Overview

Well I don’t know maybe it’s time to stop going to family gatherings for a while . People who judge by the Bible typically only follow half the Bible and ignore many other part’s and many times cause more harm than what they believe. But I would stay away for a while

Hey all, I'm open to feedback on this one ... So my mother has been married to a Christian man for over 20 years. This man has been.......a very typically flawed human being but basically a good man. However, this man has also been very divisive in our family. He has told all of us we are going to hell. He recently told me I'm committing adultery bc I'm talking to men online but my divorce isn't final. He even went on to say that he didn't divorce his ex wife but that she divorced him.... As if to judge the very idea of divorce. He's Lutheran.... divorce isn't a sacrament in that faith. This guy 🙄. He is a fundamental Christian man who takes the Bible literally. He rolls in his politics and interpretation of the constitution into his religion as well. His attitude seems to be a bit holier than thou and ready to debate and argue at any turn....and it seems to be at the mercy of any relationship he would hope to have with his wife's adult children. The past 10 years of politics, masking, vaccines, aging, etc has basically turned our family into a silent tomb of unspoken disagreements. I'm getting tired of going to family gatherings and silently eating cheese together....there's nothing to do, say or connect about. I recently told my mother that I was concerned about my 9yo daughter being around her grandfather. I did this because of a conversation between him and I where he told me I was committing adultery. I had to defend myself against this man. And I had called him to say thank you for being a step father. Honestly, what a jerk. I'm concerned about my kids relationship with God being affected by his judgemental attitude, and willingness to weaponize the Bible. I told my mother all this very calmly and with as gentle words as I could. I was as tactful as I could be. My mom wanted to take my daughter on an extended trip and I just couldn't feel comfortable with that. I view this man as unsafe emotionally, unsafe relationally. How can I have my daughter engaged in a relationship with someone who I can barely speak with? My mom said she was sad. She would hate for my daughter to not have a relationship with her grandparents. But....I'm so sick of getting hurt by harmful judgemental people. My own grandfather told me I was going to hell...I was 12. So, I don't want this same horrible exposure for my child. I'm really stuck on this one.....I feel pulled between the idea of disagreements as a normal healthy dynamic in a relationship vs toxic arguing vs conflict avoidance on my part due to past hurts. I think I'm doing what I need to do to protect my child.....I don't expect this to change either my mother or her husband.....they're set in their ways and have said they have no intention of changing .... Navigating this is hard.....it feels like a lose lose no matter what.

That’s what we are here for

Thanks @beanbean thanks for being here too. It was a reall tough week. I needed my friends.

That’s awesome I happy it worked iut just not how you thought it would !

Soooo guess what??? This amazingly awesome fantastic only from God thing happened! My current directors found out I was looking elsewhere and asked me on Monday. We had a very real conversation about my feelings, their feelings, the program currently and going into the future, my professional goals, personal goals and how I want to help the center yo grow. Like 45 minutes of serious, try not to cry coz I'm a strong powerful in control working woman talk... Then the big boss reached out wanting to talk and we talked for 30 minutes in a serious... admit I'm wrong, but confront the problem of my needs not being met professionally too, and don't back down in front of her either kinda talk...(powerful women kinda scare me)... she offered full time work at an increase pay for summer and full time teaching for fall... she even admitted to some miscommunication and her wanting me to stay. I'm going to help develop curriculum in the agency, not just my center, but definitely in my center too... It's a huge step for me! Plus I qualify for more grant money for my degree and loan forgiveness... it really is what I wanted, but didn't know how to ask for. Communication is so difficult with most of the world! I feel like I juggle so many parts of myself all the time... the teacher, the employee, the co-worker, the mentor, the parent, the friend, the Sunday School Teacher, the volunteer, the daughter, the ex-wife, the student, the responsible and respectful citizen.... but when do I just get to be me? Then I come home change into comfy clothes find my paci, my stuffies and check in here with my little friends. It's like I find my safety net... a place to rest... I gotta be something for someone else everywhere I go, but here I can be me. Here I don’t think about how I communication... I'm just honest and just me. It's so wonderful to relax and be me.

Well hopefully it works it out but if it doesn’t there still time to look for another. Can you go out and get this license on your own? Still praying for you for sure

No word on the interview yet... I'm feeling really apprehensive... I don't want to stay where I am next year, but no word yet, probably means no... however, I'm not licensed for this position, and one of my references did not send a letter... so rationally... I keep saying they need to speak with my last reference... they need to contact the Board of Education to see what I need for a conditional license and they need to know what trainings are available on what dates for me to start then figure out how to pay me to go to the additional training outside the typical contract... there's training coming soon...and typically contracts start in August...teachers only work during contracted days... so I'm still hoping for the best but preparing my heart for the worst... knowing that God's plan is perfect either way! Just really wish my daddy was around to tell me to self care! That's the toughest for me. When I'm worried, overwhelmed and preoccupied I struggle to do basic self care and my daddy is unavailable again... so I'm awake at 1:40 am fir a 2nd night in a row... 3rd time I missed bedtime this week...maybe 4th... I know prayer is the answer, but it's difficult to pray for my needs. Time to use the prayer journal tonight...

Praying for you!

Thank you bean

Will pray! Hopefully you feel better soon

I'm not feeling well at all. The doctor scared me and told me it could be Covid but since I'm just now showing symptoms it was too early to know. She also kept asking if I'd ever been hospitalized for my asthma. So, I'm freaked out. Just needing some calm and get well prayers.

I am a needy bean 😂😂

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=r78QV5Cwiq0&si=Q0-RInVxR-SSW982 ...need so much help 🙄 😘

Lol I don’t I tried looking for YouTube and never found it

Bean chariots of fire is literally all over the Internet......are u bein funny? 🤣

Thanks! The interview went well!!! They said they'll let me know before the weekend!!!

It a good song I like chariots of fire it’s hard to find tho

I am sure it will workout you got this he will help you

Interview today!!! I'm feeling jumpy!! Gotta calm down! "Be still and know that I am Lord" Ps. 46:10

He y'all. I think the love I have in Jesus helps me to feel safe, loved and fully accepted right where I'm at. Everyday. Here's a song that helps me feel calm, and loved. This is the love I would want from a Daddy. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzj-GkEsebc&si=PQ7gPRTUaRAQKC2F

Hopefully all goes well with your interview will say a couple of more prayer’s for you

I have an interview next week!!! I'm super excited and a little nervous! But mostly excited! I wasn't looking for a job until I was, then things start happening and pushing me forward to this point. I firmly believe that God will tell me when to move, and I feel like the time is now. Please continue to pray that God's will be done. Blessings be returned to also! Manda

praying for you