Can You be Little and The Responsible One?

[BabyBelle]

I struggle to be little lately. I work three jobs to make enough money to keep us afloat and that's not counting how I help my Daddy run his business at home too, which basically puts me up to four jobs with one being unpaid. I try to be little, but in the back of my mind there's some resentment because he doesn't make very much money and I'm working my butt off and trying to finish school all at the same time.

 

I feel bad because I think like that sometime, but it's just so hard to let go and be little when I'm the only that makes all the money, and cleans the house, and has schoolwork to do. I feel like I can't trust him to actually take control in the good way.

 

Does anyone have any experience with something like this or any advice? I really do love my Daddy, I just can't let go of all the stresses I have and resent him a little for doing so much less and complaining so much more.

[Guest DaddyCares1]

Are you resenting the fact he's not making much money, or the effort he's putting in to maintain a relatively comfortable life for you both? There's a big difference between those two things. It sounds more like the latter, and it makes sense that control is difficult to give up if he's not even making a real effort to look after you.

If he's complaining and you feel he's not pulling his weight, talk to him about it. 

[cuppycakes]

You shouldn’t feel bad for thinking that way, it’s just your honest and true feelings. I agree with @daddycares1 though. You should talk to him about this. You don’t even have to mention the dynamic because it doesn’t have anything to do with that. Not really. Tell him you can’t help him with his business anymore because it’s too stressful and you need to focus on your school work. Maybe tell him that you feel unappreciated and overworked, and that he’s not making as much money as you, but he really should be at least pulling his own weight. If you feel it necessary, talk to him about possibly getting another job. I don’t see anything wrong with telling him your feelings, no matter how he reacts. You can be open and honest.

[Guest SUeB]

If he's at home all day, why are you the one that does all the work there too? Does he not give any consideration to what you deal with every day?

Sorry if I sound negative, but i just have no patience for lazy and selfish people. And it sounds like he might just be one of that type of person.

This has nothing to do with ddlg, this is an adult relationship issue that needs to be dealt with as adults.

[Leilei]

I manage our finances because I'm better at it.

I own my home, a business, investments, etc.

It's a big responsibility and I'm happy to be in charge of such a big thing. 

 

He works full time and pretty much does most everything else except laundry and we split household chores.

[Maarloeve]

I help my Daddy run his business at home too, which basically puts me up to four jobs with one being unpaid.

 

is his business making money? if not, it's a hobby. how long has he been at it? is he developing a skill that's going to turn the corner on profitability? 

 

you manage the budget, but does he know the numbers? if he started a business, he's got the provider gene. if he knew the numbers and how much you felt like you were being stretched too thin, it should spark a fire under his ass and he should get a job shoveling snow if you're in the north or shoveling shit if you're in the south. cash talks and bullshit walks. 

[baby_k]

At least personally for me it creates resentment if I need to be the only one steering the relationship, life and make sure all goes well. I take care of my own stuff, finances and so on. And do it very responsible. I would expect other's to do the same.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong in feeling as you do. And as other's have said: this is an adult relationship issue but of course the dynamic highlights the issue. You need to talk to your Daddy about this and see how he reacts. Please also note that many can say they are sorry and so forward but never do actual changes.

 

You have right to be "selfish" and demand that he fixes this. You are clearly doing your very best and even more, and all this is affecting you negatively. You can probably understand his stand point but he should do the same for you. Don't let understanding his position and needs and wants make you side step your own needs. They are just as important and you are the only person who will (or should) look after yourself in the end.

[Little Illy]

I work three jobs to make enough money to keep us afloat and that's not counting how I help my Daddy run his business at home too, which basically puts me up to four jobs with one being unpaid.

 

I try to be little, but in the back of my mind there's some resentment because he doesn't make very much money and I'm working my butt off and trying to finish school all at the same time.

 

 

These two are directly connected and I will give you my blunt opinion: He doesn't care. In one way or another, he doesn't care. It can be that he is simply too focused on getting his business going that he doesn't care to see what is going on around him. Or it can be as bad as he doesn't care to truly work and is happy to let you do it all. Either way, he doesn't have enough compassion to realize the stress you are under and try to make things different. 

 

I have literally been in the same situation - 3 jobs, 20-22 credit hours a week and then all of sudden, 'SURPRISE' he has kids and they are now at my place every weekend. I don't care what any partner says - if they do not see the strain this causes you, they are being selfishly ignorant of the situation.

 

You need to give him a massive wake up call and sit him down. Tell him it is not okay. If you can work 3 jobs, help his, and go to school, then the least he can do is work on his business while getting a REAL job until it is profitable enough to stand on its own.

 

I feel like I can't trust him to actually take control in the good way.

 

I hate to say it, but you just summed it up. It doesn't sound like he can be trusted to take control. He isn't make smart and healthy choices. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe in supporting your partner in their dreams. But also being realistic. How long has he been trying to get this business afloat? How much effort does he commit to it on a daily basis? How much progress does he make a day, or even since he has started? And... is he using his business as an excuse to stay home and do nothing all day? These are the hard questions you HAVE to sit down and ask him. If he has made, realistically, zero progress he should shelve this endeavor and take up a real job. Then do research on his side-project in his free time. Let you finish up school and then when you have a career going, that is when he needs to take chances financially. Not when you're struggling with grades and work. 

 

Does anyone have any experience with something like this or any advice?

 

I really do love my Daddy, I just can't let go of all the stresses I have and resent him a little for doing so much less and complaining so much more.

 

Honestly, at this point I think you two need to have a sit down. If you already resent him... well... I don't know if there is a way for you to get back to the relationship it once was. Once a partner starts resenting the other, there is rarely going back from it. And from what I can see, you are justified in your resentment. 

 

When I was with my ex he literally did nothing but play video games all day and eat. He smoked in the house (when I expressed I didn't want him too) and ashed all over the floor. He never cleaned, he never cooked, he never entertained his kids. I had to do it all. I gave him 6 months (and gave him verbal explanation) that if he didn't get his shit together, I would and would leave him. He didn't believe me, kept working on "going back to school" (which consisted of nothing) and playing games. So... I left.

 

You need to have the conversation with him, like everyone above has said. But you need to be prepared to stand up for yourself  and accept only TRUE progress and change. Words don't mean a thing, actions prove the devotion of a partner. Longevity proves understanding and compassion.

 

And in the end... you need to think of your happiness. Ask yourself, worst case scenario, would you be happy living like this for the rest of your life? If things don't change. A lot of personal business never to root and grow, prepare for that. Is this how he is going to be forever? Never letting go? Or if he does take momentum... you say he is complaining now... whats it going to be like when he has to run a company is ungrateful then?

 

IF he changes his attitude and really sees the stress this all has caused you, then you two have a lot of ground to catch up. He needs an overhaul in his daily life and you need an overhaul in how you view him. Resentment is a very powerful factor. It can easily come to "remember when you were trying to get this off the ground and I was doing everything?! Jesus you are so ungrateful!!!" because resentment is a seed that grows slowly over time. Yet is anchored quite deeply. 

 

As for the little aspect - my relationship, I wasn't even allowed to say I was bi, let alone had kink fantasies. So I had to suppress who I was on a large level. It got to the point where I VOWED I would never in a relationship where any part of my identity was sequestered off. You need to have that conversation as well. And you need to think about it on a personal level. How long are you willing to ignore your little side? How long until the need of a Daddy, a true and attentive CG? How long until you can no longer take it? Or... are you willing to never have it?

 

These are the hard questions that people don't want to face in a relationship. But if you are not willing to ask them or have these conversations, you can't bet on the situation changing at all.

 

Side Note: I said all of this based on what you have told us, the very little amount you did. And I rolled with it because I was in a very similar situation you have described. For all I know, the actual situation is completely different, and I understand this. For all I know, he could be massively depressed and need professional help and this is why he is acting differently. That would change the entire situation. Only you know what is really going on so I urge you to asses the situation and have a conversation with him about your home life. It is the only way to get any form of happiness for the both of you.

 

Also, here is something I wrote on Communication. Which is very apt for this situation. It might help if you give it a look: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/  (SFW)

Edited January 8, 2018 by Little Illy