as; yes, I can prove that person is looking at me. But I can't prove what they're thinking, I only have a belief about it. Therefore I had to push that thought away and accept only what is proven. It's so freaking hard, but it does still help me to this day when things get funny in my head.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Daddy's Meg

[alotalittle]

I have pretty severe anxiety (not specific to social situations, but inclusive of them). Panic attacks happen to me regularly (2-3 times a month) and they used to happen to me 2-3 times a day. As I've gotten older and worked on myself and my health more, my anxiety is lesser than it used to be. Saying all that, I still struggle with it a lot in my day-to-day life and if I'm not actively working on it, my anxiety will get significantly worse very quickly.

 

Social situations used to be nearly impossible for me. Like the posters before me, there were many "normal" activities that I simply couldn't do. I avoided social situations like the plague, even social situations that I thought I would enjoy (i.e. hanging out with friends, going to a favorite restaurant, going hiking on more popular trails). I fell into a "comfortable" rut of telling myself that the best thing I could do was continue to avoid anything that made me anxious despite the fact that avoiding everything actually made my anxiety levels rise. Weird how when you avoid everyone and everything that you love, it makes you more anxious. 

 

Once I met my partner, it became horrendously obvious that I couldn't continue my life this way. We struggled constantly with my anxiety and desire to avoid nearly everything. My partner is a semi-public figure in our area (and amongst certain circles outside of our area as well) and this required us to go to many events and meet many people on a regular basis. It KILLED me at first. It was so difficult for me that we agreed to stop taking me to these things. This, of course, only furthered my desire to avoid everything and made my anxiety worse...and the worst part was that it made my partner and I spend significantly less time together and made our lives feel very distant. Things in our relationship started going badly (for tons of reasons, not purely my anxiety) and we split up...sort of. We broke up for a short period of time and then got back together and worked HARD on our relationship to get things back on track. What was one of the big things I had to work on? You guessed it. My anxiety. 

 

I had to become more adventurous, spontaneous, social, AND I had to learn how to genuinely enjoy those things. Yikes. It was terrifying and really difficult. I started working on it the way I usually start things, I daydreamed about it in my head. Sounds a little crazy, but it helped. I would imagine myself during certain situations and I would imagine myself handling it better. I daydreamed about adventures and get-togethers and business dinners. Then, I practiced in real life. It was super scary at first and I felt like I was a bumbling idiot most of the time. However, I started small. We had dinner with our friends more often. I began learning that they actually liked me. THEY didn't think I was a bumbling idiot even if I thought that. After that, I started meeting more people in my partner's work circle. I found out that they were exceedingly kind and accommodating to me. They had no desire to make fun of me or any other horrible thing I'd always imagined. My partner and I went on more trips and met even more new people. I got a job and met even more people. So on and so forth. 

 

After all that, I still have anxiety around people and I'm still an introvert. Socializing drains me and I worry what people think about me. Things are always worse in my head than they are in real life. But I learned something highly valuable: Most of the people that I came across didn't have the desire to hurt me. For most of them, I was--at worst--average and plain. And at my best? I was funny, compassionate, kind, and easy to be around. I worked on becoming the kind of person that I'd want to be around in a social setting. The kind of person who makes you feel at ease and comfortable. I'm still constantly practicing and it seems to be getting better. I've heard that "practice makes perfect" my entire life, and while it's not perfect, all the practice has helped tremendously.

[daddys babby]

me scared

[MrWrongUk]

I feel you im the same, i dont make much effort because thats not me..i also have anxiety issues.

I have talked to people who have had similar issues and lots of people say cognitive behaviour therapy helps in a big way. If you cant get access to that you could find a book on it or something.