Jump to content
DDlg Forum & Community Spring is Here !

Rant Need: I found out my "Daddy" had a girlfriend... What to do now?


PrincessNdea

Recommended Posts

So firstly, I just want to warn you that this rant is long and that if you do not want to read it totally understand. But if you do please bear with me!Thanks and lots of hugs!!! :wub:  :wub:  :D  :D  :D   

 

UPDATE: For those of you who had a hard time reading this due to the color and grammar problems; I have tried my best to rectify it by coloring certain paragraphs and bolding theme and leaving other paragraphs all black and regular font. I have also spaced out the paragraphs more because I see they are ongoing and probably really tedious to read. I hope these efforts have made it easier for you guys to read my rant!! If not, please leave a comment about what I can do to help you read it more easier! Once again, thank you for reading this if you did and for your comments guys!

 

   So a brief summarization to my rant before I do rant; My "daddy" was my ex-boyfriend who I had known since high school freshmen year. We went through many up and downs that year and lost communication throughout going our separate ways as well as dating different people.It wasn't till my freshman year of college(I am a sophomore now) that we reconnected. I had came home for winter break and he was on break before going on his year-long deployment(he's in the army). We didn't start dating till a few weeks after he got to his deployment in a foreign country and I in San Francisco; so it was LDR. In the beginning it was good but we did have arguments often over silly things, he was insecure and didn't quite trust me. And then about 3 months into our relationship he "disappeared" on me for 2 months; no call, text, message, nothing. At first, I freaked out and call him hundred of time and people to get into contact with him; no luck. So I took it as me being dumped ( we hooked up in high school twice and he disappeared on me both times as well; red flag indeed) so I focused on school, summer, and moving on. At this point, I was working and I was happy; I was two days from returning to school for the new school year when he messaged me via social media; he wanted to "talk," he explained to me why he was disappeared. I don't quite remember but something to do with him on a message and had informed my mom before he left due to not wanting to alarm me; which is true and my mother told me she did not inform me because she did not like him due to prior behavior. So I was quite hurt and confused with a lot of changes going on around me. We did not get back together; I felt in order to have a good foundation for a successful relationship, we needed to be REAL friends; which we never had been before. We needed to build back the trust and intimacy in the relationship, so we stayed friends although we were very much in love with each and still said "i love you's" and flirted. 

 

    Now fast forward to my rant; towards the end of the year we started to have issues and improvements. We would talk seriously about our relationship and what we wanted out of it. He would talk about marriage and children, how much he couldn't wait to see me, sex, intimacy, careers, hobbies, dislikes, lots of things;we were trying to secure that connection between us that was seem so fragile to our attempts of destroying with arguments. But we also argued too; he would be kind of demeaning and hurtful or rude and mean to me, I know he cared about me but it would hurt.And to be honest, I was the same way; I was demanding to be respected and honesty from him BUT I was talking to other guys on basis that I was single and he hurt me(but he was still talking to other girls as well so it wasn't to bad) but it wasn't serious with other people on both ends. Looking back, I may have hurt him almost as much as he would hurt me; I could be bratty and whiney or often putting off getting back together because I was skeptical of his motives. I was just scared that if I gave in he would hurt me again and leave me again for the fourth time. I couldn't handle taking that chance until I was sure he was as willing and committed as I was willing to wait a year for him.

 

    It wasn't till December things got really bad; we started arguing more and improving less. He was busy getting ready to return to the states and I understand but at the same time I felt I was being ignored due to lack of attention; I would have to call him and message him for 5 minutes of his time.Often, he would have a problem with talking to me or just be too tired. The only times he'd call(due to being 17 hours ahead) was when 4 a.m.-5.a.m. and I'd pick up for only 20 minutes conversation to which he'd get tired and no longer wanted to talk or odd our during the day. Recently before this time, I had FINALLY built the courage to tell him I was into DDLG and I was a little; it was hard for me because he is such a serious guy and doesn't really believe in excuses (well for himself he does) and often would jokingly insult me by calling me "slow" or "dumb" I'd laugh it off but it'd hurt to think I was such a disappointment to him that he would say things like that. I hated when I couldn't do something or please him, it'd made me feel inadequate; to make it worse he'd would OFTEN want to have masturbation time and I'd wouldn't because I was tired or uninterested or stress, another thing to make me feel like I wasn't making him happy. 

 

    So telling him about DDLG was huge for me; we already had that dynamic since we had met, there just wasn't a label. I'd call him "Daddy," we had established dominant/submissive roles in our relationship with me being the submissive and him my Daddy. He'd call me babygirl(my favorite unbeknown to him), baby talk, playtime, punishments, the whole nine yards; we just never knew what it was but it was natural for us and always had been. I was excited to include him in this dynamic with me and our relationship even more so when he accepted my asking for it. So super excited for my Daddy to be my Daddy lol. I'd send him links however he wouldn't look at him, I asked for rules and he gave me one; for me this was disappointing because I high hopes for this opportunity and his willingness but he was even putting in effort to educate himself on the dynamic and I was giving him the information! And then he just stopped altogether, he'd still was Daddy but he wasn't being a caregiver; my needs were neglected, I couldn't get time to talk about his, and we argued more. At this time I had told him about me being BP to which his answer and fix-it was "I love you no matter what" which was nice but I was looking for support and interest not a brush off.

 

     I also thought I failed a class and cried so terribly for days about it and when I finally started feeling better and told him about it he was INCREDIBLY rude and supportive, implying that it was my fault, making once again feel worthless. And my birthday had came and I had to contact him for a happy birthday to which he said "I didn't give him time to forget my birthday," and that he was sleep. It hurt me so bad because 1) you shouldn't even consider needing time to forget a person birthday and 2) I just wanted to know he cared about the only day of the year that was about ME. I didn't for a present or attention or a phone call, or anything; I just wanted my Daddy to leave me a happy birthday message.

 

     I still had hope despite all of this; he came home in that January but had a minor car accident and was spending time with family (he also has a son so obviously he'd want to see him first). It wasn't till the third sunday of the month did I get to see till around 1;30 a.m.- 2.a.m. . I was home and had been smoking weed with my friend, she was super intoxicated and spent the night, she was asleep. I was messaging him and asked when I would get to see him and he told me was in the area and he could see me now; I knew at 2 a.m. I shouldn't be out with a guy when I am high and honestly I've never been alone with at night in a car but it was him! I wanted to see him so bad after a year of waiting! I immediately gave him my address and he came within 10 minutes and ask me where was I.I went outside and got in his car  i forgot what it was but it was red and shiny and a pretty sexy/awesome car. He was,surprising,very nice and very tired lol. I thought it was cute though but felt bad for keeping him out longer than necessary. I told him so and he said nah it was fine and rambled on about his day; tbh, I was so fascinated lol. Weird word but yes; I had pictured for months my reaction to seeing him but I did not picture myself being calm and collected. I was just shocked he was really here with me and fascinated by him prescenece, he was so sexy and I love the way he sounded and the way he dragged on about his day made me want to listen forever. I knew then and there I wanted to get back together; it was the proof I needed along, just to see him.

 

     He asked me if I wanted to stay there or go somewhere or go to the park; I chose the park. We parked and he asked if we could walk around because he'd been in the car all day and I agreed. He asked me if I was cold and I said no I am fine; he was just really thoughtful and nice. We walked and talked and I was sooooo comfortable, it did not feel like it was our first real meeting after a year honestly four years. I felt like it was a usual thing; as we were walking back (because a girl got tired) I complained about how tired I was and he picked me bridal style and carried me. It was such a sweet gesture but I was afraid I was too heavy( I am 5 feet, 120 lbs and he's WELL over 6 ft and muscularrrrr lol big guy ;) ) so I made him put me down and sat on a bench complaining again, he pick me up again telling me I was light as a feather; once again I made him put me down, He did and made me get on his back and carried all the way to the passenger seat. We sat in his car and my phone started blowing up; my mom and friend wanting me to come back now. I was slightly peeved they were interrupting my time with him but he didn't get upset with me. I ended up asking him to take me back to my house(I might be 20 but when my mom wants me home darn it I'm going) and he said okay. I looked at a message my friend sent me; she asked who i was with and i told her it was him, she said use a condom; I told him in a joking manner to which he chuckled and touched my thigh saying "don't worry, we're not going to use any" now that might sound weird but for me is exciting; we had agreed all year that our first time we wouldn't use a condom, both of us were celibate the whole year (and yes he was, the boy was always sexually frustaretd and masturbated daily) and I have a IUD (plus i like creampies with selective partners with clean medical report and I do check). So I really couldn't wait to make love with my Daddy and love of my life; so anyway he pulled up to my house. I apologized to him again and he brushed it off saying to hit him up that wednesday to hang out. I said okay and we hugged and I went into my house. 

 

       Fast forward to the last part (I swear!) the next day I messaging someone and I was about to send this an meme; however, I accidently sent my daddy a nude. Now for me this was BAD, I assumed he was spending time with family or friends or his son (he had told me he was spending his days with his son, understandable thats his baby and he's a parent who hadn't seen his child for a year); so I am freaking out think maybe he near somebody and they see the picture or his son is playing with his phone and sees my hoo-hah. So I was telling him I was very sorry and to delete it. And then came the worst thing I was never expecting; he text back " look you need to not send things like this to me when I'm with my girlfriend and if she's goes through my phone." I was sooo shocked because never once he brought up a girlfriend or that he was talking to someone seriously; I was under the assumption I was the serious one in his life. I literally broke down crying my eyes out and replied oh I am sorry, I didn't you had a girlfriend, I won't bother you anymore." To which he replied "yeah that's why we're just friends," I could see no more; I blocked him and cried for an hour. I was just so upset that he lied to me and use me; a whole year of hope and effort and loyalty to a guy who didn't have to guts to tell me he'd move on. I'm sitting there trying to make him happier, trying to reach the standards he had, trying to be what he wanted, fighting for a relationship, trying to be more open, telling him how much I love and miss him. Practicing in my room how to tell him that I love him and wanted to get back together and figuring out the best outfit and makeup to wear on wednesday for him. And he didn't even want to tell me he had a girlfriend he was planning to cheat on with me.

 

       I was so hurt, broken, and lost; I wondered why this was happening and what I did to cause it. I felt so worthless and small; I couldn't even go into littlespace, I cried so bad. But I tried to make myself better by telling myself it was okay and that I was beautiful sweet girl that would one day find her King. And I spent my last week home with family and friends; getting adjusted to my new meds, and preparing for the semester, I couldn't afford at that moment to be weak when I had so much to be happy for. So I went back to school and I unblock him; not to speak to him which I didn't but as a way to show that I was mature enough to not to speak someone without blocking because I don't like what that person says (because I would do it all the time to him).I also tried to be an adult and offered to meet up with him to say goodbye, just because I didn't like what he said didn't mean I couldn't say goodbye to a friend (I waited a whole year come on) but he never responded until I was in SF saying he got it late I went to my classes and found I enjoyed it, I started going to go the gym regularly, making a schedule of things I needed to do, I am in the middle of pledging for a sorority, I have my sister with me to give support, amazing friends and family, and I am planning to do this community services with children for extra units, oh and I am on track to graduate early next spring instead(due to extra classes and summer school) of two and half years so I am trying.And I am looking into taking pole dancing classes; I took one over break with my BFF and loved it. 

 

      However, despite all this I was still occasionally wondering "why" not why he had a girlfriend or what I did wrong, "why hadn't he told me when he has so many chances too?" I mean wouldn't you wonder. You spent a year LDR with a person and even face-to-face, known them for years, and believed to have and honest friendship with them, we discussed marriage for christ sake. But you couldn't even tell me you were over me, you were rejecting me, that what we had wasn't what you wanted? Had he told me I wouldn't had been mad; I would of respected him and limit my behavior to respect his relationship. He should've been man enough to just tell me in the proper way not like that. So, I had to know, I messaged him and asked " You had so many opportunities, I was in your car with you, even now, why didn't you just tell me?" and instead of just answering me or being like "N'dea I can't do this I don't have those answers for you or I don't care" or not responding at all. He immediately responded with "Why tf are you messaging me when I'm with my girlfriend?yada yada yada," and my favorite, "we didn't do nothing so why tf does it matter?" He was just so mean and hateful; he had NEVER been like that to me in all the years we've known each other even high school. He's never once even yelled at me or called me out my name. It was like a switch went off; the same thing had happened when he responded to me about not getting my goodbye message, I had said I was sorry again to which he lol don't worry about it. Didn't mean to go off but I was surprised," he joked and said LOLs, he was a totally different guy. And when I sent that other message, he was another person as well; it felt like I didn't know him. Like I was this obsessed girl he screwed a week ago as a drunk one stand that he was trying to forget about an ignored, like I was trash

 

       I, again, cried my eyes out so bad. I was hurt and confused as to why he was so hateful towards me; he doesn't even treat other girls like that or his past girlfriends, he's always been nice and insecure. But at that moment he was almost a monster; and not like the sweet light boy with intense green eyes that sat with me against the wall in our high school wrestling room after a gruesome practice(I was a wrestler and he a football player) and talked to me with a beautiful smile. He wasn't that guy I video chatted that would horribly sing songs, made me smile with stupid comments, boss me around, blow my phone up at 5am., randomly call me beautiful, told me I was slow because I was acting dingy, argued with me but hit me up an hour later like " are we done cause I want to talk to my girl," or bought me a 7 foot bear because I always wanted one. In that moment, he wasn't the love of my life, he wasn't my Daddy, he wasn't my protector, my man, my friend, he was a stranger.

 

     And I have to tell myself that it was all a lie, he just used me, he never cared about me, it was all game. But what if there more to the story I just don't know about? If there is I wish I could say I want know, but truth is, I don't. I don't want to keep having and cold-and-hot relationship with a guy that can't be honest with me; I want a strong relationship with stable simply guy that honest with me even if it hurts me. I want to be able to trust someone and not be skeptical of their intentions because they have hurt me so many times. I don't want to hear anymore empty promises and declarations of " I want to change," or "I don't know how to love you I wish I did because I love you," I'm getting older and I have so may dreams! I want a white picket fence life with kids that drive me crazy, a dog that barks at people passing by, saturday family dinners, going to disneyland because it has tons of crap, walks on the beach and sunburns, a career that gives me headaches but I love, calls to my mom, coffee dates with my sister or friends, and most importantly waking up and going to sleep next to a man I call my husband. Someone that loves me and cares about me and surprises me with lunches at work, gives me messages because I had a long day at work, watches the kids while I nap, makes love to me on the kitchen floor, makes Daddy/Princess time with me, and loves me. I just want that.

 

   Is what I want unrealistic? Was I the one in the wrong? Did I mess up? Is there someone like that for me? Can I even find a Daddy and lover thats real with me? Or should I just give up on my fairytale? Was interesting DDLG to him the wrong to him? Was I a bad little? Did I hurt him? Was I not good enough, pretty enough,sexy enough, smart enough? Is it because I have a mental illness? Because I am in college and not much to offer? Is she better than me? Did he never love me? Was it all a lie?

 

    Lastly, I just want to thank all of you who sacrifice the time and energy to read this extremely large rant. Lol. I know it was a lot but I needed this. I welcome all comments (if there are any ) and thank you sooooo much. Love you guys! :D  :D  :D 

Edited by PrincessNdea
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can’t read this becuase of the fancy pink letters on a white background. However, from the title of the post I have this to say: dump his ass. He doesn’t care about you, his girlfriend, or anyone else.

 

Unless of course y’all are polly and he told both you and his girlfriend, tho I’m wondering why everyone didn’t know at the get go.

 

You might have mentioned why, but as I said.... can’t read the writing.

Edited by Loki’s Shadow
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Read through all that you said.  Is this really the person that you want to be the father of your children.  Somebody who will just walk away from you and the kids at the drop of the hat.  Somebody that will say hurtful things to your kids.  Somebody that has no moral compass.  Somebody that will be sweet and kind build up trust and then just turn on them and break their heart.  You want to be a Mom someday, so find the guy that you want your kids to be around.  Whatever his problems are its not your responsibility to fix them.  I guarantee he has a lot of them.  You are not anchored to him.  Not married and you do not have kids, So time to time find the right guy and let this one sink to the bottom.

Take an inventory of who you are.  Too often we focus on what we are not or why somebody else is better.  Just from what you have written here its easy to see that you have all sorts of potential.  I don't have to see what you look like.  Dedication and hard work are something that you don't shy away from (I wrestled through college) or you would have picked an easier sport.  So many things that you said show that you are smart.  You are in school and keep after it because that will allow you to control your desitiny.  You are on birth control and that allows you to control your destiny and not have be anchored to somebody that will never be a good father. you are kind and community involved taking care of those who really need you. You are smart, so stop thinking with your heart on this guy and think with your head.  He will cheat on you, he will lie to you and you already know that he will not change.

So your action plan is to tap into your resources (friends and sister) that you mentioned.  People that have your best interest at heart.  Get rid of any connection to this guy.  Delete him from every piece of electronic equipment you have.  Give away or throw away anything he ever gave you or connects you to him.  Start with a clean slate.  There are lots of really good guys at college that are going places.  They will be there for you and a real person you can actually depend on and be with and do things and have a life that has no bad history.  Some day you will have that  house and kids and that guy that places you first in line.  You will look back (like we all do from time to time) and go "what was I thinking".  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with somebody that cares about you and your future100% of the time.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you'd likely want to hear something that would calm your anxiety and subdue your pain. And I wish I could provide that. But that might come when you take a few steps back and look at the situation with some objectivity.

 

I have to echo what others have said, especially Caresalot.

I don't think this guy is who you think he is.

Everything you've described sounds like someone who is manipulative, and potentially abusive. Certainly, what he said to you has the potential to be emotionally damaging.

 

No one is perfect. Of course. 

But given what you want in life, I think this may be the last guy that can provide it.

 

I know you've built a connection and a relationship of sorts that you've invested in. For years, really.

 

People can miscommunicate, but for him to dismiss and denigrate even your experience with him is a bit much.

 

At best, you're a second fiddle. And at worst, he's using you, her, and probably others.

I'm not sure what he projected to you, and that may be a part of him as well, but what you saw in the aftermath is also who he is. It sounds like there have been warning flags for a while, but maybe you ignored some because of how you felt about him. Which is only natural. 

 

I'm always reluctant to comment on things like this, as I don't know the parties involved. And there are extenuating circumstances, such as miscommunication, mental illness, and more. Especially given the mediums of communication in LDRs. 

 

But...

The fact that you're looking to blame yourself for any of this... just sort of broke my heart. You didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary. And I'm not just blindly saying that because we're on a forum and I'm only seeing one side of it.

 

You provided pretty ample descriptions of what happened, and I have no doubt you're telling it how it actually was. And either way, it would reflect only on him, really.

 

Think of this as a cautionary tale, and learn from the experience. But I would highly suggest you move on. As this isn't likely to get any better, even if it's punctuated with moments where he doesn't act like this. You won't be able to trust him in terms of fidelity, let alone with your heart.

I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry I couldn't say something that would really "fix" anything. 

But "CaresALot" is right. This guy is manipulative, and perhaps abusive. Run. 

 

It sounds as if you already know all of this anyway. But just needed to hear it from people that aren't invested.

Edited by ProfessorDaddy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can’t read this becuase of the fancy pink letters on a white background. However, from the title of the post I have this to say: dump his ass. He doesn’t care about you, his girlfriend, or anyone else.

 

Unless of course y’all are polly and he told both you and his girlfriend, tho I’m wondering why everyone didn’t know at the get go.

 

You might have mentioned why, but as I said.... can’t read the writing.

    Hey Loki, first off I want to apologize for the way I wrote my rant. I was very agitated and anxious as I wrote that and did not pay attention to way it was being written as well as poor grammar decisions I mad. As a rectification, I have gone back and re-edited it as well as made some adjustments. I hope this will make it better and maybe you'll try again to read it?! Secondly, I really appreciate your comment as it is! I think I should take in account of your suggestion to "dump his ass," Lol. It was not easy to deal with him and maybe its for the best that he treated me so poorly I can't even look at his last message because I get THAT upset just thinking about ever speaking to him. All I see when I think of him these days is that hurtful message and dissolves all desire for me to ever speak to him; I think that's the good thing to come out of this.

     To acknowledge your comment about polly, no we had never discuss that; partially because he considered himself to be "monogamous" and was super jealous and possessive if I talk to other guys I had more interest for than him. As I stated, he was very dominant in our relationship since time we met. I don't even think his girlfriend knew about me then or even now. He never had intentions for either situations to ever crossed I am sure. And to be honest, I am toooooo sensitive and sentimental to have a polly relationship. For me, it's all or nothing; you're either mines or not. But I will not share or be shared. it's just doesn't work for me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You deserve better then that without a doubt.

Hey hisangel! Hopefully you were able to read my rant, if not I have gone back and re-edit it to be more easier to read! Thanks for your comment firstly, and you are right; I deserve better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can read a word of what you said but the obvious answer is to leave him

Hi MikAitAkU wolf Groot, cool name btw  :) ! To begin, I really want to apologize about the way I designed my rant; the pink font on a white background is hard to read for sure lol. I have gone back and re-edited the rant; hopefully you'll take another crack at my story and be able to read it, if you can't still please feel free to let me know. As a college student, I need to be able to properly write, Lol. 

   As for the rest of your comment, which I thank you for, you're right for sure. It was a obvious answer that was ALWAYS in my face but love blinds you and makes you dumb. It's a (sour) lesson learned and really emphasized that I HAVE to acknowledged the red flags even if I don't want to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know you'd likely want to hear something that would calm your anxiety and subdue your pain. And I wish I could provide that. But that might come when you take a few steps back and look at the situation with some objectivity.

 

I have to echo what others have said, especially Caresalot.

I don't think this guy is who you think he is.

Everything you've described sounds like someone who is manipulative, and potentially abusive. Certainly, what he said to you has the potential to be emotionally damaging.

 

No one is perfect. Of course. 

But given what you want in life, I think this may be the last guy that can provide it.

 

I know you've built a connection and a relationship of sorts that you've invested in. For years, really.

 

People can miscommunicate, but for him to dismiss and denigrate even your experience with him is a bit much.

 

At best, you're a second fiddle. And at worst, he's using you, her, and probably others.

I'm not sure what he projected to you, and that may be a part of him as well, but what you saw in the aftermath is also who he is. It sounds like there have been warning flags for a while, but maybe you ignored some because of how you felt about him. Which is only natural. 

 

I'm always reluctant to comment on things like this, as I don't know the parties involved. And there are extenuating circumstances, such as miscommunication, mental illness, and more. Especially given the mediums of communication in LDRs. 

 

But...

The fact that you're looking to blame yourself for any of this... just sort of broke my heart. You didn't do anything wrong. On the contrary. And I'm not just blindly saying that because we're on a forum and I'm only seeing one side of it.

 

You provided pretty ample descriptions of what happened, and I have no doubt you're telling it how it actually was. And either way, it would reflect only on him, really.

 

Think of this as a cautionary tale, and learn from the experience. But I would highly suggest you move on. As this isn't likely to get any better, even if it's punctuated with moments where he doesn't act like this. You won't be able to trust him in terms of fidelity, let alone with your heart.

I'm sorry this happened to you. And I'm sorry I couldn't say something that would really "fix" anything. 

But "CaresALot" is right. This guy is manipulative, and perhaps abusive. Run. 

 

It sounds as if you already know all of this anyway. But just needed to hear it from people that aren't invested.

Hello ProfessorDaddy! Thanks for comment firstly, I appreciate it and I will try acknowledge the main points of your comment honestly. Secondly, I really apologized for my format of my rant. I am sure it was hard to read, since then I have gone back and re-edited to a more appealing view. Hopefully, you can read it better if you had problems if not please feel free to leave an suggestion!

As for your comment which I love, looking at the situation with objectivity as you suggested; I feel like a 20 year old child. LOL. Not in a bad way to make my self worse but in the sense that I am a adult woman who let herself be oblivious to things affecting her because she didn't use her common sense to see them. Which is right; I didn't want to acknowledge it so I acted like they weren't there. As a little and woman, I feel like I am still strong enough and smart enough to pay attention. 

As for him, maybe you are right; maybe he is abusive because he was defiantly manipulative. I felt like I was being manipulated and controlled like a puppet; it's very demeaning to view it like that when everyone considers me to be this smart, strong, ambitious, goal-oriented, nice girl who has a good future ahead of her, but I let myself be tossed around like a rag doll by a guy well below my standards. Its EMBARRASSING! And super hurtful that he can just deny me like that. 

   

    He can just pretend I don't exist, all these years didn't exist, I am nothing, like I am just an imagination. Like it's one thing to be rejected and someone that doesn't want you, but's worse when you deny and pretend nothing happened. Almost like he's embarrassed of me! I mean not to be cocky, but I think I'm a nice catch maybe? I attend a pretty nice university in a very innovative city, I am smart, I'm goal-oriented; I know what I want to do with my life and I have a plan that I am following, I have a mental illness but I am making efforts to maintain it, I'm not ugly for sure, I am nice and forgiving, I have potential, I don't deamand money or am materialistic. I mean come one, I think I am girlfriend material! But I guess I am not goo enough to be recognized by an soldier with a kid out of wedlock and no stability in his life.  :l

    You are right, there were red flags but there were also moments that seem like he was being genuine; it's confusing for me! I wish I can say he was a horrible guy the whole time but there were other times he wasn't. There were times when we were together and no together that he was a really amazing guy. But he's like jekyll and hyde! Maybe that's just guys in general, but with him it was just crazy. He most defiantly was using me and probably her too, but he seems to respect a girl he barely knew for two weeks than me he's known for years; I've just never been good enough for that boy.  :(  -_-

   

  Thank you for your sympathy..It's kind of hard to break down and be vulnerable like this. My family and friends treat me like glass as it is because they don't want me to get hurt or have a bad episode because of my BP; which makes me feel more inclined to do better when something bad happens which makes me feel more inclined to be little because of the stress and anxiety of failing as well as adulting. I mean I'm sure it's not my fault but I feel like it is. Like I just did something so awful because he hates me sooo much. It hurts because I really consider him my Daddy, my Protector, my Friend, my Lover, my Confidante, just someone that was always there for me. Someone I could be my little self and my big self. And he just hurt me sooooo bad to the point where I question myself. Lol. 

 

   I know I need to move on and and yeah I kind of ned to hear it from other people because it makes more real...But it's a long road lol and very bump as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Read through all that you said.  Is this really the person that you want to be the father of your children.  Somebody who will just walk away from you and the kids at the drop of the hat.  Somebody that will say hurtful things to your kids.  Somebody that has no moral compass.  Somebody that will be sweet and kind build up trust and then just turn on them and break their heart.  You want to be a Mom someday, so find the guy that you want your kids to be around.  Whatever his problems are its not your responsibility to fix them.  I guarantee he has a lot of them.  You are not anchored to him.  Not married and you do not have kids, So time to time find the right guy and let this one sink to the bottom.

Take an inventory of who you are.  Too often we focus on what we are not or why somebody else is better.  Just from what you have written here its easy to see that you have all sorts of potential.  I don't have to see what you look like.  Dedication and hard work are something that you don't shy away from (I wrestled through college) or you would have picked an easier sport.  So many things that you said show that you are smart.  You are in school and keep after it because that will allow you to control your desitiny.  You are on birth control and that allows you to control your destiny and not have be anchored to somebody that will never be a good father. you are kind and community involved taking care of those who really need you. You are smart, so stop thinking with your heart on this guy and think with your head.  He will cheat on you, he will lie to you and you already know that he will not change.

So your action plan is to tap into your resources (friends and sister) that you mentioned.  People that have your best interest at heart.  Get rid of any connection to this guy.  Delete him from every piece of electronic equipment you have.  Give away or throw away anything he ever gave you or connects you to him.  Start with a clean slate.  There are lots of really good guys at college that are going places.  They will be there for you and a real person you can actually depend on and be with and do things and have a life that has no bad history.  Some day you will have that  house and kids and that guy that places you first in line.  You will look back (like we all do from time to time) and go "what was I thinking".  You deserve better.  You deserve to be with somebody that cares about you and your future100% of the time.

Hey CaresAlot! Thank you for your response and I apologize if my rant was hard to read due to the format I designed it in; I have since then re-edited to be more appealing, hopefully it's make it better. If not, please feel free to leave a suggestion! 

   

    Now to acknowledge your comment and just to mention; I am a detailed person and like to respond to main points in comments. I know I can just leave a short comment but I love to talk so. LOL.

 

     Relative to if this is the type of a person I want for myself in my future and apart of my goals; I don't think he is at this point in time. However, I will say this as response to children we'd could had ever in time; I can cay this will absolute certainty that he would not deny them. I am not saying this because of my feelings for him or blindness; his child came from a hook up with a girl in high school. As soons as he saw his child when he was born, it was over for him,he never denies him or hides him, and the boy is number one in his life. Actually, the mother isn't in the child's life anymore; she basically gave over responsibility to my ex and he did stand up to the plate. He has him 24/7 and it's the main reason he joined the army so he could provide better for his kid. I admired that because despite how he treats people, when his son needs something or him; he'll drop everything just for him and always complained that he wasn't a good enough Dad and he deserved better. It was one of the reasons why I felt like I should try to work things out; if he can be a great dad, maybe with time he could be a great lover too? Boy was I wrong. But I know he'd wouldn't deny his kids even he hates my guts; his children are his children no matter what to him. 

 

    However, I wouldn't want him as the father figure to my kids; as you said, I want to be a mom one day, I can't have a man around that can't treat me well. If I have a daughter, she'll see that and feel like that's okay and boys are supposed to treat her bad too. My father was never around to teach me differently, I wouldn't my child to repeat the cycle. Or what if I have a son; I would never want him to treat girls bad or manipulate them or put them down the way my ex did because he'd see his father do it to me. 

 

   I can't fix him like you said. I can't raise a man and I can't change one; he's going to do what he wants to do no matter how much I try, wait, or love. Thankfully, I have no permanent connection to him like you said; we have no kids together, no finances or loans link to each other, no house together, we are not married. I have nothing forcing me to keep contact and deal with him; which makes me feel bad because why am I hung up on a guy I have no real life with? Lol. But its hard; THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FIRST LOVE. It's a guy I've known since my first love with a guy my ex hated, Lol. 

 

   Comparatively, this may sound random but I am thankful for my mom raising me the way she did. Because if she didn't I'd be a crying mess for months because of this; but I am making efforts to make myself feel better. As you mentioned, I am in school and very determined; my experience as a wrestler really taught me about sacrifice and work effort, to be optimistic and make an opportunity for yourself which I really valued the experience for. I'm doing community service, I'm joining a really nice sorority to make more friends. And I am a smart adult that reallllly needs to start thinking with her head; I am international business major and I am trying to go into the field of foreign currency and cryptocurrency; sooooo I need to use my common sense more lol. 

 

   I am just going to keep going. Keep trying and being a positive person; eventually it's will rub off and I will think of him less. And I will feel more confident and happy. It will just take time. Just got to continue surrounding myself with my friends and family, staying motivated in school, being consistent, etc. Because my biggest fear of this situation is me becoming a bitter person and doing something similar to someone else. I don't want hurt somebody because somebody hurt me; I don't even believe in cheating (just leave somebody not cheat). What if the next guy I meet (I tell myself this as motivation) is super awesome, sweet, caring, AND honest with me; everything I ask for he tries to be to make me happy? Should I be skeptical of him, mean towards his, manipulative of the situation, unwilling to trust and listen to him, ignore his efforts? All because I had a bad experience and I am afraid to trust another guy? It just seems so....selfish! I've seen and known other girls/guys do this and its awful. To hurt somebody just because of a bad experience! I just want to take this situation as a life experience and use the positives to be a better person and a good partner for somebody else that is up to my standards. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had someone who treated me like your ex treated you. It was hard, I cut all communication off. Him and I had a M/s relationship and he was what i believe a closet poly (but never told me). I found out after just how many girls he was with.

I just want to say that dont give up hope bc my Daddy found me a mess after all of that and allowed me to be myself (a little) where the other guy only wanted a slave and I wasn't allowed to act anything other than a zombie slave.

My Daddy is my true soul mate and I KNOW he loves me. So don't give up hope.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Mister Grey

i’m sorry, but I am going to answer your rant, with another rant…

 

Is there something wrong with him?  Absolutely.  He’s a liar and a supposed cheat.  All of this has a way of coming back to people and in time, it will be him sitting around somewhere wondering why it all went so wrong.  Karma is a bitch that way.

 

Is there something wrong with you?  Absolutely.  Your nieve and you put rational thought in the back seat over the imagined “sweet light boy with intense green eyes”.  You want honesty right?  

 

High school can be excused as school girl love dove crap.  It happens, we have all been there…yes, even guys go through that

 

That whole early college things was questionable because there were so many issues, so many reasons to cut that whole thing off then and there.  But your have this fantasy in your mind, the King, the Love, the Daddy, hearts and rainbows and unicorns and you want so bad that your willing to try and make wondrous stars out of piles of crap.  But again, we have been there, putting aside rational thought because we want to believe.  

 

I think you took it even father than most, but fine…i get you…but we are dangling on a string here and that string is soooooo thin, so frail…

 

but you go home, you meet, there are fireworks and then almost immediately after KAPLOW, the hammer comes down.

 

Now, I don’t know how you intend to send a meme to a friend and accidentally sent a nude to someone else?  That whole transaction boggles the mind.  But ok, we are going to accept that and still we are left with the singular explosive aftermath.  He has a girlfriend.

 

despite you thinking he is sexually frustrated (mind you, he had a kid, he has a girlfriend, he’s setting up the groundwork to cheat on her with you and he has been deployed for forever…considering all this what makes you think he is not cheating on her (the girlfriend) with others while he is out deployed?  Are there no women where he is at?  Which is a silly question since the military is Co-Ed, but whatever…moving on…), despite the array of red flags and just plain jack ass moments we come down too…he has a girlfriend.

 

So honestly, why the hell would you, after you moved on and put yourself on track to better yourself and your life would you message him AGAIN?  it’s freaking mind blowing.  Like I can’t even find a logical excuse for it.  I can’t understand what possessed you to do it.  You did not just pull a band aid off a wound…the wound was closed and scared over and you went and used a rusty butter knife to rip it open again….and why?  For what?  What did you gain?  What did you think you were going to gain?  I can’t fathom it.  It makes no damn sense.

 

From what you said, your not stupid.  You saw all this coming.  It was all there right in front of you and instead of moving off the tracks, you let the train keep coming at you.

 

I want nothing more than for you to be a strong a powerful woman and that does not mean to give up being little, on the contrary, its take strength to know yourself, to accept yourself and more so to not allow yourself to be the chew toy of life.

 

This whole rant is focused wrong because it should not be about him.  It’s all about you.  Accept that YOU had a hand in allowing this misery in your life, that YOU put aside your own common sense chasing not a pot at the end of a rainbow but a large pile of brontosaurus diarrhea.

 

Take ownership.  Forget that piece of crap.  Go back to empowering yourself.  Raising yourself up to the star you can be.  Slay the world.  I have no doubt you can do it…if you want too.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...