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My little won't listen.


Master_J

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It's a long distance ddlg relationship, although I've punished her in person before. I'm honestly sick of being her daddy, nothing will make her listen, I've made her sit in the corner, she fell asleep. I've made her do anal, she doesn't do it like I would and she enjoys it, I've taken her stuffies, I've made her wash her mouth, I've made her write lines, I've made her do a countless amount of things, and she won't listen. It's not even fun or pleasing to be her daddy. She's never good.
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Have you tried talking to her about it? How much it frustrates you, because sometimes I enjoy being bratty with my daddy but I hate to actually annoy him- maybe she's not aware.
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Have you tried talking to her about it? How much it frustrates you, because sometimes I enjoy being bratty with my daddy but I hate to actually annoy him- maybe she's not aware.

She's aware, I've talked to her about it. She doesn't do anything but say she'll be better then do the same things again.

Edited by Master_J
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You only have control over yourself. You have reached out and been ignored. I would say it is time for you to make some serious changes for your happiness. Just an opinion.

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You only have control over yourself. You have reached out and been ignored. I would say it is time for you to make some serious changes for your happiness. Just an opinion.

 

 

I've stopped being her daddy, but she begs and cries, and says she needs me, and I miss her so I do it again, but nothing ever changes.

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I'm going to be a bit more direct than usual. Your behaviour tells her you aren't serious about not being in a DDlg relationship anymore. It also tells her that she doesn't have to change because she can continue to manipulate you to get what she wants even when it leaves you unhappy and unfulfilled. Someone who loves you would care how you feel, she doesn't appear to care. Someone serious about a relationship would try and act on their promise to change, she doesn't.

 

Honestly, it sounds like you are being blatantly used and abused for someone else's pleasure. Stand strong and actually follow up on your words to end the relationship. You deserve better but every time you go back to her you could be missing an opportunity to find a relationship where the other person AND you could both be happy, not just one of you.

 

It isn't ok when a Daddy manipulates a little to get them to stay AND the opposite, which appears to be your case, is equally not ok.

Edited by Little kaiya
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Guest LittleBunBun<3

From the perspective of a little, whenever I'm bratty, it's usually because my needs aren't being met in some area. (This is a horrible habit, and I am working on fixing it.) My Daddy realizes this, and we talk it out. We keep a journal, too. Whenever I'm being bratty, he makes me write down the reason. He also tells me 4 little words that crush my heart, and I automatically start behaving. He says, "I'm disappointed in you." Then, I have to journal why I'm acting the way I am. Maybe you could try this exercise with your little. About punishments, if it were my Daddy, he would tell me to write an apology letter to him, and I wouldn't get any Daddy and little time until I do. In my apology letters, I have to include the following: Sorry, what I did wrong, and how I will change that in the future. Then, whatever I said I would do to change it, he enforces that I do change it. He makes it into a rule/goal. If I don't follow through, I am punished. He takes away privileges such as TV time, games, phone, etc. This is a bit easier to enforce since we are together. When we were apart, he would make me write ridiculous amounts of lines in my free time. He knew my schedule and when I had free time, so whenever I was free, I would have to write lines until he was satisfied. There were times I had to write over 200 lines... Believe me, that is no fun...

 

I hope things work out for the best for you two and you get through this patch! 

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From the perspective of a little, whenever I'm bratty, it's usually because my needs aren't being met in some area. (This is a horrible habit, and I am working on fixing it.) My Daddy realizes this, and we talk it out. We keep a journal, too. Whenever I'm being bratty, he makes me write down the reason. He also tells me 4 little words that crush my heart, and I automatically start behaving. He says, "I'm disappointed in you." Then, I have to journal why I'm acting the way I am. Maybe you could try this exercise with your little. About punishments, if it were my Daddy, he would tell me to write an apology letter to him, and I wouldn't get any Daddy and little time until I do. In my apology letters, I have to include the following: Sorry, what I did wrong, and how I will change that in the future. Then, whatever I said I would do to change it, he enforces that I do change it. He makes it into a rule/goal. If I don't follow through, I am punished. He takes away privileges such as TV time, games, phone, etc. This is a bit easier to enforce since we are together. When we were apart, he would make me write ridiculous amounts of lines in my free time. He knew my schedule and when I had free time, so whenever I was free, I would have to write lines until he was satisfied. There were times I had to write over 200 lines... Believe me, that is no fun...

 

I hope things work out for the best for you two and you get through this patch!

 

 

 

I've made her write 250 sentences, she just complained how her hand was cramping the entire time, and she just wanted to go to sleep with me. I've also made her write down how she feels before. Nothing works with her.

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Guest LittleBunBun<3

I've made her write 250 sentences, she just complained how her hand was cramping the entire time, and she just wanted to go to sleep with me. I've also made her write down how she feels before. Nothing works with her.

If this is the case, then it seems she isn't interested in DDlg or a commitment. She isn't looking to grow as a submissive at all. If you are looking for more from a submissive/little, it's time to break it off. She wants to be spoiled, but she doesn't want to put in any work. All I can say is try talking about her expectations from herself as a little/sub and from you as the Dominant. Ask her why she wants this relationship. Discuss your expectations as the Dom as well. If your expectations don't match, maybe it just isn't meant to be... 

 

Offering hugs and best wishes to both of you. I hope I was able to help a bit. 

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If this is the case, then it seems she isn't interested in DDlg or a commitment. She isn't looking to grow as a submissive at all. If you are looking for more from a submissive/little, it's time to break it off. She wants to be spoiled, but she doesn't want to put in any work. All I can say is try talking about her expectations from herself as a little/sub and from you as the Dominant. Ask her why she wants this relationship. Discuss your expectations as the Dom as well. If your expectations don't match, maybe it just isn't meant to be... 

 

Offering hugs and best wishes to both of you. I hope I was able to help a bit.

 

What do I do? I love my little :(

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Guest LittleBunBun<3

What do I do? I love my little :(

 

Here's another idea. Instead of breaking it off, take a little break. Stay boyfriend and girlfriend, but cut out the DDlg for now. Tell her that you both need to take a little break to get your expectations for each other in order. Don't give in to her. You have to stand your ground and show that you're serious, or she will never respect you as a Dom. Then, when you both are ready, have a discussion about it. Set some new rules, and find some punishments that will be effective. Make these rules and punishments together. Ask her what works for her and what doesn't. For me, if my Daddy spanks me, I will like it. (hehe ;) ) So, he has to use other punishments that I don't enjoy, like the lines. It all depends on the little what works and what doesn't. 

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Here's another idea. Instead of breaking it off, take a little break. Stay boyfriend and girlfriend, but cut out the DDlg for now. Tell her that you both need to take a little break to get your expectations for each other in order. Don't give in to her. You have to stand your ground and show that you're serious, or she will never respect you as a Dom. Then, when you both are ready, have a discussion about it. Set some new rules, and find some punishments that will be effective. Make these rules and punishments together. Ask her what works for her and what doesn't. For me, if my Daddy spanks me, I will like it. (hehe ;) ) So, he has to use other punishments that I don't enjoy, like the lines. It all depends on the little what works and what doesn't.

 

 

We aren't together because of things that's happened in the past, she's really manipulative and I have a past of my mom mentally abusing me, and she was BPD. Everything is about her, unless she's apologizing, but it's just a way for her to try to get me to forgive her, I don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth anymore.

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Guest LittleBunBun<3

Sorry to be so direct, but... Biggest rule of any kind of relationship (even friendship): It won't work without trust. That's like a car without gas. Where's it going? Absolutely nowhere.

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Sorry to be so direct, but... Biggest rule of any kind of relationship (even friendship): It won't work without trust. That's like a car without gas. Where's it going? Absolutely nowhere.

 

What if I tell her that I'm not being her daddy until she improves, and stop talking and give her a week to show a difference?

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Guest Relentlessoptimist

Try suspending the relationship rules for a day and have a long conversation w her about it. Then consider writing out a contract (find some online?) And write out what you give/take and what she gives/takes.

 

Then the rules should each be negotiated and accepted amended or rejected. And once its signed by both of you, if she just can't try to follow any rules or tries to do better then she is not your submissive and you aren't her dom.

 

Submission is something that's given, it can't be forced. And in her case she is taking the bratty route but you arent there in person to tame her (if that would even work.) So give yourself and her a time limit for.her behavior to correct (within reason, because again consent and safe same consensual has to be there from both parties), and if she cant change then leave. Her time and obedience is a gift but so is your time. Why stay miserable forever.

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Try suspending the relationship rules for a day and have a long conversation w her about it. Then consider writing out a contract (find some online?) And write out what you give/take and what she gives/takes.

Then the rules should each be negotiated and accepted amended or rejected. And once its signed by both of you, if she just can't try to follow any rules or tries to do better then she is not your submissive and you aren't her dom.

Submission is something that's given, it can't be forced. And in her case she is taking the bratty route but you arent there in person to tame her (if that would even work.) So give yourself and her a time limit for.her behavior to correct (within reason, because again consent and safe same consensual has to be there from both parties), and if she cant change then leave. Her time and obedience is a gift but so is your time. Why stay miserable forever.

 

I'm her daddy yes and while that might be a good idea, she says she loves to be controlled, she loves when i tell her want to do, in the sense of like a master does to a slave, like for example, she didn't ask me if she could get on YouTube, so I logged her out by changing her password. She told me she loved that. She says she enjoys asking my permission before she does anything. On another note, I told her she has a week to improve, however I am improving myself also, but I didn't tell her that.

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I'm her daddy yes and while that might be a good idea, she says she loves to be controlled, she loves when i tell her want to do, in the sense of like a master does to a slave, like for example, she didn't ask me if she could get on YouTube, so I logged her out by changing her password. She told me she loved that. She says she enjoys asking my permission before she does anything. On another note, I told her she has a week to improve, however I am improving myself also, but I didn't tell her that.

people love words, everyone can talk but actions are not easy and not everyone has it in them to actually make change, but you need to lay down what you want and need and if she doesen't accept you by her actions then you owe it to yourself to put and end to it conclusiverly, remove her from your life and find another way to get your needs met

 

regardless of what people say about doms, we matter just as much and its awful that anyone should have to feel trapped with a person they are unhappy with

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  • 3 weeks later...

Here’s the thing, whether a brat is involved or not, submission is supposed to be part of the agreement. It’s pretty simple to act like a brat in ways that are not blatantly disrespectful or violating the rules that were already agreed upon. It also sounds like punishment is an issue because so far nothing has been effective. That conversation should be revisited and a new agreement made between you two so that punishment has a point. Renegotiating everything is a big deal if you insist on trying to work things out.

 

Ultimately, if she never listens to you and isn’t doing anything to help you be fulfilled too in the relationship, then she’s likely only in it for herself and I personally doubt that she’ll magically gain more maturity all of a sudden. Please don’t let her get away with treating you so badly. It isn’t fair and she’s not holding up her end of the partnership. Her submission is a gift that you aren’t receiving. Meanwhile, she’s receiving the gift of your dominance while offering what sounds like absolutely nothing in return. I’m sorry to say that she’s manipulating you for her personal gain, and that’s about it (based on the little bit of info we have).

 

The realist in me wants to tell you to cut your losses and give her the boot. Know your worth and find someone that believes in mutual satisfaction and real partnership. The weight of the relationship/dynamic isn’t supposed to fall only on your shoulders, and there’s plenty of other littles out there that you could be a lot happier with.

Edited by RavenclawPrincess
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Well, from my pov and my daddies... you are punishing her for stupid things. Just make a few simple rules and go from there... what’s the point of asking permission to use the bathroom? You sound like you are punishing her for literally everything, and are trying to change crucial aspects of her personality which sounds atrocious. FEW SIMPLE RULES. Like bedtime are okay, but asking permission to do anything else sounds like prison, I wouldnt do it either. Best of luck.
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I don’t think any rules or punishments are stupid as long as everyone is safe and agreed to the situation. Consent is a pretty big key factor and some peoples situations aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s alright. Diversity is awesome and everybody has a right to set their own standards in their own dynamic. I think the need for a new discussion on rules and punishments would be beneficial, since the current situation clearly isn’t working out, and that part was a good point to make.
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I think your situation is quite complex, and although it's not what you might want to hear, it seems to me that she's not the only immature party to the dynamic. It seems to me that you're not upholding your side of the deal. A woman will submit/surrender to a man she respects and trusts. I would venture to guess she's neither respecting you as a dominant, nor does she trust you as one. The resolve could be that you sort out who you are, first and foremost, then try to manage another. I'm sorry if I sound blunt, and that offended you, but the truth is, from what you've written, it sounds wishy washy, aimless, lacking discipline, and overall, point. There are endless creative ways to assert yourself as her Man as her dominant, yet here you are asking on a forum instead of putting in the works, and I mean the real work - not pointing fingers, but taking her and yourself seriously. That might mean taking a break, distancing, or breaking up altogether. To end on a positive note, if you go on that pilgrimage towards yourself, you might find answers to all the questions you're asking here. Go inside. x
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Guest Lele the Marshmallow
Master J, hun I'm a little. If she doesnt want to work with you on meeting each others needs and wants, shes manipulating you. I've been in your shoes. She knows she can pull your heartstrings and get what she wants, you at her beckon call. You need to pack your shit, take what's yours and walk out the door. Tell her she will find someone better suited to her needs. And find you a better little. I know I'm a brat and I can get mean with my Master but he knows why and we work it out after the fact. Adult to adult. I have improved myself over the last 3 years with him and he has improved a lot as well. Because we know what we want and need. Not even my Master would put up with that and hes felt with a lot of shit from me. Shes using you for own personal gain. Tell her to stick a large stick up her ass and your gone. Shes not worth your time or patience.
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