Daddy doesn't seem to get it

[Guest ~lele~]

I am struggling here. My Daddy is great, don't get me wrong. But, he doesn't seem to understand the importance of routines for morning and bedtime. I need these, and I've talked to him and he's said he'll try harder, and he'll do it that day but the next all is forgotten. He seems slack in his role. What do I do?

[MysticSand]

Hmm. Try having him set an alarm on his phone as a reminder? It may just come down to him remembering.

[LittleGirlEmilia]

One daddy doesn't fit all. He may just not be the type to do morning and bedtime routines.

[Little kaiya]

Edited September 17, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Can you explain what exactly would be helpful? What do you want him to do?

 

For example:

Do you want him to create routines?

 

Enforce existing routines?

 

Or just not distract you when he knows you're trying to stick to a routine?

 

Having more information might help us come up with some ideas for you

 

Looby 

[Guest ~lele~]

It's not even a routine in the morning part, so much as "morning" is not to me, a suitable greeting to your little in the morning. It's impersonal and to someone like myself, inconsiderate. I'm always prompt to say Good morning Daddy and I get "morning", it's just rude.

The bedtime thing is something I really don't sleep well without, mind you we are currently LDR. I like to be rocked, cuddled and such before bed and told goodnight sweetly. And, about the reminders, if a 37 year old Daddy can't remember to take care of me in these little ways, how can I expect things to ever be better offline. I'm just worried. I've committed myself to him and he needs freaking reminders that I like to have these things? I just don't get it. I don't ask for much overall. I just feel like when it boils down to it, that he feels he has no need to put in the effort because he already "has me".

[Little kaiya]

Well, different people will have different expectations and experiences. Days where my Daddy doesn't stay over he greets me with "Morning ❤" and personally I love it. I'm not sure exactly what you would want, and I don't need to know, but have you told him? "Morning" for a lot of people is a completely reasonable greeting I would say.

 

As for being rocked and cuddled, if that's something that you feel you need, I'm very similar to be honest, then maybe an LDR really isn't the best choice for a relationship dynamic. Personally I crave and value physical contact a ton so I never have and never would consider LDR, as it wouldn't meet a basic need for physical contact that I have in a relationship. As for being told goodnight sweetly, again, have you told him? Caregivers aren't mind readers and every little is very different.

 

As for reminders, Caregivers are still human beings with their own lives, stresses, wants and needs. They aren't on the planet to take care of a littles every need, want or whim. DDlg is still an adult relationship at it's core. If you ferl having discussions about the relationship and behaviours is too much of a burden then maybe there's a fundamental incompatibility issue that is a bigger issue. Honestly, I sometimes have to ask for story time some nights. It doesn't mean my Daddy is forgetting to take care of me, it just means there may be things in his life he needs my support with or needs to talk about.

 

If you feel he thinks he doesn't need to put in effort because he "has you" that's a pretty big red flag being waved to say there's perhaps the very real need for an adult/adult conversation about your relationship.

 

Hopefully you two can discuss and figure it out.

 

Little kaiya

Edited September 18, 2019 by Little kaiya

[Guest Looby-Lou]

If you've chatted with him about these exact things which you've posted here, then maybe you have some tough thinking to do on your own, followed by an adult conversation with your Daddy.

 

It really doesn't seem much to me to give someone a pleasant greeting morning and night - and to do it in the way they've explained means something to them.

Yes, we all have our own wants & needs which might not be the same as our partners. Part of a relationship is trying to meet the needs of your partner, and if my Daddy couldn't give me such simple things as a heartfelt hello and goodnight then I'd be asking BIG questions.

 

But you also say he's generally "great" so perhaps this is something which just needs tweaking to find a way that you're both happy with?

 

If talking with my Daddy didn't get me anywhere, I'd be asking MYSELF those big questions ... such as, what am I wiling to put up with? 

 

Good luck,

Looby 

[Guest ~lele~]

Well, different people will have different expectations and experiences. Days where my Daddy doesn't stay over he greets me with "Morning ❤" and personally I love it. I'm not sure exactly what you would want, and I don't need to know, but have you told him? "Morning" for a lot of people is a completely reasonable greeting I would say.

As for being rocked and cuddled, if that's something that you feel you need, I'm very similar to be honest, then maybe an LDR really isn't the best choice for a relationship dynamic. Personally I crave and value physical contact a ton so I never have and never would consider LDR, as it wouldn't meet a basic need for physical contact that I have in a relationship. As for being told goodnight sweetly, again, have you told him? Caregivers aren't mind readers and every little is very different.

As for reminders, Caregivers are still human beings with their own lives, stresses, wants and needs. They aren't on the planet to take care of a littles every need, want or whim. DDlg is still an adult relationship at it's core. If you ferl having discussions about the relationship and behaviours is too much of a burden then maybe there's a fundamental incompatibility issue that is a bigger issue. Honestly, I sometimes have to ask for story time some nights. It doesn't mean my Daddy is forgetting to take care of me, it just means there may be things in his life he needs my support with or needs to talk about.

If you feel he thinks he doesn't need to put in effort because he "has you" that's a pretty big red flag being waved to say there's perhaps the very real need for an adult/adult conversation about your relationship.

Hopefully you two can discuss and figure it out.

Little kaiya[/quote

 

I have informed him more than one of my needs and he's not worked for over a week. He has sat at home and gamed. We're not permanently ldr

[Guest ~lele~]

If any Daddies read this, I'd really like a male point of view.

[Guest Chrisx]

I don't personally see it as a problem to need have a routine of sorts when it comes to waking up/bedtime, honestly I'm more surprised that people seemed to not care if it's mundane.

With me, I love to have it structured in, bringing her to bed to snuggle at night, read her a story if that's what she wanted. 

Waking up in the morning just enjoying how adorable she is, and probably won't be once you bug her.. 

then remembering she's always adorable so it'll be fine. 

 

I don't feel as though there's any reason someone couldn't do this, especially with a currently open schedule, but rather might not want to for some reason or another. 

While I can understand the human tendency to forget/slip up on stuff, when you value something a lot, do it daily, odds are you won't forget it very often. 

The act of participating in the wake-up/bedtime routine with your little even for a short time will help a lot to develop the habit, so if it's something he actually does want, it isn't hard to accomplish. 

 

I would try and have the talk the best you can. Find out if this is something he really wants to do for the both of you, willing to do it for you, or not at all. 

If he tells you he wants to and then acts completely different, say something. Let him know that it's disappointing to be told 'yes' but shown 'no' by later actions. 

That type of thing just discourages people, and we're supposed to be on top of this stuff.

Edited September 20, 2019 by Chrisx

[lacey bunny]

I asked my Daddy what he has to say on this and this is what he said, "Is he new to the whole Daddy thing? I think I was pretty bad at it in the beginning. I know it took me awhile to understand the differences between Big and Little... and how to interact better with Little [her]. Either way I feel he should try harder. From what little I heard it doesn't seem like he's putting forth effort BUT I also don't know what the exact demands were for the routines. I don't think the 'morning' thing is rude though, some people just don't talk as much and that's totally fine. ...maybe adjust [the routines] and compromise until both parties accept. It took me awhile to memorize our routines so I made notes to run through every night for awhile... And whenever I forgot something [she] would just giggle and remind me instead of getting mad at me so that helped a lot.

And as much as I love video games and trust me I fucking LOVE video games, I understand that I need to make sure my precious little princess is okay. Most games have a pause button so he should take advantage of that and check on his Little. IF he is playing an MMO which cannot be paused, the Little should try and understand that but the Daddy should also try and find a stopping point or a place to hide so he doesn't die or whatever and check on his Little. If this Daddy in question is anything like me though, he might forget if it takes too long so the Little might have to remind him a bit BUT the DADDY should DEFINITELY NOT get bothered by that. ALSO if it's game that causes much frustration and rage the daddy should be sure to let his Little know that he's not mad at them and give them extra affection. Honestly whenever I do that it helps me calm down anyway so win-win there."

 

My Daddy is stoic and forgetful. It took me awhile not to take it personally when he forgot or gave me very few words. We ended up using a sticker chart for me since he is forgetful and it makes me feel happy when I did something on my own. When I get x amount of stickers we do things together or I get something special like a bedtime story. Honestly, it took a lot of communication to better understand one anothers wants/needs and abilities in the CG/L side of the relationship. And it's still a lot of communication and understanding for one another.

 

We hope things get properly sorted out with your Daddy and that we're able to give a little help if any at all. Best of luck, Wox Girl.

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

Without having had my own little yet, here is my take on it. 

 

Love and relationships depend on good communication. 

They also intersect with personality styles, habits, and attachment methods. 

 

Is he person who is anxious, distant, or stable in his attachment style. 

 

Also, maybe he needs a sit down and instead of telling him how he's wrong and dissappointing you, tell him that you crave a morning / bedtime routine, what that might look like, and that you want him to stick to it. I imagine most daddy's want their little's happy, and as much as we should know to read our little's mind, we too need a little bit of training. 

 

Good relationships, healthy conversations, should lead to even better relationships. Your needs are important, as are his. Talk with him and see if he will change. 

 

Best wishes to you!