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Negativity vs Support?


Little Illy
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Maybe it is just me...

 

But here recently I have seen this trend in DDlg where when someone has something good going from them, other derail with their own negative outlook.

 

"I just found my new Mommy!" - "At least you have a Mommy..."

 

"Guuuys, I got a new puppy!" - "aw, I had a puppy..."

 

"I'm so proud of myself, I did [this]!" - "I can't ever do [that]..."

 

I don't know... but it seems like this is a happening more and more. And I have literally watched people get discouraged from speaking because they are bombarded with the negative state they are in. It seems that if you share negative views, you're met with more support and understanding. But if you try to do the same with positive things, most of the time it'll quickly turn to the mentioned above.

 

Am I completely wrong? Or have I just  witnessed a few anomalies?  

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It is a way of getting attention. I would imagine that most who do it do not realize they are doing it. But by saying "At least you have someone" they are calling attention to themselves in a passive aggressive kind of way.
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It seems that if you share negative views, you're met with more support and understanding. But if you try to do the same with positive things, most of the time it'll quickly turn to the mentioned above.

 

That's the dangerous side of being unconditionally supportive, like this website is. (Almost) everyone prefers a positive over a negative person in our lives, but negativity raises the necessary alarm for at least someone to engage or help.

 

In real life, if you keep raising the same negative views at any chance, at some point people will quite legitimately tell you to get over yourselves or do something about it. But this is an artificial environment where your post could always be read by someone new, supported by rules that tell us to help, or not post at all. It removes the usual downside for negativity for attention, so it runs rampant.

 

I'm pretty new, so I can't tell you what it was like before, but I can only imagine that what you're describing happened ever since the site was created.

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It would be fun if the " let's talk about respect " thread could from time to time randomly show up,stick and suspend any activity for a minute,when someone was about to write on the forum.

I try to write helpful things and tend to ask myself " are you offering something or just being triggered to talk about yourself ? " before making any comment. 

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Guest mrfahrenheit451

It would be fun if the " let's talk about respect " thread could from time to time randomly show up,stick and suspend any activity for a minute,when someone was about to write on the forum.

I try to write helpful things and tend to ask myself " are you offering something or just being triggered to talk about yourself ? " before making any comment. 

Constructive communication is key, and I believe your statement here is a prime example of it. Too much toxicity exists online, and unless people make a conscious effort to stay its spread, it will continue to be toxic. The problem is most people don't care. I firmly believe the opposite of Love isn't hate, but apathy. And apathy is systemic. 

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I should clarify - tough love and constructive criticism are very important and should always be taking into consideration. If you know of my type of postings, you'll see I am the type to approach things with eyes wide open.

 

I suppose what I am speaking about the most is when a person wont allow people to have their moment. I literally watched someone in chat express they just found their new Mommy and instead of being happy, or saying nothing, a few people hijacked that moment to express their loneliness. etc etc etc

 

I guess I'm sort of frustrated with the feeling of being unable to express positive things in chat because it seems to 'trigger' others into how 'less fortunate' they are. I think there should be a balance. Allow for those who are upset to express and give support (which happens all the time) as well as maintain the same respect to those who are expressing positive feelings instead of using it as a springboard back to 'woe as me' moments. I literally watched a couple people ask others to not talk about their relationship (when they had just brought it up) because said person was single and it wasn't 'fair.'

 

I have just seen it within the past week, to be honest. To a few people, though I can say it doesn't really happen all that much to me. But I hope it doesn't continue, and I hope we can find that balance again where all sides of the spectrum of good and bad are supported equally.

 

But honestly, maybe it is just me? That is always the option too. In which case I shall shut up :)

Edited by LittleIlly
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I’ve noticed this for the wider culture beyond DDLG as well. If anyone has something good they are shut down and made to feel bad becuase they didn’t *apologize* for having something good in their life. Someone somewhere has it worse and good stuff be damned becuase no one can be happy if someone else is unhappy.

 

Some folks do it for attention, others do it to put someone “in their place”, and others are just bullying.

 

It’s also part of that mentality where people can’t stand to see anyone happy becuase that’s not the “real world”

 

Only a matter time before the wider culture bleeds into subcultures.

 

I hope we do move away from it. The attitude is unhealthy.

Edited by TwistedColors
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Guest Mister Grey

actually I find this to not only be true on this site but in life in general.  Generally I have found people more and more simply “go south” as I call it.  No matter what happens, what is said, what is done, people find a way to knock it down and see the negative in it all.

 

I am a glass half full king of guy and I try to find the light in everything, but more and more I find that people are only happy if they can bring you down to their misery.  There are days I can even take it and just avoid people in general.

 

The world has plenty of crap going on, but there are some wonderful things as well, why is is so easy to put a spider monkey grip on all the negative even if something good is right next to it.

 

 

I completely understand where you are coming from and also wish more people would take just one second and acknowledge something good especially when its right in front of them.

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