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Just a new mommy with her thoughts and insecuritys


Nineko
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Hi everyone,

 

I am a newly discovered mommy(f, 26) that wants to explore with her little girl (22, amab, male presenting in day to day situations, female in play, so forgive my inconsistency in pronouns it's how they prefer it)

 

I dont even know what exactly I am looking for myself. I have been aware of the ddlg comunity for years but never thought it would be something I would like to engage in. Then after an intense BDSM play during aftercare my love slipped into little space, cuddled me and mumbled "love you mommy" and I was done for.

 

He never had a chance to explore his little girl in depth before and whenever he opened up about it in the past he was shamed for it or pressured to fit into someone elses expectations. I am somewhat scared to preasure her into my expectations also because I am enthusiastic to explore stuff and feel like I am waliking a tightrope between being encouraging and making suggestions vs being overbearing and too forceful.

 

The only part of being little she shows without shame is cuddling and playing with her little bear and other stuffed toys, (I still cuddle my chuildhood plushy every night myself so she felt encouraged there) but the emberassment she felt when she first mentioned her pacifier... She told me to ask her about it the next day clearly hoping I would forget about it. She loved cuddling me with her paci, but she was so ashamed to let me see it, always hiding her beautiful face away.

 

 

Our relationship is still fresh, we are still in the honeymoon stage trying to spend every possible moment together. We have been (nonsexual)playpartners since january and in a romantic and sexual relationship for a month now. I can read her fairly well in our "normal" BDSM play but still make sure to get her color so I don't judge situations wrong.

 

Before we started to play, I always thought I was a sub, but something about her made me want to dom and since then I have found my footing and feel more comfortable and confident in my role than I ever did as a sub. I still like to sub every once in a while but being a dom feels more fulfilling by far.

 

Most kink discussion in general is started by me, but I am happy to say that I get more and mor feedback and that even though a few months and kind words cant undo years of deeply ingraned insecuritys and feelings of inadequacy, he at least is reaching a stage where those insecuritys are openly comunicated so we can adress them heads on.

 

 

Anyway, I guess my most important questions here are how to proceed now. Do I just buy her toys and hope she likes them, do I encourage playtime? Do I take an active interest to show her that she does not need to be embaressed? Do I force him to talk to me even though he is clearly ashamed? Or do I let it rest? My instinctual reaction is to go on a small amazon shopping spree for some coloring books and pencils and maybe some other toys, but I do not know if that would be too much.

 

So anyways, thanks for reading my rambling here and I will apreciate all the responses I get

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I don't have any experience but it seems to me that you are living something very beautiful, the newness of thoughts and emotions, the caution and consideration all sorted through with gentle communication. Others, wiser than me will weigh in with more detailed advice, I just have encouragement and thanks for sharing your story.
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Hello and welcome to the forum.

As for your questions I would suggest making a thread in one of our other sections since the intros seem to get pushed down the list pretty quickly and most members do not read them.

Good luck and enjoy your journey.

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Pleasant evening Nineko, I simply wanted to say thank you. This for being there for someone who is vulnerable in sharing who they are. To continue to learn and explore your nature. I wish you both the very best.

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Anyway, I guess my most important questions here are how to proceed now. Do I just buy her toys and hope she likes them, do I encourage playtime? Do I take an active interest to show her that she does not need to be embaressed? Do I force him to talk to me even though he is clearly ashamed? Or do I let it rest? My instinctual reaction is to go on a small amazon shopping spree for some coloring books and pencils and maybe some other toys, but I do not know if that would be too much.

Firstly, it’s great that you are giving our sub a safe place to explore themselves. Opening up in this way is really difficult for most people, at least initially, no matter what you do. There are definitely ways that you can help make that process better but it really depends on your partner and yourself, there are a lot of variables to take into consideration.

 

9 times out of 10 when I see people looking for advice here, it’s clear that what they should be doing is having a conversation with their partner because of all of those different variables that come in to play. It doesn’t show weakness on your part to seek out understanding with them and clarity.

 

Ask them what they would like, how they would like it, if you should initiate or if they should, how best to initiate, if toys are something they are interested in and if so what kind, etc.

 

Schedule some time to have this conversation and both of your write down questions and thoughts you want to go over so that you are prepared to get the important stuff taken care of

 

Good luck!

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