Daddy stopped being daddy :(

[Guest Little_lexiii]

In the beginning of our relationship, my daddy was the best! Always made me follow the rules, gave me guidance, and did all the things I ever wanted in a daddy. Around 4 months in, he stopped doing everything he used to. He sometimes does small stuff, like calling me babygirl or something small, but he just isn't giving me what my little side needs. We've now been dating a year and 6 months. I've brought it up to him occasionally, but he always says he lost his confidence and just needs some time to work himself out. I love him more than life itself, but being little helps my anxiety and depression so much, I need ddlg in my life. He always feels bad for not doing it like he used to, and he has expressed that to me everytime I bring it up. My question is; what can I do to help him? I'm at a complete loss. I've even had thoughts of just leaving the community, and I'm having problems being little on my own. 

[alittlehoneyb]

Hi there I think what you may need is a real adult conversation with your daddy, out of littlespace. You said you've mentioned things here and there, but you really should sit down and talk with him about this. It's really strange he would just stop all of a sudden without saying anything... I think that's kind of messed up and you deserve an explanation. It seems like, at least from what you said here, that his lost confidence could be the result of something that happened specifically? I would ask about that. If so, that could clear up some confusion on your part.

 

In general, it also helps to say how you feel about his actions, or lack thereof. Expressing how you feel toward a situation is usually better than blaming the other person entirely. If he loves you he should feel upset that he disappointed you like that, and he should do his best to help you sort through these feelings. And maybe he doesn't even know what you feel about it, since you haven't brought it up officially. 

 

I really hope everything works out! x

[mallowbite]

Hi Lexi,

 

I think what makes a cg/l relationship work best is when being a caregiver helps the caregiver as well as the little. It sounds to me like your Daddy maybe needs to find what made him want to be a caregiver again, because even though he wants to keep doing things within that role to help you with your anxiety and depression it's probably hard without also having an internal motivator as well. 

 

For example, my Daddy likes doing things to make me feel little for various reasons. He likes reading books to me because it's a special bonding moment for us that makes him feel close to me. Being my caregiver helps give him confidence because he likes the feeling of protecting me and providing for me. 

 

So I would say try and have a conversation about that with your Daddy. Ask him what he liked about giving you guidance in the beginning, explain why being little with him is an important part of the relationship to you, and try to find ways to integrate it back into your routine with him. 

[DaddyDom3238]

Hi,

First and foremost I am sorry that you are having a hard time in relation to the dynamic in your relationship with your Daddy. I have been a DD for over ten years and I have had instances with my previous littles where I did have to take a step back and take some time to find myself a bit (I hope that does not sound cheesy . Being a Daddy is an extremely fulfilling existence as there is nothing better then guiding, nurturing, and loving your little that has completely entrusted themselves to you. That being said, at times depending on the Daddy it can be extremely emotionally and in turn physically taxing as you in turn are giving all of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically to someone else which can at times cause you to lose yourself a bit. I am not saying it is a bad thing at all, but Daddy's need some care from their littles as well at times and maybe that is where your Daddy is at right now. It is not an easy thing for a Daddy to admit especially younger or new Daddy's who have and image of what they think they need to do for their little at their own expense. 

Some of the most intense, beautiful and fulfilling moments in my DDLG/BDSM relationships have been when I have allowed myself to admit that I needed to allow my little to take care of me because she recognized I needed that at care whether it was because of work stress or because I had just recently helped her through a bout of depression, anxiety, or PTSD. 

I wish you the best of luck and always remember first and foremost this a relationship first that just happens to be in the DDLG/BDSM dynamic and communication and trust will lead to intimacy. 

[Guest DollyGirly]

My prior Daddy had to completely stop being my Daddy because he had depression. Being a Daddy is rewarding, but it is also hard. There could be times when it's just too hard on him. Most Daddies are on 24/7. He seems to be doing the best Daddy stuff that he can at the moment. Also, you don't need a Daddy to be a little. You can still be little around him without any Daddy pressure. I see no reason why that can't happen. You are still little even if he can't Daddy 24/7. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship (which is rare these days) so I hope that you two can come to a compromise on something that works for both of you.

[Alaskan Daddy]

As a daddy I can understand what your daddy is going through. I also understand your needs and desires. My advice to you is try and talk to your daddy and set up weekly 'little dates'. Try to encourage him by telling and showing him exactly what you want him to do. You may have to teach him step by step. As in every relationship there has to be compromise and balance. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but there have been times when being a daddy was exhausting because I was not getting my engines recharged by my little. What makes a DDLG relationship work is the give and take of love between a daddy and his little. My point is to try and talk to your daddy and get him to open up about what might be missing for him in the relationship. Also tell him your feelings, just try to remember that both of your feelings are important and both of you need to accept each others feelings with out judging. If both of you can truly understand each others struggles things will improve because of the love you share.

I hope this helps and good luck.

[Guest Lonelylittleblueeyes]

I've been going through the same experience with " my Daddy" It's seems he just lost interest one day. He had every excuse on why, without acknowledging the pain it causes me as a little and the damage to the dynamic of our relationship. I believe we all need a break from stress. I see ddlg as a lifestyle so I dont get stressed. but a Daddys job can be tiring especially if your bratty.. ( which i am) Just like we have our little space Daddys need Daddy space. However in my case he never bounced back and through alot of communication which is #1 in my book. He simple is lazy. He wants me to be a little and follow rules so I wont leave. Playing the part and not living it is not good for the mind or soul. Talk to your Daddy. I know the pain of watching everything fall apart and you still remain by their side. Don't let the pain and loneliness take over. You have to do what's best and healthiest for you. I hope you and your Daddy can work it out. No one should live a sad life. Im 40. believe me when I say Be good to yourself.

[Little kaiya]

Certainly it is tough on littles when their caregiver no longer can continue being a caregiver but I honestly don't think people are really acknowledging the flip side of the coin. A lot of littles talk about how it hurts them but what about the Caregiver's, needs, wants and feelings. We are ADULT littles folks, we need to be able to care for and be happy ourselves with or without a caregiver. I'm not saying it's easy or even desirable but it is reality, is it not?

 

Asking an adult to continue being a caregiver when they need a break or lose interest or are burned out is harmful to the caregiver and that's not fair to them either.

 

I honestly don't think caregivers in DDlg relationships are doing a job. They arent getting paid and they dont owe a little a debt of responsibility, just as littles don't owe their caregiver some debt and need to stay when they are unhappy.

 

A DDlg relationship is just that, a relationship between two adults who have agreed to a certain relationship dynamic. If for whatever reason that relationship dynamic stops working for that couple, triad or whatever, then nobody is obligated to stay in the relationship or continue being a caregiver or a little.

 

Try stepping back from the DDLg dynamic, reset as an adult couple, figure out what BOTH sides need and figure out if there is a joint path to get there or if not, part amicably and find someone else on the same path with the same goals. Your happiness as a person, little, caregiver, middle, other, should NEVER be based on someone else. Happiness needs to come from inside.

 

It may be cheesy but Ru Paul has it right when he says, "If you cant love yourself then how in the hell are you going to love someone else". Find your happiness in you first folks.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 8, 2019 by Little kaiya