Advice Please?

[Guest MelodicWhispers]

So my Daddy and I are recent into the official start of our relationship. I've been given a few rules, which I follow as best as I can, and he praises me when I make him proud, punishes me when I disobey. Except... the only punishments he gives me is when he takes away my sweets (we already have food restrictions anyway, so it isn't like I'm unused to it). I don't get rewards when I try extra hard and achieve something, only "Good Girl".

 

It feels like he's only my Daddy when I'm scared of something or I disobey him. I wish he'd set me tasks, but he only does so when I ask him for them. I've previously mentioned how I would like him to set me a task to do every so often (weekly or once every few days) and he agreed, but it hasn't happened. I'm not often into my real little space but only occasionally and not as deep into it.

 

I don't know what to do. I act bratty a bit to try to get him to put me back in my place (he and I both love brattiness), but then he just takes away my sweets. Should I let it go and wait until he does it himself? Should I talk to him, and if so what do I say? I really am stuck.

[Daddy's Meg]

You should absolutely talk to him. Communication is what makes bdsm and/or ddlg work. You communicate through issues and expectations.

 

As for what to say, reading above you can lay out the issue pretty easily. Just be honest about your disappointment or expectations that aren't being met. You'll work it out together.

Edited June 19, 2017 by Daddy's Meg

[Ink]

For new caregivers, if they see you reacting the way they want to a particular punishment (such as with the candy) then its reinforcing to them that it's an appropriate punishment. If they haven't put too much thought into it themselves then it can quickly become the go-to. If you don't specifically discuss this with him he has no real reason to think it needs to change.

 

It's a cliche but for good reason - communication is critical in a healthy relationship. You need to be able to convey what you need and desire out of the relationship and how he can help you with those needs/desires. Similarly, your caregiver needs to be able to convey their own as well as their understanding of DDLG.

 

Talk this through with him. It's in no way a criticism of what he's doing but just a conversation about how you'd like to further explore the dynamic. If he cares for you he'll be attentive to your needs and likely come up with a few ideas and suggestions himself.

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

I agree with Ink & Meg; open communication is vital, especially at the start of a new relationship. You might try 'stepping outside' the roles of Daddy & Little & each make up two lists: one listing what you expect from the relationship & one listing what you think is expected from the relationship. Trade lists & discuss. My Daddy was surprised (& I think kind of pleased) when I told him how much control I wanted him to have & how strict I wanted him to be. He never would have known if we hadn't done the lists.

 

As your relationship grows, revisit the lists & change what needs to be changed, or add to it if one of you finds something missing.

 

The key thing is you need to take a deep breath & talk...even about the things you're uncomfortable with. Above all, he's your Daddy & he's there to help you & take care of you.

[Guest MelodicWhispers]

Thank you everyone. I've since spoken with my Daddy and we're going to work on everything until it is right. <3 Thank you.