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What are some waring signs of a False Dominant?


MoaMoe

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I feel many get into dynamics with toxic Dominants because they can't see the red flags from the go. People end up in emotionally abusive relationships, and mistake it as "tough love", when its nooot.

 

So many of these "Red Flags" prey on those who seem vulnerable, and overly eager to find someone.

 

I'm not sure if there has already been a post like this before, but it doesn't hurt to bring it back to light?

 

So, what are some signs?

Stories?

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Guest Aetherr

the general thing i hear about is doms who push the dynamic on a little before they are ready and who expect things such as nudes and generally dont offer much in the way of consideration and aftercare

there also seems to be a fair amount of gaslighting going on

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I used to date much older men, not long ago, I won't try to convince anyone not to date older men, but I know looking back it was wrong because the men were embarrassed. They would suggest I lie, or lie to friends when they talked about me, or pick me up for dates several houses down because they knew they had no business at an 18 year old's house. Lying altogether is a bad sign.

 

In general I've learned to keep my cards close to my chest when it comes to what I'm looking for: if certain men figure it out right up front (like, say, on a dating profile) they'll play the part while they can and then eventually the charade will fall apart. If I just generally show interest in them and what they have to say the real stuff tumbles out soon enough.

 

If they have a "most people are stupid" worldview, that's probably a pretty good indicator of critical disposition. I even look out for the more subtle things like referring to most people as "ignorant" or "uneducated" or "misinformed." It usually winds back to them thinking they are of the special, elite few. And that usually winds back to insecurity. Criticism gets really ugly in relationships, especially down the line, even if it's never intended to hurt the other person. 

Edited by BarbieDoll
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false dom is when a beta man (or even omega) tries to pretend he is Alpha.

 

If the things he does are not natural for him but he has to shout, use fear, use violence, emotional / physical abuse to cause some type of respect to you.

If he uses you only for sex, and then forgets about your existence (unless you like it). 

If he doesn`t consider the fact that you might have boundaries, during sex, and safe words mean nothing to him.

If he has no control over you , if he is weak, if he doesn`t know how to handle you and asks for others to help him. 

if he cries and chases you and say ''please come back'' if any sign of a weakling beta man escapes, then he is not a dom. 

He cant be angry, he cant have a bad temper, or no control over himself (first) so he can control someone else.

He cant be psycho, he must take into consideration that this is a ritual for both.

 

Anyway thats my opinion.  

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These are just red flags, not meant for doms alone because littles play these cards as well.

 

I would say automatic shifts. This is where a person during conversation will always, or mostly always get your opinion on a matter first during questions. It is meant to gauge you so they can follow along. Once they get it they begin adopting that which seems the most precious to you. Or they are in the habit of servere back tracking when they answer 'incorrectly' and then try rephrasing their answer to better fit yours. It can be really subtle or glaringly obvious.

 

A red flag is 'victims' with rage issues. This is an abusive person gets themselves into relationships by playing the victim card but a careful listen to their words and watching their behavior you might be able to catch them. This person usually is only caught because they show their abusive side too early believing they have you hooked emotionally, physical, etc or you catch them while they are talking about a pass or current event. Oh or the victim treats people as in belittling manners that were mentioned above.

Edited by Baby_squee
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men who confuse dominance with being abusive.

men who expect and want a lot from you but don't have much to give and cover that up with some cheap excuse like that you have to do everything daddy tells you to. 

men who don't put much effort in getting to know you and don't take you serious, acts right away like he is your daddy without your consent. 

anyways men who hate women and cover that up with being a dom are always fake and very dangerous, usually you can tell by his weak personality right away. but I feel like this kind of men are rarely around ddlg.

 

there's lots more but thats what came to my mind right now

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Guest CalmingEffect67

I'm not a dominant however I'm currently helping a 48 year old Little over two bad relationships wtth supposed, caring Doms that enticed her into a relationship and then dumped her without warning when she ultimately refused to give into any more of their sexual demands.  (she's new to the lifestyle and initially thought that must be how how a ddlg relationship is supposed to be like).

Edited by CalmingEffect67
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If they have a "most people are stupid" worldview, that's probably a pretty good indicator of critical disposition. I even look out for the more subtle things like referring to most people as "ignorant" or "uneducated" or "misinformed." It usually winds back to them thinking they are of the special, elite few. And that usually winds back to insecurity. Criticism gets really ugly in relationships, especially down the line, even if it's never intended to hurt the other person. 

 

This!!! Watching how someone treats/talks about other people is a pretty good indicator of how they might act once the courtship phase is over. This is why I think that references are a great community practice. People should take every opportunity to hear a different point of view on potential partners, because they will never be the exception to an abuser's behavior. 

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Guest Aetherr

I find a red flag is when they want pictures or even “special” pictures before you even are ready to do so.

 

i hope you mean they pressure or ask after being told its not the time, because i wouldnt like to think its a bad thing to ask otherwise how would you get anything without asking?

am i misunderstanding you?

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i hope you mean they pressure or ask after being told its not the time, because i wouldnt like to think its a bad thing to ask otherwise how would you get anything without asking?

am i misunderstanding you?

Yes, they try to pressure you into thinking that you should take special pictures just for them.

Then they keep asking afterwards thinking the answer will change.

I should’ve elaborated further

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Guest Aetherr

Yes, they try to pressure you into thinking that you should take special pictures just for them.

Then they keep asking afterwards thinking the answer will change.

I should’ve elaborated further

 

 

ah thank you for explaining for my benefit i am a bit slow, yes i totally agree, if you only want nudes that is what porn is for

Edited by Aetherr
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Just realized my typo

Warning*

 

But I had no idea people responded, and I'm glad to see many know.

 

This was mainly a post to show(fake Dom's), littles/etc are not dumb and most know the signs/to help those who do not know signs. I've come across a few red flags on here.

Image of gratitude

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