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General Advice for New Daddies


Guest Miko

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Guest RedDragon

Hey guys! I'm definitely not a daddy, but I have a piece of advice!

Basically it's like knowing EVERYTHING about your little.

Know their shoe size, favorite color, menstrual cycle dates, favorite food, what they want to do, etc. etc.

Knowing facts like these make it seem like you care a whole bunch.

My daddy has had a bad problem with forgetting things. (He can't help it though, smaller hippocampus leads to smaller memory but that's beside the point.)

Sometimes when I ask him if he remembers something about me or us and he doesn't, I still can translate that to him not caring enough to remember. So knowing a lot about your little can help. Not only make the little feel special, but can definitely help you too later on.

I forget things very easy but I'm slowly getting better at improving my memory. I wanted to comment only to support what you say here. I think you're 100% right! But I also don't just want it to seem like I care, I genuinely do care. When my memory betrays me, it sends the message that I don't care which couldn't be further from the truth. I know beyond a doubt that my current poor memory has caused too much heartache in my past relationships. So I work hard to improve it. There is little worse than knowing you affected someone in a negative way through your forgetfulness. It comes across as clumsy and uninterested when what you really feel is love and admiration. When my mind betrays me this way, it is instant Dom drop.

 

I think I just made the decision to ask for help when I meet someone. Maybe if I'm clear up front about this, my little can support me and together we can find a fun and productive way to help me remember the important things? It's worth a conversation at least:)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Im brand new to this forum and this is my first post. My little and I have been together about 8 months and this is both of our first DD/LG relationship, but its worked really well for us and has come really naturally to us. We just kinda migrated to it after about two months together.

 

What ive learned in that time, is that its a very fine line inbetween being strict and dominant, and pushing to far and just being mean. Shes also very stubborn and bratty and she will admit it, but its like another poster said, its her testing dominance and control of our relationship.

 

My point is, is that, i think littles want a Daddy whose dominate and in control, but will test you. So you have to be strict and offer structure, but you have to be very very careful to do it in a fair, caring way.

Edited by SugarBear
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I'm not going to say I'm the best daddy and know everything, the truth is I am really not, I get a little nervous to be the dominat, I want my little to feel special, but we have gotten into a lot of fights over that I'm not dominant enough and don't call her out on things, I have before and I really like to....just sometimes I can't do it and let it slide... I know I can't change who I am, but I want to be more dominant. I know it's not something I ant just do, but I really want to try..
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Hi all, I'm new here. I'm looking for knowledge on how to be a better daddy. about 1.5 years ago, I met my girlfriend. After we'd been going out for a while, she started calling me daddy, and I thought it was just an unusual cute name, like "honey" or "baby". I was married for 15+ years, in a very vanilla relationship. I sort of became imprinted into that lifestyle, even after my divorce. I also started having some problems with ED. She gave hints that she liked to be tied up, and I KNOW she liked to be spanked. I didn't know anything about the DD/lg lifestyle.

 

 

I didn't realize how important all the attention was to her, and I was dealing with a few months of depression (didn't realize I was there again) and was spending more time alone, just being alone. Before realizing I was depressed, she gave me an ultimatum that she needed more contact, and needed a decision in a few hours. In frustration I told her we were done, and when she asked "for good or just a break?" I said for good.... I've been kicking myself ever since. After 7 weeks apart, I bought a ring and proposed to her with flowers last week, asking to be her daddy forever. I explained that daddies can make mistakes too, and needed her help fixing this one. The answer was no. During the 7 weeks since the breakup, we have been friendly, and have texted and called each other frequently.

 

She found a new daddy, experienced in BDSM, who is also 16 years older than her (I am just 6 years older, in my mid 40s). He has given her reason to doubt his loyalty, and she has called me late at night in a panic twice, wanting to drink or take valium, and once she had to go to her car at work for an hour because of a panic attic brought on by the new daddy, and spent that hour on the phone with me.

 

The BDSM lifestylke has always drawn me, but while married I had to keep it to myself. I ended up having a fear of letting any potential lovers know about my desires. I want to be able to be more open about this, whether or not I can earn her trust and love back. I didn't realize at the time how much direction she really needed in her life. She needs to be pushed to work out and eat healthy and clean up her home and car. The new daddy has done all this, but I suspect that he will soon be seeing more girls on the side and break her heart when she has finally had enough. He was doing this the first 2 weeks they were exclusive, hence her panic attacks. When I met her she was a wreck, in a long-term abusive relationship where her and her man would physically fight, drink to blackouts, and it took me months to get her out of regular panic attacks where she would harm herself on her arms until bleeding, and to stop the blackout drinking.

 

Since new years, I had been making big mistakes, failing to show how proud I was of her, failing to discipline her, and failing to frequently check up on her via text/phone to let her know she is loved and how important she is to me.

 

She has teenage kids whom I care about very much, and I have 3 younger kids aged 7-12, who have grown fond of her and her children. She is very much dominant outside of the relationship she is in, and with her kids. My only goal right now, other than her being happy and safe, is trying to earn my way back into her heart. I'm hoping I can learn something here to help with that mission. I need my babygirl back, and I'm worried that another disloyal lover/daddy dom will wreck her again.

 

We're still friends, and I saw her today at our church, and we hugged and talked.

 

I just need some advice. I know I screwed up. Do I have any hope to regain her love?

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  • 1 month later...

Hello everyone, I am a new Daddy to this lifestyle and i have just found a little to take care of. things are going good and I am welcoming of any tips i could get from anyone just to help me be the best possible daddy I can be.

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These are my general rules to be a successful, RESPECTABLE Dominant. (For those in relationships, and those who aren't)

 

1. NEVER refer to yourself as a litte's Daddy until they call you that.

2. Read, ask, read, ask, and read again. There is always more to learn in every field of BDSM, and no one knows all of it.

3. Don't forget it's still a relationship. She may call you Daddy but in many ways she's also your girlfriend, and even you wife for some couples. (This is specific to those who do not compartmentalize their lifestyles.)

4. Remember, you are not entitled to your little's submission. It is a gift.

5. Remember that your little can be just as big at her biggest as she is little at her smallest. Some little's are little most of the time, some have an even split between big and little. Learn to tell the difference and act accordingly. 

6. Also discuss the things you want. Sexually, and emotionally. This should be a rule for every relationship the world over. Often times the things you're afraid to ask for are exactly the things they are curious about. It's crazy how many "little" coincidences like this happen. (Pun intended.)

7. Make. Good. Puns.

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I am new to being daddy and i have found a little to take care of recently. things are going good, i'm definitely open to any tips that anyone could give for just some good general advice for me to be the best possible daddy i can be in my relationship with my little. 

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Hey, I'm new to this DdLg scene and it's only been about three days. My Princess is someone I have known for almost a decade and we are in awkward positions in our love life but we trust eachother more than any one. So she asked me to be her first and only Daddy. I need some other Doms to talk to and get advice from. My Princess is everything to me and I want to learn more and gain as Mich experience as possible. So if there are any Doms or even any littles out there with advice please message me. I want my Princess to be happy with Daddy.
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look into rabb.it if you havent already.  its a good way to spend some qt with your little.  watch movies and TV together.

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I'm a Caregiver as well in a LDR as well, and I'd say that you should pretend that distance does not exist, talk to your little about small details of the day, like you would if you were with them. 

Also, Skype a lot, have dates (like movie dates on Rabit or playdates/craft dates/ets... on skype), and make sure to keep communication. 

You can check if they respected their rules at the end of the day, or completed their tasks if they had some (there's a free app called choremonster, which is super convenient).. 

 

And of course, you can send them parcels, or letters with your perfume, one of your scarf... 

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Heyy I'm a Big Daddy Soul owner... I have a middle little much younger than I. My Princess is totally new to all it... The number 1 rule is communication!!!! HAve a "Safe word" not just for sexy time but for all the time. Nither of you will never fully know what's is out of bounds especially when your little is younger.. When this word is spoken ours is " peanut butter" we stop and talk. That word is not to be used lightly or for fun, It's not for discipline either! No real Daddy needs to ask how to be a Daddy or CG... If it doesn't come naturally its not real..Daddys should trade tips techniques methods and if your in to it Chems.. Edited by SoulOwnerBigDaddy
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Guest NeedToServe
Ask and answer questions. Get to know the person, not just the "little" stuff. Never demand respect without first giving it. Be honest. Thats a biggie! If you need something in a relationship, express it early. Communication is absolutely vital. Talk, but also listen and take notice. If you are only looking for bedroom kink, let them know. If you want 24/7, let them know. Don't do the "Domly McDoufass" act of ego and arrogance. Identifying as a Dom or a daddy entitles you to absolutely nothing. Edited by ServingHim
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  • 2 weeks later...
Hey, my name is Alex, I posted yesterday but the post didn't get too much attention. Anyways I figured I'd post again because there's this girl that I'm into that's into ddlg but I'm not sure how to act or be, not to mention I want to turn her on as much as I can and I'm not sure how to punish the little one if she's being bad. I've looked into the community a little bit, as well as read up on some ways to act like a good daddy but I feel like reading up on it isn't enough and I'd rather talk to people in the community and get ideas and advice from there. Anyways if you read this I'd love to get some help, please leave a comment or message me, thanks
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I'm a little but I just wanted to add and say I hope someone answers this and maybe my attention will help a little. I have some experience but my Daddy only learned of it when we started dating 9 months ago. He is committed and likes being my Daddy but well, he's not so good at it beyond sexy roleplay. He isn't dominant really and doesn't wanna do any punishments especially since im kind of a "bratty princess but sweet and loving" as he put it. Like I had to explain why collaring is significant to me all day and he kept asking if what he did to show he loved me wasn't good enough and saying that an old necklace he gave me should do it and that the engagement ring and getting married should be symbolism enough. He also doesn't really care about like/care when I color for him or stuff like that. It leaves me at a loss feeling a void cuz him trying puts it on my mind but I think he just doesn't fit it but he insists he wants to be my Daddy not just my fiance and soon to be husband.

 

Also punishments are difficult because I have PTSD from a very abusive ex who forced me into sex slavery being raped and beaten pretty much daily. I like playful "punishment" but anything physical is out of the question cuz it's a massive trigger and I'll ve crying and shajing in fear for hours

Edited by Littlelexxi
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I'm  new to ddlg, i'm on my littles page. i just need help understanding the fundamentals. punishments, humiliation,and how to understand a little when she is in deep little space also need advice on the differince between going into little space and being in deep little space and more in detail just about little space how to treat it the best way things to watch out for things how to be the right kind of dom messege me on kik at AlexVLaplant247 or this page 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I would say that opening the lines of communication is key. You have to feel comfortable enough with each other to ask questions and voice opinions without fear of judgement or punishment. If you're really open and honest with each other about your wants, needs, and preferences, the dd/lg dynamic falls into place naturally. Hope this helps!

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hii!! i am a little and the hardest thing for me is when my Daddy forgets to be consistent or doesn't follow through on His rules... it makes me feel like i can get away with being sneaky :p!!!  and i love when He teaches me and guides me... we looked up a bunch of stuff at the beginning and He used His research to make a list of rules for me.  He also has a good girl chart/calendar for me where i get stickers on really good days and X's on bad days.  at the end of each month He adds up the x's and stickers and if i get enough stickers i get a reward... this is my favorite thing and makes me try extra hard to be the best little!! -xx babysara24

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey,

 

I have been in a ddlg relationship with a little who lives in a different country from me for about 2 weeks and i was looking for advice to either help me with getting use to being a daddy and some of the conventions of ddlg. I talk to her at every possible oppurtunity i get and she seems to enjoy talking to me as she always says that she loves our chats. I always make a habit of making sure she gets plenty of sleep for school the following day, i always check that she has had enough to eat when she comes back from dinner with her family and that she drinks enough water throughout the day.

 

Any advice and constructive critiscism is more then welcome

 

Thanks,

Cam

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EDIT: i have also made it clear to her that anything she doesn't like she doesn't have to do and to tell me straight away if she does or doesn't like something we do.
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There is no textbook way to be a daddy, there is no guide that will teach you how to be the perfect daddy and there definitely isn't a guide that will teach you what's best for your s/o. You need to ask yourself these things and figure them out for yourself. Do things that make your little happy as well as yourself, keep making her feel safe and happy. Maybe set up some rules if you two feel comfortable with that and want them, watch movies with her through Skype, message her throughout the day. Just generally do things that make you and her feel happy. You will naturally figure out the ropes, communicate with her and ask her if there's anything she wants out of the DD/lg dynamic and make sure you ask yourself what you want out of it too and just get a discussion between the two of you going. 

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There's no way to be a perfect Daddy, LDR or not. But I DO have some tips

 

1) Don't lose your phone/ means of communication. Depending on the Little it can scare them pretty bad

2) Talk to your Little (preferably when he/she is OUTSIDE of their Little space) about things they like in and out of Little space.

3) Set up rules and guidelines, most Little love them.

4) Be pushy every once in awhile. Don't allow the "But daddy..." thing to get to you too much. No means no.

5) Skype with him/her both in and out of Little space

6) Make sure he/she knows that you don't always expect them to be Little, that it's okay to 'adult' sometimes with you.

7) If your not happy don't fake it, it makes us worry that we have done something wrong.

8) Let him/her try to fix you when your not feeling good, even if that means too many band-aids on your knee if you scraped it

 

*What your doing now is great! I based this off of my DDLG relationship and this is only a few because I didn't want to overwhelm you ^^ Most of these depend on what age your Little likes the best, but some of these might help!*

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-Talk OTP or face-to-face on Facetime or Skype as much as possible. Seeing and hearing you will really help establish a connection between you tso and help you take notes on her usual body language, how she talks when she's happy and how she talks when she's sad, etc.

-Cybering. This is kind of like sexting, but in word form instead of picture form. Seeing you but not being able to touch you will probably bother her at times. Cybering doesn't ahave to be sexual, it could just you and her sending sweet things like *hugs you* or *kisses you* so you can both imagine being able to do that. I do this with my Daddy when he's working and it really helps. :D

-Play with her. When she's in little space read her stories- in fact, try to make storytime a regular thing she can look foward to on specific days of the week, and make them saucy. We've heard all the Disney Princess clichés and Little Red Riding Hoods and all that. Make up unique ones or buy ones you can read to her over Skype.

-Rules. Give her rules she's expected to follow and tasks to complete throughout the day, and try to be creative when coming up with punishments. It's harder with LD relationships, but if you get creative there are good options. Take away story time, if you decide to make that a thing. Deny phone calls for a day and limit her to texting, and really inforce rules harder when she's disobeying/get really strict. She'll call you mean but if she's really unhappy she'll do a lot more than just call you mean- trust me.

-Know her. Memorize her nervous habits, her sad voice and the things she hates doing. Ask her if she's okay if you sense anything wrong with her, and comfort her when she has to do uncomfortable things; inevitable things, like waking up early and walking a while to school, not things like homework and chores. Those are things you should be strongly advising her to and not letting her slack off on.

-Dress her. This may or may not be something she'll like. But if she does, subtly advise her on what to wear if she's little. Tell her to put on her favorite shirt if she's sad, tell her to change into old clothes if you know she's about to go outside and play or do something messy like fingerpaints or baking.

-Send her toys and little things like onsies or pacis and storybooks so she knows you care.

-Give her nicknames and make a habit of calling her by them.

-Help her with homework.

-Never ignore her. There are times when us people just have to shut our phones off, but let her know you'll be gone a while if that happens.

-Surprise her. Things can get boring in LD, so keep things fun and sweet by sending her cute poems and things you love ahout her, silly selfies, new stories on days where there's usually no storytime, send her things without letting her know sk she's surprised withna new stuffy or book or paci, etc.

There's a lot more you could do but I'll make sure I revisit this topic later.

Edited by prncsscs
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