New to this and just want to ask a daddy questions (have a bf irl)

[cupcake02]

Hello! I'm kind of new to this (I've known about it for a while but tried to suppress my little/submissive side for as long as possible). I have a boyfriend who means well and we've been trying some things with control and things like that. It leaves me feeling very submissive and little, and while he tries to understand, he doesn't really. I'm just looking for a dom to talk to to understand how I can explain it to him in a way that he'll understand. Or, if that doesn't work, how I can take care of my self so I'm not left feeling depressed and upset. 

[Rob/Meh]

Well to begin with, if you are trying things in the realm of BDSM, you need to explain very well to your boyfriend what exactly you want from it, and the aftercare needed after every encounter you guys have, especially if it leaves you feeling very submissive and little. Aftercare and knowledge of BDSM are the most important. 

 

Before you have another session with him, I recommend you to sit down with him, and explain exactly how you feel, while doing it, and after you guys finished, so he can understand you better. If that doesnt help you, try to watch educational videos together about aftercare and basics of BDSM especially in the D/s dynamics, it's very important. 

 

If all of that doesnt work, you should make a plan beforehand (when you in big space, not sub, not little) of what to do after you guys are done, and set everything up so you dont have to prepare it all after it. That is different for every person, but you should include things that you like when in those headspaces, like blankies, your favourite stuffies, a cartoon show you like, some coloring, maybe some food like icecream, etc... It really depends on what you like/dislike, and what you have available.

 

Saying all of that, I must say one last thing, if you guys watch videos together to get information, remember that what might work for some people, may not work for you guys, so patience and experimentation is the key to success in this topic.

 

Hope you can figure things out with your boyfriend and continue on a healthy relationship.

[maddycakes]

If you are both brand new to BDSM, I think it is important to take it slow and build up a solid base of knowledge. It can be easy to get caught up telling him all the fun things you are interested in doing (and having him do to you), but first you need to lay the foundation, including the importance of mutual respect, safewords, consent, negotiation, limits, etc. For me, when I first tried to explain DDlg to my Daddy, I started with "I want You to be my Dom" "I want You to do xyz things to me" "I want You to tell me what to do". This initially caused a lot of problems for us because He did not have that foundational knowledge. He would give me rules or orders that made me uncomfortable, and when I protested (read: got upset and bratty), He became frustrated because He thought I was going back on what I had asked Him to do/not showing Him the proper respect. I hope that makes sense! If you are looking for a comprehensive resource you can try this guide: https://ddlgguide.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/the-daddy-dom-manual-1-1.pdf - my Daddy found it really helpful. It is pretty long, so there's no shame in reading through it slowly. Let your boyfriend know that he doesn't have to learn it all at once- you guys should enjoy the learning process together! 

 

tldr: BDSM/DDlg are HUGE topics that can take a lifetime to fully understand, so go slowly and be mindful of that as you introduce new topics so that your boyfriend doesn't get overwhelmed. Be careful of how you frame things and make sure you start with consent, respect, and safety

[cupcake02]

If you are both brand new to BDSM, I think it is important to take it slow and build up a solid base of knowledge. It can be easy to get caught up telling him all the fun things you are interested in doing (and having him do to you), but first you need to lay the foundation, including the importance of mutual respect, safewords, consent, negotiation, limits, etc. For me, when I first tried to explain DDlg to my Daddy, I started with "I want You to be my Dom" "I want You to do xyz things to me" "I want You to tell me what to do". This initially caused a lot of problems for us because He did not have that foundational knowledge. He would give me rules or orders that made me uncomfortable, and when I protested (read: got upset and bratty), He became frustrated because He thought I was going back on what I had asked Him to do/not showing Him the proper respect. I hope that makes sense! If you are looking for a comprehensive resource you can try this guide: https://ddlgguide.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/the-daddy-dom-manual-1-1.pdf - my Daddy found it really helpful. It is pretty long, so there's no shame in reading through it slowly. Let your boyfriend know that he doesn't have to learn it all at once- you guys should enjoy the learning process together! 

 

tldr: BDSM/DDlg are HUGE topics that can take a lifetime to fully understand, so go slowly and be mindful of that as you introduce new topics so that your boyfriend doesn't get overwhelmed. Be careful of how you frame things and make sure you start with consent, respect, and safety

Thank you! I think the issue we're having isn't that he's giving me too much, but rather he's very hesitant to have any type or control or be dominant in any way after the scene. Thanks anyways I appreciate it!