Littles that aren't allowed to talk to other daddies

[Michael]

I notice on a lot of little's profiles that they state they aren't allowed to add/talk to other daddy's, or that they need "approval" to do so. I always wonder why stuff like this is even necessary. Do daddy's actually feel that threatened by other daddy's that they would enforce this, or do littles actually bring this up themselves? Is it really so bad and worrying when you see your little has added daddy friends on here? 

 

I ask because it seems very specific to just the dd/lg community. I haven't seen this kind of extreme possessiveness anywhere else. It just seems like people don't have trust for each other anymore, and that everyone is extremely suspicious of everyone else. Would be interesting to know other people's thoughts and perspectives on this though.

 

Maybe it's more complicated on here, because if you friend someone, you're usually talking to them privately. So I can imagine if a daddy sees his little has 3 new daddy friends, he might freak out a bit, but I still think some amount of trust and mutual respect is important.

[-LittleDisneyPrincess]

For me, because I am my boyfriend's little.
But I am also my boyfriend's sub.
So I have to ask permission to speak to pretty much anyone. 

I have yet to speak to a DD yet though, 
and would be interested to sort of see a DD'S view point on thing's.

[Guest buddhagirl]

I can only speak for myself, but there are a couple of reasons I won't/can't "friend" a Daddy.

One of my rules is that I don't talk to men without Daddy's permission (unless, of course, I am for business or some other reason I can't avoid it). I have this rule because I don't trust men due to past violence and abuse by numerous people and Daddy knows this makes me feel safe--not because Daddy doesn't trust me or is threatened by other men. That being said, he has reason to be cautious of men interacting with me, because so often they act inappropriately. I love men, just as I love all people, and it makes me sad that the "bad eggs" have caused me to be so cautious. 

[Hurndauke]

I mean, I can understand it from a certain point of view. All of the "girls" I know in real life that are dating my friends aren't into this, so yeah. I really don't have any experience, haha.

Edited February 6, 2017 by Kreutzerfahren

[Michael]

For me, because I am my boyfriend's little.

But I am also my boyfriend's sub.

So I have to ask permission to speak to pretty much anyone. 

 

You are your boyfriend's sub, but the effects of that should only be felt by you and your boyfriend. For example, if I want to be your friend, I shouldn't be effected by whether your dom approves of us or not; because the power exchange is between you and him, and should be kept private and not influence your other relationships, friendships, or interactions with people.

 

Aren't we all adults at the end of the day? Surely you can at least correctly judge the types of people to befriend, without letting your daddy have to approve for you (probably based on what little information he has to go on). This type of stuff gives doms too much power, and shouldn't be so common, because abusive doms can take advantage to isolate a little from helpful people.

[Guest Ginger]

Personally, I don't see the big deal in friending whoever you want. My fiance/Dom isn't bothered by it because he trusts me to know when a friendship turns too personal. I trust him in the same way. That, and my ex was very jealous and insecure, so it's a real problem for me if my guy has issues with who I talk to, male or female. I just dislike friend requests if I haven't spoken to the person before

 

Everyone's different, so I can't speak for others. Just my view on it.

Edited February 7, 2017 by Ginger

[HeCallsMePrincess]

i dont friend Daddies i dont know and that i'm not friends with. that's not just out of respect for my Dom, it's for my own sanity because most Daddies that are sending friend requests to littles they dont know dont generally have pure intentions and frankly, weeding through all the messages is just getting annoying.

[Guest Princessaj]

Hi, I am new to the DDlg Lifestyle, 8 months as a middle without a DD....in my research of BDSM on fetlife, I found many many profiles where sub men and women that have Doms/in exclusive relationships/collared or dedicated polys, said that they were not allowed to friend or interact with Doms unless they have permission.

 

I just thought, when I see it in DDlg, that's because DDlg is a BDSM kink. I thought it was like that because of where it originates, BDSM. I didn't think anything of it because of that. I know that each person has a choice for many reasons of their own. I never connected it to trusting or not trusting someone, I just thought it was an element of control by their Dom.

[Guest]

My ex daddy didn't want me to have other daddies as friends and I totally disagree with such a rule. He didn't mind mommies but had some fear another daddy would "take me away from him". He was extremely controling and accusing me of random things which ultimately pushed us apart.

 

My daddies now trust me to be able to make the call for myself who I should or should not be friends with. They know I would not let anyone be disrespectful to myself or to our relationship.

[mylittlesidewearsblack]

i choose not to privately message anyone bc i have no need to, but also i have no reason to add people who add me without saying hi, and that is usually Dd's. Plus i already have one Daddy, i see no reason for more. Ultimately, i like the possessive behaviour, and since i have violated trust in the past, i agree to it for both our sakes. Plus, what is the point of a TPE unless it's total?

[Daddy's_Babygirl]

Well.

Being one of those littles who "isn't allowed" to talk to other Daddies.... it comes down to a few things for me.

 

First of all, this "rule" is actually more of a guideline based on trust between my husband and I. See the "rule" is one we both follow, mutually. I had actually seen another couple on here had this rule and I kinda liked it.

 

I don't worry what he will do nor does he worry what I will do. I trust my husband fully and have never ever doubted him. Not even when we were long distance and he would drop his son off at his sons mothers house. I do not doubt his loyalty to me and he doesn't doubt mine to him. I, frankly, do not trust other people. Do I think they can sway my Daddy? Absolutely not. Do I want them flirting with him regardless of weather he will go for it or not? No. And the same goes for me. No one is going to sway my love for my husband, but I don't want to be flirted with.

 

Not to mention it starts opening a can of worms. You vent to a friend and sometimes without malicious intent the phrase "well I would never do that to my -----" comes up. When you're dealing with opposite genders/roles... questions begin forming in ones mind. Should you leave, be with someone else, is the relationship bad... no thank you, not a can of worms I want to open.

 

If my Daddy and I met people who we felt each other could benefit from a friendship with of opposite roles, we would be open to that. I am on here soley for friends, and frankly my goal is to find a couple with similar dynamic to ours who we can befriend. I don't need to be talking to Daddys by myself to make that happen.

Edited February 7, 2017 by Daddy's_Babygirl

[Daddy's Meg]

I assumed some of it has to do with so many Littles being in LDR. Speaking from my experience, my Daddy was a lot more concerned about who I spoke with online when we were long distance and therefore he (felt like) had less control. However it was never a "rule" on who I could talk to, he did vito some situations as he saw fit however. I was never told not to speak to Doms but I also always shared who I spoke with. It felt natural to me.

 

Once we were living together he wasn't concerned at all really. However, I still openly share everything with him without being told or asked. Including this forum, my tumblr etc.

 

I consider the rule on who someone can speak to is often a product of youth or a LDR. It's not something I've experienced in IRL situations.

 

Edit:

To clarify when I say IRL situations, I mean D/s people I've met in person. I'm sure some out there do however. Some people take TPE very far. I do suggest for the OP, to not be offended by it. Everyone is living this lifestyle to their own level of comfort.

Edited February 7, 2017 by she's daddy's

[Lostinvoid]

My only rule that would be along these lines would be don't speak or act in a inappropriate manor with anyone . And I feel it is a unspoken rule that all would expect but to make it clear I do make sure it's stated aloud if committed then committed but wouldn't tell my little she was not allowed to have male friends cuz was a Dom unless that guy is being a flirt and trying to get her to do sth that would hurt our trust but it's on her to say sth and make that change I'm not gonna be the jealous freak

[Barbie Lumina]

I've always wondered about this as well, considering the only experience I've had not being allowed to talk to other people was from a very abusive vanilla relationship. My daddy doesn't care who I talk to, as long as they respect our relationship. 

 

But as long as the little consents to this rule, then I see no problem, I'm sure they have their reasons. 

[Guest]

for me, its more for my own safety.

when i first joined & before i had a Daddy on this site, i allowed friend requests from everyone... then soon got quickly used as i thought peoples intentions were pure.

 

since then, i do not accept random friend requests from anyone - male or female.

the only way i make friends on this forum is through the chatroom, and even then - we will have had to have talked for a while before i add them.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

suggestion: this is my view, my experiences, don't get shitty if you read something

i've said that you don't like. i get everyone is different and not all circumstances

are the same for every single being. 

 

yeah, i've seen it a lot around here as well and no where else do i see it, i thought

it might be because of the ldrs people have here? but even then when i've been

apart of communities that are mostly ldrs they're not so.. overly possessive? imho,

it's not too smart. i don't get why a gender should bar you from getting to know

someone else - shit, that guy could be your new best friend. for some reason everything

equates to the fact that it has a dick so it must be trying to get with you. and honestly,

even if that's happened to someone before - POSITIVE it has - that's not the case

with everyone else. it's a case of a few bad exps kill chances for them all. and if it

seems to happen to someone a lot, i think i'd have to look at that persons ability

to judge character and less of pinning it on one particular gender.

 

thank god my Daddy isn't like this, i don't think i could tolerate it. i've been in so many

relationships where the male was possessive af. i couldn't talk to other guys. i couldn't

really hang out with my male friends who i knew before that and i was dumb to listen

and let that control me to the deep extent that it did. i regret it but i walked away with

now not letting anyone control me like that.

 

i mean to each their own but imo,

a lot of 'no talking to other guys' kind of seems like it stems from some kinda insecurity

in a relationship. whether it be losing your SO or just not trusting the people talking to

your SO. i really don't see how people can live life normally with the expectations of

not being able to talk to the opposite gender. i'm a possessive af little - a possessive

person as a whole, do i like the idea of my Daddy talking to other littles/girls? nah, not

at all but i would never make him stop talking to other females. it's not that i don't trust

him, i do, SO much, but i don't always trust the other gender. thing is, i trust my Daddy

SO much that i know he'd put his foot down if anything got too wonky or if some girl

was doing shit that would make me unhappy. 

 

i think it'd be easier if people would think of them AS other people instead of a daddy,

for some reason you throw that title down and everything changes. it shouldn't. they're

still the same person they were before. 

 

that being said i would find myself a little awkward around random males who friend me

and talk to me as if they want to drown in my pants instead of be my friend, if that's the 

case - if they start in on the little nicknames, the flirting, the attempt to wedge themselves

into my life in a place i don't want them to be - i kick that ass to the curb and everyone wins.

i feel bad for automatically going on the defensive because i let what happened in the past

color how i see things but i still try my very super best to get over it because it's not fair that,

due to my past issues, that i don't let new people into my life. it's mostly unfair to me but it's

awful to think that i'd be passing up someone who could end up really important to me. i

have never been a fan of the idea of letting a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch, so, i'm

still making an active effort not to slam everyone into one category and shut 'em down.

 

idk, i legit don't see it as a big deal but it's something that comes down to the preference of

that particular person/couple. i don't find myself really wanting to interact with people that

strict - hell, i may be now but if it shows to the extent they're telling people with no ill will to

screw off, i find myself leaving as well. i like that my Daddy can be possessive but he doesn't

overdo it like i see an awful lot 'round these here parts. 

 

as long as your relationship is secure and the opposing party is being respectful about the way

they interact with you, i really don't see the issue. //shrugs.

 

[ just adding this because i saw something about TPE and while some people are super about

that life and that's fine, we're all still human beings with wants and needs. and it was said above

that TPE is sometimes taken too far, imo, not being able to talk to other people is way too far.

again, that's just me. ]

Edited February 7, 2017 by ☄ Cosmic Pengu ☆

[pengudaddy]

 

For me, because I am my boyfriend's little.

But I am also my boyfriend's sub.

So I have to ask permission to speak to pretty much anyone. 

 

I have yet to speak to a DD yet though, 

and would be interested to sort of see a DD'S view point on thing's.

 

 

I'm using this because you need to differentiate between DD/lg as being just Cg/l, and DD/lg being D/s. Of course, they can be both, and that's how I would describe my relationship.

 

You shouldn't really have trust issues in your relationship and if you do, you oughta rethink it. For me this topic is interesting. My little has guy friends and I understand why. And I wouldn't mind other people who associate as Daddies to friend her. I also know I am my little's world and trust is something neither of us undertake lightly. Our relationship is as serious as we want it to be.

 

I can see why people would be possessive, I can see why some people wouldn't allow their little to talk to other Daddy's, simply due to having those rules set up, in a D/s relationship. Why they make those rules, idk.

 

I'm more concerned for the guys tho. It wouldn't surprise me if they fell for my little. And I know she would tell them straight up it can't be that way. I'm not saying this cause my little is adorable as fuck and I don't blame other males for falling in love, I know I did. I'm speaking with experience of course.

 

The only issue I could see here is them trying to get too close. Especially if she is meeting these people online. That seems like a (at least) yellow flag to me. I wouldn't even blame my little for it! She is a very caring person and wants to please, put a smile on your face, and she will indulge you even if all you do is complain about your sad life (not me, personally).

 

My little can talk to any guy online, she already does. Issues would only arise from the males who misunderstand intentions or signs. And if those males fail to get my message, I trust my little girl to do the right thing.

 

I think anyone who is adamantly against your SO talking to a penis, maybe they should reevaluate theirs. Again, this boils down to trust. You either have it or you don't. Simple as that.

[Guest BabyGirl_Liya]

Im a little and I understand what you mean. We are allowed; its just that we cant speak or allow them to speak inappropriately or sexually towards us. That would cause trouble--coming on to someone eles little like that. Alot of the taken littles say they are just looking for friends/buddies to talk to and they tell you about their daddies on their profiles. So, most of the littles here are trying to prevent any of that from happening.

Edited February 7, 2017 by BabyGirl_Liya

[Frog]

If it's a LDR I think the fear is that the little will find a "better" daddy/mommy. My thinking is this: if it's a real relationship (and I've had some who tried long distance online-only), it's no different than a regular one. Most of the time, being that possessive throws up a red flag to me.

 

If it's more of a full sub relationship, I can see that being a part of D/s. I can't really say it's bad because consenting adults make their own rules.

 

With that being said, I think all the ones I message here are littles, and I think all but one are in relationships. However they know I'm not trying to entice them away and I'm not looking for anyone anyway. If they stopped talking to me or their daddies wanted to talk to me, I'm fine.

 

But that's just my opinion. To each their own.

[Guest Georgia-Daddy2]

As a daddy I don't mind if my little has guy friends or other daddies as friends but one of my past littles did leave me for another daddy without any signs of unhappiness or anything just one day up and left I was heartbroken then another one said she had cheated on me with 6 other daddies and that one hurt the most but I'm still on with my little having guy/daddy friends as long as that is their only motive

[Little Illy]

I notice on a lot of little's profiles that they state they aren't allowed to add/talk to other daddy's, or that they need "approval" to do so. I always wonder why stuff like this is even necessary. Do daddy's actually feel that threatened by other daddy's that they would enforce this, or do littles actually bring this up themselves? Is it really so bad and worrying when you see your little has added daddy friends on here? 

 

I ask because it seems very specific to just the dd/lg community. I haven't seen this kind of extreme possessiveness anywhere else. It just seems like people don't have trust for each other anymore, and that everyone is extremely suspicious of everyone else. Would be interesting to know other people's thoughts and perspectives on this though.

 

Maybe it's more complicated on here, because if you friend someone, you're usually talking to them privately. So I can imagine if a daddy sees his little has 3 new daddy friends, he might freak out a bit, but I still think some amount of trust and mutual respect is important.

 

 

This issue is actually, typically, two-fold. 

 

1. Because this dynamic is such an intricate type of power-exchange there is a lot of uncertainty within the realms of any interaction. Is this Daddy a friend of my Daddy? Does he only want to be my friend? Is he crossing the line for caring about me as a friend? Might he accidentally go into big space because I am a little? If he does, is that cheating? Would I be okay with my Daddy talking to other women, specifically littles? Would I be okay with them being little around him? Do they care enough for their friendship to respect our dynamic? If they cross the line, do I hold my Daddy responsible?

 

A lot of these questions get blurred because what tends to happen is that when a line is crossed by a friend, it is felt as an act of betrayal by the other partner. This dynamic is so intimate and complex it is very hard (for some) to know, exactly, what they are okay with when it comes to expressing their side to friends. (Would it be okay for me to use a paci in front of another Daddy? Is it okay for him to look out for my well being just as a friend?). These blurred lines mixed with the inherent Dominant/submission aspect is where the rules and lines of discipline come into play. The Dom/Daddy would tend to control who the little can talk to as a way to control their personal dynamic and to make sure no lines are crossed. 

 

This isn't the best route to take. In ANY healthy relationship there should never be any restriction on who a person is allowed to speak to, unless it is legitimately for the sake of the health and well-being of that individual. I.e. - you can't be friends with that Daddy because he is known to take advantage of littles vs you can't be friends with that Daddy because he is a guy.

 

2. There are people who are so intrinsically insecure that they will limit who their partner may speak to. And this is a two way street. We all see on the social media sites "When you catch bae speaking to some random bitch *insert photo of psycho woman here*" and vice versa. When a person is this insecure their only way to function in a relationship is to carve out any potential threat to that exchange. Most of these individuals do not do this on purpose because it stems from sincere and deep rooted trust issues.

 

These mentalities are just as flawed, obviously, but are more dangerous. This is how the vicious cycle is spread. Once a paranoid person is with another, it is very easy for that partner to become paranoid by proxy. Either in that relationship or their next. Overall working to curb the insecurities and function with normal, social, interactions is the only way to get over this mindset.

 

This issue is why I ALWAYS state that communication will solve 99% of all problems in a relationship (saying there is no abuse, ect). My Daddy and I are able to speak with whomever we wish. We trust that the other will let each know of anyone who may have stepped over a line. And we have both been put in that situation where it has happened. We openly communicated with one another and it was a non-issue and actually brought us closer together because we trust each other that much more. Furthermore, we have discovered it is beneficial to have opposite friends. I have a good friend who is a Daddy that I often seek out when I need advice on how to approach a situation. He never knows intimate details, but is able to give me the perspective of a Daddy that I lack. It becomes insightful and helps me understand things that much more. And I want the same for my Daddy.

 

To be a well rounded individual, stifling any sort of social exchange (again, excluding the unhealthy) will lead to some sort of mental cripple that will ultimate lash out in the dynamic. It is beneficial to meet knew people and have new insights available. It helps the person with trust, empowerment and overall happiness with themselves and their partner.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

This issue is actually, typically, two-fold. 

 

1. Because this dynamic is such an intricate type of power-exchange there is a lot of uncertainty within the realms of any interaction. Is this Daddy a friend of my Daddy? Does he only want to be my friend? Is he crossing the line for caring about me as a friend? Might he accidentally go into big space because I am a little? If he does, is that cheating? Would I be okay with my Daddy talking to other women, specifically littles? Would I be okay with them being little around him? Do they care enough for their friendship to respect our dynamic? If they cross the line, do I hold my Daddy responsible?

 

A lot of these questions get blurred because what tends to happen is that when a line is crossed by a friend, it is felt as an act of betrayal by the other partner. This dynamic is so intimate and complex it is very hard (for some) to know, exactly, what they are okay with when it comes to expressing their side to friends. (Would it be okay for me to use a paci in front of another Daddy? Is it okay for him to look out for my well being just as a friend?). These blurred lines mixed with the inherent Dominant/submission aspect is where the rules and lines of discipline come into play. The Dom/Daddy would tend to control who the little can talk to as a way to control their personal dynamic and to make sure no lines are crossed. 

 

This isn't the best route to take. In ANY healthy relationship there should never be any restriction on who a person is allowed to speak to, unless it is legitimately for the sake of the health and well-being of that individual. I.e. - you can't be friends with that Daddy because he is known to take advantage of littles vs you can't be friends with that Daddy because he is a guy.

 

2. There are people who are so intrinsically insecure that they will limit who their partner may speak to. And this is a two way street. We all see on the social media sites "When you catch bae speaking to some random bitch *insert photo of psycho woman here*" and vice versa. When a person is this insecure their only way to function in a relationship is to carve out any potential threat to that exchange. Most of these individuals do not do this on purpose because it stems from sincere and deep rooted trust issues.

 

These mentalities are just as flawed, obviously, but are more dangerous. This is how the vicious cycle is spread. Once a paranoid person is with another, it is very easy for that partner to become paranoid by proxy. Either in that relationship or their next. Overall working to curb the insecurities and function with normal, social, interactions is the only way to get over this mindset.

 

This issue is why I ALWAYS state that communication will solve 99% of all problems in a relationship (saying there is no abuse, ect). My Daddy and I are able to speak with whomever we wish. We trust that the other will let each know of anyone who may have stepped over a line. And we have both been put in that situation where it has happened. We openly communicated with one another and it was a non-issue and actually brought us closer together because we trust each other that much more. Furthermore, we have discovered it is beneficial to have opposite friends. I have a good friend who is a Daddy that I often seek out when I need advice on how to approach a situation. He never knows intimate details, but is able to give me the perspective of a Daddy that I lack. It becomes insightful and helps me understand things that much more. And I want the same for my Daddy.

 

To be a well rounded individual, stifling any sort of social exchange (again, excluding the unhealthy) will lead to some sort of mental cripple that will ultimate lash out in the dynamic. It is beneficial to meet knew people and have new insights available. It helps the person with trust, empowerment and overall happiness with themselves and their partner.

 

you're my favorite thing to read //sobs. 

[Beasourous]

At the end of the day, its the trust that you have for each other. Daddy has to trust that little is just making friends and Little has to know not to break the trust. 

 

Daddy usually don't allow little to make guy friends because they could be 1) insecure or 2) do not trust the intentions of the other guys. After all, daddy's role is to protect his little from harm.

[MadameButterfly]

Because I have a daddy, I don't really feel the need to be friends with other daddies. My daddy is all I need and want. I think daddies are protecting their littles when they make those rules. There are a TON of so called "daddies" that aren't really true daddies that are just looking for someone to use. That happened to me before.

 

So don't always assume it's because a daddy is insecure or that it shouldn't be a rule. Rules are made and accepted by both dom/sub - daddy/little, and there are always reasons for them that aren't anyone's business but theirs.

[Johnny Hammersticks]

As the possessive and controlling guy that i am, let me try to explain this.

 

Lets take this forum as a microcosm of society as a whole. We have all the boards of general discussion pretty much full of only littles discussing all kinds of subjects. Relationships, dynamics, even sex. Its mostly all littles, women commenting on most topics, id say its 10-1, easily.

 

Then you have the personals section. Its ALL GUYS. All "daddies", looking for littles. I bet 20-1, guys to girls. Where are these guys when it comes to normal conversation? How come they arent commenting in the general discussion? Adding to the community? No, they are all trolling for girls. Its kinda shallow and i wish some of them would speak up more, but they dont. So be it.

 

Now, this is why my little isnt really allowed to speak to other guys. Its definitely a rule, and its definitely a big deal. Of course there are exceptions, im not a ogre, like if my little has a good guy friend, or its someone legit that is open to talking to me as well, it might be ok. But for my little to accept random friend requests from "daddys"? No way jose... It has nothing to do with insecurities, or confidence, trust me, im quite secure and confident. It has to do with the inherant nature of women who like to be submissive and men who like to be dominant.

 

We all have our own philosophies on the DDLG dynamic and this is mine. Personally,i find it an unattractive trait when a girl, a little, feels the need to talk to multiple "daddys". I just wouldnt have a girl like that as my little. Theres someone out there for everyone.