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so i had a mommy, she was sweet and caring. but suddenly i found out that she doesnt like kids or infants and at the same time, i found out my little age (5-7). i was so anxious that she couldnt take my littlespace seriously. so i was kidding that i want to end our relationship bc im afraid she will hate me for my littlespace. and... she agreed:" i begged her not to leave, i told her im sorry, i told her that i was just kidding and i was so mean for doing it. and now, i regretted it all, i was so stupid for leaving her out.. i dont know how to deal with my littlespace now.. only her who knows that im a little and only her that can deal with it.. help me..
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Guest QueenJellybean

i'm.. not sure how any of us can help you out here, OP. 


you ended the relationship, whether it was a joke or not, but that isn't the issue here.

clearly, by her rising to your bait so to speak, she wasn't happy or comfortable in the relationship anymore.


as much as it sucks, this just boils down to being incompatible. 

i hope you find someone who fits better for you, & i hope you learn not to break up with someone as a joke/kidding in the future, even if you are just trying to voice your insecurities. 

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What worries me most about this, is that you are relating her dislike of actual infants to yourself. You are (hopefully) an adult. Everything else aside (the fact that you acted that way, and she reacted in the opposite way that you wanted her to), that one fact is something i am not sure how to respond positively to.
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There's a very clear and obvious difference between a literal infant and an adult with a little space. Relationships need CLEAR AND HONEST COMMUNICATION. If you're feeling unsure you ask someone what they think. You don't say you want to break up in the hopes that they'll beg and plead you to stay because they love you or whatever you were trying for. If you cannot communicate like an adult you are not ready for an adult relationship.


I'd never stay with someone who said they wanted to break up even if they were just kidding. Break ups are serious and hurtful and should never be used like that. I'd feel like my trust was broken and the other person willingly and knowingly hurt me and that's never okay.


Maybe take some time out from relationships because if you're using threatening a break up as a way to communicate you probably aren't ready for one.

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I'm sorry this happened to you but you should never try to manipulate someone. You pushed and now you don't want to live with the consequences of that push. She has every right to respond as she feels just as you chose to push as you felt.


Take time, heal, make little friends, take care of yourself, look at this as an opportunity to learn and grow and move forward towards a more positive, healthy you and more positive healthy relationships. But never use or threaten to leave someone because of what you assume.


Learn to meta talk with the person you're with, use open honest communication and respect the other person has feelings too. Even caregivers, or most especially caregivers feel and care deeply for their little and those feelings should never be played with.

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I am going to be the bad guy, and I am sorry. I say everything below out of the sincere want to help you, OP. Nothing more. But. Maybe you are not ready for this kind of relationship. Let me break this down a bit:



so i had a mommy


Because of everything said directly below - did she know you thought of her as a Mommy? Did you two actually partake in the dynamic, or did you just, in your mind, make her Mommy? Because if she is a Mommy, she is prepared for the littlespace and you may have just shot yourself in the foot.


If she was a Mommy, then theoretically she should at least understand some characteristics. But, in your frantic writing I get this vibe that she wasn't discussed as being fully a Mommy to you, but maybe a partner. Or even just kink partners. I sincerely hope I am wrong and you two discussed what you want and she identifies as a Mommy vs the alternative.


https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31962-projecting/ (SFW) - Please read this. Because it seems like your concerns were never voiced and as such you two broke up due to this. You very well may have passed on your insecurities and fears to her and she was spooked away. It is very common.


but suddenly i found out that she doesnt like kids or infants and at the same time, i found out my little age (5-7). i was so anxious that she couldnt take my littlespace seriously. 


This dynamic has NOTHING TO DO WITH CHILDREN. It is terrifying that those two are linked in your mind. My Daddy NEVER wants babies, but I am his Little Girl. Why? Because I am an ADULT and I retain my ADULT identity and we are partners, not parent and child. I get littles like childish and babyish things, but there is a VERY clear and distinct divide.


I understand that you may be worried she doesn't want to partake in your little side because she may not like pacis, stuffies, etc. But at the same time, You. Are. Not. A. Child. Please, divide the two associations. 


so i was kidding that i want to end our relationship bc im afraid she will hate me for my littlespace. and... she agreed 


This was a immature move and it warranted in serious consequences. If you cannot clearly communicate, stay out of relationships. Things like breaking up are not things to joke about. Look how badly it hurt you. You need to act your adult age and communicate that you are worried about your identity and her expectations. COMMUNICATE or prepared for failed relationships. Not just you, but everyone.


https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/28037-communication-is-vital/ (SFW) - Please read this before entering another relationship. For your own sake.


i dont know how to deal with my littlespace now


I think it is time for you to be single for awhile. You don't identify as a little, you identify as HER little - which is dangerous. You need to take a break from partnership and develop a better understanding of who you are as a person. Otherwise, the next person you are with, you will transition and basically never deal with this REAL issues. 


You are essentially saying you are dependent on another person to show your identity. You need to learn the only person to be dependent on is yourself when it comes to being You. You are 18, according to your profile, and right now, stop depending on people to determine your identity. You obviously are a little, great! Start developing that side of you!


Do you think every gay man just waltzed around being flamboyant and not giving a damn what people thought but instead is just happy? No, they went through a discovery phase and a phase of understanding who they really are when everyone else is different. You need to do the same.


[Also, yes I realize that example is dramatized, I did it for a reason - not every gay man is like that, I was making a clear point with a well-known stereotype]


https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/12930-why-we-need-to-be-single/ (SFW) - Please read this so you understand, being single isn't the bad thing everyone says it is. It is a time of personal understanding and self-help and growth.


only her who knows that im a little and only her that can deal with it.. help me..


Again, as I just said, separate yourself from others when determining your little. Learn to DEAL with your little on your own. It simply is in no way fair of anyone to be expected to take sole responsibility of another person. And depending your identity on someone else is exactly that. Of course your partners are there to help figure out who you are, but they are not there to help you ignore massively important developmental skills in the adult world. 


https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/31782-little-responsibility/ (SFW) - Please read this to understand, being a little doesn't mean you shouldn't stand on your own as an adult.


At the end of the day: No one here can really help you. It sounds like you need to do some significant research before another relationship (in my opinion), simply so YOU don't get hurt again. Try forming a connection with yourself so that way you can clearly express your needs and accept the needs of potential future partners. 


I wish you the best of luck.

Edited by Little Illy
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