Help me understanding a little with bipolar 1

[Daddy81x2]

Hi guys,

 

I have some experience being in DDlg relationship, but just recently (about 4 weeks ago) I met this really cool girl who I like a lot, like I mean A LOT!

 

She told be about her Bipolar 1 and schizophrenia and we were very open and honest about everything and she just wanted to be cared for and looked after, and I am more than willing to learn about these conditions and and work with her in order to help her lead a happy and balanced life in order to limit the episodes she experiences.

 

She has some issues re drinking, smoking, and not sleeping, all of which I have read can be triggers. We talked about everything and she said to me she wanted someone to almost take ownership of her and tell her what she can and cannot do in order to help her live the type of life she needs to live to 'remain in the sweet spot' as I like to call it.

 

So she told me some of the things she likes her Daddy to do for her, and I set about writing up a list of rules for her to read, sign if happy, and then we both follow. She was super excited about all this and we were extremely happy the two of us the pace at which everything was going, we were due to meet up in a couple of weeks....

 

However, a few days ago after sending her the rules she said she would look over them thoroughly over the next few days and make any amendments and then return them to me before we are both happy. She said she had only skimmed through them as she hadn't had the time. Later that day I think it was, we were super happy sending messages via WhatsApp and she said she was super happy and that she would always be dedicated to her Daddy (me). So I "stupidly" thought maybe now is a good time to test her. She asked when I was free so she could call me, something we did on a daily basis, so I said an obscure time of 12:17pm to see if she would actually call at that time as it would take some commitment. That call never came, but she was in work so I have to give her some leeway here. Purely in the spirit of the DDlg role play I said that Daddy was very disappointed in baby, to which she replied "I tried to call at 12:15 but you didn't answer". I know this to be a lie because I had phone in (sweaty) hand, heart pounding with anticipation since 12:12pm. Slightly annoyed by the blatant lie I said "Punishment: no phone calls to Daddy for 24hrs", meaning only chatting on WhatsApp allowed. I didn't think this was too harsh and also a good test of your new DDlg relationship.

 

Well.. from that moment on she just stopped talking. She is reading my messages but not replying. The same thing happened a couple of weeks ago when I said something similar and abruptly changed the conversation topic from friendly to strict, purely in a Dominant role playing sense. But after a day or 2 she started talking again and we discussed what she had experienced and what the Bipolar actually does. This is why I think I have some idea of whats happened here; as I have abruptly changed the flow from happy to strict without warning it has become too much for her to process and she has got overwhelmed by it and shut down again. Normally, the other person (baby) would know that my change in attitude was just part of the game, and either play along or challenge me to say wtf? But obviously with people who are bipolar 1 will read more into the situation, whats happened? is he being serious? OMG, what do I do? brain overload. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it doesn't get you out the mess you find yourself in.

 

I really like this girl, more than I think Ive ever liked anyone in my entire life. And now I cannot communicate with her I am missing her voice so much it is actually hurting all over. I can't eat, I am struggling to sleep. All because of one stupid premature message send by myself.

 

Have any of you guys experienced anything similar or anyone who is Bipolar, can you relate? I could really do with some advice and/or preferably some reassurance that I've not messed things up for good. Last time this happened she came back after a day or two, but I have been reading that these episodes can last up to 3-6 months. The way I feel right now I think I'll be dead if I can't speak to her for 3 months, let alone 6.

 

I'd really appreciated you honest opinions as this is also a learning process for me.

 

Thank you     

[Princess_Bellzebub]

Hi there!

 

First of all, be consistent and be persistent and be patient in this! She is probably nervous about the prospect of a new relationship, and dealing with bipolar will not make it easy for her. Being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder can be challenging, but routine and a good lifestyle does really help. I had a mistress for a short time who was bipolar and she was very similar in her reactions. I would say something that I felt was innocent and she would over-analyze and twist it in her head. I am also a social work student, so I would like to think that I know a little about working with people with bipolar. If you both have connected really well and it seems that you have then she will come back, but I wouldn't push her too much. It may help to send her a reassuring message once a day including an "I hope you are okay" or letting her know that you are always there to talk and just staying really open and calm. Give her time, if she is reading the messages then she is probably just afraid to respond. Just don't blow up her phone or something! 

 

If you are able to work this out and talk to her I have several suggestions that you could think about and apply to your situation as needed:

 

Firstly, the biggest issue of working with someone with bipolar is the self-hate, it is very hard on the person and they will twist words and situations in there head, kind of like depression but on a larger scale, so my suggestion would be to nurture first and foremost a very accepting and open environment and really ease into getting more and more strict. Let her know that this is what you are doing too and let her know that its to help her and if she starts getting all pouty give her a little stern but light hearted "be patient"  which leads into the next thing 

 

****In these initial stages of you budding relationship, be very lighthearted and almost joking but still maintain a level of strictness. Basically, just project that it is the scene and that you are not truly upset or disappointed in her. If that works for you two you can stay there or slowly move into more strictness but let her know with compliments or reassurances that you still love her and you won't hate her for just one mistake. Example: "Baby, you're amazing but I'm disappointing that you broke a rule and I have to punish you"**** (this is pretty important i think)

 

In terms of punishment, my suggestion would be to make an agreed upon list of punishments just for scenes so that she knows that you are no truly upset with her. Also, another another suggestion would be to only truly punish her for breaking the rules and if she does something else either make it a rule or just give her a good lighthearted scolding. 

 

Finally, you could do something similar to what my Daddy does for me and ask about her mental health for the day. My Daddy will ask me "How is all the Gunk (my word for bad thoughts/memories) Kitten?" and I'll tell him how I feel and he can react accordingly. This way opens up a window for me to tell him if I'm not doing so well because he knows that i most likely won't otherwise. This could help with her, obviously find your own unique way to ask but yknow 

 

That's a bit of information, huh? But I hope that this helps in some kind of way, I wish I could say more on the current situation, but again, persistence, consistence, patience!

[Daddy81x2]

Hi Bells, Thank you for the advice and super fast response....

 

Unfortunately I think I probably did blow up her phone as I was sending her messages about what I was up to and how I was missing her and also songs that I heard on the radio that made me think of her. I sent her one this morning which was the moment she blocked me on WhatsApp. She did this last time as well but immediately unblocked me as well. She told me recently that when she was having one of her moments the best thing to do was just keep messaging her until she can reply.

 

I was looking into ways to try and help her the other week and read that some people like to listen to really loud music in noise cancelling headphones, but when I mentioned this to her she said she couldn't because she sometimes thinks the words in the songs are trying to tell her something, but the songs that I sent didn't because they meant something to her.

 

I sent her a message on FB messenger not long after she had blocked me on WhatsApp that said "I get why you blocked me... I'm a selfish cunt... I'm sorry [heart with arrow through emoji]. She read this and I thought OK just leave it now. 1 hour later she has uninstalled the FB messenger app completely lol, that can't be a good sign. We are still friends on FB which has got to be good, and I know she got a lot of attention on FB messenger from lads... so I am hoping it is their messages that have made her remove the app, over mine.

 

Just the other day we were discussing me sending her a gift containing a new stuffie, one of my shirts with my aftershave smell, a new journal etc. and she was so excited about everything... and it's gone from 100mph > -0mph. It is so tough.. I really want to talk about everything, but she obviously cannot.

 

I think I will just leave her alone now for a day or two, see if she comes back online, and then maybe call and leave her a voice message once I have everything straight in my head, as she did say talking to me before helped her. I could send her a goodnight / good morning sms message but based on the current situation I don't want to push anything. 

 

I am so pissed off with myself for causing her to go through this so soon. Part of me thinks because she came back to me after just a couple of days last time, maybe because its all new to me and she was trying not to jeopardize the situation, she hadn't really recovered properly and that why it seems to be a lot more severe this time round. Because we are talking about last week I think it was when she went silent for a day, and now... Boom! shes gone. 

 

I just want her back 

[BabySwe]

I'm not sure being strict by taking away your love is the best way to deal with punishing someone that has mental problems. I know that if this happened to me, I'd already been heartbroken over "failing" to call at that specific time. If my daddy on top of that said that since I failed to call him at that specific time, I can't talk to him for 24 hours, I would hate myself and think I'm worthless. I would pull away just like your little do cause I'm not worthy to talk to my daddy when I'm such a failure, so clearly he can't love me. I can handle most situations fine, but some things are triggers for me, and the description you have would be one of them. And judging by your littles reaction, I imagine it might be one of hers as well. I'm not sure it's the best approach to start punishing by taking away love and closeness before she can truly trust that you DO love her and will be there all the time, if that makes any sense. And even when she does,  restriction of love and care might not be a suitable punishment for your little. I know I could never, ever handle that as a punishment. So maybe a bit more... gentle, loving punishment would work better? Like "i know this was hard for you sweetie, but you shouldn't lie to daddy. I am sorry if I put up a demand that was too difficult for you however. That's on me as a daddy, but you still shouldn't lie to me. I want you to write xx times that good little girls shouldn't lie to their daddies, and then we will talk and cuddle all night sweetie, so you know everything is fine and forgiven, okay?". Daddies can make mistakes too, and I feel it's much better to admit that you might have done just that, than to push. Although I am simply describing what works for me, It might not be the same for you.

[Daddy81x2]

I'm not sure being strict by taking away your love is the best way to deal with punishing someone that has mental problems. I know that if this happened to me, I'd already been heartbroken over "failing" to call at that specific time. If my daddy on top of that said that since I failed to call him at that specific time, I can't talk to him for 24 hours, I would hate myself and think I'm worthless. I would pull away just like your little do cause I'm not worthy to talk to my daddy when I'm such a failure, so clearly he can't love me. I can handle most situations fine, but some things are triggers for me, and the description you have would be one of them. And judging by your littles reaction, I imagine it might be one of hers as well. I'm not sure it's the best approach to start punishing by taking away love and closeness before she can truly trust that you DO love her and will be there all the time, if that makes any sense. And even when she does,  restriction of love and care might not be a suitable punishment for your little. I know I could never, ever handle that as a punishment. So maybe a bit more... gentle, loving punishment would work better? Like "i know this was hard for you sweetie, but you shouldn't lie to daddy. I am sorry if I put up a demand that was too difficult for you however. That's on me as a daddy, but you still shouldn't lie to me. I want you to write xx times that good little girls shouldn't lie to their daddies, and then we will talk and cuddle all night sweetie, so you know everything is fine and forgiven, okay?". Daddies can make mistakes too, and I feel it's much better to admit that you might have done just that, than to push. Although I am simply describing what works for me, It might not be the same for you.

 OMG... that's it!!!! That is what I have done....

 

If it were you what would help you through this stage, what can I say to her to try and help her? 

 

I definitely never want her to feel worthless, she has litterally become my world, and I have told her this and she was so happy. I have fucked up royally.... Please can you advise me on what my best course of action is Pinkie??? 

 

I am dying to call her and tell her but I dont want to keep bombarding her with stuff...

 

P.S. I am the original poster but something has gone wrong with my login.

Edited April 15, 2017 by Daddy81x2

[Spooky]

I find any threat or promise of cut off communication (even if it is just phone calls) to be traumatizing. It would immediately make me recoil and doubt the relationship as well, especially one so fresh and new.

I agree with everything LittleZen said. I think you need to try more easy-going punishments such as writing lines. 

 

A sincere apology will also work loads more than a self depreciating comment sent to her "I am a cunt". That to me just sounds like a cop out and kind of like you are guilting her into talking to you. 

As for being in a relationship with someone who is diagnosed with bipolar, all you can do is be patient, open and understanding. Only with time will you be able to see the patterns in her disorder and understand how to help her. 

 

[Daddy81x2]

Thank you for your insight... Having a relationship with someone who has bipolar is very new to me, and I am understanding that thoughts and reactions are totally different to that of a non bipolar partner.

 

When I was 18 I went to see a spiritualist with a group of friends, I thought at the time that it was a load of rubbish, but over the years several things have happened which she said would, the latest thing is that I would meet this girl. I remember her pulling a bit of a face at the time like something wasn't going to be easy, and I can see now what she was probably seeing. However, I feel that I am in the right place and with the right person, I feel I was meant to meet her and help her manage her situation better. I know I have got a lot to learn and boy have I just learnt a lot, today alone.

 

I want to send her an sms, please can you tell me if this good or not. I try to write from the heart, otherwise it just comes out like a load of crap!

 

Daddy has made a very very big mistake for which he is truly truly sorry.

By taking away his love for something so minor he has made you feel worthless.

But you are not worthless, you are everything to Daddy, you have become the center

of his world and he loves you more than words can say. He deeply regrets his actions

and can only promise to be a better Daddy in future. This is still very new to me and we must learn together.

Daddy doesn't want to punish you at all, he want to love and protect you, and is deeply deeply sorry for the feelings

I have caused you. I am starting to understand the delicate nature of bipolar and promise do be a better Daddy.

I still believe we were supposed to meet as we belong together.

Edited April 15, 2017 by Daddy81x2

[BabySwe]

Hmm, I've always struggled with it, but the one thing i find that seems to work I've found recently, but it is kind of hard to explain what it is... What helps is that he takes responsibility for what happens. Like if he says "daddy made a mistake sweetheart, this one is on me, okay? You dont need to worry, you were perfect and i put way too much pressure on you, and i am really sorry for that. I promise I will try my best to get better at understanding what you need, but sometimes everyone makes mistakes. I'm just sorry it went out over you <3" Then i generally call him a buttface and tell him i feel what he did wasnt cool, and he agrees and then i feel like ive been seen and understood, and then we cuddle

 

Regarding your message, i would formulate it a bit differently. But I don't know everything about your relationship or how she is as a person, I could only relate to the situation. Although I have friends with bipolar and they are like two different people when they are manic or when they are depressed. But if it was to me, i would change it at least this much... I wouldn't call it taking away my love, since that might trigger it and make her feel like you took away your WHOLE love. I'd say taking away our special time, or something along those lines. I'd also be careful using the word "for something so minor", since it might indicate that you will take it away for something bigger, and she might not know what's big in your eyes. I'd also say "we need to learn together" instead of must, since must feels more forceful and she might not appreciate that in her current state. Also the sentence "daddy doesnt want to punish you at all", i mean, is that true? You do still want punishments right, as does she? it might be better to drop the at all, and just say "daddy doesn't want to punish you" And I'd also specialize that love and protect comes first and punishment always come second, and if she needs you you'll always be there, and you can talk about it. We chose to use a safeword, if i'd ever feel he's being unfair i can use it and the punishment becomes void.

 

Hope this helps

[Daddy81x2]

Hmm, I've always struggled with it, but the one thing i find that seems to work I've found recently, but it is kind of hard to explain what it is... What helps is that he takes responsibility for what happens. Like if he says "daddy made a mistake sweetheart, this one is on me, okay? You dont need to worry, you were perfect and i put way too much pressure on you, and i am really sorry for that. I promise I will try my best to get better at understanding what you need, but sometimes everyone makes mistakes. I'm just sorry it went out over you <3" Then i generally call him a buttface and tell him i feel what he did wasnt cool, and he agrees and then i feel like ive been seen and understood, and then we cuddle

 

Regarding your message, i would formulate it a bit differently. But I don't know everything about your relationship or how she is as a person, I could only relate to the situation. Although I have friends with bipolar and they are like two different people when they are manic or when they are depressed. But if it was to me, i would change it at least this much... I wouldn't call it taking away my love, since that might trigger it and make her feel like you took away your WHOLE love. I'd say taking away our special time, or something along those lines. I'd also be careful using the word "for something so minor", since it might indicate that you will take it away for something bigger, and she might not know what's big in your eyes. I'd also say "we need to learn together" instead of must, since must feels more forceful and she might not appreciate that in her current state. Also the sentence "daddy doesnt want to punish you at all", i mean, is that true? You do still want punishments right, as does she? it might be better to drop the at all, and just say "daddy doesn't want to punish you" And I'd also specialize that love and protect comes first and punishment always come second, and if she needs you you'll always be there, and you can talk about it. We chose to use a safeword, if i'd ever feel he's being unfair i can use it and the punishment becomes void.

 

Hope this helps

 

Thanks Pinkie, you have been such a great help. It is almost as though I am talking to her right now. Its not you is it Naomi? lol

 

Unfortunately I already send the first message yesterday. Reading you reply I really need to analyse every single word and its meaning don't I. 

I have now decided to try to message just once a day as suggested above, and in that message I am trying to send love and support and not go into top much detail, keeping them short and concise. I guess we do want the punishments, but I can live without them for now, I just want things to be back as they were just a few days ago when she told me she couldn't believe how happy she was she had met me and how things were moving forward. This was before we had spoken in any depth about DDlg, so I want to get back to being Robert and Naomi first, before attempting any element of DDlg.

Last night I sent her a message before bed saying:

 

Good night Naomi (Naomi because I feel I've lost the privilege to call her my baby for now) 

I hope today hasn't been too challenging for you and you are coping OK.

I have learnt SO much today. DDlg, Bipolar, schizophrenia is all still very new to me, I am a quick learner

but I am going to make mistakes a long the way. I hope that one day you can forgive me and let me put things right 

by making you happy again.

Sweet dreams princes X

 

Now I know that might not seen very masterful / Daddy like but like I say I want to win her trust back as Robert first, before I attempt any Daddy techniques. I wrote a letter last night containing all my thoughts and feelings about the matter, and realised that for me Robert and Naomi were the reality and Daddy and babygirl were two additional personas created for this role play. So when I said what I said re punishments, in my eyes there was an element of acting going on. For example; if she had said something like; "OK I'm not playing now, call me" that would have immediately voided the punishment situation and I would have called her as Robert, straight away. But I understand now that for someone who is Bipolar separating these two realities isn't that simple. And a big painful lesson that I have learnt.

 

Speaking with another bipolar friends of mine, which I only found out today after putting two and two together after experiencing a similar situation with her last year, has told me not to dwell on it and try and brush it under the rug and carry on as normal, being loving, supportive, and above all patient.

 

So like I say I will message just once a day until she replies... or tells me to stop!

 

And with regards to the letter I wrote, I was thinking of sending it hand written to her house together with a Yorkie bar. The reason for the Yorkie bar is because she told me that her ex used to come home with one and eat it all to himself and never think about her if she wanted anything from the shop. So the Yorkie means I will always think about her first... Which seems a bit hypocritical of me writing this considering the mess and distress I have caused her.   

Edited April 16, 2017 by Daddy81x2

[BabySwe]

Everyone makes mistakes, what's important is trying to fix them and make up for it

 

Haha, I almost wish I was Naomi, at least then you'd have gotten through to her through this post ^.^ But I cross my fingers things will work out!

 

I think your last message was great, and I think if you keep on trying eventually you'll probably get through to her, it seems like you're on the right track The yorkie bar sounds like a sweet thing to do, nothing to lose right? Just give it your best ^.^

 

Good luck!

[Daddy81x2]

[Daddy81x2]

Edited April 17, 2017 by Daddy81x2

[Monchichi]

Have some faith and patience, give her the space she needs, just try to let her go (as hard as it is) and if it is meant to be then I am sure she'll find her way back to you.

[Daddy81x2]

Thanks for those kind words Monchichi, I know your right, its just frustrating knowing I caused this and there is nothing I can do to show her how sorry and heartbroken I am. We were flying both on cloud 9 and because of my nievity spun it on its head. The way I understand it, its like having a bad experience and human nature makes a mental note not to go there again.

 

I was going to wait a week or so and then send her a msg something like:

 

You are a beautiful sexy intelligent horny amazing girl, I fell for you hard. There is only you in my heart n up until I messed up at the end I think we got on really well.

 

I hope that one day we can be friends again.

 

But I dont know if she'd appreciate it. Some people have said they prefer to be left alone and don't appreciate kind msgs, others have told me they fear being alone. Ive heard be persistent and consistent.. everything seems to contradict itself. I dont know what to do for the best.

Edited April 18, 2017 by Daddy81x2

[Rantanplan]

Dealing with untreated bipolar people is a high risk. In my opinion the chance of treason is 90%. It is just a matter of time. You will find yourself under attack and yelled at sooner or later.

Remember, someone in an uncontrollable state will do highly irrational things including the distruction of the own and your reputation. And being beaten is not uncommon I think.

If you believe that a bipolar person can understand guilt, then it is just your guilt.

This sounds harsch. I have met a few bipolar people in my life. All I learned was to stay away from them under all circumstances. To believe they will not attack you is like believing in Santa Clause.

Without treatment you'd better think ahead a few months. Your good intentions are misunderstood.

 

Of course there is no black and white. You have to find your own way. I also don't want to accuse bipolar people in general. This would be wrong. It might be that I just met the wrong guys.

 

But please check if the condition is under control with professional help. It is about your personal wellbeing as well. You'd better be safe than sorry.

[Monchichi]

Daddy 81x2, I guess you should give her some extra time. You mean well but it seems like it was simply too much for her. Keep your feelings to yourself for a while and let pass some time until you approach her again. However, it was/is not your fault, it was/is just two people with two different states of mind.