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    Why I wont talk online with underage littles


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    #1 wolfdaddy

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 08:32 AM

    Hey everyone! I just thought I would share a very recent experience and some general thoughts about a delicate subject, but one that is important to discuss out in the open.

    I was recently contacted by someone on this forum, and they are the most amazing little! Unconventional, sensitive, a little bit rock-n-roll but with the sweetest heart. Someone very new to things and working out what’s right and what isn’t for them. This is someone I felt immediately kindly towards. If you’re like that, the chances are high I’m going to like you!

    Buuuuut - they did the right thing really early into the conversation and let me know that they were underage and that their forum age isn’t their real one.

    Now they weren’t underage by a lot, but they were still underage and I’d just like to speak a little about that.

    Firstly, there is NOTHING wrong with discovering your identity early (although of course be open to things changing for you), and knowing who you are at whatever time you realise that about yourself, young or older. I think a lot of us wish we had known other aspects of ourselves earlier in life. If you’ve come to an understanding of your nature early, then maybe you’re a real adventurer and are going to go some pretty special places on that unexplored road ahead.

    But there are massive issues with anyone over 18 talking to anyone under 18 online ESPECIALLY in a kink or dd/lg context. Sure it’s an arbitrary number that changes country to country blah blah blah – this is the kind of reasoning manipulative people use. And sure there are legal implications, but they are so obvious I want to skip them because what I want to share runs a bit deeper.

    Us daddies are typically, I feel, attracted to the little/youthful sides of our partners - innocence, playfulness, naivety. You'd hope so, right? But the thing is - that’s actually not so much about age as it is about who a person is. Seeking to explore that with someone younger BECAUSE someone is young is gross.

    Here’s the thing - talking to someone underage is just morally indefensible. If you are an underage little, you are in a really tough spot and I do feel for you, because the good daddies will not want to talk to you, but the predators will.

    Here’s a very recent example of this playing out in another forum. This young lady talked to someone online who knew she was 17 and who patiently waited until she was 18 to start talking sexy to her. So what’s the problem? Well, I think this thread illustrates the problem exactly. If you are an underage little I feel you should learn from this girl’s story – and please note how the community responded to it:

    https://www.reddit.c...this_a_redflag/

    Note that this dom turned out to be pretty disgusting and manipulative and was using her naivety, that beautiful innocent characteristic, against her. It’s clear what his agenda in talking to someone underage was.

    If you meet someone in a kink context online of the opposite gender and a daddy to your little or whatever, it would be silly to assume there is not an agenda there. And so underage littles – PLEASE be smart. An adult who is interested in you is not a very mentally healthy guy, or at the very best has incredibly poor ethics and judgement. You don't want someone like that being an early experience for you. Or a later experience, for that matter. But you will get better at spotting creeps the more people you meet.

    Talking to someone underage in order to maintain some sort of rapport so that once they are of age you can start talking about kink with them is grooming. It is manipulative, and it is morally deeply gross. Grooming is about establishing an emotional connection with you and gaining your trust so that the relationship can later be made sexual. And as such, it’s not a very real interest in who you actually are – can you see the element of objectification in that?

    It’s great to find a more experienced mentor to help you learn about yourself. We all learn best about ourselves in the context of our relationships with others. I myself have been very lucky to have had more experienced mentors at every step of my journey.

    So here is my advice for underage littles:

    1. By virtue of your age, no matter how special and clever you are, you are easily able to be manipulated. Something that even feels good or OK at the time can end up being damaging later.

    2. DO network. Be online. Have a tumblr or talk here or whatever. But I would encourage you to talk to other underage people. And I would ESPECIALLY encourage you to seek out older, more experienced, littles and befriend them.

    3. Avoid daddies who want to talk to you, knowing you are underage. It’s just not good. Full stop. I’m not at all a black and white thinker, but this is one exception.

    4. Always be honest about your age even if you feel like exploring now. I am so deeply thankful to this person for being honest with me so early. That’s just a sign of great character. Please be aware that if you even have overly-flirtatious talk with someone, let alone send a pic, then you are causing them to commit a crime for which they might be severely punished even if they thought your age was different. Please don’t do that to anyone! It's also a real risk to this community to have you here. So it's a risk to yourself, whoever you chat with, and also this forum. Please consider that.

    There are TONS of great guys out there who you can experiment with as you get started. The good ones to find will be underage too. Yeah, they won't know much yet and you need to be picky but that's exactly the thing - if you're just starting out you have the opportunity to do exactly that. A daddy who encourages the whole 'boys my age are so dumb' thing may be trying to manipulate you. So be totally OK with ruling people out early. There is NO need to interact with people who aren't exactly right. Ok, so those are my thoughts. Anyone else? Are there any good resources or spaces for underage littles to gather? Any threads here? Anyone who was an underage little themselves, or a daddy who has been in this situation, want to share advice with the community?

    Thanks, and peace all J


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    #2 Thomas

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:21 AM

    Very good points and eloquently put. I second all of this - there's a big difference between appreciating someone's little side and seeking an underage partner.

     

    I don't want to be a total you-know-what, but did you report this person to the moderating team? It would be the right thing to do even if not the most pleasant. Encountering an underage little does present a bit of a dilemma in that respect. We don't want to be mean or to exclude people, but at the same time, there are serious implications for the individual and for the community if this persists.


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    - Thomas :)


    #3 wolfdaddy

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:26 AM

    Very good points and eloquently put. I second all of this - there's a big difference between appreciating someone's little side and seeking an underage partner.

    I don't want to be a total you-know-what, but did you report this person to the moderating team? It would be the right thing to do even if not the most pleasant. Encountering an underage little does present a bit of a dilemma in that respect. We don't want to be mean or to exclude people, but at the same time, there are serious implications for the individual and for the community if this persists.


    Thanks, Thomas. Actually I didn't realise this was an 18+ community so maybe this whole post is needless.

    If there is anyone else in the same boat here (secretly underage) maybe it would be a good place to post here resources for people who ARE underage to point them in better directions? If you yourself were an underage little how did you handle that? What advice do you have?



    #4 Thomas

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:58 AM

    I'm not 100% but I think it is 18-and-over only here because of the nature of things that are discussed.

     

    That doesn't make your post any less relevant of course - it's still a great resource for dealing with this issue. Every online community can encounter people who disregard the rules to get in, it's like you said once about how easy it is to pass yourself as someone else online. However, in the case of people who are underage the community needs to be very careful as there can be legal implications. We don't want to be rude or mean to anyone, of course, but if someone does reveal themselves as being underage it's something that the people in charge really ought to be made aware of.


    - Thomas :)


    #5 wolfdaddy

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 10:12 AM

    I'm not 100% but I think it is 18-and-over only here because of the nature of things that are discussed.

    That doesn't make your post any less relevant of course - it's still a great regsource for dealing with this issue. Every online community can encounter people who disregard the rules to get in, it's like you said once about how easy it is to pass yourself as someone else online. However, in the case of people who are underage the community needs to be very careful as there can be legal implications. We don't want to be rude or mean to anyone, of course, but if someone does reveal themselves as being underage it's something that the people in charge really ought to be made aware of.


    Yeah mate - you're perfectly right. In the 'rules' tab above it has 18+ all over it. It didn't register for me explicitly because that ship has long left my shores :)

    I wonder if any underage spaces exist? The legalities must be horrendous, and a creep magnet, and it would be a nightmare to administrate. But education and access to information is so important. How to underage littles find a safe way to self-educate? This is something I have zero experience with.

    #6 LittleGlenn

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 10:51 AM

    The post wasn't pointless at all. Very well written and it gives some helpful tips.

    As for your question about where an underage Little can educate themselves, I think any person who is logged in as a Guest on the Forum can read the Resource section. As long as they don't interact with the members because then it becomes a problem. ( I might be wrong of what guests can view. If i am wrong about this i'll let you know! )

    Our Forum Tumblr also posts all the resources and other helpful information accessible to anyone. I encourage learning about it but for those who are indeed underage please just enjoy the time that you are still a kid/teen. There is still so much time left for you to actually interact with the community once you do become of age and then you can blown them away with all your knowledge!

     

    And of course we are rather strict on any age discrepancies or in the event of someone who is underage this will result to their account being banned.

    Strictly 18+ Forum due to the nature of the dd/lg / cg/l  being that of a kink lifestyle.


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    #7 BayBee

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 11:42 AM

     I'd like to bring up circumstances that could possibly be subjected to double standards of sorts? You see, my Daddy and I first got into this kind of relationship while I was still underage by around 6 months. Now, what I'm bringing attention to is not how close I was to being of age, but the fact that our relationship started merely as a regular romantic relationship and that he is only a year and a half older than me. Usually, legally there are exemptions for people close in age even if one of the sexual partners is underage. Besides, this age difference is usually seen as socially acceptable within Western cultures.

     My question is, is the fact that we got at that point in time into this bad? And if so, why? What makes this lifestyle but not sex off limits?

     I'm extremely curious to know what the community's view on our case would be.


    I'm not allowed to talk to other daddies, so please don't try ok?

     

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                  This is HunnyBee's one and only babygirl 

     

     


    #8 Princess-P

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 12:30 PM

    I think there are a lot of resources for people who are underage. Its more the fact that we can interact with eachother here that makes it a member 18+ community.

    I was underage when I discovered this part of myself. And people are exploring at a very young age, both sexually and emotionally. I think that this leads them to believe they are mature enough to be members of communities such as this one but not accepting the fact that its very much illegal and could hurt someone or hurt the community makes all the usual arguments that you hear from underage people proof that they are not mature enough at all.

    Its perfectly acceptable to browse the internet, checking out resource pages or tumblr (though in most cases if yoir just discovering yourself i dont recomend that place). But if you have to lie about your age in order to join a web site then you should know you just don't belong there yet.

    As for having a relationship with someone when your almost 18 and they are say 19 or so... I don't see anything wrong with that. And I know at least where I'm from that's not illegal. Actually in my opinion both parties in that relationship are still just kids for the most part and would be discovering things together. Its not about this life style or sex being "off limits" its that exploring on your own, or with someone your dating is one thing but bringing underage people into an adult community is not only dangerous but could harm people who are really just innocent bystanders.

    As for available resources for any underage people who read this I don't know any sites off the top of my head. I know that some pages here can be viewed as a guest, and really typing CG/l or DDlg into Google will give you a ton of information that you can view without needing to log in.
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    #9 BayBee

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 12:44 PM

    As for having a relationship with someone when your almost 18 and they are say 19 or so... I don't see anything wrong with that. And I know at least where I'm from that's not illegal. Actually in my opinion both parties in that relationship are still just kids for the most part and would be discovering things together. Its not about this life style or sex being "off limits" its that exploring on your own, or with someone your dating is one thing but bringing underage people into an adult community is not only dangerous but could harm people who are really just innocent bystanders.

     Ooooh, I see what you mean. Thanks for explaining!


    I'm not allowed to talk to other daddies, so please don't try ok?

     

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                  This is HunnyBee's one and only babygirl 

     

     


    #10 wolfdaddy

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 01:14 PM

     I'd like to bring up circumstances that could possibly be subjected to double standards of sorts? You see, my Daddy and I first got into this kind of relationship while I was still underage by around 6 months. Now, what I'm bringing attention to is not how close I was to being of age, but the fact that our relationship started merely as a regular romantic relationship and that he is only a year and a half older than me. Usually, legally there are exemptions for people close in age even if one of the sexual partners is underage. Besides, this age difference is usually seen as socially acceptable within Western cultures.

     My question is, is the fact that we got at that point in time into this bad? And if so, why? What makes this lifestyle but not sex off limits?

     I'm extremely curious to know what the community's view on our case would be.

     

    For me, this feels different. There are a bunch of things there that feel really lovely and right and, indeed, legal - and  to come to this with someone around your own age together as part of your mutual growth - that sounds really lovely. For me common sense always trumps. Also - I'm happy for you guys! You sound great together.


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    #11 poutypeachprincess

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 02:35 PM

    I don't even think that "underage littles" (in that dynamic or kink lifestyle) exist because if you're not 18 yet, you ARE literally little. You are a child.
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    #12 Little.Wolf

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 07:40 PM

    It's also a safety thing because even if you are from a different country a lot of laws talk about "Age of consent" in the country the forum or website being used is based. So for example tumblr in the US, it's 18. Even if your elsewhere and legal age is 16 or 17, for safety it would still be seen as a predator if a 28 year old was talking to a legal age 16 year old in another country. And there is no need or reason to put people in unnecessary legal harm or possibility of trouble if a parent found out and freaked out.


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    Adventurous Warrior Princess


    #13 wolfdaddy

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:33 PM

    Morning, all. I just wanted to comment briefly further with an update.

     

    It should reassure the community that the mods engaged with this this immediately, and take this stuff super seriously. They're doing a great job of tending the garden here and the user in question is no longer part of the site but will, I hope, continue to read and self-educate here without being an active participant until later. And if anyone else underage is reading this, that's the right way to go.

     

    I'd strongly strongly encourage anyone else underage who may have read this and been alarmed by it to contact the mods to let them know your situation. It's really not safe or good for you to be here just yet. You probably haven't thought through the implications not only for yourself but for the community and for anyone else you're chatting to here.

     

    I'd love this thread to contain useful info for anyone else in that position who has felt tempted to lie about their age in getting access here to think of safer ways to self-educate - so some of the ideas and resources others have shared can be really useful to that end, I feel. If anyone else has any tips for people in that situation, here would be a great place to share them. The whole reason I made this post was because I feel strongly this should be discussed in the open for everyone's benefit.

     

    As for the label 'underage little' - if people choose to self-identify as that (as with princess-p above) then I won't quibble about it because I personally don't want to shame anyone for their own labels. But some good points made on that of course.

     

    This also speaks to the importance of anyone talking with anyone else personally who they have met online to do your own diligence and make sure you verify someone's identity early and carefully. I've already seen this as a recurring note on discussions here. Online anyone can be anyone. Be smart!

     

    Anyway, my congrats to the mod team who really do seem to be doing an amazing job with a forum that has its quirks in all sorts of ways.


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    #14 EmeraldFaye

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    Posted 29 March 2016 - 11:35 PM

    First off, thank you to the mod team! Although I am a 'little' it is nice to know you are there to help protect all of us, underage or not. I love it here and would be devastated if being part of this community became dangerous due to people underage participating in things they shouldn't be.

    That being said, I was a curious teen once, dating (vanilla) someone I could have gotten into trouble, and it is one of my biggest regrets in life. Although he turned out to be a horrible person and treated me very badly, if the wrong person had found out, it could have ruined the rest of his life. My being so young, I allowed him to do horrible things to me, because he "loved me". And I was one of the "smart girls". Graduated early, was taking college courses in HS, was employed by the City I lived in. These things DO NOT prepare you for things you could encounter in a relationship or even a "lifestyle" situation such as you would find here. PROTECT YOUR INNOCENCE. ALWAYS. There is so much time in life to explore. Spend this time educating yourself on different paths you may want to walk down later. Spend this time learning what to look out for in your future. I beg this of you.

    I will personally look into resources for you to safely do so. And I hope everyone posting here will do the same.

    Is there a place in the Resources section we could promote this? A place where underage guests could be redirected to appropriate places for them to be? Or is that a liability nightmare?

    Just curious... because, to me, that seems like it would be a way to help people find a place to be, but also redirect them so our safety is maintained.

    If I'm not helping just tell me to hush 😔
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    #15 Guest_Elencha_*

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    Posted 30 March 2016 - 12:15 AM

    Oh, how lucky I am that there was no internet worth speaking of when I was thirteen, or sixteen, for that matter. I had precisely zero interest in boys my age, knew absolutely everything (don't all teenagers?), and couldn't be fussed to listen when people told me I couldn't date grown men. Fortunately, I was also terrified of sex, (the geometry simply didn't work in my head) and surrounded by men who kindly indulged my crushes with gentle smiles and sending me back to my mother. Very bad things could've happened to me. Even when I condescended to date boys who were at least also teenagers, I almost got myself into a couple of pickles.

    And, like Emerald, I was the smart kid. I think it's worse with us. When you're really smart as a kid, you run into a larger ratio of people stupider than you than normal kids do, thus less justification for any belief you might have put into the idea that you don't know everything you think you do.



    #16 daddyslilpeach

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    Posted 02 April 2016 - 03:17 PM

    I was an underage little, I was fourteen and just discovering myself (little twitter). I had no idea of the dangers, I know a real daddy would have pointed me in the other direction for being so young, but I was naive and in my head, I was invincible and got involved with a man who lied about his age.

     

    I thought I was talking to a 17 year old Daddy, but in fact, I wasn't. I was being threatened with 'revenge porn', and eventually broke down to my parents, who then called the police. It was very traumatising to me, and I just want to say, to the Daddies who do nicely turn down underage littles, thank you SO much. 

     

    My advice is just don't do it. It's not worth the emotional trauma. I did learn from it, but it had a massive impact on me and I don't want anyone else to go through that. Even Daddies who claim to be underage like you, can lie. People lie on the web :(


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    #17 Guest_NewYorkDaddy_*

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    Posted 02 April 2016 - 10:43 PM

    Your post was well thought out and I applaud your resolve ; however I respectfully disagree.

     

    When an underage person  turns 18, she/he is still susceptible to manipulation. Our culture is set up so that we extend childhood and delay adulthood and that's fine

    because we live in a civilized society with modern conveniences and an economy that doesn't depend on peasant farmers/merchants.

     

    When one turn's 18 they are not automatically impervious to men or women with ill-intentions. Painting men with a broad stroke is wrong. I don't think that a man that is enamored with a 17 year old is necessarily a predator. However; there are many predators of both sexes

     

    He just may see something he likes in the girl. Sure there are some people that prey on underage people and that is precisely why I get your point. A number of these underage people don't have the life experience to know they are being lied to. The age of consent is such an arbitrary measure that varies greatly in the western world, I don't think the women in Europe are magically more mature than the women here, or the women of Connecticut more mature than Massachusetts.

     

    I can see both sides. If I ever do meet an underage little I will seriously consider her and the only reason I'd consider discounting her is if her parents disapprove once things get serious, or if they get serious.



    #18 Sophie

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    Posted 03 April 2016 - 04:27 AM

    When one turn's 18 they are not automatically impervious to men or women with ill-intentions. Painting men with a broad stroke is wrong. I don't think that a man that is enamored with a 17 year old is necessarily a predator. However; there are many predators of both sexes

     

    In some ways you're right, obviously someone doesn't automatically become a mature well-prepared adult on their 18th birthday.

     

    But legally, underage littles are children, and no good daddy would ever engage in a BDSM relationship with a child. The only daddies they'll get are bad ones, because only a bad daddy would involve themselves with a minor in that context.

     

    I agree that underage littles aren't all idiots that can be manipulated and taken advantage of; but they shouldn't get involved in BDSM relationships when the only people they'll attract are bad daddies.


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    #19 Guest_NewYorkDaddy_*

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    Posted 03 April 2016 - 05:44 AM

    In some ways you're right, obviously someone doesn't automatically become a mature well-prepared adult on their 18th birthday.

     

    But legally, underage littles are children, and no good daddy would ever engage in a BDSM relationship with a child. The only daddies they'll get are bad ones, because only a bad daddy would involve themselves with a minor in that context.

     

    I agree that underage littles aren't all idiots that can be manipulated and taken advantage of; but they shouldn't get involved in BDSM relationships when the only people they'll attract are bad daddies.

    I see this point a lot and it has some elements of truth. But, how is an abusive bdsm relationship worse than an abusive vanilla relationship? Biologically speaking a child is a human being that hasn't hit puberty ; we're talking about adolescents.  I don't see any meaningful difference between a 16 year old dating a 17 year old or a 20 year old. They're still close in age, somewhat different life stages but then again, not by much. If someone under 18, lets say 16 isn't of sound mind to date a 19 year old, they're not of sound mind to date anyone, even if the partner is also 16.

     

    In Europe the age of consent is kind of low but they have exceptions; lets say if the court can prove an abuse of power, corruption and of course if the person is in a position of power and they used it  they can be prosecuted.

     

    This is a complex issue; in most of the world even today the age of consent tends to vary from 12-18, and in the past it was within the range of first menstruation; typically because older men date younger girls.

     

    The raising of the age of consent started during the enlightenment in Europe when the concept of childhood as a period of development and personal growth came to be. The initial inconsistency was due to the fact menstruation didn't occur at the same age for individuals, countries had varied estimates. It's not till the 19th century that it is raised to close to where we have it because of fears regarding prostitution. I have a good article here.

    https://chnm.gmu.edu...ase-studies/230

     

    In short I think maturity is subjective and not easily quantifiable but I acknowledge that there are some terrible older people that do abuse and for this reason I like the laws in place. They act as a deterrent but I don't consider this issue to be black and white.



    #20 Little.Wolf

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    Posted 03 April 2016 - 06:03 AM

    Part of it as I mentioned earlier isn't so much the maturity of the person, but the aoc in the country the relationship is taking place. Until anyone is 18 they are still considered a child and why it would, at least in the US, fall under the Statutory rape laws if there was sexual relations. By Definition: Statutory rape refers to sexual relations involving someone below the "age of consent." People below the age of consent cannot legally consent to having sex. This means that sex with them, by definition, violates the law. If there were no sexual relations and it was strictly platonic, it could likely fall under corruption among other areas that are probably more gray area then anything.

     

    Now can a sixteen and seventeen year old be mature and smart? Yes. But even if that is the case, vanilla or otherwise, age of consent is a huge factor.

     

    And because DD/lg lifestyles fall under the aspect of "Alternative lifestyles" and BDSM among other things they are considered Adult by nature and are not appropriate, imho, for people who are not legal age/at the age of consent, because not only can it be detrimental to the emotional/psychological well being of the underage little who may not know the whole story about this kind of life, it can be damaging to the caregiver who pursues this even knowing that the little is for all sake and purposes, a child in the eyes of the law.

     

    Now I admit there are times where this can be looked over,  But the big picture for me is that I don't want an underage person putting his or her life on the line legally or possibly putting the life of their counterpart on the line as well. Because with as much access as kids have to the internet through smartphones, apps, so on and so forth, an adult dating a little that is underage could quite easily be seen as corruption of a child and predatory, among other things.

     

    again this is just my thoughts on the matter.


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