Coming out! (Sexuality and stuff) + Advice.

[_i_i_i_]

Hello! Today I wanted to write about my coming out story? Why? Because I want to share it and help others.

Surely a DDLG website might not be the greatest site for this, but I know there is other LGBT+ littles and Daddies out there. So we're not alone. 

 

MY STORY:

 

I struggled with my sexuality for years until I actually understood what I was right for. When I was 12 was when I first started to question it.

Why? Because I was playing truth or dare and a girl kissed me. At that time it felt wrong, but at the same time not!  

The 'usual' was that it is Girl+ Boy. But I had heard that you could like the same gender. The thing was that I liked the kiss.

It didn't feel extremely wrong. I got the exact same butterflies in my stomach as I did when I kissed a boy. It was then I realized I probably wasn't straight. 

I thought I was gay! (I am pan btw)

 

Ever since that I was afraid of me possibly liking girls. I always heard how my friends thought it was weird that you could like the same gender. 

So automatically I was a sinner in my head. That kiss was wrong. Girls shouldn't like girls. That was what I thought. My thoughts were un-pure. It wasn't right.

I always had these thoughts before I went to sleep. And it caused me to get less sleep. I developed sleeping problems. That was how much I struggled with my sexuality.  

 

It was a really sensitive topic for me. 

 

When I was 15 was when I realized my sexuality. After long talks with the school counselor and a girl online I finally figured what sexuality I am. 

I am pansexual. I don't limit my feelings or love for gender. Love exists in personality, not the gender. That is what I think. 

 

But I didn't come out. My family did not know. Because I know how ignorant they can be. And for the matter of fact have my father trash-talked transgender people. 

I struggled with that as well. Coming out, stressing. I stressed over it so badly. How would they react? Would they still love me? 

Those thoughts made a nest in my head instead. It was really hard. I still haven't come out to my father. 

 

I have always trusted my mother more than my father. We always have deep talks. And if I struggle in school or my job I talk to her. 

She helps me with everything so I am truly grateful for her. 

 

So once I was alone with her at my house. I talked to her. I did what was comfortable for me. So I put on my favorite music in the background.  

I then just blankly told her "I don't limit my feelings for genders, mother. I am pansexual and I could date anyone," what was I said. 

My mother was very accepting, she was really happy for me coming out. And she understood that it must've been hard for me. 

But that is just my mother. 

 

That was how I came out. And I did that for about one year ago. I still haven't come out to my father. Because I don't have to if I don't want to.

 

MY ADVICE:

 

• If you struggle knowing your sexuality, don't be afraid to go out on the internet. 
  Try to find people who know their sexuality. Or people who can help you. I promise you
  that supporters of the LGTB+ or people apart of LGTB+ are very supporting! And if you don't 
  find anyone or too afraid, I respond to everyone :3 
• Don't be afraid to try stuff. For example, if you're a girl, don't be afraid to experiment with other girls.
  And if it is not your thing, you don't have to feel bad. Tell the other, kindly, that you don't do this. 
  This is not your thing. 
• You are allowed to be afraid of coming out to your family. It is fine! You're not alone. My advice is to
  tell the person you trust and talk the most to. You trust your sibling more? Tell him/her. You trust
  your mother more? Tell her. You trust your father more? Tell him. You can even start coming out
  to friends first.
• You're allowed to not come out. You don't have to tell your parents if you don't want to. They
  necessarily don't have to know. Coming out is all up to you. It is your choice.
• If you struggle a lot find something that makes you stop thinking about it. Find a hobby. Go out on walks.
  Listen to music, write books, write a dairy. Dance to all your favorite songs even you don't feel confident.
  Anything that makes you happy is fine! 
• Sexuality isn't the biggest problem in the world. If you can't figure out your sexuality, that is fine. You 
  don't have to! If you just do you, everything will be fine. Just go for whatever feels good. Because when 
  you limit yourself to a sexuality you think you are, you might be limiting yourself from so much more. 

Remember that you're not alone. Many people out there can relate to just you. So don't be afraid
to reach out! 

 

 

I know people on this site is 18+ and might not have the struggles of sexuality. But I figured that must be wrong,

considering I am still struggling.  

 

If you want to, share your coming out story! 

 

Have a great night/day <3

[Misswolf]

This was really nice piece to read and I hope you are having a great day

[Guest Loki]

My coming out story is actually spread out all over the forum. This forum helped me accept who and what I am - and it has enabled me to find balance and not be hopeless.

 

I’m physically female, my gender is male, and I’m Pansexual.

 

Love and support to those who need it.

 

- Loki

[Littlest_Bee]

I don't have a real "coming out story".

I asked my mum when I was maybe three or four if it was possible for me to marry a woman when I'm grown-up.

I don't remember if she paused but I do remember that she looked at me and told me, that I could be with whoever I want. All that matters is love.

 

And I believed her, of course. Not too long after that a good friend of my mother went through a divorce and eventually found happiness with a woman. My mum's friend is bisexual and her partner is a lesbian. It was completely normal to me.

 

Though of course I knew that there were more straight couples out there even before I knew that there were labels and that people arbitrarily judge other relationships because of those labels.

 

I have always thought of myself as bisexual and it feels right to me even though it might be more accurate to say that I'm a panromantic demisexual person.

But I seldom saw a need to point that out to anyone. I'm me.

 

If I'm flirting it might matter but really that's about me potentially being interested in one specific person.

 

I'm probably poly as well but I don't have any experience with it so far. So I don't know how it would work out.

[Obsessive_Compulsive]

That's such a great coming out story! 

 

I have two moms and so sexuality has never been something I was scared of. I remember when I was about seven (fuck why the hell did I have a sexuality crisis at seven? Now that I think about it, that's kind of weird) and for a brief moment worried I might be a lesbian but than I talked with my mum and just in general look and my parents relationship and realized that I didn't need to fear anything. Than when I was in middle school I was really interested in this one girl and than, when I was looking at her one day I was hit with the fact with, 'oh, hey i'm not completely straight 'cause I want that girl to be my wife". That was it, I just talked so much about that girl. When I got my next crush it was also a girl and it was like, twice as bad. I wouldn't stop talking about her until one day my brother was like "Do you like her" my moms where in the room and I was just like "yeah" later on I got my first girlfriend, broke up with her, got a boyfriend, broke up with him and now I seem to be forever single. 

 

My advice to those questioning their sexuality or gender or anything is to NOT over think it. Just be true to you and do whatever feels right in the moment. Want to kiss a girl? A boy? Someone in between or nothing at all? That's great, you do it and don't care about whatever anyone else thinks. Are you a girl, boy, in between, or nothing at all? It doesn't matter, you are a beautiful you and fuck gender anyway. It's a man made concept 99% of the time. Over thinking things just makes things ten times more scary and ten times more confusing. Just love yourself, all you differences, and all your "flaws". You are perfect.

[Misswolf]

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i knew i was interested in more than just the opposite sex when i was finishing up high school, but my father was a horrible bigot & i was wrapped around his finger. 

my fear of his disapproval & how vocal he was for his distaste of the lgbt+ community kept me in the closet for much longer than i would have liked. 

my best friend had just come out as a lesbian & my father seemed to still approve of her, which hurt me really deeply. 

 

after his death, i started having more relationships with females & non-binary or gender queer individuals. 

once i met The Giant, & we found polyamory, the ability to have multiple partners enabled me to continue having relationships that truly expressed who i was. 

 

i wish i had been able to come out earlier, but since i've been polyamorous, i've been pansexual too. 

i've never felt more like myself than i do now. 

[Misswolf]

How do you guys know if you really are into only girls or guys or both just wondering is it like a feeling you get or what

[Guest Loki]

How do you guys know if you really are into only girls or guys or both just wondering is it like a feeling you get or what

Can’t speak for everyone, it for me I knew simply because I wanted to kiss girls and guys, and then when I discovered there was more genders I realized I don’t care about the packaging as it were.

 

I could go onto more detail but I think I’ll refrain from oversharing ^^

 

- Loki

[_i_i_i_]

How do you guys know if you really are into only girls or guys or both just wondering is it like a feeling you get or what

 

Hmm... I don't know really... I just thought deeply onto it and realized that love isn't gendered. Love is love, no matter what. Love is in the person. 

It was just the thought and the feeling I guess...

[tryingtofindme]

I'm totally confused. I have a ddlg relationship with my wife (who is my lg) and its great. But lately, my GBF and I have gotten real close. My wife and I are both Pansexual (I'm biologically male). I professed that I want to try DDLG with him. I want to be his LG and let me act cute and girly with him. He makes me feel like a little girl. Normally I'm a very assertive guy, dominant. Is this okay? Is it okay for me to take on that roll as an LG in a same sex DDLG situation? Sorry of I'm rambling, just really confused.i just want him to hold me, let me call him daddy, and him call me his princess.is there something wrong with me? Edited June 26, 2018 by tryingtofindme

[tryingtofindme]

THIS IS AMAZING!

That's such a great coming out story!

 

I have two moms and so sexuality has never been something I was scared of. I remember when I was about seven (fuck why the hell did I have a sexuality crisis at seven? Now that I think about it, that's kind of weird) and for a brief moment worried I might be a lesbian but than I talked with my mum and just in general look and my parents relationship and realized that I didn't need to fear anything. Than when I was in middle school I was really interested in this one girl and than, when I was looking at her one day I was hit with the fact with, 'oh, hey i'm not completely straight 'cause I want that girl to be my wife". That was it, I just talked so much about that girl. When I got my next crush it was also a girl and it was like, twice as bad. I wouldn't stop talking about her until one day my brother was like "Do you like her" my moms where in the room and I was just like "yeah" later on I got my first girlfriend, broke up with her, got a boyfriend, broke up with him and now I seem to be forever single.

 

My advice to those questioning their sexuality or gender or anything is to NOT over think it. Just be true to you and do whatever feels right in the moment. Want to kiss a girl? A boy? Someone in between or nothing at all? That's great, you do it and don't care about whatever anyone else thinks. Are you a girl, boy, in between, or nothing at all? It doesn't matter, you are a beautiful you and fuck gender anyway. It's a man made concept 99% of the time. Over thinking things just makes things ten times more scary and ten times more confusing. Just love yourself, all you differences, and all your "flaws". You are perfect.

Edited June 26, 2018 by tryingtofindme

[Guest QueenJellybean]

How do you guys know if you really are into only girls or guys or both just wondering is it like a feeling you get or what

 

for me, i had always had the "same feelings" for girls & boys. 

growing up, i wanted to marry or play house with my female friends being the wife & myself being the husband just as frequently as i played it with my male friends. 

 

it actually wasn't until i had reached middle school that i realized this was a "bad" thing. 

i attended a catholic school until 8th grade & i learned pretty quickly that i shouldn't be sharing my feelings with others. 

i felt a lot of guilt & shame growing up. 

lots of stuffing my desires & emotions. 

 

but i think that a really good indicator moment for me was when i started getting into the online communities in high school.

i used to strike up conversations with people in chatrooms -- yeah, i had that phase -- & for a while, i wouldn't know what gender they were. 

i realized that it didn't matter & i'd love them regardless. 

that was my definitive moment, i think. 

[_i_i_i_]

I'm totally confused. I have a ddlg relationship with my wife (who is my lg) and its great. But lately, my GBF and I have gotten real close. My wife and I are both Pansexual (I'm biologically male). I professed that I want to try DDLG with him. I want to be his LG and let me act cute and girly with him. He makes me feel like a little girl. Normally I'm a very assertive guy, dominant. Is this okay? Is it okay for me to take on that roll as an LG in a same sex DDLG situation? Sorry of I'm rambling, just really confused.i just want him to hold me, let me call him daddy, and him call me his princess.is there something wrong with me?

 

It is okay for you take that role! Just because you are a guy and normally dominant doesn't mean you can't act as a "submissive". 

There is nothing wrong with you at all ^^. You can feel however you want to feel and you can act however you want to, no one is supposed to judge.

Remember, it is only norms that the guy is dominant. Be yourself instead!

 

But the question is, are you poly? Because you have a wife and want to start something else with another person? It is just a question!

[Misswolf]

I don't know why but this topic really got me thinking this days

[Obsessive_Compulsive]

I'm totally confused. I have a ddlg relationship with my wife (who is my lg) and its great. But lately, my GBF and I have gotten real close. My wife and I are both Pansexual (I'm biologically male). I professed that I want to try DDLG with him. I want to be his LG and let me act cute and girly with him. He makes me feel like a little girl. Normally I'm a very assertive guy, dominant. Is this okay? Is it okay for me to take on that roll as an LG in a same sex DDLG situation? Sorry of I'm rambling, just really confused.i just want him to hold me, let me call him daddy, and him call me his princess.is there something wrong with me?

First of all, thank's for the compliment for my story! If You are willing to here my advice on your problem then Here is what I have to say. 

 

I think a person can have multiple aspects of their personality and that there is no shame in expressing every and all sides of yourself. As I've said before don't over think it and as long as your wife is comfortable with you pursuing this relationship then I say go for it. I wish you the best of luck my friend. 

[XmochiX]

I knew that I was interested in more than one gender when I was 12. I was really freaked out by it, though, because my family was religious and told me I'd go to Hell for loving girls. It actually made me suicidal, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to ignore it. The older I got, though, the harder it became to ignore. So I started fully exploring my sexuality and acknowledging my feelings towards multiple genders in high school. After I heard the term bisexual for the first time, I just knew that it fit who I was.

 

I told my family I was bisexual when I was 16. My mom started crying and my brother tried to stab me. My brother has accepted it since then, but I don't bring up LGBT stuff with my mom as she is still very homophobic.

[_i_i_i_]

I knew that I was interested in more than one gender when I was 12. I was really freaked out by it, though, because my family was religious and told me I'd go to Hell for loving girls. It actually made me suicidal, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to ignore it. The older I got, though, the harder it became to ignore. So I started fully exploring my sexuality and acknowledging my feelings towards multiple genders in high school. After I heard the term bisexual for the first time, I just knew that it fit who I was.

 

I told my family I was bisexual when I was 16. My mom started crying and my brother tried to stab me. My brother has accepted it since then, but I don't bring up LGBT stuff with my mom as she is still very homophobic.

 

It must've been really hard for you...

[XmochiX]

It must've been really hard for you...

It has not been easy. I was even homeless at one point because of it. Things are pretty okay now, though. I do still struggle with internalized homophobia, though.

[tryingtofindme]

So update. After Much internal debate, ive come to the conclusion that I'm Trans. Ive come out in the last 12 hours. My wife/lg is totally on board, but ive never been so scared in my life. Ive Been denying it my whole life. But now I've opened Pandora's box and I don't know how to feel about everything. Im going through what feels like the 7 stages of grief. I totally get why Trans people have such a high rate of suicide. Im having those thoughts, but ive been seeking help and talking. I hope it gets better. I hope I am strong enough to do this.

[Heaven's Lost Property]

I have come out to almost all of my family, my aunt and uncle don't know because they live in a different state.

 

So when I came out to my dad we were actually talking about a girl who had big boobs and we were joking about I'd date her and I said yeah I would go 100% for her...he just said cool and we talked about more girls and flirted with some

 

I came out to my mom in a weird and accidental way, so on my high school id I got bored one day in class and I colored the pansexual flag on it and whitd out my face and wrote "my sexuality. I'm pansexual." She laughed and said okay...i expected more but hey, she didn't explode

 

I told my uncle on our way home from church because that night in youth we had be discussing people and their sexualities and I was just chatting with him, his reaction was my favorite, he said okay now I can make fun of you and ask which girl or guy are you dating, then he tried to tickle me

 

Finally my sister has always known. She knew without me saying a thing