I really need some help & I'm running out of ideas...

[radiant]

Hello ya'll, I'm hoping you all can help me/give advice. I've seen other people post similar questions and have read through some responses.

 

Essentially, I am trying to guide my significant other into being my Daddy and I am running into a wall on how to do it.

 

I have been with my partner for almost 3 years and we have been living together for a little over one. I have severe PTSD from a my previous relationship (an asshole disguised as a dom), Since, me and the bf have done a lot of growing and healing (individually and as a couple). This is important because this is the root of my aversion to having very direct conversations (also I'm not a very direct person to begin with). 

 

In my attempts to make this shift, I have tried the following:

Subtle - sending bdsm-ish memes, pictures, sending him kink test links and sending my results

More Direct - having some power play/calling him "Daddy" during sexy time, sending him the link to my bdsmlr

Super Direct - I brought up the conversation twice - once, where I talked about D/s relationships in generals and again, where I talked about my little space (using actual terms)

 

Still, no progress has been made. I understand that it took me years to find, learn, and define my kink/preferred relationship and I can't and don't expect him to make a change to seasoned Daddy in a matter of months but it legit feels like we moving backwards sometimes, which is starting to leave me pretty unsatisfied. This is about more than just sex for me and I don't know how to get this across without wanting to go hide at my parents from embarrassment. 

 

I'm especially interested in hearing from caregivers/dd/md's and how you all discovered this was for you and littles/middles that have succeeded in doing this shift.

 

[SmolAetherr]

Have you ever asked him if he wants it, it sort of feel like you are leading him along like a child or a dog with some subtle signals and getting upset when he doesn't play along, guys in a general sense dont notice or care for signals and messages, swallow your embarassment and have an actual conversation but this time ask him what he likes, dont just make it about you.

 

Also the fact that he has not picked up on the more direct things tells me there is a chance he doesn't feel the same way about ddlg as you

 

You need to swallow your embarassment and talk to him directly, let him have a say and listen to him, his needs matter just as much as yours

[Guest hideouslovely]

Hi radiant! 

 

I won't pretend that I have experience with your situation because I don't.  I am, however, the sort of person who would try exactly the same way of "testing the water" with my partner when it comes to Ddlg!  Hints, test results, naughty pics, etc.    But I've learnt that it's necessary to bite the bullet and just have a difficult conversation.  You will be embarrassed and you may not get the answer that you want, that's the reality.  But! there needs to be open and honest discussion so that your partner can clearly understand what you want and so that you can clearly understand if this is something your partner can give you.

 

Maybe it would help to set aside a specific time to sit down and talk about it together?  Another idea is that writing a letter to your partner?  That might be a good way of starting a conversation about your needs and desires.

 

I really, really hope that this goes well for you, radiant.  

[Emillia]

If you are talking about dd/lg pretty directly with him like that and he didn't seem to respond then maybe he might just not want to do it? Maybe he's fine with the way things are now and doesn't really think he needs all this extra stuff. It may seem harsh, but if he really was interested in a dynamic like that I imagine he would have already talked to you about it and maybe done his own research. Or maybe he (for some reason) hasn't picked up on your hints yet.

I think you do need to address this pretty directly with him. You have to make sure he also wants to do this. And if he doesn't want to do the whole caregiver/daddy thing, maybe there's still a way he can be there for you. He might not want to be called a daddy, but he might be fine with taking on a more caring role in your relationship. And if he does, you can discuss together what you need and what would make you happy. But you will need to be specific about your wants and needs. If you can't verbalize what you want, it's going to be really hard and frustrating for your significant other to try to understand you. If a conversation is too direct, you can always write a letter. And if you can't say out loud "I want you to hold me this and this way", you can maybe try sending him pictures of what you mean. There's a million ways to do this. But you absolutely need to be open and honest, no matter how hard it may seem.

Edited April 30, 2020 by Emillia

[Guest ProfessorDaddy33]

I recently read a novel that is about ddlg relationships and the best part about the novel was it showed the story first from one person’s perspective and then it narrated the same plot, but from the other person’s perspective. Unfortunately, I do not have the insight into how your significant other is responding inside his mind to your threefold approach. I know you write “still, no progress has been made.” You write it is more than just sex to you , has there been any progress from your significant other in trying to show more affection? Or any other sign that he is hearing you and trying gradually to make some effort to make you feel what you’re seeking ?

The people who also commented to your post offer an important, but difficult truth that if you want to get to the heart of this quickly you have to have a direct conversation about this specific part of your relationship. Finally, like you said it took you years to know exactly what you want in your relationship. Is this entirely new to him? If so perhaps any small signs he is trying anything to show he is listening and trying not to become more of what you’re looking for in him maybe give him the time you gave yourself before you knew exactly what you were looking for. I hope you start feeling progress!