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    #21 Volkmane1985

    Volkmane1985

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    Posted 07 December 2017 - 06:59 PM

    I guess, either way I'm happy that she's happy and understood where I was coming from.  I think I'll only bring it up again once the relationship is more than just LDR (hopefully).



    #22 Kidheart

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 06:11 AM

    As someone with low self-esteem, I find it hard to believe when someone compliments me. It’s easier if their actions speak for them by for example asking me to turn my webcam on or going out of their way to look at my pictures. I’m also more likely to take compliments if they’re specific (eyes, hair, legs, etc.) as it doesn’t give me as much room to overthink it.

    #23 Persephone_Persephone

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 06:31 AM

    How long have you known her? I am in no way 'fat' but like all women right now I'm having a fat week. I feel lousy down to hormones and the joys of being a female. Could it be as simple as its just one of those weeks? I wouldn't suggest asking that lol, just be aware.

    I would be a little bit careful on how you phrase things, If I was feeling down about myself and my partner messaged me to ask why I had self esteem issues etc think id feel worse. I kind of think certain discussions you save for real life because its very hard to read her body language and tone by a message.

    Please also remember women have been told from pretty much birth how to be women. How to look, act, what is and is not attractive. Its social conditioning and it really messes even the most confident girls up.
    I think if you did a survery you would find a high proportion of women feel totally undesirable at certain times in life. Its not good and its a very touchy subject.

    Id suggest when these topics come up maybe compliment her on something else. And make that none physical. I have no idea how to take compliments on how I look physocally. As Ive never been taught that.It makes me highly uncomfy.

    So yes, use some tact, compliment carefully and maybe have a real life chat at some point.
    Its a big issues affecting alot of females. We really need to look at how women are being raised, just look at some of the comments on this thread from the ladies.
    Its not just a thing we do, its a result of years of unequal opps.

    Hope she feels abit better anyways.

    #24 Princesspoopybutt

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 11:06 AM

    Not all girls will respond like that for me it is a mix of several factors such as self esteem, paranoia, trust issues etc every girl has a different reason when they respond like that maybe try asking her why she feels like she isn't pretty?

    #25 ☽ ᴍᴏɴᴏᴄᴇʀᴏs ☾

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 01:49 PM

    Also, try not to dwell too much on the subject. So often not at least. I can understand that she feels insecure about her body. I hated my body for years, and that didn't mean I was hiding it in any way. I hated my legs and one like that used shorts or skirts. But for me it is uncomfortable to be asked frequently about the parts I hate in my body. Because it is a completely personal topic and one has to overcome it alone.
    It bothers me, for example, when I say that I think I'm fat. Ovbly I'm not fat, compared to other people. But I can look fat compared to myself at another time in my life, and that bothers me and makes me feel insecure.
    It's like people tell you that you have no right to feel insecure or ugly just because you're thin.
     
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.
     
    So just stay with her and give her your love. It is not necessary that you do anything, only that she knows that she has your support and you will be with her.
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.
     
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one

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    #26 Volkmane1985

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 07:24 PM

     

    Also, try not to dwell too much on the subject. So often not at least. I can understand that she feels insecure about her body. I hated my body for years, and that didn't mean I was hiding it in any way. I hated my legs and one like that used shorts or skirts. But for me it is uncomfortable to be asked frequently about the parts I hate in my body. Because it is a completely personal topic and one has to overcome it alone.
    It bothers me, for example, when I say that I think I'm fat. Ovbly I'm not fat, compared to other people. But I can look fat compared to myself at another time in my life, and that bothers me and makes me feel insecure.
    It's like people tell you that you have no right to feel insecure or ugly just because you're thin.
     
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.
     
    So just stay with her and give her your love. It is not necessary that you do anything, only that she knows that she has your support and you will be with her.
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one else.
     
    Fixing issues of insecurity with our own body is not as simple as someone telling you "you are not fat" "you are beautiful as you are". It is not like this. Because people can tell you, but you'll keep thinking it's a lie. Or simply do not convince yourself. It's not going to be fixed just with her understanding your point. She has to learn to love her body. And that, as much as a Daddy, a couple, our friends, family, tell us. At the end of the day it is something that you have to solve with yourself, with no one

     

     

    Thanks for the reply :) 

     

    Thankfully I haven't gone on about it which is a good thing.


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    #27 SweetKira

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    Posted 08 December 2017 - 08:13 PM

    I think a lot of girls feel fat, and don't realize how attractive they actually are. Especially with the standards shown on television etc. I myself struggle with accepting compliments gracefully because I never feel like I'm good enough. Just being patient with a person who has low self esteem and telling them over and over especially if they push it away does a lot I think towards lifting them up.




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