18 replies to this topic

[Aetherr]

i get jealous all the time when my little chooses to be with her friends over me, and while you cant help how you feel you need to understand he is away at a wedding an extremely social event he will no doubt be spending time exploring and doing things, you dont travel just to stare at your phone all day... as i said i understand and often feel the same way you do but that does not mean it is right or healthy.

Edited by Aetherr, 09 October 2018 - 03:22 PM.

[Arc]

People have their own lives and their own friends and you need to understand and respect that. It can't be 100% about you no matter how nice that would be. 

 

I wouldn't call someone's wedding stupid. It's obviously important to them, and important for your daddy if he's spending a week there. I think it's reasonable to take a week out with friends. How often do you get to do that? Not often. And if they're people he hasn't seen in a while or doesn't see often then it's understandable. It may suck but he's with them in person so of course they're going to get more attention. It would be so rude if he sat there on his phone during the whole week imo. Weddings are celebrations and are social. Of course he's going to join in or he wouldn't have gone. 

 

I’m his little so I should be getting the attention and not them!

 

Now sorry.... but that is just selfish and completely unreasonable. You may be his little but the world does not revolve around you. He is allowed a life and friends too. It's not all about you. 

 

You need to learn to be your own person. Your dependancy on him comes across as unhealthy. Find activities to do or friends to hang out with or... just anything to occupy your time. A week isn't all that long. 

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

People need to be allowed their own friends and interests outside of their significant other.

 

Respectfully, it is unreasonable to expect someones undivided attention all the time. To expect someone not to devote a large proportion of their time to their friend group (one of whom is about to get married) is also unreasonable. 

 

My advice to you is to consider your daddys activities, friends and interests valid as well as important. That is part of being a good significant other. It is your responsibility certainly in my view. 

 

I have little more to add that Arc has not already said. 

[The Alpha Ace]

Shes not asking for 100% also She is stating an OVERALL lack of attention over weeks, surely we can't judge someone or point them out as being selfish when clearly their are several factors that have caused this, I believe that although he is with his friends he should make time at least once a day to touch base maybe even skype her and make sure she is okay, Communication IS EVERYTHING

 

SA Dd/Lg relationship require attention/communication/reassurance from the CG as thats the whole ethos of the type of relationship, saying somone is selfish and a week isnt long, Do you realise how LONG a week is especially if you Daddy/SO isn't talking???

 

Could you go a week without any attention/communication..

I sure couldn't as a Daddy, I need to talk with my SO/little on a daily basis to check thier okay if their are any worries ect

Edited by The Alpha Ace, 09 October 2018 - 04:56 PM.

[Carmine]

Has anybody else’s ever been jealous of they’re caregivers friends?

my Daddy is in Vegas for an entire week for a stupid wedding, he’s only into the second day of his week there and he’s already prioraterized his friends over me

They’re getting all of his attention and it’s making me feel meh, I’ve tried writing how I feel down in a diary but it’s just not doing any good

And I feel super jealous cause I’m his little so I should be getting the attention and not them!

It’s not fair! i mean he’s barely given me any attention for past few weeks then all of a sudden tells me the day he’s flying out he’s in Vegas for an entire week, promises he’ll message me then keeps choosing his mates over me even when it’s early in the morning with him he won’t talk

and I really don’t know how to handle this feeling, it just feel unfair so I was wondering if any of you ever had to go through this?

I understand how you feel

I personally wouldn't get jealous over friends, I would get jealous over what looks like more than a friendship. 

But I also think when two people are compatible with each other, these things have a way of working themselves out. Jealousy is understandable, but I wouldn't let that get the best of you. Relax, and have faith. And if your intuition says there's something not quite right, listen to it. 

Also, I don't like it if my SO were to spend more time with his friends than me, that is, prioritize his interactions with them over one-on-one interactions with me, generally speaking. But I think that's reasonable, I am not into someone who is not that into the relationship. 

But if that is not the case here, then you are fine. Just keep things straightforward and honest. 

[Arc]

I'm well aware of how long a week is when a SO isn't talking. And in the original post there was no info about their being an overall lack of communication - this was edited to say that after my response. You can even see the edit time lol.

 

I still think the "I'm a little I should get attention not them" is a very selfish attitiude. People have lives and friends and other things outside their relationship. It's selfish to say that because you are with them other important things shouldn't get attention.

[The Alpha Ace]

I'm well aware of how long a week is when a SO isn't talking. And in the original post there was no info about their being an overall lack of communication - this was edited to say that after my response. You can even see the edit time lol.

 

I still think the "I'm a little I should get attention not them" is a very selfish attitiude. People have lives and friends and other things outside their relationship. It's selfish to say that because you are with them other important things shouldn't get attention.

 

 

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

[Arc]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take

 

I'm still a person with my own feelings and beliefs ^^ 

[budding_clover]

Dude, maybe turn down the unnecessary aggression there.  This is a public forum, not OP's personal diary.  Not everyone is going to agree with them. 

[I_AM_THE_SENATE]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

When you put your thoughts and (descriptions of) actions on the internet, you leave them open to comment. This is to my knowledge essential to the essence of a forum. 

Moreover, there is certainly an argument to be made that to stay silent about someone being selfish is worse than saying nothing because the selfish behaviour will be more likely to continue (if not recognised and dealt with) and will cause harm to more people. 

Lastly, the idea of a safe space is somewhat absurd if we are defining it as somewhere that no criticism of a persons behaviour is allowed even if it is well founded and presented reasonably. One ought to have a right to be offended and to say things that risk offending others. 

 

I do not believe that anything said here was said to attack, insult or hurt but rather to provide a different point of view and help resolve the problems being experienced through suggesting a different way of thinking.

[budding_clover]

Back on topic -

 

I have to say that I agree with Arc's - and others' - assessment here.  There is no relationship dynamic that makes it okay to isolate your partner from the other sources of social interaction in their lives.  Wanting to spend as much time with your SO is one thing, but "I’m his little so I should be getting the attention and not them!" is extremely problematic for me.  If a man were to say "I'm her husband, she should be focusing on me and not her friends" most reasonable people would say, "that's a huge red flag."

 

Jealousy isn't inherently an evil or bad thing.  But how you choose to express it can be.  Definitely communicate with your partner how the isolation and lack of communication makes you feel, that's good.  But trying to guilt someone into talking to you to the detriment of their other relationships is borderline abusive.

[throatghosts]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

Hi Alpha Ace,

I have reviewed the content you’re referring to and your point of view regarding it.

Mods and Admins for the Forum are volunteers. They are members who offer to take on additional responsibilites to keep the Forum in tact the best they can. But that said, they are also entitled to their opinion just as any other member is (in keeping with the Rules & Guidelines) able to.

Whilst they/we may express an opposing or unpopular opinion from time to time, they are still allowed within reason. Just as others are able to disagree and voice theirs. We also do not represent the entirety of the Team when we give our thoughts or opinions.

Arc was not disrespectful from what I could tell, and offence is more often than not in the eye of the beholder.

We do sacrifice a lot of our free time in our personal lives as part of our role, but none of us are of the misunderstanding that it means we can do whatever we like. Albeit we expect to be allowed to continue to use the site just as we would were we a member, minus the line of defence that members are given via reporting abuse, predatory behaviour etc. When faced with the aforementioned, we take it in stride, upsetting or not.

Thank you for your time,
Throat

[Carmine]

To the OP --

 

I honestly read your post as somewhat more playful than the way others responding on here seem to be reading it. I don't think you have said or done anything wrong, and no I don't think it's "borderline abusive." Initially I refrained from commenting, because I don't have any experience with DDlg relationships, but your "selfishness" sounds to me a natural part of you being little. I don't think you are forcing your boyfriend or anything like that, you are simply expressing how you feel. You haven't done anything wrong. This dynamic is inherently different from vanilla dynamics, as far as I can tell -- and there needs to be enough trust on both sides to navigate situations like these. You haven't forced him to do anything, and he has the right to address it and reach some sort of compromise where you are both hopefully happy. 

And I do agree that little-space is a vulnerable place to be, and when people are expressing that part of themselves on here, it should be treated with care. 

[Letsgoforanadventure]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

Wow... Such a beta stance to take on anything. Safe place? Hahaha. I'm curious, if you are supposed to be an Alpha based on your name, why such beta mentality? Attacking one of the most reasonable people on here?

Edited by Letsgoforanadventure, 09 October 2018 - 08:18 PM.

[Tinka]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

 

 

Selfish is a characteristic, not an insult. 

In the name of a ''safe space'' we will not sugar coat people.

They ask for our opinions and as long as we do not swear them we can speak our minds.

I would be more pissed if an admin was sugar coating an obvious bratty attitude of a mature person, just to pretend we are a safe kindergarten here.

Not much of an Alpha, when you give in to bratty attitudes, mister. 

Edited by Tinka, 10 October 2018 - 03:31 AM.

[Revurex]

This is a terrible attitude for a Mod to take, this is supposed to be a safe space where we don't judge people, so to actively insult them and call their attitude sefish, again when their is plenty to suggest otherwise, I am begining to think this forum is taking a turn for the worst

This view is very immature. Should we ignore reality and pat everyone on the back at all times? Should we never offer constructive criticism so one can adjust bad behavior? Should we not correct objectively false information? That type of "safe space" would be far more damaging than not. 

Edited by Revurex, 10 October 2018 - 08:08 AM.

[infinitecases]

Getting jealous is very understandable, however he needs to have time for his friends too as well for you so whilst you may feel the jealousy, you need to take a step back a little and give him the space he needs whilst he is out there with friends. 

 

That is one issue, however the other is that you're saying he's barely spoken to you for weeks and he 'suddenly' tells you he's leaving for Vegas? To be honest, whilst I do believe that jealousy can happen and should be reined back in a little if it's not appropriate, are you sure he's giving you enough of his time? All relationships require effort and if you don't feel that he's putting enough of it in for you, you need to have a little talk with him and perhaps you two can both work out your problems. It seems like this wedding was maybe the last straw for you before you got a bit mad after what seems like a few stressful weeks. Let him have his time with his friends as this is an important occasion, but when he comes back, have that conversation about what you need from him and perhaps address your jealousy issues. 

 

I know, at times, it's difficult, but everyone gets busy. And whilst you're his little and do require attention, his friends need his attention too -  that's what forms a healthy relationship, please don't think that he should be with you instead of them (unless it really is a terrible situation and he's been just awful). Every situation is different but if there is nothing else wrong here, he should be able to spend some time with his friends without feeling bad. Of course you will miss him terribly, but that's all a part of how it is.

[Pai]

I am very jealous person in general. That's not always a bad feeling, sometimes it's more admiring/motivational type of jealousy but it's still a feeling that tends to cause a lot of trouble, especially in a relationship. 

 

I understand very well how bad and unfair it can feel, even if there actually was no reason to feel that way. I've been in similar situations and had similar feelings and it has been really hurtful so I tried to just ignore/push aside my feelings but that wasn't that successful and ended up feeling even worse in a long run. Lately, I've learned that it's ok to feel bad emotions and it's ok to think badly of someone else sometimes, negative feelings are also normal. Accepting them has helped me to actually process them and think through what may be causing them. 

 

I don't deny, it is selfish to act and demand things solely because of those feelings but at least for me it has made it worse when I've gotten zero understanding to what I feel and why. Understanding and not pushing me harder down because of my "wrong feelings" would helped a lot in many situations, even tho it's not anyone else's than my job to process my emotions, traumas and problems etc. 

 

I've been feeling very sad many times, because I've had a feeling that I'm not as important to my SO than his friends and I ended up feeling annoyed every time he mentioned doing something with them. Like I said, I'm very jealous person in general but I've never been the type of person who'd limit seeing friends or doing own stuff apart me and I never felt bad because of those things before. I have my own friends and own stuff to do also. I spent almost 24/7 of time with my ex and I never said to him that he weren't allowed to go and meet his friends alone, however his friends started to hate me because they thought that I had forbidden it. Well, in current relationship I do hardly anything together with my SO, we meet rarely even tho we don't live that far away each other. We almost never see each other's friends or family and I've been told by my SO countless times that this and that activity is just for friends or some other reasons that I find hard to understand. I can't help but feel totally left out of his life. I tried to be understanding, gave more space, pushed my feelings as far aside as I could so I wouldn't be so hurt all the time and because I didn't want to be that annoying, too clingy girlfriend who just cries and whines about her feelings because she doesn't get enough attention for her special princess needs (I'm starting to be a bit annoyed about the subject tbh, my apologies). Some time ago, I broke down pretty bad, not only because of this but this is one of the major reasons. I feel like I'm the only one who's trying to compromise (Idk if I am but I feel like it) and I've pushed my limits to a breaking point. I've realized that there might actually be 'right' to feel what I'm feeling now and it's not all for nothing and created by my over jealous mind. 

 

I don't know if the OP is still somewhere around to read this, but if is or if there is someone else in similar situation, I'd suggest trying to somehow figure out and separate what emotion has logical connection to what and why and not to be too harsh on yourself or to other person in question. Communication is also super important, maybe try to explain your feelings to the other person without blaming them too much even if it's hard. You'll make through it, somehow. 

Edited by Pai, 15 October 2018 - 04:02 PM.