Finding a new Daddy. HELP

[Lyla Kotamora]

Okay so, to start off thank you everyone who's commented on my previous posts, distilling new hope into me about my little space and experience with DDLG relations. I was about to pack away my stuffies.

 

But anyways... I've had a few daddies message me and of course the major portion of meeting a new Daddy is finding if it's a right match. As everyone is different and have their own ways. I respect that. I need to learn to not waver on what I like and need just to fit into a role they want. It's just as important to find my perfect daddy as it's important for me to be their perfect little.

 

My question is, should a little have a list of rules?

I'm asking because I came to realize there are things I'm not comfortable with. There's guidelines and things I expect/need out of a DD. And "suitor daddies" always have a list of rules and guidelines for a little to understand. So she knows what will be expected out of her. I want to have something on hand to give to a 'SD'.

But is that okay? I have been taking a close look into who I am as a little. I come to realize I'm not the typical little. I set myself Abit older and mature then most. I have particular needs from my past history with dds. Ive been hurt severely by multiple Dom's and I am taking the stance as a warrior princess to protect myself and be stern with what I need, and I am wanting to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Is this wrong, will my agressivs stance scare away potential daddies? I am respectful and sweet non the less. Don't take it as I'm having a attitude *.* I am a submissive true and true. I see myself as a wounded animal. I may act big and tough but it's to make sure I don't get hurt again. I know I'm a little. But I haven't felt right in little space since I was hurt.

Again is me having a list of what I want, expect, need and rules wrong for a little to have?

[Guest QueenJellybean]

it is absolutely okay to have preferences, wants + needs in a partner. 

if that is deemed as aggressive, or scares away potential partners, then they weren't worth your time.

think of it like writing a personal ad. 

write out what you're looking for + be upfront about that being what you want in a partner when you start chatting up someone. 

i'm not sure they should be seen as rules, since you are just meeting a person -- just like it would be crass + frowned upon if a daddy came up to you with a pre-created set of rules.

but having preferences + desires in a relationship aren't unnecessary to ask for.

 

you need to protect yourself. + it's absolutely okay to do that in the form of a list. 

just be upfront about all of that when you start talking to someone. 

for me, i'm a polya person so if someone doesn't know that (i can't imagine why they wouldn't), i like to make sure i state that upfront. 

it's just like that. 

 

[BigDaddy72]

I have encountered this in the past (from other littles who expect a published set of rules) and I think it’s a load of poo. Yes littles should have rules...but rules thought of for you...it should evolve as the relationship does...which takes time and thought...just my opinion... Edited March 14, 2019 by BigDaddy72

[xBabydollx]

There is a popular trend of Daddies having rules that they just copy and past and use with every little. Which is fine, but clearly not everyone's cup of tea. Some ppl will work TOGETHER with their little over time and make rules specifically tailored to her and her needs (the Daddy may throw in some quirky rules he simply desires too that the little will negotiate on and agree with if they want them as well). The other method, is that some littles make their own rule list completely on their own and their Daddy only makes sure they follow it. Whichever method u feel is appealing, will always be the 'right' choice for u. So in short, yes, u can come up with ur own rules, but ofc there will be Daddies who will like this, and others who will not. I don't think it is aggressive to make sure u are happy in a relationship/getting what u need....otherwise why be in one? To be sad and unfulfilled? That doesn't sound too good to me lol.

 

On a side note, it is awesome that u have learned that it is ok to not be everyone's dream little. It's simply impossible to be perfect for everyone.

[SamL]

Great idea.  Here's another one: tap the brakes.  

[junebug0325]

I don't think wanting to have a list of rules is wrong. I knew from the start of the relationship with my Daddy that I needed rules incorporated into my routine because rules hold me accountable of important things like taking medicine or getting a good night's sleep. Without rules, I wouldn't remember or just simply ignore the fact that I have to take my medicine, or I would stay up as late as I wanted. 

 

I will caution you though, to not have unnecessary rules. In my opinion, they just clutter up your list and makes it hard to remember the important ones. (For me, it's taking my medicine). 

 

Also, make sure that you and your Dom(me) communicate your wants and needs before making the rules. The rules should be things that are going to be easy to follow and make you want to follow them (so you can be rewarded). You might also want to discuss acceptable punishments if you break these rules so there is no miscommunication if it comes to that.

 

Hope this helps!

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[Alaskan Daddy]

There is nothing wrong with you having needs and desires you want from a daddy. Remember your feelings matter also. I feel it is good for you to protect your heart. What ever you give to a potential daddy, needs to be earned.

Don't worry about scaring any one away from you. Be your self and stay strong with your desires and needs and you will find the right daddy that will love and nurture you in the way you need and want.

Even though you are a little doesn't make you less of knowing what you want and need. The right daddy will give you the care and love you want and desire.

[baby_k]

What I would like to add to what others have already covered:

 

there is difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. ( I'll explain this random comment bit later )

 

I'm asking because I came to realize there are things I'm not comfortable with.

 

This should tell you enough. It doesn't matter what anyone else says, what their opinion is, what "most" people do. It is enough that this is what you think and feel.

 

Don't fullfill some random role others want you to fill, you should be the star of your own shown. Therefore you matter and your ideas, opinions and feelings matter. And those things should be important to YOU.

 

 

I am taking the stance as a warrior princess to protect myself and be stern with what I need, and I am wanting to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Is this wrong, will my agressivs stance scare away potential daddies?

 

I would say you should take a break from dating. You probably are not yet healed from your previous relationships and there has been made little ( more than a ) fender bender to your self-esteem. You don't need to be perfect to get into new relationship but when you have to doubt if you are doing the right thing when you take your stand for you....well, it can mean that you are in high risk to be on the road to tears and even worse selfesteem. This maybe harsh opinion but wounded person is so easy target for other people's insecurities. Specially in dom/sub rels it is important that you can take your stand without selfdoubt, you need to be there for you and know your limits.

 

So, I would say it is time for you to love you.

 

Making assumptions here but I would say you probably are quite fine with self-confidence area. Self-confidence according to Wikipedia: "It is a positive belief that in the future one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do". Based on you being warrior princess that tries to look after herself, you taking action, asking things as when you are uncertain and trying your best to move on. It shows courage and strenght.

 

But what seems obvious is that your selfesteem could use some work. Again quoting Wikipedia: "Selfesteem reflects an individual's overall subjective emotional evaluation of their own worth".

 

Selfdoubt often is seem as something that has lot to do with selfconfidence but actually often imo it is more about person feeling worthy or validating themselves via other people. Which then again is selfesteem issue.

 

 

( okay, will stop this monologue here as topic of selfesteem is HUGE but I hope this maybe got you or someone else thinking <3 )

 

I am respectful and sweet non the less. Don't take it as I'm having a attitude *.* I am a submissive true and true.

 

Honestly, you don't have to be sweet and so on. If you are not or don't feel like it, don't be. You don't have to be something to be worth while, you can't "buy" love or caring by acting "correctly".

 

Some day someone will love you just the way you are, and that is worth lot more than "love" where you try to be something you are not.

 

( Not saying you are not sweet, I'm sure you are and can be. )

[Guest crazycatdaddy]

If you have an idea of the kind of person you want to be with, and the attributes of a relationship that you're interested in and not interested in, I'd take the time to write those down either on your profile or in the form of a personal ad - when you're ready to look for someone. If now isn't the right time to start looking, then don't feel like there's any rush. The CG/L community isn't going away, and there will still be plenty of daddies here in a few months' time.

 

But if you are determined to look for a partner, I'd really suggest laying out the basics of what you're looking for from your relationship. That will narrow down the list of people who will get in touch, because some people are going to read it and decide that what they want is too different from what you want - and that's okay! That's actually what we want to happen, it avoids time wasting and gets rid of any possibility of getting sucked into the wrong kind of relationship. Online dating works best when there's something for a potential partner to read before they contact you. That doesn't mean go overboard and have a list of 496 very specific things that you're demanding, but a well-written personal ad, or a list on your profile of some of the most fundamental things you're looking for in a relationship, as well as hard limits, would be a great idea and I don't think it's going to put off anyone who'd be compatible with you.

[AWarmSafeSpace]

I'd say yes and no...
For me, I'd like to hear the list you have.
Then we can go over them and the "why" you have the rule <<<this is what I want to know. 
Once I know the why, then we can create a rule that best suits the desired outcome.
So i'd think it's a good starting point in that regard.

It's also a way you can filter out potentials or they can see you aren't the right fit for them.

And last, I say No, because some people want to create the rules. (not a fan of this reason)

Or... they want to build the relationship and learn about each other. (this I am a fan of)

It's nice to start out with some basics and build on them. it's a beautiful journey after all.