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I don't think my daddy loves me anymore, what should I do?


PrincessNdea

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My daddy, well possibly not my daddy anymore, has been very distant and uninterested with me for awhile now. He used to be very attentive, caring, and into me; he's in the army and has been stationed in S.K. for a year now and he's due to come back to the States in a few days. Whenever I try to talk to him; he's either busy, at work, or not in the mood to talk to me and when I do finally get the opportunity to speak to him, he usually only says two or three words to me. For the last three weeks, it's also only been through texting; I can't get him to facetime me and when he does (which has only been twice) it's usually when I am a sleep or not around to answer. It was also my birthday a few day ago and all of my family plus friends messaged and called me with congrats. But I spoke to him (which I usually have to contact him first because he almost never does now), he literally did not remember it was my birthday and I had to tell him. He then got upset with me, saying he just got off work and it was very late as well as very sarcastically saying sorry for not being tpo tell you happy birthday when I am in a different time zone alright, he also said I didn't give him the time or chance to forget it was my birthday and then condescendly said happy birthday. It really hurt my feelings because out of everyone; I really wanted him to remember my birthday on his own; we've been having problems and I thought at least he'd remember. To make it worse, I actually apologize for upsetting him about wanting a happy birthday to which he forgave me and didn't talk to me after. Then the next night, I'd figured maybe I could get the chance to talk to him that night but the problem was he's 17 hours ahead so when he finally gets off work it's about 3 a.m. my time; I messaged him and stayed up till about 6;30 a.m. and he never message me back until the late afternoon that day. Our last argument was three weeks ago when I called crying about failing a class after failing another days before, I was taking 6 college courses and worked a 25-30 hour job that semester, (turns out I actually passed up when I checked my grades later) and he told me as I quote "really again oh my god" and he had a stank face, we were only five minutes into the facetime. I told him that did really try, I had just become overwhelm with my classes and I study nonstop for a week; it took my days to stop crying about the class, he told me very rudely " honestly it's your fault, you didn't do your homework enough so" but I always did my homework, he watched my struggled at night to do it all. I remember feeling very broken and crying after that, I immediately told him I wanted to be alone and hung up. I felt so bad for reacting like a crybaby that I text him apologizing. He didn't respond and didn't speak for me for days as a punishment. It really hurt because he's hardly supportive, he never asks about me anymore, he is always really mean to me, I always feel like I have to try really hard not to make him upset these days just to have five minutes of his time, and my confidence is extremely low. Just recently I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I was struggling to handle that which I told him about and he hardly cared about it. I try really hard to make it work now but it starting to feel pointless.  I've tried talking to him about the problem multiple times when I get a moment of his time, but he hardly turns around on me and makes it out to be my fault or just makes false promises to change. But wants me to be totally available for when he needs someone to talk to when he is feeling low.  It really hurts because it makes me feel like I am worthless and cannot do any better. I feel like I'd be better off without him in my life but part of being bipolar is having a strong attachment to toxic relationships and I am naturally people pleasing; it's so bad that I asked him if we could hang out when he gets back to the states (he told me weeks prior in front of his friends that I would have to ask to see him instead of the multiple times in private he said he couldn't wait to see me) and he said that's fine, and then I immediately said nevermind I changed my mind, he just said you sure, to which I replied I am sure and he said alright. I felt like he didn't love me anymore as his little, as a person, as a woman, as a lover at all because he really did love me he want to see me; before that he wanted to see me but only to have sex which I think is the real reason he was even interested in me to begin with. I just feel really hurt and like I wasted a whole year on a person who never really cared about me; I was loyal even after we broke up, I always try to be there, be available and communicate with him, I mess up sometimes but I always make an effort to apologize. He makes me feel like I asked for too much and am being difficult when sometimes I just want him to care enough to text me "good afternoon" or "how has your day been baby." I just want to move on and never speak to him but the pathetic side of me feels like I need him and no one else would want me because he treats me like crap since I am not good enough. He doesn't act like a daddy anymore or care for my needs, I can't even go into littlespace because I know he either will ignore me, get upset with me, be uninterested, or not speak to me. I don't know what to do. 

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Guest infinitecases

I honestly think you deserve someone better. He doesn't sound like a good Daddy or a Daddy at all. If he loves you, he'd want to spend time with you. I spent a lot of time in a different time zone to my Daddy on opposite sides of the world and he still managed to talk to me for a few hours or say good morning/goodnight. It's not about the time zones, it's about effort and whether he's willing to put it in or whether he just wants you there when he needs you. 

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Guest Ginger
Break up with him and move on, hon. I know you said you have BPD but even that shouldn't hold you to this rotten excuse for a man. You need a support system to get through this, if you do choose to leave him. I went through the exact same thing with my ex. Loving in person but he soon turned abusive with the way he spoke to me. You can't let him make you feel bad for feelings that are extremely valid. Wanting a happy birthday or someone to vent to unapologetically isn't much to ask for at all. I was 16 hours apart from my ex who was in the Navy and he treated me the exact same way. Don't let yourself stay in this situation, please? I'm on kik if you need someone to talk to. Patchkit is my user. I have anxiety and depression, so I get what you're going through to an extent. This guy's excuses are pathetic and you deserve to feel wanted, loved, and respected.
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Not knowing the full situation it can oftentimes be hard to comment. But in this case, Move on.

 

Putting someone down when they are trying so hard is not the way to go. Support and encouragement is what's needed.

Sometimes an event like a birthday can be forgotten but the apology should at the very least be sincere.

Everyone deserves a happy birthday. Never apologize for wanting that.

 

Personally, I know the pressures overseas army life can put on you and it can be difficult but, the support goes both ways and I would have thought he would have been wanting to talk with you even more if he is stressed etc. because of work.

 

The care you need isn't there. It's hard, but move on.

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To be honest i haven't read the whole of your post. No reason to. i already know all i need to know.

Why are you still with him? You know what you need to do. Yes i understand it's not easy to do it, but do you really believe this is what you deserve from someone? Hope not.

Basically, he's clearly not interested any more. Either end the relationship or feel like this til HE does. Which is unlikely to be that far into the future. Sounds like he's already moved on. It's limping on for literally no reason.

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Guest aphroditelaughs

I agree that it's time to go.

 

There is someone else out there who will value your time, your effort, your love, and you as a person. But you also have to value these things in yourself.

 

You said you feel like you'd be better off without him, but mental health issues make it hard. Mental illness absolutely complicates things (speaking from personal experience), but that logical part of you knows and understands that you deserve better. Use that as your motivation. It'll be hard and it'll take time, but you can do it.

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I feel like this guys job has led him down a path that has made your relationship difficult for him to focus on, understand, or be interested in the dynamic of. 

 

All you can do is try to talk to him as adults in a clear and direct manner, and see what (if anything) can change or be fixed for you. :/

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Hi,

 

It was heartbreaking to read your post, and you have absolutely no reason to apologize to anyone for the way that you feel about this disappointing relationship, or about the need to talk about it and get advice. This is a Community that cares about one another's feelings. We are especially mindful of the emotional and psychological needs of our littles, and (most of us at least) feel badly when those needs are not being acknowledged.

 

What struck me the most was your saying that the situation "makes you feel worthless and that you can't do any better". Neither of those is true. You are not, nor will you ever be worthless, no matter what challenges you may have. You are a very valuable person, and that is true unconditionally. I have no doubt that with the right Daddy you could have a very fulfilling DDlg dynamic. None of us find fulfillment in this dynamic alone - we need each other. And in the intimacy of a DDlg relationship, BOTH partners have equal responsibility in the care of one another.

 

I understand that it can be very difficult to end a relationship even when they are not meeting your needs, because you think you may find value in meeting the needs of someone else. Unfortunately this can be very unhealthy for you and lead to greater problems in the future. You have challenges enough as a student who also works. Adding the maintenance of an unsupportive relationship takes time, energy, and enthusiasm which you need to sustain the day to day motivation to succeed in life, and actually undermines your own efforts.

 

Please let this relationship go. Find someone who is supportive of both your public life and your private life. While you are looking for that person please allow this Community to help. We accept you as you are and we are here for you. For very many of us who also feel the need to meet the emotional and psychological needs of others, your reaching out to us is a fulfillment for us. So you can still have your needs met by allowing us to help.

 

More than anything else, please understand this: you are valuable, you are capable, you are cared for, and you are worth caring for. You always will be.

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Guest Mister_Kosmik

The first thing I feel you should do is stand in front of a mirror, smile as big and bright for yourself as you can, and say out loud, "I am Beautiful. I am Cute. I am Worthy. I love me." and mean it. No one should have the power over you to make you feel so badly. Make yourself feel good, cut the people that under mind that, and add people  that compound that feeling. 

 

As for that boy, (I refuse to call any male that treats a woman like that a man) drop him. It will hurt, and it is going to suck, and you will cry and  miss him and all that is fine. It's part of the healing process, but please, do not continue to self harm  by holding on and letting him drag you through all this pain.

 

And as MrJohnny said, this community is here to support and help. I would like to extend a hand in friendship if you are interested, as I went though a rather rough divorce and I know the pain of loosing someone you feel you love more than you love yourself.

 

Stay strong and I know it is hard and may sound silly, but try to be happy for the sake of being happy. It is your mood, so choose what you feel.

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I honestly think you deserve someone better. He doesn't sound like a good Daddy or a Daddy at all. If he loves you, he'd want to spend time with you. I spent a lot of time in a different time zone to my Daddy on opposite sides of the world and he still managed to talk to me for a few hours or say good morning/goodnight. It's not about the time zones, it's about effort and whether he's willing to put it in or whether he just wants you there when he needs you. 

Hey infinitecases! Thanks for your response and advice! You're right, he doesn't sound nor act like a real Daddy, so it was really frustrating for me. I wish he had been willing to put in the effort but he just wasn't. So I decided to just leave him alone. It does me no good to hope for someone who isn't interested.

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Break up with him and move on, hon. I know you said you have BPD but even that shouldn't hold you to this rotten excuse for a man. You need a support system to get through this, if you do choose to leave him. I went through the exact same thing with my ex. Loving in person but he soon turned abusive with the way he spoke to me. You can't let him make you feel bad for feelings that are extremely valid. Wanting a happy birthday or someone to vent to unapologetically isn't much to ask for at all. I was 16 hours apart from my ex who was in the Navy and he treated me the exact same way. Don't let yourself stay in this situation, please? I'm on kik if you need someone to talk to. Patchkit is my user. I have anxiety and depression, so I get what you're going through to an extent. This guy's excuses are pathetic and you deserve to feel wanted, loved, and respected.

Hey Ginger, thanks for responding! I see your point, I couldn't expect to build an support system with him. I couldn't expect to have all my needs met in a relationship let alone a DD/LG dynamic which is pretty significant in a relationship I'd think. I was asking for small things and that was too much for him, The best for me to do in that was situation was to let him go which is what I did. I don't think I could have the relationship I really want with him when he didn't even want to wish me a NICE happy birthday let alone be my Daddy when its REALLY needed. He's not a terrible person, he's actually a really nice guy just a crappy lover. 

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Not knowing the full situation it can oftentimes be hard to comment. But in this case, Move on.

 

Putting someone down when they are trying so hard is not the way to go. Support and encouragement is what's needed.

Sometimes an event like a birthday can be forgotten but the apology should at the very least be sincere.

Everyone deserves a happy birthday. Never apologize for wanting that.

 

Personally, I know the pressures overseas army life can put on you and it can be difficult but, the support goes both ways and I would have thought he would have been wanting to talk with you even more if he is stressed etc. because of work.

 

The care you need isn't there. It's hard, but move on.

Hello DaddyKens! Thanks for your commentary! Over the last few days, I have thought it over and I have let him go. I just came to the conclusion that it felt like I was giving more and receiving less; he wasn't giving me his all or even half.He wasn't really there for me when I needed it, I could never talk to him on my time tbh. But he'd want me to be there or talk to me when he could or just not talk to me at all; a few times he would call me at 4-5 a.m.(my time) to talk when I had a full day of classes in a few hours, sometimes he'd get annoyed if I wouldn't want to talk immediately and if I did pick up to talk to him, he's only want to talk 20-30 minutes before he was ready to sleep. Like seriously, I could of stayed asleep; he just can be selfish and not acknowledging of what I need. The only reason I could him about me being a little is because he got arrested a few weeks prior and called me saying how much he needed to change to be a better man. I felt "okay maybe there is a chance if he wants more for himself" so I told him but then he reverted a few weeks after that. So the cycles continued. Besides, Its not like I asked for a gift, a happy birthday text would have been more than enough for me! Honestly, I was apprehensive of being with someone in the Army prior before the relationship but after awhile I didn't mind him being in the Army, it didn't make a difference to me how far he was as long as he TRIED which he did less and less. Sorry for the rant btw!

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I agree that it's time to go.

 

There is someone else out there who will value your time, your effort, your love, and you as a person. But you also have to value these things in yourself.

 

You said you feel like you'd be better off without him, but mental health issues make it hard. Mental illness absolutely complicates things (speaking from personal experience), but that logical part of you knows and understands that you deserve better. Use that as your motivation. It'll be hard and it'll take time, but you can do it.

Thanks aphroditelaughs, I do feel slightly better now that I let him go on about his business, it still bothers me but its okay. Time heals wounds. Besides my main focus right now is my BP and school. Thats already enough stress there, adding a uninterested person to it would make it worse lol

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I feel like this guys job has led him down a path that has made your relationship difficult for him to focus on, understand, or be interested in the dynamic of. 

 

All you can do is try to talk to him as adults in a clear and direct manner, and see what (if anything) can change or be fixed for you. :/

Hey DavCentral, thanks for your comment! To be honest, his career wasn't the problem; I didn't mind that he wasn't physically there and we had limited communication via technology. I just needed an occasional "hey" not me messaging you days and days in a row thinking I did something wrong but you just didn't feel like it. If I would do it, it would be a problem and after awhile he just didn't care if I called or text. Maybe you're right, his job could have been what affected his will to participate and learn about the dynamic. To understand me better and build a stronger relationship, but I feel that even when there is things in front of you, you can still overcome it or figure it out. I would of appreciated it better if he told me my needs were too much for him right now then I wouldn't have wasted time thinking I must of done something awful. I have tried talking to him and its like speaking to a wall.Towards the end I could never be little around him because he'd either be uninterested, sarcastic, or mean which is not nice. I felt Daddy-less long before I decided to let him go, maybe I just never had a Daddy to begin with : :( .

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Hi,

 

It was heartbreaking to read your post, and you have absolutely no reason to apologize to anyone for the way that you feel about this disappointing relationship, or about the need to talk about it and get advice. This is a Community that cares about one another's feelings. We are especially mindful of the emotional and psychological needs of our littles, and (most of us at least) feel badly when those needs are not being acknowledged.

 

What struck me the most was your saying that the situation "makes you feel worthless and that you can't do any better". Neither of those is true. You are not, nor will you ever be worthless, no matter what challenges you may have. You are a very valuable person, and that is true unconditionally. I have no doubt that with the right Daddy you could have a very fulfilling DDlg dynamic. None of us find fulfillment in this dynamic alone - we need each other. And in the intimacy of a DDlg relationship, BOTH partners have equal responsibility in the care of one another.

 

I understand that it can be very difficult to end a relationship even when they are not meeting your needs, because you think you may find value in meeting the needs of someone else. Unfortunately this can be very unhealthy for you and lead to greater problems in the future. You have challenges enough as a student who also works. Adding the maintenance of an unsupportive relationship takes time, energy, and enthusiasm which you need to sustain the day to day motivation to succeed in life, and actually undermines your own efforts.

 

Please let this relationship go. Find someone who is supportive of both your public life and your private life. While you are looking for that person please allow this Community to help. We accept you as you are and we are here for you. For very many of us who also feel the need to meet the emotional and psychological needs of others, your reaching out to us is a fulfillment for us. So you can still have your needs met by allowing us to help.

 

More than anything else, please understand this: you are valuable, you are capable, you are cared for, and you are worth caring for. You always will be.

Hi Mr. Johnny, thanks for the comment. I appreciate your empathy, at first I thought I was being too much of a crybaby but I was just feeling very abandoned and neglected when I posted. I just needed to vent and rant in the state I was, I figured might as well be here. lol. I know I am not worthless but I also know I have a lot of mental and behavioral issues to work on so I don't think I am if other people are treating me like I am. One of my biggest issues right now is my mental health, I literally struggled everyday to try and not have an episode, to think rationally, to not get overwhelmed and freak out, to manage; having BP is pretty hard because I never know what mood I may be in. I might wake up in an great mood and in that next 15 minutes I may do something drastic or attack verbally/physically someone else which I try desperately not too. Which is why this dynamic works for me because it allows me to focus on something outside of my problems and gives me a simple joy and relaxation. I thought by including HIM in that it would make us closer and me more secure. It didn't because he didn't put in his portion of the work needed; I was more concerned with his needs as a man and a Daddy then mines as a woman and a Little. So it was best to separate him from me in that way.

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The first thing I feel you should do is stand in front of a mirror, smile as big and bright for yourself as you can, and say out loud, "I am Beautiful. I am Cute. I am Worthy. I love me." and mean it. No one should have the power over you to make you feel so badly. Make yourself feel good, cut the people that under mind that, and add people  that compound that feeling. 

 

As for that boy, (I refuse to call any male that treats a woman like that a man) drop him. It will hurt, and it is going to suck, and you will cry and  miss him and all that is fine. It's part of the healing process, but please, do not continue to self harm  by holding on and letting him drag you through all this pain.

 

And as MrJohnny said, this community is here to support and help. I would like to extend a hand in friendship if you are interested, as I went though a rather rough divorce and I know the pain of loosing someone you feel you love more than you love yourself.

 

Stay strong and I know it is hard and may sound silly, but try to be happy for the sake of being happy. It is your mood, so choose what you feel.

Hello Mister_Kosmick! I really appreciate this community and its supportive comments; I really felt I was asking the right move and letting him go. I definitely deserve better and I want better. I felt like I was being neglected in my needs and they didn't matter but its better to love yourself then someone who treats you like your invisible or unimportant.

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I agree with the general consensus here.  He doesn't seem interested in your time, and frankly with his behavior he doesn't deserve your time either. 

 

He is clearly looking for the door, for whatever reason, and instead of just being honest with you and ending it, he's treating you like crap and waiting for you to end it.  This is totally unfair to you and your feelings.  Let him go, Princess Ndea.  You deserve better.  Like everyone said, it will be tough.  But know that you are absolutely doing the right thing.

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Honestly, I've been in a toxic relationship like this before with my ex (we weren't a part of ddlg but it doesn't really matter). She would just ignore me and then come back with lame excuses, until one day I had my fill and I just left. I think when you're in this kind of situation, you just have to get to that point. Realize that the problem really isn't you and if he's not even willing to try to make things better or put in any effort, there's nothing you can do to help the situation. You can't have a healthy relationship when only one person puts in the work, it has to come from both sides. I know its hard for you to leave him and maybe first you could give him kind of like a last chance effort telling him if things don't change then you will leave (if you do this though, you NEED to promise yourself you will leave if they don't change because if you do it and things don't get better and you don't leave, he's definitely not going to take you serious). If you do happen to leave him (which i think you should) it's gonna be hard at first. That's a given, but you have to keep telling yourself that you deserve better and you did everything you could. I would suggest incorporating new things into your life to try to take your mind off of it if you do end up splitting and that you talk to people about it because its good to get your emotions out. No doubt you're gonna cry and want him back and all that stuff, but eventually you'll get over him and stop crying and stop wanting him back, you just have to tough it out. Create a support system around you to help you and I think you'll do just fine. I really hope everything goes well and this helps you, I'm sorry he's a jerk to you but I promise you don't deserve it :)

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