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    antisocial caregiver

    caregiver social anxiety

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    #1 Rat Baby

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 12:19 PM

    i am not a caregiver, i am a little, but my cg doesnt like to go out and.... do things. like he doesnt like going to fairs or bars or events. hes expressed interest in going to a concert eventually but getting him to take me anywhere is like pulling teeth because hed rather be at home.

    i know he isnt trying to hurt me and its just because he gets overwhelmed sometimes but i dont have any accessible friends to go anywhere with so it does make me sad.

    he goes out with coworkers to play card games and goes out with my biological father to go golfing, both of which are quieter activities i suppose.

    basically im asking other caregivers if they have any advice for me or ideas of places that arent so overwhelming or loud(i think he gets sensory overload) that he can take me because i cant stay cooped up inside ALL the time.

    ( Β΄ βˆ€ `)γƒŽο½ž β™‘


    Edited by Rat Baby, 25 October 2019 - 12:43 PM.

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    #2 MrDaddydarnit

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 12:28 PM

    Honestly I know this sounds pessimistic... but you shouldn't try to change your caregiver. If he doesn't like things you wish he would and do them with you and if that makes you unhappy... you might need to reconsider your relationship. I'm sorry for being harsh.I really just don't know a more kind way of putting it. 


    • Cara Innes likes this

    #3 Rat Baby

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 12:40 PM

    Honestly I know this sounds pessimistic... but you shouldn't try to change your caregiver. If he doesn't like things you wish he would and do them with you and if that makes you unhappy... you might need to reconsider your relationship. I'm sorry for being harsh.I really just don't know a more kind way of putting it. 

    im not trying to "change him" and i dont want to lol, weve been together for over 4 years. he goes out with coworkers to play card games and goes out with my biological father to go golfing. we havnt gone out much together with just each other in a while and im just trying to find ideas of things we can do that someone who gets overwhelmed easily will be ok with. maybes ill try rewording my original post.

    α••( ᐛ )α•—


    • MrDaddydarnit likes this

    71aad1878bff6429bf9db9cded081f26.gif

     

    tumblr_inline_mww0oeY9vZ1r0jzp4.gif

    i love you not only for what you are,

    but for what i am when i am with you.

    tumblr_inline_mww0oeY9vZ1r0jzp4.gif

     

     


    #4 Guest_purpleroses06_*

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 12:41 PM

    I understand this feeling very well! I am more of an inside person but I would love to go outside, as well! If he's antisocial and gets overwhelmed with crowed places with a bunch of people, a fair, bars, and events are practically a nightmare for him. Instead of going out into places where'd he'd feel very uncomfterable and possibly have an anxiety or panic attack try to take him to more calmer places! Maybe try places like a big park where you guys can have your own space, a small cozy cafe, library's, museum, just more quite and chill places rather than head straight into big places, which can easily scare him. If you do want to go to fairs and stuff, let him take baby steps in getting familiar with being around people, don't rush into it all at once!


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    #5 Guest_Sunshinekitty_*

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 12:45 PM

    Mine is much the same. I finally had to start going with him on his business trips. <.<

     

    My suggestion is nature. Make sure it's not on the weekends unless you go super early or late to avoid crowds.

     

    Also, if he's not on medicine for anxiety...he might want to look into that. I don't have the problem but know someone with those issues, too, and well, medicine helps things function better sometimes.

     

    Most of all--be patient. You can always have a tea party in your yard (if you have one) or a picnic in a park. The important thing is to do small steps so there isn't the overwhelm.


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    #6 Little kaiya

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 01:00 PM

    You said you don't have accessible friends so another option is for you to go out and make friends so that you can go to the events and things you want. Yes, doing things with partners is fun but having a life outside a relationship is also really important for good mental health and balance as well.
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    Little kaiya πŸ’–πŸ¦ŠπŸ’–

    #7 Guest_ProfessorDaddy33_*

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 02:23 PM

    I have social anxiety issues and can empathize with your cg and sympathize with you wanting to do things with your cg, despite your cg being overwhelmed in certain contexts. Try gradually building up to larger things if that’s what you mean. But in the meantime, considering you have been with your cg for four years, I am sure you know what contexts your cg is comfortable with. Trying to incorporate those more into your week and maybe over time your cg will be more comfortable doing other stuff you want to do since you’ll be with your cg and that should ease the overwhelming feelings your cg may have. I have trouble myself going out to social events, but when I’m with someone who takes my mind off that all-encompassing feeling of anxiety or feeling overwhelmed I do lots of stuff.
    Best of luck improving your situation !
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    #8 MrDaddydarnit

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    Posted 25 October 2019 - 02:29 PM

    im not trying to "change him" and i dont want to lol, weve been together for over 4 years. he goes out with coworkers to play card games and goes out with my biological father to go golfing. we havnt gone out much together with just each other in a while and im just trying to find ideas of things we can do that someone who gets overwhelmed easily will be ok with. maybes ill try rewording my original post.

    α••( ᐛ )α•—

    thanks you. yeah. it wasn't totally clear. thank you for not getting upset with me. I really wasn't trying to accuse you of anything. I spent a long time making that exact mistake. it's a wound a little fresh to me atm. And I was just trying to put it how I learnt it, and there hasn't been enough time for me to process in a way that didn't sound dickish. 


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    #9 MysticSand

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    Posted 26 October 2019 - 10:50 AM

    This is me. Events that are really loud make me feel super tired and sleepy and I believe it's also due to sensory OD. So is it that he gets overstimulated easily or that places with more people make him anxious? They can be two different things.

    If it's because he gets overstimulated easily, what purplerose06 suggested are pretty good. I would add in movie, mall (not rush hour times though), and any small classes that may be low cost or free (ie: cooking, painting, crafts, etc). Check the local library or nearby universities for free events. Or create events to do to together at home like following a DIY video on YouTube. Though that may not help with being stir crazy.

    If it's the large crowd thing, maybe try for places/things where you can have your own space. Like cafes, taking a train ride somewhere and back (and enjoying the scenery), or going for a bicycle ride.
    • Rat Baby likes this

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