Treats for little

[longdistancedaddy]

Hi there, new Daddy here (and my first post to boot).

 

I have been in a long distance relationship with my little for awhile now and we've finally got to the stage where we're getting close to what I consider to be a DDlg relationship (we have purchased her a training collar which will arrive soon), given our distance and how we both came out of recent relationships. She is my first little and she made me realise I was a Daddy. She previously had a Daddy who essentially was a dom masquerading as a Daddy and abusing her.

 

Recently we traded items with eachother and I sent her her first batch of treats. Chocolates and sweets for when she's a good girl. I had previously sent her gifts like a shirt of mine, colouring books and stuffies which she loves. But, after receiving a box of 5 particular chocolate treats which we agreed would be treats for every day, she had a bad day and ate the remaining 3 in one go. She told me and said she was sorry but through a tantrum saying I shouldn't send her treats. After calming her down she admits she was sad and wanted to make me feel better by saying she didn't deserve treats. She also expressed concern that I was upset because I'd spent a lot of money sending her treats and that she didn't want me to feel like I was wasting my money. I told her that the fact she would be without the treats would be punishment enough and that she would have to be better with the next batch.

 

Assuming she had had exposure to a real Daddy before I thought she'd be used to the "rewards" dynamic but I have come to realise she has never had a real Daddy. I know I need to be firm yet understanding with her, I want to be the Daddy that gives her gold stars, hugs and bubbles (as she puts it) yet I feel so badly for her that she has never had a real Daddy despite that being her dream.

 

Do any Daddys or littles have any advice for me in this situation? I want to be able to treat my little girl fairly and not over-punish her at the start of this learning experience and cause distress. My initial thought is that a day spent abusing treats should equate to a day without treats. If it's a repeating occurence how would I solve this issue?

 

Thanks,

longdistancedaddy.

[Guest LavanderRabbit]

Maybe have it so she can only have the treats when you are on call. I know I can be naughty and sneak a couple things here and there, but it's common for people to stress eat (Personally I buy a lot of chocolate at that point). Let her know if she is upset she can call you and you're willing to comfort her. Maybe let her have an extra treat when she is upset instead of punishing her for it, just don't let it become a habit.

[dnswd]

This is just my insight. Am not claiming to be expert cause there are quite few factors involved. But this is my take on what happened.

 

 

 

after receiving a box of 5 particular chocolate treats which we agreed would be treats for every day, she had a bad day and ate the remaining 3 in one go

 The way I see it yes she ate all the treats in one go but she ate the treats that You got for her.

 

She had a bad day and LR said its common to stress eat but that she chose the treats you sent to eat and not other things shows something. Am not sure if you missed that sign so wanted to point that out.

 

Long distance is hard in any relationship but I feel that its even more harder in this lifestyle. Littles need that human touch and contact, without it some can go the wrong way. Especially after a hard day.

 

I dont know either of your personalities or the full dynamics of your relationship. Best I can say is talk with her. You are both new, you are both exploring. Talk but not just about play time or treats or gifts. Discuss together as to whats acceptable and what isnt. Have a rule list that both of you are comfortable with and make a print out of it to look daily till it becomes second nature and as your relationship evolves you can add/subtract the rule list.

[longdistancedaddy]

Maybe have it so she can only have the treats when you are on call. I know I can be naughty and sneak a couple things here and there, but it's common for people to stress eat (Personally I buy a lot of chocolate at that point). Let her know if she is upset she can call you and you're willing to comfort her. Maybe let her have an extra treat when she is upset instead of punishing her for it, just don't let it become a habit.

Hi there,

 

Thanks for the reply! Having discussed this with her afterwards, we talked about how her treat time should really be time we spend together and I actually suggested that the "sweet treats" I got her should be eaten with my permission during our private time. We both like the idea! I like the idea that they could be eaten sparingly if I'm not around and she's sad, I will mention this to her. Thanks again for the help!

[longdistancedaddy]

This is just my insight. Am not claiming to be expert cause there are quite few factors involved. But this is my take on what happened.

 

 The way I see it yes she ate all the treats in one go but she ate the treats that You got for her.

 

She had a bad day and LR said its common to stress eat but that she chose the treats you sent to eat and not other things shows something. Am not sure if you missed that sign so wanted to point that out.

 

Long distance is hard in any relationship but I feel that its even more harder in this lifestyle. Littles need that human touch and contact, without it some can go the wrong way. Especially after a hard day.

 

I dont know either of your personalities or the full dynamics of your relationship. Best I can say is talk with her. You are both new, you are both exploring. Talk but not just about play time or treats or gifts. Discuss together as to whats acceptable and what isnt. Have a rule list that both of you are comfortable with and make a print out of it to look daily till it becomes second nature and as your relationship evolves you can add/subtract the rule list.

Thank you for your reply. A lot of what you've said I feel makes sense. Things I know but am not quick to process. I hadn't considered what you said about the treats that "I" got her and thinking that way a nice way to look at the situation.

 

We do talk a lot about what we want and are comfortable with, it's just the first situation where she's done something like this and it was hard to know whether to be upset, or whether a lack of punishment would be a negative.

 

We've decided that, as mentioned before, the treats will be used during our special times which are the real treat in our relationship. I know this doesn't really add much but I didn't want to ignore your reply, thank you.

[dnswd]

Thank you for your reply. A lot of what you've said I feel makes sense. Things I know but am not quick to process. I hadn't considered what you said about the treats that "I" got her and thinking that way a nice way to look at the situation.

 

We do talk a lot about what we want and are comfortable with, it's just the first situation where she's done something like this and it was hard to know whether to be upset, or whether a lack of punishment would be a negative.

 

We've decided that, as mentioned before, the treats will be used during our special times which are the real treat in our relationship. I know this doesn't really add much but I didn't want to ignore your reply, thank you.

Dont worry about ignoring my reply, its more important that you guys have worked it out .

Edited May 21, 2016 by dnswd