Just got out of Fetlife

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

I don't know if this is unpopular opinion.But I wanted to rant a bit about this.

I found Fetlife too much overwhelming for me. I felt that people were kind of too aggressive, and I found myself talking to literally 2 people in there which were like my safespace.

But aside from those nice people, the vast majority of my experience were a lot of creeps, sliding into my DMs or writings.

I see that many people there don't read profiles at all, and I discovered that I wasn't enjoying my time there.

I became too distrustful due to having conversations with people who showed a very creepy side of themselves after some chatting time and got angry for not submitting to them, or telling them I wasn't interested on their advances. I got to the point of completely detaching from conversations with new people and kept myself as a passive observer. Which is of course very boring and not the point of social media.

Compared to Fetlife, how do you feel about this forum community? I would appreciate some feedback.

 

Edit: thank you all for your responses and feedback :3, I really appreciate it. I'm going to give a try to this forum and see how it goes. Sorry for the late feedback. ☺️

Edited July 6, 2022 by SpacePrincess66
Thank you

[WigglyBun]

I feel the same about FetLife, people come across as very aggressive or intense. I actually have a close friend who somewhat helps me to vet people I talk to on FL, if I have any slight concern about someone who has messaged me or tried to interact with me I ask them to check out the message or the persons profile and they give me their thoughts (a friend of 14 years, who knows me very well & is better at sniffing out rude/bs/manipulative type of people, etc lol). I don't talk to many people, and if a message or content or person makes me feel weird or pressured I just tell them I am not interested and go on my merry way. One of the good things about most online spaces is that you don't have to talk to or deal with people that make you feel uncomfortable, or rude, or just not your kind of person (like maybe they don't like puppies or kitties?!).

I do enjoy this community a lot more than fetlife, and I do think it's a lot less intense & aggressive...BUT there are still the people out there who are 24/7 horny and send you weird messages, or ask you weird questions, or just aren't your type of person. It could be a good idea to not let people follow you unless you've talked to them either in the forum posts or in the chat for a while if you are really worried, but you can also ignore people that give you the creeps too, which is always a blessing.

I have talked to a few really amazing people here who are not creepy or aggressive, I think it's worth sticking around and make some good friends at the very least!

[The RealDaddyCat]

Fetlife is very predator heavy. It is not a super little friendly site especially if you are single. I am one of the leaders of a ddlg group there and we have had a few problems too. It is not a bad place for a couple to have a joint account especially to find local events.

[Guest London UK Daddy]

I hate fetlife 

Maybe about 1 in 20 can be friendly   the other 19 are horrible 

[Little kaiya]

My Daddy and I didn't really enjoy our brief stint on Fetlife. There were a lot of people who didn't respect our relationship. There were a lot of people who would ask very inappropriate things of my Daddy and I so we bailed pretty quick.

Edited June 25, 2022 by Little kaiya

[beanbean]

yeah i have heard fetlife was a nightmare.so i never really tried it

 

[Cebakes]

I am a pretty kinky guy and highly sexual, but deleted my Fet account after a day.  Too many fake profiles and soliciting.  Creepy vibe as well.

[Harlee-qwinnie]

When I asked about it, I was given an honest response by a Dom I trust. I decided not to go there based on my own gut feeling and his opinion. IMHO, my time and sanity don't need to be abused in that manner.  

My .02

[AsleepAndDreaming]

My experience of this website, and of DD/lg in general, is that to be properly involved in it, you typically have the word "care" at the forefront of your vocabulary. Whether you're a little who wants to be cared for, or a Daddy who wants to care for someone, or you're just concerned with seeing if you can help others, the community in general seems to be quite gentle.

Fetlife seems to be all about kinks. Some of these are borderline illegal and some include quite brutal forms of domination, abuse and pain. It's a rough melting pot of a world of extreme and often distasteful interests. I'm not sure why a little would be on there but I can't imagine too much good would come out of it.  

[seawayTremor]

There are a few nice people on fetlife, but the primary ones that you'll find are only thinking with their second head- male, female, or other. I keep mine running for the sake of trying to keep somewhat up to date with what's going on in the 'community' around me. I've had unbelievable numbers of creepy people come at me, but I've also had a couple of interesting people, though none of them turned into any kind of friendship so far. I think that if you can put on your big person suit for a bit, it's an alright site to look around and learn things on (not particularly about DDlg though...), but if you're sensitive or if you can't look beyond the rather self-interested people that are on there, it's definitely best to avoid it. 

Mostly, fetlife is just a more interactive pornhub so far as I can tell designed for hookups and kinky exploration. I'm not going to throw shade at people living life the way they want to, fetlife is fine for that- just beware the DMs and keep in mind what you're looking for in an online site. 

[Andriel_Isilien]

FetLife scared me off the first time I tried. Just the appearance was overwhelming because I felt like I couldn't be myself. But this year I got brave and put up my profile (it's the same I have here). I have set up strict boundaries that I spell out. If people won't even give the time to read it but instead message me to hook up then I won't bother giving them my time to respond. Simple. They can't accuse me of misleading because it's all there upfront. I am here to get to know the community, share discussions, make some friends, and learn. Already I have made a handful of acquaintances that are littles themselves on FetLife. We share stores that are good to shop at or what our favorite little things are. Any doms that come into my DMs pushing to be my daddy or mommy I don't engage or encourage. I can already see on their activity page that they are friending loads of other subs/littles so they won't be missing me. LOL

I am loving the discussions there as well as here because people ask some deep questions and the answers are so well thought out. It gets me thinking and self reflecting about what I can do to improve. I also love sharing the ideas for littlespace or favorite cute things! On FetLife I got to attend a meetup in a public place and meet so many people in the Ddlg community in my area. It was nice to see other people with similar interests and yet still be their own selves. I don't feel so alone being myself which is basically what I am seeking both here and FetLife. This forum makes meetups difficult because there are less people and we are more scattered across the globe.

It's good to know your limits. Don't feel pressure trying to be something you aren't even on FetLife. This forum here is pretty great! The mods do a wonderful job making sure we are keeping things safe and friendly here. FetLife is almost like a free for all running rampant until you are in a group or close circle of friends. I don't blame you for wanting to vent because people coming in aggressive right off the bat does feel disrespectful, especially when they ignore your profile. It's totally ok that you don't feel right using that site.

[Punographer]

What I've gathered about Fetlife is that in olden times, folks used it as a kinky Facebook. You'd be able to connect, learn, and keep up with your friends/community. The intention is that you would these people in real life. There are other kinky sites with similar ideas and like this one is specific to a certain interest. Fetlife has become rather mainstream and therefore getting more traffic. The more people you have, the wider the interests and purposes of being on the site are. There are other similar sites that have died off or banned certain things so they flock to the next best thing. Like when Craigslist got rid of their personals section. A lot of those folks who might not even be kinky are heading to Fet. Now for the nefarious folks and encounters on that site. Like anywhere on the internet, you will meet people who are empowered by the anonymity of the internet and held unaccountable for their actions/words. It takes maturity to handle how unforgivingly provocative others can be. 

 

Fetlife is a great way to find resources and continue learning. It's also a great way to find businesses that you can't just google up and possibly even support local kinky people and communities. It can also be a great way to find friends and fun events. It's generally a good place to explore/grow because you get so much exposure. 

Above all, it's a good way to meet groups of people in real life and keep in touch.  

 

[SpecterSprinkles]

The people on fetlife honestly scared me...😂 I lasted a week before I was like nope...this...this just isn't for me. I'm too fragile for the aggression I experienced on there. 

[Kittykat83]

Hiya, I'm sorry you've had such an experience. Fortunately when in there I've just had longterm experiences with nice people. It can get overwhelming, you do get s lot of 'do you want to see my cock'  or 'nice tits' or 'id love to do x, y or z to that arse' and to be fair I just brush them off, thank them for their comments and move on. Then I keep in touch with those who make me laugh or I can really talk to. I don't take it particularly seriously or think that those I talk to want something real except fun out of it. As most like myself are married, they maybe happy and just looking for something on the side or like me unhappy but trapped. 

In reality, they don't get the real me. Just partial me. 

But I think it's got to be used with a pinch of salt..... Basically a place where you can find a dom or daddy or what ever your wanting and have a bit of fun. If you get more than that, wow your lucky. But you do get a lot of tossers who are trying their luck for a shag, it can get overwhelming but it is what it is. If you can come to terms with that, it's a great place to meet fellow kinksters and have fun. 

In comparison I found this to be a friendly site and a safe place to be little. There it is harder and dirtier, a place where you get more of the sexy side of a bdsm encounter or relationship. 

Edited July 1, 2022 by Kittykat83

[dorkydaddydom]

I hate fetlife. Obviously I can only speak from a doms perspective and it's only my personal experience. Unless you're looking to buy something I found it near impossible to find anyone to talk to. People straight up ignore what you state on your profile (I guess that's true for most sites though). I can safely say it's the only site I've been routinely harrassed by girls (or catfish for that matter lol).

[ZenDaddy]

Lol, wow.. I have genuinely appreciated everyones take on FET.  Quite honestly like so many new to BDSM and alternative relationships, it was my first go to.  I learned much about the integrity of the site through the Submissive's  and my previous Little Girls, and understanding any site will have it's share of crazies and those who haven't done much if any 'self work'... I personally found a lot of (no disrespect) damaged beings there..   I became involved with two couples who were interested in me becoming a part of their 'harem', and after meeting with both the female and male of the duo a few times before deciding on joining in.. I decided not to and politely declined the invites.  One wife I actually became a friend and confidant of, as she shared her displeasure of her husbands antics and what she termed as 'addiction' to this one group of swingers.  I also attended numerous 'Munchies'.. and was unimpressed with the 'energy'.  

What's my point?!  From personal experience and encounters, I find it difficult to consider re-enter that arena and platform.  I am totally understanding and aware that there are very good, emotionally healthy and sound individuals on FET... unfortunately, I didn't cross paths with them the months I was on that site, nor was it my experience of personal encounters.  I would also agree with the 'Predatory' ish comments made on this forum about FET. 

Comparing Apples to Oranges?  I have become very much a believer of the integrity of this forum, and the individuals I have had the privilege of crossing paths with here compared to there.  There is, again for my experience, a level of 'depth' here I never found on FET.  Does it serve a purpose and speak to some?  Absolutely.  However, my walls and guard are up regarding endorsing it to anyone exploring BDSM or alternative relationships.   

[DaddysMonkey]

I can also attest to personal experiences on Fet. I have an extremely low bullshit tolerance , and was met with a lot of disrespectful people on that site. Whether it was being a straight up creep covered in red flags , or people just not respecting my boundaries. 
 

Something I can appreciate about Fet , is that it does delve into the darker things. Ddlg is often seen as a lighter and softer lifestyle (although people obviously blends kinks and lifestyles) but as a whole … ddlg is seen as kind of sunshine and rainbows. So offshoots like me who are middle , but like having the wholly shit beat out of them for sexual funsies have a hard time feeling comfortable opening sexual discussion topics that are darker. 
 

Something I appreciate that this site has/does over fetlife , is the substantial difference in the amount of porn all over the site. This is just an extremely personal one , but as someone with an extreme eating disorder and body dysphoria… it’s not fun just having triggers plastered all over while you’re trying to genuinely learn. Besides my personal triggers , while being a little or middle , having that kind of adult content shoved in your face can be detrimentally shocking and throw you out of your headspace. 
 

I was on Fet eons ago , when I was still a fresh daisy. And even back then I just thought it was trash. Deleted my account and never want back and that was years ago. There’s a cup of tea out there for everyone , just try to find yours !

[Ion1234]

I have never been on fetlife 

[Little Becca]

I think I signed up for Fetlife at some point but quickly realized it was not for me.  There were two other sites I was on, but I cancelled those memberships when I realized the Daddies there weren’t really of the caregiving type, but more of just the Dominant type. (And eventually realized they just wanted me to - or were ok with - me calling them “Daddy” when a little girl really wasn’t what they were looking for.)

 

Of course everyone has their preferences and needs!!! But I am just someone who craves care. I really need that in my relationship. So I think this site is better for finding a Daddy like that. Someone who probably has Dominant qualities (or IS a Dom), but also had a deep desire to provide a lot of care for their little. So I think this is the bestest site for that!!!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

Edited July 3, 2022 by LittleLavenderGirl

[Accountable Daddy]

FL is a whole beast to itself. I have had several bad experiences and the closest I had to a good one was making a couple of platonic friends in a city I don't live in anymore. 

The place is overwhelming and archaic. They don't have a search feature (by design, I understand. Like you're in a room and have to go through the room to find who you're interested in. Cute idea, frustrating to deal with). There's a lot of issues with sexual assault and abuse across the board by people who do meet on there. Which, of course, is justified by "it's just part of BDSM." The number of incidents and scandals I heard about is pretty high and I wasn't particularly involved in FL.

I went to a few meets. The first was a "munch" where you meet in public to get to know a few people. Went to a play party, which was just too extreme for me, but otherwise fine. I also went to a Dom support group, which was new and a shame that it isn't more common. Learned a lot from the people I chatted with there and it's nice to get some feedback and a reality check and ideas shared. A nice reminder that you're still supposed to be a gentle and loving human being and not a cold prick like some seem to think it means to be a Dom.

Moved across the country. The new place I went to a "newbie" group event where they break down some stuff. Long story short, they point blank tell you that you must take part in certain kinks if you're at events, whether you consent to it or not. I messaged a couple of the presenters about my concerns of their views of consent and let's just say I haven't been to an event they host, or any event from FL for that matter, since then. I also posted my concerns about what I experienced on FL in a general chat and it got some very mixed replies. Along with quite a few people who were very offensive about it and a couple of other really creepy things that the moderation staff did. Thinking about it even now really makes me wonder how the place isn't being sued left and right for their actions and honestly probably should.

I hop on every now and then and start to consider the idea of posting and browsing, but the painful browsing and previous experiences make me turn away pretty fast. I'm also very uncomfortable with the idea of having a relationship with a woman who posts nudes on her profile for everyone to see, which seems to be the norm. "Sorry, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on" isn't a good start to a date.

I feel I made a mistake introducing a friend in college to it years ago. She quickly went from a high sex drive, quirky girl to a shadow of her former self. I can't help shaking the feeling that I led her down a terrible path and, while I never did anything with her, I know she's met a lot of people who haven't had her best interests at heart.

TL;DR: I have been on FL for many years. I don't recommend it to anyone.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/4/2022 at 8:13 PM, Accountable Daddy said:

FL is a whole beast to itself. I have had several bad experiences and the closest I had to a good one was making a couple of platonic friends in a city I don't live in anymore. 

The place is overwhelming and archaic. They don't have a search feature (by design, I understand. Like you're in a room and have to go through the room to find who you're interested in. Cute idea, frustrating to deal with). There's a lot of issues with sexual assault and abuse across the board by people who do meet on there. Which, of course, is justified by "it's just part of BDSM." The number of incidents and scandals I heard about is pretty high and I wasn't particularly involved in FL.

I went to a few meets. The first was a "munch" where you meet in public to get to know a few people. Went to a play party, which was just too extreme for me, but otherwise fine. I also went to a Dom support group, which was new and a shame that it isn't more common. Learned a lot from the people I chatted with there and it's nice to get some feedback and a reality check and ideas shared. A nice reminder that you're still supposed to be a gentle and loving human being and not a cold prick like some seem to think it means to be a Dom.

Moved across the country. The new place I went to a "newbie" group event where they break down some stuff. Long story short, they point blank tell you that you must take part in certain kinks if you're at events, whether you consent to it or not. I messaged a couple of the presenters about my concerns of their views of consent and let's just say I haven't been to an event they host, or any event from FL for that matter, since then. I also posted my concerns about what I experienced on FL in a general chat and it got some very mixed replies. Along with quite a few people who were very offensive about it and a couple of other really creepy things that the moderation staff did. Thinking about it even now really makes me wonder how the place isn't being sued left and right for their actions and honestly probably should.

I hop on every now and then and start to consider the idea of posting and browsing, but the painful browsing and previous experiences make me turn away pretty fast. I'm also very uncomfortable with the idea of having a relationship with a woman who posts nudes on her profile for everyone to see, which seems to be the norm. "Sorry, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on" isn't a good start to a date.

I feel I made a mistake introducing a friend in college to it years ago. She quickly went from a high sex drive, quirky girl to a shadow of her former self. I can't help shaking the feeling that I led her down a terrible path and, while I never did anything with her, I know she's met a lot of people who haven't had her best interests at heart.

TL;DR: I have been on FL for many years. I don't recommend it to anyone.

Yes, in fact this is the way I felt for a while, like a shadow of myself. Some days before I left, I did a very quick research about the site and, yes it has some scandals like "The Wolf" and one about a Chinese student who got murdered. I did get spooked out and I realized the site wasn't my thing. It wasn't worth staying for the sake of talking to 1-2 people while feeling anxious all the time.

But I'm out of there now. I feel better this way.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/1/2022 at 9:46 AM, DaddysMonkey said:

I can also attest to personal experiences on Fet. I have an extremely low bullshit tolerance , and was met with a lot of disrespectful people on that site. Whether it was being a straight up creep covered in red flags , or people just not respecting my boundaries. 
 

Something I can appreciate about Fet , is that it does delve into the darker things. Ddlg is often seen as a lighter and softer lifestyle (although people obviously blends kinks and lifestyles) but as a whole … ddlg is seen as kind of sunshine and rainbows. So offshoots like me who are middle , but like having the wholly shit beat out of them for sexual funsies have a hard time feeling comfortable opening sexual discussion topics that are darker. 
 

Something I appreciate that this site has/does over fetlife , is the substantial difference in the amount of porn all over the site. This is just an extremely personal one , but as someone with an extreme eating disorder and body dysphoria… it’s not fun just having triggers plastered all over while you’re trying to genuinely learn. Besides my personal triggers , while being a little or middle , having that kind of adult content shoved in your face can be detrimentally shocking and throw you out of your headspace. 
 

I was on Fet eons ago , when I was still a fresh daisy. And even back then I just thought it was trash. Deleted my account and never want back and that was years ago. There’s a cup of tea out there for everyone , just try to find yours !

Yes, that's what I'll be doing on here. I felt too disappointed with Fet, I never felt true support or actual safety in there.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/1/2022 at 2:11 AM, ZenDaddy said:

Lol, wow.. I have genuinely appreciated everyones take on FET.  Quite honestly like so many new to BDSM and alternative relationships, it was my first go to.  I learned much about the integrity of the site through the Submissive's  and my previous Little Girls, and understanding any site will have it's share of crazies and those who haven't done much if any 'self work'... I personally found a lot of (no disrespect) damaged beings there..   I became involved with two couples who were interested in me becoming a part of their 'harem', and after meeting with both the female and male of the duo a few times before deciding on joining in.. I decided not to and politely declined the invites.  One wife I actually became a friend and confidant of, as she shared her displeasure of her husbands antics and what she termed as 'addiction' to this one group of swingers.  I also attended numerous 'Munchies'.. and was unimpressed with the 'energy'.  

What's my point?!  From personal experience and encounters, I find it difficult to consider re-enter that arena and platform.  I am totally understanding and aware that there are very good, emotionally healthy and sound individuals on FET... unfortunately, I didn't cross paths with them the months I was on that site, nor was it my experience of personal encounters.  I would also agree with the 'Predatory' ish comments made on this forum about FET. 

Comparing Apples to Oranges?  I have become very much a believer of the integrity of this forum, and the individuals I have had the privilege of crossing paths with here compared to there.  There is, again for my experience, a level of 'depth' here I never found on FET.  Does it serve a purpose and speak to some?  Absolutely.  However, my walls and guard are up regarding endorsing it to anyone exploring BDSM or alternative relationships.   

I can understand your point. There are actually good people in there too, as you mention, but yes indeed. The predators are the common rule in there. I found that support doesn't help a lot either. So for the sake of my mental health, I better fled. 

I had a particular situation with a "Dom" who wanted me to play his next "prey", he said he could shift to the form I wanted him to be. But that he craved mostly to hurt me till I was made a flesh mess. Kind of creepy and out of my boundaries. Anyway I'll be around here giving this forum a try. Thanks for sharing your experience ☺️.

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/3/2022 at 3:54 PM, LittleLavenderGirl said:

I think I signed up for Fetlife at some point but quickly realized it was not for me.  There were two other sites I was on, but I cancelled those memberships when I realized the Daddies there weren’t really of the caregiving type, but more of just the Dominant type. (And eventually realized they just wanted me to - or were ok with - me calling them “Daddy” when a little girl really wasn’t what they were looking for.)

 

Of course everyone has their preferences and needs!!! But I am just someone who craves care. I really need that in my relationship. So I think this site is better for finding a Daddy like that. Someone who probably has Dominant qualities (or IS a Dom), but also had a deep desire to provide a lot of care for their little. So I think this is the bestest site for that!!!!! 😊😊😊😊😊

 

Indeed! Many Daddies in there have only the kink of being called like that as a pet name and sometimes they lie just to keep you there. So I guess that wasn't my place either. I also found that pretty quick. I'll give this forum a nice chance ☺️☺️

[Guest SpacePrincess66]

On 7/1/2022 at 1:42 AM, dorkydaddydom said:

I hate fetlife. Obviously I can only speak from a doms perspective and it's only my personal experience. Unless you're looking to buy something I found it near impossible to find anyone to talk to. People straight up ignore what you state on your profile (I guess that's true for most sites though). I can safely say it's the only site I've been routinely harrassed by girls (or catfish for that matter lol).

Yes, I rewrote my profile several times and well it didn't get any better. There's a lot of preference for this verified profiles too, so I guess it's not the right site for everyone. Establishing connections there is difficult unless you put up a lot with a lot of fakes and catfish.