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Safety first, think before you act.


shadowrider
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  I have been thinking about making a thread on this topic for a while but have been holding off until I had time to get my thoughts in order. I imagine I will step on a few toes along the way. But then again if your toes get stepped on you probably needed it. So if I say something that offends you or makes you feel some type of way I suggest you look in the mirror before you look my way. 
 
Trigger warning, facts and unpopular opinions ahead, you have been warned.
 
First let's look at the most often committed offenses that I see on a day to day basis and my suggestion as a response to them.
  • First message comes with petnames and or requests to partner up. examples: "Hey babygirl/princess/prince/little one", "hi daddy/mommy", "would you like to be my mommy/daddy/little?"  RUN! Seriously! Remove them from your friends list and never look back. They do not respect you or boundaries. 

 

  • Asking in the first couple messages to leave the forum because chatting here is "too difficult". That tells me you are not worth the small effort it takes to use the messenger here and they probably do not want you to be able to report them when they get out of line. This has been my experience over the last almost 6 years so take it for what it's worth.

 

  • Asking for pics to prove you are real is a legitimate request. I have seen my share of catfish over the years and some even send pics, until you ask for a certain pic to prove they are real then they get offended. But be sure you are ok sharing your pics and info before you click send. Don't feel pressured into doing it if you are not ready.

 

  • Asking for nudes right away is a major red flag RUN. I don't care what story someone gives you, once you send a nude pic you have no way of knowing where it will end up. Think long and hard before sending anything you wouldn't want your family or friends seeing some day.

 

  • Getting to know each other is great and can lead to an amazing relationship. It can also lead to someone whose last name you don't even know having your info. Be careful what and how much you share before you feel you know someone!

 

  • You just started talking and they are making demands like they own you? Telling you that you are not what you say you are and trying to manipulate you into doing what they want? RUN! Seriously do not hang around. Then report them and send us screen shots. Our community does not need predators like this.

 

  • Do not make desperate sounding status updates. example: "I just need a daddy/mommy/cg/little one so bad right now. I am so lost." This is chumming the waters for every shark in the sea. Yes the average member here may be great but there are always a few that are sketch and will hone in on your neediness and exploit it before you have a chance to realize what they are. Again, be careful online. 

 

  • Do not rush into a relationship with the first warm body that says what you want or need to hear. You are worth more than settling. Real relationships take time and if someone isn't willing to wait until you both think it feels right. Then they are not the one for you. Its simple, the only thing rushing gets you is sorrow. Take it slow and find the right one.

 

  • You think you have a connection with someone and now they want you to delete your account and they say they will too. Ummmm hold up. This isn't tinder or plenty of fish, we are not a dating site. Dating or hooking up is not what this site was created for. We are a community for the sharing of knowledge and the love of this lifestyle. Why would you need to delete your account just because you are partnering up? They say they are deleting? Let them. You hang around and keep sharing, learning. and growing. If they don't trust you to be here then they don't trust you at all. Lack of trust leads to jealousy and failed relationships. 

 

  • So you have a response to your ad and they sound perfect? Pump the brakes there speedracer. Most people check profiles, check their content too. How many responses to ads have they left in the last week/month? Did they make a genuine response to you that was tailored to your ad? Or does it look like a copy paste of what they said to half a dozen other members in the last couple days? In my opinion copy paste responses are like a slap in the face to me. That tells me they are either desperate to find someone/anyone. Or they do not care enough to take the time to write 75 words about why we should talk and get to know each other. Same goes for "filler text responses". Tells me they are lazy and they feel I am not worth their time or they can't put together 75 simple words.  For reference the underlined italicized text above is over 75 words, its literally that easy.

 

  • You get to the point with someone that you want to exchange phone numbers but they say you can only text or call at certain times during the day and never at night. Could be they turn their phone off when they get home, I know a couple people that do that. Could also be someone else is home and they can't talk. Just something to keep in mind. More on phone safety later.

Stay Safe:

  • Everyone wants to see their person and talk to them via video chat. Its great and a good way to connect. Just remember before doing anything other than talking that video chats can be recorded without you knowing it. So unless you are sure about who you are talking to or you don't care if your bits are seen on the web keep your clothes on.

 

  • Phone safety. Before you start handing out your number to every cutie that asks for it. Take a few minutes and download an app like burner. Use a burner number that cannot be traced to you in case you get that rare stalker type. I use those for everything I sell online because of the amount of catfish and crazies out there. Be safe.

 

  • Create a username that doesn't link to any other profile you have so it can't be searched to find you on social media. Trust me it happens. Be safe.

 

  • Create an email that does not connect to you in any way. Use it only for forums or sites like this. You can give it out and if someone searches it they can't find your name or any info about you. Be safe.

 

  • Think before you post and never post anything you may regret later. 
Be safe, have fun, and make connections. 
 
 
shadowrider
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all great points. I encourage everyone to read them and take them to heart.  There are so many fakes out there that want to take advantage of you no matter if you are a little or a daddy

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I think this should be pinned somewhere. As someone who has been a part of the kink community since they were young and naive, had I had some sort of itemized advice I would have definitely avoided a good share of trauma that I’ve experienced. Very well written!
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I think this should be pinned somewhere. As someone who has been a part of the kink community since they were young and naive, had I had some sort of itemized advice I would have definitely avoided a good share of trauma that I’ve experienced. Very well written!

Thank you kindly.

I was thinking about a section for safety tips and advice but wasn't sure if anyone else thought we needed that.

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Thank you kindly.

I was thinking about a section for safety tips and advice but wasn't sure if anyone else thought we needed that.

I think it’s a great idea, a sort of “harm reduction” kind of thing.

 

I can think of many things that would be nice to put in a safety section.

 

For example, how to identify abuse/different forms of abuse and resources for those that may need it.

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I think it’s a great idea, a sort of “harm reduction” kind of thing.

 

I can think of many things that would be nice to put in a safety section.

 

For example, how to identify abuse/different forms of abuse and resources for those that may need it.

Start writing and once the maintenance is done I may try and get a new section up and going and open it for submissions.

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Start writing and once the maintenance is done I may try and get a new section up and going and open it for submissions.

Aww man I dunno that I have enough brain power to put something like that together, make it cohesive enough, or have it flow well/make any sense.

 

But I suppose I shall do my best.

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Aww man I dunno that I have enough brain power to put something like that together, make it cohesive enough, or have it flow well/make any sense.

 

But I suppose I shall do my best.

I think you underestimate your noggin. But I'm sure you have friends you can brainstorm/collaborate with to get an end product you like. That could be fun, more fun than lab partners in school was for sure.

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  • 2 weeks later...

lol people dont understand tha being alone is better rhen someone you should not be .get too know someone sure ,get to know your self first tho then maybe you can  limit some of the stuff ythat happens .and maybe not get your self or anyone else hurt

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you so much for this post. I wish i would have known this information sooner but will start using the information immediately 

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Omg! I am new to this and I can't thank you enough. Like someone already said after hello that we should talk somewhere else. Thank God I didn't. Honestly thankyou so sooo much!!!!!✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

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