A Middle with No Rules

[Guest Shygirl95]

So I've been in a ddlg relationship for a little over a month now and I'm currently feeling confused. I'm not too sure that my Dom is interested in being my Dom anymore or if that was ever a real interest. It's a ldr and always has been. Since that's the case, things haven't been physical yet which is why the lack of rules makes things feel even more disconnected. My Dom told me that things are just sexual "for now" which is fine but I'm not too sure how a "just sexual" ddlg relationship is supposed to work long distance without rules or small tasks. This is my first ddlg relationship and I'm finding it challenging to navigate and I'm not too sure how to bring my concerns to my Dom.

[Guest]

If you want to make it more and have rules, voice that to your dom.

If he is just keeping this like LD fuck buddies (excuse my french but thats how it sounds to me)

and you are okay with that is fine.

But it seems like you want more out of the relasonship.

If he is not going to bother to give you more, it wont last.

Littles and middles need care and rules (for some not all ).

if he is not going to fulfill the role you need him to, I would say end things. 

 

Thats my thoughts anyways.

 

Best wishes. 

[Princess-P]

What do you mean by your relationship is just sexual? Do you only talk to this person when your both horny or do you mean you only roleplay CG/l during this time and have a "vanilla" relationship the rest of the time?

 

If the answer is that you only talk to this person while horny and only in a sexual nature that's not how relationships (usually) work. I wouldn't expect too much in the long term.

 

While not all people enjoy rules in their dynamic, and its 100% not a must, it doesn't really sound as though you are fine with how things are. If you have needs that aren't being met then its too one sided. What does he say when you bring up things. Like rules, that you want to incorporate? Does he just shut them down or does he try to make compromises with you and meet you half way?

 

Relationships are 50/50 regardless of your dynamic and if you feel like something is off then it probably is. The only way to bring your concerns to this person is to directly talk to them about it.

 

In my personal opinion I wouldn't trust someone who wants a strictly sexual relationship. Even if they try to smooth it over with the good ol' classic "for now". Not unless that was all I wanted and expected nothing more to come from it.

[Guest Shygirl95]

I get that everyone's dynamics are different but I was expecting a little more structure. We chat daily and not every conversation is sexual. If anything most of them are center around us getting to know each other(which I think is great) with sexual banter thrown into the mix. A big part of it feels like we rushed into the whole thing without really getting a feel for each others wants/needs. I don't want to end things because I think he's a great person. I'm just not too sure of what's going on. I know that not every dynamic needs rules or tasks but that was one of the things that appealed to me the most when I was still trying to decide if this was for me. With it being long distance, we haven't met in person yet and so that adds to the confusion when he's saying it's just sexual for now. Mainly because I don't really see what he gets out of it at this capacity. I know I should bring this to him I'm just not too sure how to go about it yet

[Princess-P]

OK so what it sounds like is that you identify as a little. And you would like him to be your caregiver but as of right now on his side its only a sexual role play.

 

Rushing things can definitely set a bumpy course. If you want to make it work you will have to talk to him. Getting to know him is great but we often get confused if sex is thrown into the mixture too soon. It happens to everyone. You can however slow things down and let him know that this isn't just a role play for you and that you want more from the dynamic. Honestly the best way to bring it up to him is just flat out say it. You have nothing to lose at this point.

 

What might be happening is that he doesn't understand that there's more to it. Or he assumes that if your not saying anything that your happy with it the way it is, which clearly isn't the case if your here looking for advice on how to talk to him. But its not something we can solve.

 

Just call him and tell him you need to talk about something. Explain what you want. Let him know that it takes time to get into the flow and that it won't be perfect on both ends right away but that you need him to put effort into being more of what You need. If he tries to turn it back to just sexual tell him your not OK with that. Be firm but understand that you will both have a lot to learn.

[Lil1]

@Princess-P I asked him today and he basically told me to get lost lol. Dodged a bullet I guess.