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Please help me..


Snowylittle98
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Hello. I'm a 23 year old female little. I'm from Germany so I hope my english isn't too bad.

Right now I'm in bed crying because my daddy went to bed even though I told him that I'm feeling really bad right now. I told him that I feel like I love him more and in a different way than he loves me. And he actually agreed. He said he's not a relationship person but why did he look for a girlfriend then? We've been together for almost three years now. We are long distance but live in the same country and it actually wouldn't be so hard to meet. We met once in real life and it was the only time we actually really got along. We don't fight a lot but he's not interested in anything about my life at all. He doesn't like to video call, to just voice call or even send pictures. We talk 24/7 though and I know a 100% that he doesn't cheat on me. He did watch porn in the beginning of our relationship though (we said that we wouldn't do that) but he stopped once I found out and he actually realized how much it hurt me. He even cried because of that and he never cried once after that incident. Basically all we do is text all day long (except for the time he's at work). I try to talk about interesting things but he doesn't care at all and most of the time only replies with "mhhh". He doesn't like to read me nighttime stories anymore. He doesn't say that he'd love to cuddle me anymore or just anything like that. I told him a million times that I feel unloved and sad. I even told him that I wish I would've never met him because I didnt know how much pain this would cause me. he does tell me that he loves me if I ask him, he does sometimes still act like a daddy and in some moments he even does some really sweet things like telling me that there's a game he thinks I'd like to play. But in general he's indifferent to everything. He doesn't care about anything at all. He's never jealous and gets really annoyed when I'm jealous. He goes to sleep when I tell him that I need him. He always makes everything seem like it's my fault and makes me feel so guilty. It sounds as if he's really bad but I promise he can be nice and caring and loving and when we actually met I really loved it. But I'm tired. I don't feel loved at all and he even said he doesn't love me in the way I love him. but he doesn't want to break up. He'll come to visit me for the second time in April. But I'm feeling hopeless. I feel so hurt and I feel so unloved. I don't think I've ever emotionally felt so bad even when I was suicidal and really depressed a few years ago. But I can't leave him. I can't do it. I love him to death. I'd immediately give him all my money if he asked for it. I think I'd even die for him. I love him so much that my heart hurts just thinking about leaving him. I feel like dying everyday and I'm very unhappy. Talking to him doesn't change anything because he says that's just the way he is and he can't change.

I'm sorry for talking so much and I think everything is a mess and I don't know if anyone understands what I'm talking about. I want to feel loved. I want a daddy who cares about me and makes me feel safe. I really just need love. I feel like I might hurt myself because I'm so hurt but I know he probably wouldn't even care about that ..

Someone please help me and tell me what to do other than leaving him :(

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I think I have to add that on my last post I said many good things about him. He isn't abusive or anything but I didn't want to make him seem bad in the other post. I wanted a normal daddy / little relationship and was extremely scared he'd leave me. I still am. But I know now that not everything is my fault and that he isn't as good as I thought he was. I just love him so much that I'd rather pretend that he's the best person than to say anything bad about him. But I can't stand it anymore. Because my heart hurts so much that I feel as if I might just die to escape all of this pain...
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Guest DomfromNSW

LDR can be very hard. Building a connection is slower in real life and it feels like the bad times are multiplied by ten, and the good times aren't really that good because they aren't in person. On top of that, it's also extremely hard being a little because you want to give everything of yourself to someone but this can be very dangerous especially if you haven't taken a very very long time building trust and connection. 

The only thing I can say to you is that you are not alone in your hurt and pain. I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible - and if you feel like this is the person for you, the best thing you can do is try and keep yourself busy while you're apart: hobbies, friends, family. You should also speak about moving in together and living together as soon as possible and create a plan to be together. If he has no intentions for this, as much as you don't want to hear it, you have no choice but to move on. You deserve happiness, good luck

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I am sorry to hear your story. You seem the know the truth but are struggling to come to grips with it. It is highly likely that he is also going through some issues that are making him so uninterested and disengaged. But you seem like you require a consistent presence in your partner and caregiver. As hard as it can be, if someone is not reciprocating your love and is actively neglecting your needs despite communication, you need to realistically evaluate whether he is the right person for you. It can be difficult but you need to recognize your own worth and value and understand that you deserve the type of love and attention you need.

 

Despair is a common feeling when you are afraid of losing something. I agree with the previous post, you are not alone. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. And someone who goes to bed when you are in a state of panic and despair is not someone worth sacrificing your life (or money or values) for. Please connect with friends, family, members of this site and make sure you are leveraging whoever you have in your life to help you navigate this. My recommendation is you fully inform your "daddy" that he is not fulfilling his side of the relationship and without changes you have no choice but to move on and protect yourself so you can have the life you need.

 

If he truly is "the one," you need top from the bottom and get his ass in shape because you do not need to accept less than what you give. And as mentioned really seek to understand if he is going through his own mental or personal issues and what that means for your relationship.

 

Take care and don't worry, you will be fine either way. Chin up.

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Some, especially long distance / online are only about the chase. Once they get someone they lose interest. Seen it many times. 

 

Just care about yourself first and enough to only accept the best. Or at least someone who cares about you as much you do them. Remember you are the only you that you have. Love yourself first. 

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I'm not sure if this will be helpful but I think it is really important to note that you made a very similar post last July. That means the neglect you've been describing has been going on for over 9 months now at least if not longer.

 

If he's making everything seem like your fault that is a form of emotional abuse. If talking changes nothing then you need to ask yourself what you truly want. Staying with someone who isn't right for you may mean you aren't open to the right person when they come around.

 

You can't change someone else, only yourself.

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