Compliments.

[DaddysMonkey]

..... Hi. *waves*

 

New day , new coffee , new thoughts.

 

Something I’m trying to actively work towards is having better self esteem and loving myself more. Usually , when people compliment me I’m very quick to “correct” them in my mind.

 

Example :

“Wow , you look really nice today.”

“Psh I look like a bum .... thanks though.”

 

It’s so hard for me to just accept people’s compliments without discrediting them and I want to change that. I think part of my issue is that a lot of people compliment me on physical things when I would rather have my intelligence complimented. Don’t get me wrong , it’s nice to have people think you’re attractive. But nothing beats “dang look at that big old sexy brain”.

 

So my questions are/ is :

 

What compliments do you struggle accepting , and deflect ? What compliments are easier for you to accept ? What is your favorite 1-3 compliments to receive ?

 

 

Anything physical , I have an extremely hard time with. Compliments about my looks I never believe and deflect almost every time. Those types of compliments feel so shallow to me that I can never justify putting thought into it. So you think I have nice abs , boobs , or a pretty face ? That doesn’t really impress me to compliment that. Like I said , it can be flattering and nice but like Ron White says.... you can’t fix stupid. Beauty will fade. If my physical appearance is the only thing you notice , unfortunately you probably won’t have the brain power to keep up with me.

 

Compliments that are easier for me to accept , are usually about my work ethic or strength. I work a lot of hours , on top of house duties , usual life chaos and trying to fit in being little in the middle of all the chaos. When people compliment the things I have , such as my house , it makes me feel really good because I know I worked my fuckin ass off to get it.

Strength is something I’ve always been proud of so I will gladly take compliments about it. Just like with working a lot of hours , I fit working out into my schedule and keep a strict diet. It takes a lot of dedication and work. Being the only female at the company I work at , AND the physically strongest employee .... it feels amazing to have the boys tell me how buff I am and that I could kick their asses. Usually if someone can’t lift a box or get something open , they’re yelling for me to come help them.

Or when they can’t figure out why a device is malfunctioning, and they have me come trouble shoot it and fix it in five minutes compared to them fiddling with it for a half an hour. Usually the customer is impressed and will compliment me on knowing more than the boys in a male dominated industry.

Edited February 23, 2021 by DaddysMonkey

[MissPattch]

You're on FIRE with conversation starters recently

 

Compliments about my looks have always been really difficult for me to accept, because i feel like my outsides don't match how i feel i look on the inside. So when Daddy calls me cute / pretty / beautiful, i get extra uncomfortable     >.<

 

The ones i can more readily accept are ones about my personality and/or its flaws and my vast general knowledge. I have a pretty good vocab and words and language are super easy for me.

 

My top 3, if i had to pick would be :

 

1) My helpful nature. If you need it, and i can provide it, i will; and if i can't, i will go out of my way to find someone who can.

 

2) My parenting style. I love my kid more than anything on this earth, and i get a buzz when people tell me how polite he is or what a well behaved young man i am raising. I see it as my duty to break the cycle that i saw in my family growing up, and also his fathers, so when people point out that i am succeeding, i like it and it makes me feel good. 

 

3) My perseverance. I'm like a dog with a bone when i am striving for something i want. Currently, its weight loss. I'm older now, and its harder, soooooo freaking hard some days, but i stick to it. I walk past the pastries and the chocolates and the fizzy. And i'll keep doing it until i am where i want to be. (Daddy has been a huge heap of support in this when my weight stalled and i came close to giving up hope that my number would get smaller)  Also, i've had 3 long term relationships in my life, and when they each ended for what ever reason, i was the one that walked away and started over from scratch each time. Not getting up again is not an option in my book ^^

Edited February 23, 2021 by MissPattch

[Nymph]

I think it would help if you stop thinking about yourself so much... your brains don't show as easily and people sometimes are just trying to be nice... even if you don't actually look that great that day, or your abs are not the most impressive ever or if your face nothing out of the ordinary. There is beauty in everyone both physical and mental, why not stop yourself thinking of a BUT about their compliment and give the compliment back instead?

 

That being said, if you manage to just think about it and not blurt out your thoughts about their comment is already a pretty big step in my book! I started like that, then I added the polite smile and thank you. Same approach than getting a gift you don't like, you just appreciate the thought you know?

 

I don't really bother keeping track of compliments because like you, they don't mean much for me UNLESS they are coming from Daddy then the silliest little thing sends me over the moon XD and there are times I can tell people are just trying to kiss my butt and it's annoying and borderline offensive no matter what they say.

 

Here are some memorable moments instead in no particular order:

• A friend from here saw my picture for the first time in a discord server, she said I look like a model. It warmed my heart because she is super sweet and I know it was her love for me showing. I don't particularly care for looking like a model but I know she just meant that I am good looking.
• A total stranger ran half a block to tell me how awesome my scarf was... no she didn't have super special vision, it was a huge cozy scarf hard to ignore to the point I felt a tiny bit silly in it being short. I loved that scarf and have to save up to finally buy it and it was the first time I wore it, my then fiance (not hubby) didn't notice it even though I had mentioned it before a couple of times. It made my day.
• My son's therapist congratulated me on how I handled my son's tantrum, I kinda forgot we were there and I just handled it like usual. He has grown out of it but those were some stressful couple of years and it meant a lot to know at least I could handle it well.

[StrngButSweetDD]

Compliments are a tricky thing for a lot of people to give and take, it's not just you by any stretch.  And a compliment to a woman from a man can often feel like it could come with strings attached or is the beginning of hitting on her, so that adds some complexity too.

 

I'm very much a giver of compliments, it's definitely part of my love language.  I also compliment men and women randomly when there's something that jumps out as being particularly cool/unique/etc. that they are doing.  I love putting a bright spot in their day and spreading a little positivity.

 

But I've been doing it a while and there are some things to be careful of as a man complimenting women you don't know in particular.  So I'll throw it out there both to help any men reading, and to illustrate that if you are a woman struggling with how to receive a compliment, it might not be just you, but that it was delivered awkwardly, and that's not your fault.

 

I always compliment something she chose, rather than something she is.  I admire (and know more than most guys about) women's fashion, makeup etc. so those are obvious choices.  And a compliment on shoes, outfit, hair style, etc that she obviously spent a lot of time on is easier for her to process and less personal than one on her looks, beauty, body, etc.

 

I keep it quick and to the point - "Hey I just wanted to say that your skirt is awesome, I love that print!!"  So she doesn't start wondering where some rambling thing is going.

 

And I don't have any expectation of a response or conversation resulting from it.  I usually set it up to tell her and then leave immediately after.  So if she's surprised, awkward etc. about it then she can process that on her own without a stranger standing there in front of her.

 

That combo seems to work 95% of the time in what I want to do, which is tell someone I like something, and brighten their day.

 

Not exactly the answer to your OP, but I love giving (successful) compliments, so wanted to chime in!

[Vampiress]

Compliments on looks will also be the hardest for me, but I will usually try to respond with a "thank you." I guess these types of compliments seem so superficial. Who is saying it and in what context will determine how seriously I take these types of compliments.

 

When someone compliments me on something they've criticized me for before, like in anger, I also won't take these types of compliments very seriously.

 

Compliments that I'm more open to are about things I've done, especially ones I care about, or certain personality traits and my intellect. These types of compliments really make me feel like the other person is paying attention, taking notice, and appreciating these things so there is more depth and seriousness to it. These kind of compliements are the best because they often catch me off guard (in a good way) because it's always a nice surprise that they were paying attention.

[baby_k]

I like genuine compliments, and not the "I'm being nice and polite person" ones. The genuine ones I adore, the ones that are just lip service I totally hate and have difficulties with.

 

Of course there are the ones that come really close to me because they are said by my partner/date, which can be more difficult as they hold more meaning, so taking them fully in may not be that straigh forward in case they conflict the way I see myself. Example: "you are so kind" and I start to go "errr, like, I'm openly an ass?" or "I adore how your nose looks like" and again I have difficulties to stop myself from "I'm soooo not fond of the nose...".

 

Before I was like most who cringe a little with compliments and somehow down played them. But then I saw some quote how lady always accepts compliments with grace. So, I started to take them as they were meant to be taken ( in case genuine ): smiling brightly and saying "thank you". I know getting the compliment can brighten my day but my reaction can brighten the other person's day. It's sort of give and take.

 

What I would like to hear is about who and what I am. Not what I do, how I succeed, how amazing I look or so. Especially about the darker stuff I would love compliments as it might help me be more at ease with my own flaws, imperfections and demons. Because even those darker hidden things are not too desirable, there is something good in them, how I use them or just how I control them.

 

Edit: typos

Edited February 24, 2021 by baby_k