Watching the Watchers

[MrBonesWildRide]

Inspired by this post, I felt like it was necessary to make a thread dedicated to the Daddy/Big community specifically.

 

Now, there's some things I'm absolutely certain of when it comes to these types of communities:

1. Predatory Daddies/Bigs will not really be using the forum to talk as much as they will to pick littles up through private messaging.
2. Predatory Daddies/Bigs that do use the forum are most likely not going to read this post specifically.

With that in mind, I feel like it's an important thing to keep in mind to be active in a community such as this (at the time or writing becoming larger and still new) in regards to protecting those who may get leeched off of. This is important not only because the littles here can vary in true maturity but also because we do have people signing up that may be under their age of consent and so are more likely to be targeted by disgusting people.

 

But as I said in point 1, predatory people are less likely to actually use the forum itself and will resort to private messages (as they do on other sites and communities) to get their point across. So what I'd like to point out is to be dilligent in the community about people who may be considered problematic. This is not to say that you should white knight (see: "I'll defend you, then you can be with me instead!") for these people, but rather make sure that the community polices itself and is stopping those who may be predatory from gaining traction.

 

This involves using the moderation staff to point out potential problems and constantly showing that we don't tolerate that type of activity around here. The point of this post and discussion is to make this a relatively "safe" place. Not an echo chamber for ideas but a thriving community where we don't have to worry as much about people getting hurt.

[Sophie]

I have a plan in the works to address some of those concerns.

 

We're going to make it so only users you've allowed can communicate with you privately (in the chat PM and through the forum PM). There will be an "Allow this user to communicate privately with me" button next to people's profiles, that when clicked, lets that user communicate with you privately. Predators would be forced to ask their targets "Let me PM you please?" in public; making them easy to spot, and giving the community the ability to call them out then and there.

 

That should discourage most predators from bothering us. Like you said, predators thrive on being able to contact a lot of people in private.

[MrBonesWildRide]

That's awesome, thank you Sophie!

[FoxyKitsune]

Great idea Sophie!

[GentleDaddyDom]

That's a fantastic idea! I'll have to do a little running around to re-establish PM links with a few people, but that's hardly a problem when you keep in mind the security we'll have for everyone!  

[Guest Sae]

Good post Mr. Bones and thank you Sophie so much for that!! 

[Guest ADudeHasNoName]

That's a pretty smart tactic; cuts down on unsolicited PMs and possibly triggering private messages from predators.

 

Another thought in regards to profile pictures. Other similar forums have users, both male and female, that post stolen pictures as their avatar and make up some crazy story about themselves. Having been pretty badly manipulated and hurt by one of these catfish predators (years of lies), I would love to see some kind of a zero tolerance policy in regards to stolen pictures and fake profiles.

[Manykin]

Predators should be publicly ostracized on the forum. In any community it's important for the regular users (non staff) to feel like they have some control over the sites direction and management, without that feeling of agency a user base will be inclined to leave or not become attached to the forum. With that in mind, public and private reporting of predators should be an option, and the fact that it's an option should be made readily apparent. When the time comes that it's necassarry, a thread dedicated to this fact should be made. As well as a thread solely for reporting predators and other people who are making forum life worse. And most importantly a thread that is a comprehensive list of al line known predators on the site, their aliases, and any other information known about them. This will serve to show that reporting these people is actually effective, as well as helping people identify predators, and know if they encounter them on a different site, or on this site under a similar alias or with similar mannerisms. It will also publicly humiliate the predators and if possible damage their standing in the real world if theyre profile can be linked to their real name, which will discourage people to be predatory in the first place. this doesn't seem to be needed quite yet, but inevitably it will become an issue.

 

This is just my thoughts on the matter, Im not making demands or anything, I've just seen similar systems work well in the past.

[Guest Sae]

I don't agree with publicly ostracizing people because it makes the website look less friendly. 

 

We remove users that get reports about them. If there is a user people have problems with, reports are better to share then to make public boards about that person. :3 Just my two cents. 

[MrBonesWildRide]

I have to agree with Sae on this one. It's a matter of minimizing public and vocal drama by handling issues with extreme care in private. If people can't vocalize publicly, it needs to be handled privately and if someone is removed from the community then that is when it should be public.

 

Transparency should definitely still exist, if someone feels like there's something wrong with a removal then they should be informed of why the decision took place. I can already see that this type of privately handled problem will cause issues but if we make sure that we treat removal from the community as a serious incident that requires proof then we will circumvent those problems.

[Guest DominantBlogger]

That's a pretty smart tactic; cuts down on unsolicited PMs and possibly triggering private messages from predators.

 

Another thought in regards to profile pictures. Other similar forums have users, both male and female, that post stolen pictures as their avatar and make up some crazy story about themselves. Having been pretty badly manipulated and hurt by one of these catfish predators (years of lies), I would love to see some kind of a zero tolerance policy in regards to stolen pictures and fake profiles.

I am a cup of coffee... 

 

But seriously, I think it would be good to have a checkbox stating, "This picture is of me" to have someone clearly state whether or not their avatar is of them or not.  But I'm good  either way.  I'm not really looking for a partner from this site so for me it doesn't really matter if someone is their avatar or not.  Looking more to connect with the mind.  If that makes sense.

 

PS: I did TAKE this picture of this cup of coffee...  So technically...  It's mine...  Just not of me...

[Manykin]

But it's important to have a directory of known predators, right?

[GentleDaddyDom]

Yes, but having our forum members coming off as a lynch mob, waiting to pounce on people for things isn't really an image we'd like to have, I'm sure.

If users are being creeped, or chased after by a predator/stalker or otherwise, they should report it to the administrators. The administrators will deal with it, and if necessary, warn the forum about that user.

We don't really need to light any torches, or brandish pitchforks.

[Manykin]

Yes, but having our forum members coming off as a lynch mob, waiting to pounce on people for things isn't really an image we'd like to have, I'm sure.

If users are being creeped, or chased after by a predator/stalker or otherwise, they should report it to the administrators. The administrators will deal with it, and if necessary, warn the forum about that user.

We don't really need to light any torches, or brandish pitchforks.

Sure, maybe I came off too harsh. I just want members to feel like they have control over the situation if they need it.

[GentleDaddyDom]

Do they not by taking their situation and proof to the moderators, and having the member dealt with? "I just want members to feel like they have control over the situation if they need it" makes it sound like you want everyone to have their own personal "Break glass in case of needing to be a moderator" on their wall

[Guest Sae]

But it's important to have a directory of known predators, right?

It's important for the Mods to know who it is, and the local police if needed. It's not important for everyone to go off of hearsay and cause drama and out people. Outing makes situations worst, and it'll reflect poorly on the community and people in it.  It also can make this place become very hostile very fast too. 

 

I personally don't feel comfortable with the idea of outing members, because then it goes to messaging the victims and other people who have reported who are meant to stay anon. So everyone can hear their side.  Which is just really annoying, and it can cause more problems. If the police need to be talked to, again that would be posted about on this site, but more as a caution for people to remove the user. Not for people to rally together and make posts about it.

 

The only thing we post on here is rules, guidelines and help for users. We try and remind users to make reports because it helps insecure the mods and Sophie about people who are causing problems and we can watch them easier.  

 

Mini modding also isn't allowed on the websites, it's in the guidelines. 

[Guest DominantBlogger]

It's important for the Mods to know who it is, and the local police if needed. It's not important for everyone to go off of hearsay and cause drama and out people. Outing makes situations worst, and it'll reflect poorly on the community and people in it.  It also can make this place become very hostile very fast too. 

 

I personally don't feel comfortable with the idea of outing members, because then it goes to messaging the victims and other people who have reported who are meant to stay anon. So everyone can hear their side.  Which is just really annoying, and it can cause more problems. If the police need to be talked to, again that would be posted about on this site, but more as a caution for people to remove the user. Not for people to rally together and make posts about it.

 

The only thing we post on here is rules, guidelines and help for users. We try and remind users to make reports because it helps insecure the mods and Sophie about people who are causing problems and we can watch them easier.  

 

Mini modding also isn't allowed on the websites, it's in the guidelines. 

 

 

I'm new here so I'm not suggesting my voice is better than anyone else's... But I completely agree with this. 

 

I've been a part of communities where this conversation ended up going the other way and they did make 'the list'.  It is a great idea, in theory.  But the problem is it does become political and inevitably devolves into drama.  I'm strongly in favor of the Mods being the only ones who need to moderate and maintain their formal list of banned members.

[Manykin]

I've been on forums where a similar system worked well, but this is obviously a very different site which will face very different problems. Yall who've been in communities like this before know best. but yes, gentledaddydom, I do think people should feel like if they're in trouble they have immediate and responsive access to help from staff, I don't get what's weird about that.

[GentleDaddyDom]

immediate and responsive access to help from staff

That's... What I've been saying, though? People will always have access to the report buttons, and private messaging the mods. That's not something we ever plan to turn off? Our response time is only as fast as we see it, and we aren't really robots that can be here 24/7, hawking over the report list.

 

Yes, we will take reports seriously. Yes, anyone can report. Yes, anyone can private message a moderator. Yes, we will deal with it as soon as we are able. No, this is not a place for sharp sticks and slings. No, people are not to take things into their hands and mini-mod.

 

If we start making threads to ostracize members for things they've done, it just creates more drama. It would also invite users to do the same for people they simply don't like, resulting in a "Let's flame everybody" atmosphere. That would be fatally toxic to the forum, and what it strives to be.

[MrBonesWildRide]

Just to interject, I think you and Many are agreeing, but Many believes that there should be an additional step of pointing out when someone has been removed, much like what I said. Everyone agrees that swift moderator response is necessary, you just made it a little less clear about the break glass remark. The disagreement stems from how public we get with discussing people who have been removed.

 

I think we should just state that such and such has been removed and if anyone needs further proof then proof will be given. But apart from that, we don't need to compile a list or go about in public threads about it.

[Guest Sae]

Announcing about a user ban is something us mods and Sophie should really talk about.  She made one announcement about one user. I think if people are going to post something it should be Sophie or something the mods talk about before its announcement so at least the mods understand.  I really don't like the idea of announcements because I have a feeling people are going to white knight to harass that user on other platforms and then talk about it here. 

 

If an announcement on a user has been made, the topic should be dead.  (No needing to ask why. who is the person, what is there info ect.)  I think for proof I'm not sure what kind of proof people would be seeking, screenshots, access to reports? That's too much info.  /Doesn't need to out the person who is reporting. 

[GentleDaddyDom]

That's already being taken care of, though. With the banning of MrAsphyxiation, Sophie made this status. "MrAsphyxiation was removed from our community today due to harassing multiple users. It's recommend you remove him if you added him on Kik or Skype."

We aren't going to just leave it quiet. Especially in the case of people who are predators, we're going to be putting a warning out to ensure that anyone else who may still have a line of contact between them and the offender, cuts it off ASAP.

[Manykin]

Yo I said yall know best! I don't think you really understand my point but I do think you're more experienced on the subject than I'm so I'll stop pressing the issue, since if I did spend the time to make myself completely clear you'd still probably be right. I don't care how things are done as long as people feel and are safe.

 

EDIT: woah three posts happened before in the time I was writing this! Yeah, bones gets me. I'm happy with how the banning of Mr asphyxiation was handled.

[MrBonesWildRide]

We aren't going to just leave it quiet. Especially in the case of people who are predators, we're going to be putting a warning out to ensure that anyone else who may still have a line of contact between them and the offender, cuts it off ASAP.

 

Thank you, that is basically what I was hoping for going for.

 

And @Sae, the only reason I make mention of the public having access (but limited to those who ask, that's it) to those things is because of transparency concerns. I absolutely believe that the forums should be run with an iron fist in regards to predators in this community, but that iron fist needs to be able to show why it is acting the way it is. Getting someone who is dedicated enough to delete personally identifying info from logs/caps/whatever is not an expense worth giving up. But I also agree that once an announcement is made the topic should be handled. Does that make sense?

 

Basically: Everything should be handled in private by the moderators directly, and should not be a spectacle. If someone is removed after proof shows they are an issue, then an announcement can be made just saying they've been removed (OR they can be removed without, it doesn't matter to me) and if anyone has a concern about circumstances, because let's face it: People are going to fight their bans often if they can say "Well you have no proof". Which is why if anyone wishes for proof, the proof can be shown WITH IDENTIFIERS REMOVED.

 

I mean for all intents and purposes, I would volunteer just for that position. Screening accounts for people circumventing bans, running reports to staff, whatever needs to be done.