Outgrown a Friendship?

[WhysperKit]

Hi everyone~ I suppose I'll be quick and get to the point :')

 

So I have a friend I've known since middle school (6th grade). We were best friends and people always mistook us for sisters when we were out together. Ever since we graduated and started jobs (military initially; she's out now attending college, I'm still serving) I feel like we've slowly been drifting apart. She got married to a guy that no one really likes. He's gotten physically abusive with her and I've had her call me up on more than one occasion crying because he put his hands on her. Btw, yes, same roommate I'm now living with. Trust me, I'm avoiding all contact I can with the dude now after our previous little issue. She makes excuses up for him harassing me (at times sexually) and we don't really talk unless it's me messaging her to ask for her assistance in controlling her husbands erratic behavior or about her downward spiraling mental health. 

 

I'm kinda unsure what to do... do I keep just having the random, sparse conversation with her every couple of weeks (at best) or few months or should I just let this friendship end? I feel like she's a totally different person now, as I'm sure I am too. I'm slowly becoming more of a vocal, non-doormat kinda person and it's getting harder and harder to deal with her and her husband. I still love my best friend but I feel like the person I loved isn't who I speak to anymore. 

 

Thank you owo

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

People do change - for all kinds of reasons. Your friend's situation is unfortunate, but you have to do what's best for you. You said it's like you're talking to a different person, so holding onto this friendship may be doing more harm than good. Letting go might hurt and that's okay.

[Alaskan Daddy]

sadly what you are going through is very common. You are being a true friend. As a friend the best you can do is keep your lines of communication open. I know it is hard for you to see what she is going through and experiencing what you are going through. He is controlling her and has taken away her self confidence. Your friend will find her way out of this relationship and she will need you more than ever. She is blinded for what ever reason by his actions.

Again this very common especially with men and women. My best advice to you is not give advice or judgement unless asked. But if she does come to you seeking comfort I would ask her open ended questions where she can seek answers that may open her eyes and heart. 

I hope this helps. I really believe that the friend you once knew is still there living inside of her, but squashed from her husband for now.

[Guest DaddySadist]

Well I'm looking at this from two points, involving the same person.

 

1: if you'd normally consider her a super close friend you never really want to drop that and with everything she's going through there will undoubtedly come a point when she realizes she is wrong and will need your help in extracting herself from the situation and you should be there for her.

 

2: there's only so much you can do to help people that won't help themselves. It may come a time when you need to completely cut her off, but still be in the wings silently for if the abuse gets even worse and she needs help getting out. I mean after all, my mom was abused by her first time husband, my male genetic half. I'd help a complete stranger get out of that shite let along a friend no matter how recently.

 

I look at this from both points because I had a high school friend who has the actual pendant I gave him when I got the design of said pendant in a tattoo. This past month on my birthday he posted a picture of it to my FB....after we haven't spoken in nearly fifteen years.

 

I had what I still see as valid reasons for not speaking with him initially and cutting off contact but now I see I was wrong in doing so for so long, or at least not telling him why I was doing it.

 

So I'll tell you that if you take option 2, PLEASE have the honor I didn't back then and explain to her why. It just may help her make a better decision.