Boyfriend making fun of my little space (/possible tw)

[annonbunn]

Hi,, so I wasn't really sure where to out this.

Basically, I've had to lie about being a little to my boyfriend because he calls it disgusting and he's pretty unsupportive. He made a joke today that made me actually cry and feel ashamed of myself.

I really don't know what to do, and I feel like if I hid it from him I'd either slip up or live in misery since it really helps with my anxiety and such.

It's pretty bad at this point..,,

[SmolAetherr]

you've already answered the question

 

you feel the need to hide a major part of your life

your boyfriend doesent understand or see your side of things

you feel ashamed

you feel the need to lie

 

how did you wind up with a person so incompatible with you?

 

i am not sure why you would put yourself through this but i think you should ask that question

just why the heck are you doing this to yourself and to him?

Edited December 16, 2019 by Aetherr

[neko]

You've already communicated your wants and needs, which is the most important step. he has, rather rudely but nonetheless, communicated that he is not into your most important need.

 

I really don't know what we can suggest other than either break up with him and find a partner that appreciates your needs, or just continue trying to keep your little side under wraps for the rest of your relationship.

Edited December 16, 2019 by neko

[The RealDaddyCat]

I've actually been in the lifestyle for a very long time and it's time to break ties with this man you actually need somebody who can appreciate you for who you are. Do not be like some people and actually push this side down of them and they're actually not happy until they reach their late 30s when they finally realize they're normal. Too many of my friends actually hid their little side until later in life ignoring what made them happy. Edited December 16, 2019 by The RealDaddyCat

[Guest Acenya]

My experience isn't directly about the same issue but I can relate on some level.

I'm a boy, not exactly traditionally masculine one, quite the opposite, and I'm homoflexible.

 

I used to be in love with someone who was deep in a closet and

had somewhat strong conservative opinions against the things I believed in.

Basically, he was homo- and transphobic and would only date me in secret.

 

Obviously with him, I felt obligated to look a certain way and

act in a way that wasn't me because I knew he wouldn't like it if I was authentically myself.

He'd constantly make fun of "fem fags" and say how disgusted he was.

Obviously these things didn't make me fall in love with him,

it was all the other stuff about him, so I just sort of put up with the bad stuff.

 

So, I get why you feel the way you do, even though the 'right thing to do' seems so obvious to everyone else.

I'm not going to tell you what to do as it's really all up to you and what's important to you.

 

I think I really did love that boy even if he was bad for me,

in the end we went on and off for a long time till a final break up.

Edited December 16, 2019 by Acenya

[Alaskan Daddy]

it sounds like having Little space is important to you. It is plain to see that you and your BF are not compatible with something that is very important to you.

I don't see him changing nor should he. I feel you have 2 choices and one is to stay with him and try to hide your little side and if you can't then there will be more ridicule from your BF.

Your other choice is to leave and try to find a someone that will accept who you are and hopefully embrace it. I hope this helps. Good Luck.

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

I may be very far off with this, if so ignore my response. I think your dilemma is a moral one. It seems to me that you are trying to remain loyal, maybe you want to hide that part of yourself to 'help' the relationship because you feel/or were told it is messing up your being together. If so you might have the habit of fixing situations by fixing yourself to make others happy.

 

He isn't trying to fix any thing for you by teasing you, by not accepting you. Keep your true issues, current issues separate and simple. He doesn't want your little side present and it will destroy you and your relationship slowly. It may give him happiness, but will leave you empty.

 

I'll say the obligatory talk to him and explain your feelings. Hope he changes, but actions and words must show that change. This next part may sound harsh. I apologize because I'm not sure how else to word it. When it comes down to making a decision ignore your thoughts of loyalty (it would be broken any way by you blatantly lying and pretending to be someone you aren't to win his affection and approval). Don't let your thoughts be redirected by focusing on all the positives he has done for you - so you feel you owe it to him to try. Do you really want to banish your own needs/desires to focus on his alone?

Edited December 18, 2019 by Batty

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

Another consideration if you choose to hide being little, what other coping mechanisms do you have in place to deal with anxiety. You could seek out a specialist to help with anxiety, would your bf even be open to that and their suggested strategies? Handling your own health gets weird and dodgy when you have to seek someone else's approval for acceptable (healthy) means of coping. Edited December 18, 2019 by Batty

[daddymind]

Goodbye boyfriend. Imagine if this was any other situation, where a big part of who someone is was rejected outright by their partner. GOOD BYE.