jealous lil :(
Posted 12 January 2021 - 10:24 AM
I know that his kids will always be a priority, as they should be! But I cant help but to feel this almost "irrational" feeling of jealousy when they are here on the weekends. So much of his attention is on them and I end up feeling neglected. Hes always very stressed when they are here, money wise and the fact there are two of them and they fight with eachother and cry. When they do something bad he freaks out and then two mins later hes consoling them which never happens in our relationship. I wish I was his only little. I've never dated a man with a kid let alone two little girls. I'm great with kids and I try to be kind to them and be more in a big role for them, adult role when they are here but I find my jealousy and stress levels get so much that I try to find any reason to leave when they are here, to go visit family or go for walks...
I guess I'm just looking for others who can relate or could give me advice on how to deal with this kind of jealousy.
Posted 12 January 2021 - 11:16 AM
You are not, or at least shouldn't be, competing for his attention or affection when it comes to his daughters. They are his children and as such they need to come first. Find time after they are in bed to be little with him. If he doesn't console you in your relationship then have an adult to adult conversation about it WITHOUT comparing it to how he treats his actual children.
At the end of the day you are his partner and little, not his child.
- attender, Satan, MissPattch and 3 others like this
Posted 12 January 2021 - 01:12 PM
I think your best bet is to bring it up with him and explain what your feelings are. It's important for him to know how you're feeling so it can be worked out.
As pink said that is his family that he is obligated to be with and treat with the upmost importance, and that's how it should be.
Looking at it from another side, the fact he is giving that amount of attention shows he is a good person, and that's the kind of person that you want.
Posted 12 January 2021 - 01:45 PM
The girls are 5 and 6, close to your little age you say. Make them your friends, leave him out of it. It will be good for the four of you.
- lil.prinsesa likes this
Posted 12 January 2021 - 08:26 PM
I understand the idea of this jealousy, I feel like maybe I don't want to be a parent because it would be awkward for me if the child was calling my partner Daddy or just plain weird if I'm in the same headspace as the child which would pressure me to just always be the adult. I also feel like it'd take away from the dynamic because you have to focus on responsibilities, being parents, adults, etc. I don't know how littles who are parents do it, but the whole idea kinda scares me so I kind of get where you're coming from.
It is best to remind yourself that what he is doing is focusing on his responsibilities, which does make him a good leader and role model. He wouldn't be a great caregiver in general or a dominant if he didn't also handle his other responsibilities. You definitely need to have a conversation with him about how to make time for the two of you when his children are there, and express your feelings so that maybe he can put a little effort in reminding you throughout the day that you're important to him. You will also have to accept that when they're with you guys that he has to make room for them too. A previous suggestion of making friends with his daughters is a good idea. Involve yourself, play with them, and have a good time together. Try activities you can all be involved in like maybe a tea party that he can join in on with all of you.
La petite vampiress.
Posted 13 January 2021 - 08:50 AM
I pondered on this for a while before replying , because I like to dissect things and look at the gross innards.
Did you possibly have a shitty childhood ? That probably sounds like a very up front and possibly rude question , but I’ve found it extremely common (in myself as well) that jealousy over kids with great parents occurs in people that had bad childhoods.
My point of view from what you’ve explained , it sounds like you were lacking care in childhood and didn’t receive the care you needed. Everyone has different reasons for being a little , and this reason is very common. Now that you’re in a relationship and have a Daddy , having REAL children around can probably be really frustrating. Their real kid , not an actual adult who should be able to function alone in the world. So when they need their dad , of course he’s going to run to them first.. because you’re an adult. Unfortunately, if you can’t get past the jealousy it is my opinion that you should reevaluate the relationship. If you constantly have jealousy over his children , especially to the point where you just leave because you’re so frustrated .. it’s going to lead to him feeling like he has another child on his hands and not a partner.
Opening up a little here so you don’t feel alone or like this is an attack on you , because it’s totally not.
I personally hate kids. I had a really shitty childhood , so even though I am extremely good with children I would never want any of my own or take care of a partners kids. I *know* I would be a good mother. I don’t even have a kid and I resent the kid that doesn’t exist , because I would give it a better life than I had. I would never want to resent a kid , so I choose not to have any. (Other reasons as well but this is relevant here).
If you feel you can’t get over the jealousy , it might be time to move on.
If you feel that you can make strides and take the above posters’ advice , and help be a partner to him and help raise the kids and have fun instead of it being stressful and chaotic... that is what I wish for you.
Best of luck !
- lilgiggleberry likes this
Posted 13 January 2021 - 08:26 PM
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