Littles that aren't allowed to talk to other daddies

[Guest Kali]

I will talk only of CG/l dynamics here, and not Dom/sub - as there is a very clearly and widely understood protocol in D/s that subs are only approached via their Dom.

 

While it is up to a little to decide if she wants such restrictions placed upon her, it is also up to a Daddy whether to have a relationship with her.

 

Personally I wouldn't want to have a relationship with a naive little who needed a lot of help if she insisted on chatting with every Daddy who came along. If she chooses me as her Daddy/CG then I expect her to trust my judgement. Trying to care for someone who demands that level of self determination, and yet clearly can't manage their own is frustrating and unfair to a care giver.

 

I'm now lucky enough to care for a wonderful little girl who trusts my judgement of her needs. I am fine with her chatting with guys and even other Daddies because I know that if they made her uncomfortable in any way she would come to me (as has) - at which point I usually ask her to block/ignore them, and/or message them myself to clarify how things work in no uncertain terms.

 

There are good and bad Daddies. Of course, an abusive Daddy is going to want to restrict his little as much as possible, because that kind of goes with the territory of an abuser.

 

In my mind, there are only a few reasons to place an all out guy/Daddy ban on a little:

1. She is naive and/or vulnerable, and recognises this characteristic in herself and feels safer.
2. She wants to completely submit to her Daddy and enjoys feeling owned.
3. The Daddy is just too insecure in himself, and wants to control his little out of fear for his own happiness rather than hers.

Edited February 11, 2017 by Kali

[LittlePupRune]

My sub asked me if she could put in her profile (on another site) to come talk to me before approaching her merely as a way to reduce the amount of random and inappropriate messages she would receive as well as cut down the amount of dom/mes approaching her. It also satisfies a possessiveness that I have that she enjoys experiencing. I am very careful however to make sure I do not take it too far. Honestly, I don't really care much who she talks to because I am confident in our relationship and trust, but I encourage her to be open with me about it, especially if someone becomes too forward towards my collared sub. 

 

We do have a close friend that is a daddy, that she occasionally flirts with in front of me, but its obviously a ploy to get me possessive. He knows how far is too far, and she knows that too. Its just some fun, since he's a bit of a masochist and she enjoys being on the receiving end of my protectiveness. They describe it like a wing-man situation, they help each other out to reach a certain goal: him to have some fun and possible (consensual) pain, and her to get me into a primal and aggressive headspace.

 

But that restriction (littles not being allowed to talk to other daddies) isn't contained to the cg/l community. It exists for several reasons: insecurity, or out of want (those that enjoy that power exchange), restricting people interactions (like a spam sieve of sorts), or for the benefit of the little. And whichever it is, it should be entered in agreement by both parties.

[Chicki]

Daddy doesn't care who I talk to. He trusts /me/ and if other people are rude or vulgar, he knows I'll take care of it. But yes, I do know lots of other daddies, or even boyfriends are like that. I'm happy we trust each other completely though.

[Rantanplan]

A little jumping from one person to another would not be worth any further considerations.

Exceptions are ok. Regular contact is a no no. It would undermine my pride. If I stayed with someone who dated someone else; this would be the immediate end of the relationship.

I would not forbid any contact at all. Don’t get that wrong. I think it is a ethical issue of simply not doing such.

Only if I had no pride and would not be worth it being the only daddy, only then I would let my little flirt with others without consequences.

Contacting other daddies together would be more in the grey zone. But my little having multiple daddies? That would be a whore in my eyes! I don’t want whores in my vicinity.

The same applies to daddies. As soon as you have found your little you should stay away from others. Shut down your internet account. Full stop.

[JynxieKitten]

For us it's that Daddy worries about those who use these sites strictly for finding naive littles and attempting to influence them, or to harass them. Though over all my Daddy doesn't treat others online simply because of the very real dangers that are present.

[AliciaCrunk]

My ex knew that I'm very nice and sometimes i get takenadvantage of or it gets taken the wrong way. I'm also very naive. So like 90 percent for my protection 10 percent jealousy.

[Guest chilldude]

I can see it both ways to be honest. 

If a little has extreme anxiety, and a fake daddy rocks up or sends unsuitable messages it can be hard for the little to deal with. Words can harm those who are sensitive. On the flip side, a daddy can be too controlling or just not trust his little enough. I'd say it depends on the circumstances. Personally I've never checked a little's messages or given her an explicit rule against talking with other daddies. 

[Guest infinitecases]

It seems Michael has stirred up quite a debate with this topic, haha. I suppose I'll chime in with my 2 cents worth.

 

While it is true that there are many cases of insecure doms, I have to disagree with what some have said about this always coming from a place of insecurity or  "abusing your role." There have been multiple examples given wherein the reason has to do with safety or even just to prevent unwanted attention from random doms. It's also not quite accurate to say that this is exclusive to ddlg. It's really pretty common in bdsm as a whole. There's a even a whole dynamic where a dominant will protect a sub who is "unowned" (And usually new) by giving her a protection collar. This signals to other dominants that they must first go though him before talking to the submissive. Sometimes the dominant doing the protecting is considering her as his sub, but often this is a platonic agreement. Despite our best intentions, the bdsm community is often a scary and dangerous place. There is reason to sometimes be cautious when meeting new people.

 

Having restrictions on who the submissive is able to talk to, especially online, is also common in bdsm outside of ddlg. It is often the case that those wishing to interact with the submissive must first speak to the dom. This is generally a matter of respect. By not following this clearly stated rule, they show the dom that they do not respect him, and additionally, do not respect the sub who they wish to talk to. This is a very good way to weed out those who would have bad intentions. I actually did something similar with my last little. She had a number of people on her friends list before meeting me, who I didn't want interacting with her (I don't remember all of them specifically, but I know of at least 2 of these people who ended up getting banned later on). It wasn't that I didn't trust her, or was afraid that these guys could "steal her away," but many of them did seem predatory/creepy and they weren't the type of people I wanted talking to her. She was definitely a bit naive and was the type to assume everyone had good intentions.  After we cleared out her friends list a bit, some of the behavior from these people made her uncomfortable (checking her profile every few minutes, multiple times a day, and over the course of multiple weeks.) She decided she'd feel most comfortable not even friending any Daddies unless they were close friends of mine, and I wanted her to get to know them. This was a decision she made herself, and was more "controlling" than what I had originally planned to do. But she didn't use the forum a whole lot, definitely not as much as I do, and trusted me make a judgement about who should and shouldn't talk to her. She didn't easily pick up on certain behavior from others, so she took comfort in letting me decide for her.

 

When you look at this from the perspective of a long distance relationship, even a vanilla one, this type of thing makes sense as well. You may trust your partner, but being long distance, it's easy to have doubts about certain things. When it comes down to it, you often can't be for sure that your partner is going to be faithful. A lot of partners find that it puts their mind at ease to put some mutual restrictions when it comes to being alone with people, friending certain people online, etc. Often, it's a matter of showing their commitment by somewhat restricting themselves in this way. For example, even if one partner trusts the other to be alone with someone who they could potentially cheat with, the fact that they have gone out of their way not to put themselves in that position in the first place, can be quite reassuring. Long distance is hard, and people deal with it in different ways. If this helps some people deal with the distance, then I don't see a problem with it. It is only when it comes from a deep level of insecurity, and not the innate insecurity that comes from being in a long distance relationship, that you begin to see issues. Where you draw the line is debatable, and in the end, up to those involved.

 

I think this explains it pretty well. I think the problem lies wherein most of the interactions between a daddy/little would be online and I would rather not put myself in a position where I am actively spending time and energy on talking to another Daddy like that when I already have one. Whilst my daddy isn't one to worry about these things, I feel it's much better for me to not engage in doing this whatsoever, not simply just because I don't have the time or patience but because I'd prefer to not make my Daddy worry or put him in that kind of situation (if that were possible!). I also really don't see the need for it when I am in a relationship. Whilst having friends of the other gender is fine, I don't want to be someone who actively makes the choice to talk etc with another daddy.

 

My daddy says I can't really read people very well either T_T so I think with any interaction with guys I have to talk to in person, it would still result in me telling my daddy everything and asking for his opinion, not spending time with them if he thinks they are not good for me. I generally try not to prolong conversation either online or text (because it's very different to in person) with people of the opposite gender, I just feel it's not necessary unless we're talking about work or something along those lines. It can so very easily turn into talking every day, and having had a fair share of creepy people, I think it would be a lot more comfortable for my daddy to not have to deal with that when we're still quite far away from eachother.

 

At the end of the day, it's an active decision you make to spend time with them alone, to confide in them, to be there for them for their problems, to become really close to them, and I just think that if I can make the decision to not let it get to that point, then I would much rather do it that way because it's such a small gap between "friends do that and are there for eachother" and "this is too close for comfort". If I think it's something that would make me worry if it was the other way round with my daddy, then I tend to not do it! At the end of the day, it's difficult to distinguish and every relationship is different plus every situation and friend is different too!! 

[Guest SUeB]

Just spoke to my Daddy about this, as it comes up again and again, mostly on fetlife. It's not a simple question to answer, there are different reasons behind people doing it. For instance some do that merely for attention. It's like they are saying it to attract that very thing. Others do it because they are sick and tired of guys bombarding them with messages when they are clearly not available, or any other reason.

i do not add randoms. Sadly the vast majority of guys send requests because they want dirty talk, online excitement etc. That's a fact. i am strictly loyal and monogamous on every possible level, so i will not talk to any man in any way outside of purely innocent, platonic and friendly.

And yeah, sorry, that's a real rarity with these guys. Even the ones that start off saying they are just wanting to be friends have no such intention.

My Daddy says it's bad etiquette to see a girl is partnered, and try talk to her in any way flirtatiously or randomly send a request without at least asking Him if it's ok. He also says that He is happy me adding friends of either sex if i wish to, because we have 100% trust in each other. He knows i only add male friends if i know them in real life.

[Leo_Ascendent]

Only logic I can think of here is the, "don't talk to strangers" thing we are taught as youngin's. My Little has friends, male and female, who are Doms, and I don't really care about it. Though, I have the feeling, my reason for their actions isn't the case.

[Daddy'sBrity]

I request in my profile to talk to my Daddy first. I ask that of other little too. He trust me and my judgement and knows I'm loyal to him. It's more for protection and not control. Not most but there are people that don't have good intentions and this is a way I am protected because daddy reads people really well and doesn't want me getting hurt. I've had a couple little friends that weren't bad people but not good for me mentally cause they were too draining and daddy had to say no more because I couldnt. It's part of his job to look out for me. I wouldn't change that

[Guest Arc]

As long as they are respectful and appropriate, then I see no reason to not talk to other Daddies. Unless they're trying to dominate you, they're just ordinary people, and if my Daddy stopped me talking to people I wouldn't accept that. If people aren't respectful then I don't have to answer. If they get too much then I ask for his help. But otherwise anyone who I talk to is just a person and I don't care about their role in their relationships as long as it stays in their relationship and doesn't cross into mine. 

Edited September 21, 2017 by ArcOfInfinity