Advice from a Daddy

[Odysseyker]

I wrote this a while ago and published it on my tumblr. Now I feel like it might be worthy to share on this forum.

 

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I have seen lots of articles and posts about “Daddies should…” and “Tips for CGs”, but there are two sides to every street. So, I thought I would share some things that may be helpful for littles, from a Daddy's point of view. (I use the moniker "CG" synonymously to cover caregivers, Mommies and Daddies)

 

These things may seem, well, like “Duh”, but they are often overlooked and disregarded. When that happens, it can make your CG feel unloved, upset and downright bad, and possibly put your relationship in jeopardy. So pull yourself out of your glitter sprinkled world of rainbows and unicorns for a minute and consider these things.

 

TRUST YOUR CG… Now I’m not talking about the trust you should build from the start as you get to know your CG. Obviously there has to be some level of trust for you to be in a relationship. But once you are confident that your CG is right for you, that they are a good person who cares about you and has no ulterior motives…TRUST THEM.

 

Trust that they only have your best interest at heart. Trust that you can tell them anything. When they ask “What’s wrong little one?”, don’t shy away or shut down. I understand that many times it is very difficult to conjure the strength to divulge certain things to anyone. And sometimes it’s just difficult to put your distress into words. So shutting down or keeping it to yourself seems like the easiest path. But in order for a CG to be ‘good’ they need as much information as possible. 

 

CGs have gut instincts, but those can prove to be wrong, which only adds to the problem and often times makes you feel worse. So the only way they can understand what’s going on in that cute little noggin of yours is if you tell them. They aren’t going to leave or be repulsed because of anything you confide in them. And if they do or are, you need a different (better) CG anyway.

 

For a CG, the feeling that you don’t or can’t trust them is maybe the worst feeling in the world.

 

BE PATIENT… I know that is a tall order for most littles, but it is something you need to do. CGs are just people, and as much as they’d like to be perfect for you, most will admit that they are far from it. We (CGs) make mistakes and have fears and problems of our own. So know that sometimes your CG won’t be on top of their game; they won’t always be that sparkling Mommy or Daddy that you want to see.

 

Also, understand that just because he or she isn’t blowing bubbles out of their butt or can’t stay up as late as you want them to, or won’t reply to your text right away, it doesn’t mean they love you any less or that they don’t want to be with you. Remember, they deal with all of their own ‘stuff’ and then volunteer to help you with yours…so be patient with them.  

 

BELIEVE THEM and IN THEM… There are few things that are more frustrating for a CG than when they compliment or try to comfort their little and the little scoffs or plays it off. I’m not speaking of when a CG says something like “You’re so pretty” and the little blushes and squeaks, “Nu uh”. That’s cute and endearing. But when it’s obvious the little is stressing over some flaw about themselves and wails “I’m gross!”, the CG will undoubtedly step in to comfort and reassure. Most likely, the CG will say something along the lines of, “You are not gross…”, accompanied by other words or actions of encouragement. Too many times those words and actions are stomped on by a little and it can break a CGs heart.

 

When a CG says things like that, believe them. You may feel like the most hideous creature on earth but in the eyes of your CG you are the most beautiful and blessed thing anywhere. To them, your flaws and imperfections are what make you…you. Your CG tells you comforting things because they believe what they are telling you, and you should too. But, if you simply can’t believe you are how they see you, at least believe that is how they see you. 

 

And with that same thought in mind, believe in your CG to always look for the best in you; no matter how you view yourself. Believe in them as an individual, unlike anyone that you have known before. They have traveled their own path and have grown into the person they are through their own struggles…quite possibly the same ones that you are wrestling with at any given time.

 

DON’T TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED… A good CG will tolerate and work through a ton of things, but again, they are just people. Never think that they can handle it all on their own. They need your love and support just as much as you need theirs. The difference is most CGs won’t show you that side of themselves. When a little is needy, they usually have no trouble expressing it, somehow, but CGs do even though they shouldn’t. I suppose it is because CGs think it will make them look weak and not in control, which is something they don’t want anyone to see, least of all their little.

 

Don’t just count on your CG to always be there or to be exactly what you need when you need it. Don’t expect them to just be great…help them be great. Get tuned in to their needs and let them know that you support them. 

 

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So there you go… These are four things that I feel like may be the most important things you, as a little, can do to make the most of your CG/l relationship. I’m sure there are others, but to me these are the top four.

 

You may be going, “Yeah yeah…What makes you think you know anything?” Well, the fact of the matter is that I could be way off base here, but my experience leads me to believe I’m not. If your relationship with your CG is based on anything more than naughty texts and sexy pics, then these things are important to your CG. They should be to you as well.

 

p.s. Yes, I realize that these are generalizations and not a bullet point list of “do’s and don'ts”. But every relationship is as different as the two people that make it up. So communicate with your CG to figure out what all these things look like in your relationship and how to follow through.

[Little kaiya]

My Daddy and I just wanted to take a moment and commend you for a very well written and insightful post that I think is VERY pertinent and one that should honestly be pinned so it doesn't get buried.

 

My Daddy and I were just talking about this concept the other day, about how a lot of littles seem to take their Caregivers for granted. It can be seen through comments like;

 

"A little should also be their Daddy's priority", or

"Taking care of their little is a Daddy's job", or

"A Daddy who doesn't respond right away is a bad Daddy", or

Any of the "a real Daddy" does "x" comments.

 

Caregivers are people top and have their own strengths, weaknesses wants, needs, desires, fears, good days and bad days. As much as my Daddy is my Daddy he is also my boyfriend which means I need to be there for him too.

 

We were also talking about the propensity of littles to ask what they should do using online forums versus sharing their thoughts feelings, concerns or issues with their Caregiver. If I'm having issues the first people I turn to are my Wife and Daddy. We get not everybody has a Caregiver but if littkes have one why would they turn to strangers online versus the person they should trust and love?

 

I make sure to tell my Daddy how much he means and also to be there if he's having a rough time. He's told me a few times the best thing after he's had a rough day is when I climb in his lap and fall asleep sucking on a bottle. Now, I don't know how that helps him feel better but he's said it so I believe him and do it when I can see he's stressed. Having that trust and belief, in BOTH directions is such a fundamental element of ANY relationship that it saddens us to see it so often forgotten.

 

Thank you again for raising what should perhaps be obvious points but sadly ones that go forgotten or not discussed WAY WAY too often. It really is heartwarming to see someone who believes DDlg is a reciprocal, loving, emotionally intimate RELATIONSHIP and not just a one sided affair with a little demanding and getting whatever they want.

 

Little Kaiya and her Daddy Wolf

[Guest Looby-Lou]

...So there you go… These are four things that I feel like may be the most important things you, as a little, can do to make the most of your CG/l relationship. I’m sure there are others, but to me these are the top four......

 

Your entire post is well thought out & beautifully written. In order not to take up the whole screen with a huge quote I've just cut the bit I want to reply to.

 

I would LOVE to find a person who wants these 4 things from me. I would LOVE to have the opportunity to demonstrate that this is what I also need and am capable of providing.

 

Unfortunately your entire post reads like a delightful fairytale to me. No different to the Hollywood movies or storybooks that promise me a happy ending. 

Having a personal listing here has put me in touch with quite a lot of DD's. I'd say 5% of them were looking for a proper relationship involving getting to know the other person through & through, dealing with cares, wants, needs etc. 

Seems to me that most of them just want me to put on cute clothes and "be a good girl". They want to be my Daddy before I've even had time to find out if I like them as a person. They want me to obey them before I even had a chance to find out if I respect them. They want me to be sexual but they don't want to make me feel safe emotionally. They want to call me cute names..and then ghost me when they suddenly lose interest.

 

So yes, the 4 things you describe so eloquently are crucial to a vibrant healthy relationship. But it's not that easy to find a DD who will put in the time and effort to aim for that ideal. I'm honestly losing heart in the whole thing. Feel like I'd be better off with a vanilla guy who is alpha enough to take charge of things and who kind of enjoys me being "girly". There's a lot of them out there, and it's getting more and more tempting.

 

Looby   

Edited June 16, 2019 by Looby-Lou

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 

We were also talking about the propensity of littles to ask what they should do using online forums versus sharing their thoughts feelings, concerns or issues with their Caregiver. If I'm having issues the first people I turn to are my Wife and Daddy. We get not everybody has a Caregiver but if littkes have one why would they turn to strangers online versus the person they should trust and love?

 

I make sure to tell my Daddy how much he means and also to be there if he's having a rough time. He's told me a few times the best thing after he's had a rough day is when I climb in his lap and fall asleep sucking on a bottle. Now, I don't know how that helps him feel better but he's said it so I believe him and do it when I can see he's stressed. Having that trust and belief, in BOTH directions is such a fundamental element of ANY relationship that it saddens us to see it so often forgotten.

 

 

Little Kaiya and her Daddy Wolf

 

YES! so many times I think to myself "why are you asking this on a forum and not talking to your partner"..about the problem you're having with your partner!!

I know it's easier said than done. Also, it can help other people to know we share some of the same difficulties. But it does seem that quite often littles don't want to sort something out. They want to say there is a problem and then have people tell them that someone else will fix it. Because when other members respond with good ideas or advice, the original little doesn't want to take it on board.

 

And it's great that you can respond to your partner's needs without fully understanding WHY it's his need. That's a lovely gift to give someone - to nurture them with what they need, without needing to make it about you. Obviously it's great if we do understand each other, but sometimes things are "just..because...because!" No explicable reason!

 

Looby 

[CarolinaKitten]

YES! so many times I think to myself "why are you asking this on a forum and not talking to your partner"..about the problem you're having with your partner!!

I know it's easier said than done. Also, it can help other people to know we share some of the same difficulties. But it does seem that quite often littles don't want to sort something out. They want to say there is a problem and then have people tell them that someone else will fix it. Because when other members respond with good ideas or advice, the original little doesn't want to take it on board.

 

And it's great that you can respond to your partner's needs without fully understanding WHY it's his need. That's a lovely gift to give someone - to nurture them with what they need, without needing to make it about you. Obviously it's great if we do understand each other, but sometimes things are "just..because...because!" No explicable reason!

 

Looby 

 

 

Looby, many times o have thought is a fairytale myself. Like you I have many Daddies pming me asking me to be their little. I am not a piece of furniture or luggage. I am a person. I have feeling and emotions. I don't think that many understand what being a Daddy really requires of them.

 

I myself am looking for that one person who I can inspire, encourage, love and build a life with.

 

I am a loving caring person and want my partner to not just think I rely on them, but I want to give them the things they need as well. It's hard to find anyone period that is genuine. So please hold your head up, you are worth it. He/she will come when you stop looking. They will love you because you are you and there is only one of you. You are worthy and important.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Looby, many times o have thought is a fairytale myself...

 

I am a loving caring person and want my partner to not just think I rely on them, but I want to give them the things they need as well. 

 

 

Exactly. That's how i feel too.

Looby 

p.s. I don't feel unworthy at all. I'm a bit confused about what you meant there. I just think it's hard to find someone compatible even in mainstream dating, so realistically we're even less likely to find that "right" someone in a small group such as DDlg. 

[Little kaiya]

On the one hand feel very lucky to have found the two people who complete me and with whom I want to spend my life and who want to spend their lives with me.

 

On the other hand, I dont like saying we're "lucky" because that downplays the efforts we put into communicating, compromising, supporting one another through hard times and everything else it takes to make a relationship work.

 

I find it very interesting that people in kink communities have such a challenging time finding someone when they look inside alternative communities. In my experience far more couples who are successful long term actually found one another outside of alternative communities. It's almost like finding someone outside the alternative community gives people a chance to get to know one another first. It seems like a lot of people inside the community talk a big game but when they find someone it all goes out the window and nudes, sex and demands suddenly become more important than really understanding and knowing each other. It's like all the repressed emotions and wants take over.

 

For people who find each othercexterbal to an alternative community it's like the effort of sharing and discussing a kink or alternative lifestyle helps build a stronger communicative foundation leading to a stronger more enduring relationship.

 

I'm not saying people shouldn't look inside the community but there are sooooo many examples of it not working compared to couples find each other outside of the community then exploring together as loving, supporting and understanding partners. Just an observation.

 

Little kaiya

Edited June 16, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Little kaiya, it's so true that it takes a lot more than luck. It can take effort to find someone(s) and certainly effort to maintain a healthy relationship, and to stick with that r'ship through difficult times. So happy for you and your loved ones!

 

The rest of your post also interested me. I commented in another thread that I'm seriously thinking of giving up here and dating guys from the vanilla world - because like you said, there's the possibility of developing a kink within that. My experience has always been that guys are happy with my "girlishness" in everyday terms eg wearing a lot of pink, hairstyles, asking for help with things.., but until recently I'd never exposed myself as a little.

Recently i took a chance and told a guy about my littleness, not in great detail but I told him a bit about DDlg & what things i like. He was open minded, gentle with his questions, and it didn't put him off knowing me. 

 

This thread has wandered a long way from the OP's subject...

 

Looby