Serious interest?

[Guest SilverStar88]

Hi there,

 

I've been into this lifestyle for a few years, but keep meeting fake daddys. How can I know that, especially starting out ldr, a daddy has interest in a serious relationship according to this lifestyle?

[CowetaDaddy]

You can only ask directly. Be specific and expect specific answers back. If you don't hear what you want to hear, move along. I understand it is frustrating finding so many dead ends, but it is not any easier being a Daddy when 90% of the littles and middles you meet end up ghosting within a week.

[Guest]

It honestly just takes time and dealing with a lot of bullshit. People (both littles and caregivers) are good at putting on an act to get what they want. Alot of the time it's not a relationship but other things sadly. If someone is asking for nude photos, asking for money and stuff like that it's definitely time to dip and be done.

[Guest]

Double post by mistake Edited April 26, 2017 by Guest

[Guest SilverStar88]

Thank you for your answer.

 

I did ask, yes. But when I ask directly he keeps switching the topic. So I don't really get an answer at all.

[Guest]

Thank you for your answer.

I did ask, yes. But when I ask directly he keeps switching the topic. So I don't really get an answer at all.

just tell him he needs to be honest with you or your done

[Guest SilverStar88]

It's not about asking for nude pics and stuff at all. No. I just don't know. The one I'm having now is in a vanilla relationship with his girlfriend. Everything's fine. But he keeps hiding me. That sort of me makes me think he just wants me for fun besides her.

[Antoinette]

First of all what do you mean by 'fake daddies', I'm personally committed to demolishing this overused term because it's so vague.

A daddy is not a fake daddy if he;

-Is in the relationship purely for sexual reasons.
-Doesn't want to be in a committed relationship
-Isn't always in the role of 'daddy'
-Doesn't bend to a little's perfect idea of a daddy.

The list goes on but to be clear just because someone's a jerk it doesn't mean they're not a daddy. There are littles that use their littleness as a manipulation tool just as there are daddies who do the same, this doesn't make them fake littles/daddies - this makes them jerks.

-

Anyway. There is no sure-fire way to know other than asking directly, speaking to a person via Skype is also helpful because it's easier to tell how sincere a person is from their vocal tone (higher pitches usually indicate lies or dishonesty). Also, if the person generally respects your limits (for example, say you won't send nudes until in a secure relationship) and sticks around afterwards, that's a pretty clear indication that they're serious.

Also, if they actually take time to get to know you. All of you. Little you, big you and everything in between you. It shows a genuine interest in your character rather than your physical self. 

Make sure the person hasn't too recently come out of a relationship also because often times rebounds are used as pawns to make an ex jealous, a rare thing to happen but be aware of it anyway.

On a final note, asking what the person wants in regards to a relationship is also helpful. A lot of the times if someone isn't looking for something serious they will say (note, this isn't always the case - people do lie!), if they're looking for a serious relationship I imagine they'd say or they may even just want a friendship.

Stay safe.

Edited April 26, 2017 by xAntoinette

[Nymph]

Hi star, if you have been in the lifestyle for a few years and keep finding the same type of guy... it's probably time to take a long hard look in the mirror and figure out what you might be doing or saying to attract such men that you obviously would rather avoid. Perhaps you just need to be more open minded? sometimes we have this cute fantasy of what that perfect daddy should be and if a guy doesn't fit the mold right away you pass him by... maybe give someone different a chance?

 

If you just sit around and wait that by some miracle the perfect daddy will fall from the sky you might want to get comfortable because odds are it will not happen soon!

 

Also keep in mind that what makes a horrible daddy to you, might be someone else's dream daddy. Not to mention if you have been in the lifestyle for years and have yet to meet someone you consider a good daddy then you are lacking experience so it will be trickier once you DO find what you want, it might feel a bit intimidating or maybe you could start doubting their real intentions.

[Guest Candy Minx ♡]

i heavily second what xAntoinette said but also would like to add that it may be

time to slow yourself down with things if you keep coming up with daddies

that aren't for you. this could mean you're moving way too fast and not taking

your time getting to know someone and instead run in head first to things. 

sometimes, it happens regardless if the time you spend with someone but if

it's happening as often as you claim, i have to question what you're doing. 

 

i suggest mayhaps looking for ldr things offsite and pick up trips and tips there

as well, i don't think it should've been something that went on for so long, also,

in the least harsh sounding way possible. common sense. do they refuse to skype

with you, are there no photo, do they claim not to have a camera in this day and

age? do they come up with excuse after excuse for basic things? do they only 

want you in a sexal way - as in, do they only want or talk to you when they 

wanna get off, and finally. what is acceptable to you in a relationship that isn't

ddlg - what's something you would find odd of offputting in a vanilla ship?

generally running with that might help a lil bit. 

[Guest mlkykit]

Why is it that people feel that a D/s relationship has different rules than a regular "vanilla" relationship? Different dynamic, same rules.

 

You have to clearly communicate what you want out of this relationship and find out what he needs as well; you both have to be on the same page for the relationship to work. A Daddy isn't "fake" just because he wants different things out of the relationship than you - DD/LG is not a one-size-fits-all blanket, which is why it's important to know what the other party is looking for out of the dynamic.

 

Also ask yourself, would it be acceptable for you if a guy you wanted to be in a serious relationship with kept dodging your questions? Would it be acceptable if he didn't know what he wanted out of the relationship? Would it be acceptable if he were to have you as his little secret? It really is this simple.

 

Like I said, take your time and be specific about your wants and needs, then listen to his and see where compromises can be made so that everyone is on the same page. If there is no common ground, you have to make a decision whether to leave or stay and be unhappy.

[Guest SilverStar88]

Thank you so much for so many suggestions.

 

Things are really difficult. Actually everything could be perfect right now, no 'red flags' or something. It feels really good with my current Daddy. It's just that I'm not sure about my Daddy having serious intentions or not. We've been together for nearly 5 months now and at some points I keep thinking he's just playing around with me. Like with his girlfriend being there and hiding me. Somedays he doesn't write at all because he doesn't want her to get suspicious. He keeps telling me he loves me, but I keep thinking for myself 'If you really love somebody, you'd at least say good morning or I can't really be on today'. You can even do that in the bathroom. It's perfect with him, but not. I'm so confused. He's a year older than me, so there's no major age gap or something.

[Mikaitaku]

Thank you so much for so many suggestions.

 

Things are really difficult. Actually everything could be perfect right now, no 'red flags' or something. It feels really good with my current Daddy. It's just that I'm not sure about my Daddy having serious intentions or not. We've been together for nearly 5 months now and at some points I keep thinking he's just playing around with me. Like with his girlfriend being there and hiding me. Somedays he doesn't write at all because he doesn't want her to get suspicious. He keeps telling me he loves me, but I keep thinking for myself 'If you really love somebody, you'd at least say good morning or I can't really be on today'. You can even do that in the bathroom. It's perfect with him, but not. I'm so confused. He's a year older than me, so there's no major age gap or something.

it sounds like he is cheating on his girlfriend with you. If all three of you agree to a polygamist relationship that would be a slightly different story. Regardless of what some people have said above the guy sounds like a fake daddy and not good for your over all well being. 

[Guest mlkykit]

Thank you so much for so many suggestions.

 

Things are really difficult. Actually everything could be perfect right now, no 'red flags' or something. It feels really good with my current Daddy. It's just that I'm not sure about my Daddy having serious intentions or not. We've been together for nearly 5 months now and at some points I keep thinking he's just playing around with me. Like with his girlfriend being there and hiding me. Somedays he doesn't write at all because he doesn't want her to get suspicious. He keeps telling me he loves me, but I keep thinking for myself 'If you really love somebody, you'd at least say good morning or I can't really be on today'. You can even do that in the bathroom. It's perfect with him, but not. I'm so confused. He's a year older than me, so there's no major age gap or something.

 

I was trying not to be the "moral police", but....

 

I mean...why are you involved with someone who already has a girlfriend? What future do you think exists with a man who doesn't respect the partner he has now? Have you thought of how the girlfriend may feel when/if she finds out? Like Groot said above, if the situation was a case where the girlfriend agreed to a polygamous relationship then that would be different, but she has clearly not agreed to anything because he has to hide you from her. Are you really satisfied and happy with being someone's dirty little secret?

 

I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm also not going to absolve you of any responsibility and call him a "fake" Daddy, because you're both adults capable of reasoning and intelligent thought. No advice here is going to tell you how to make him act like he doesn't have a girlfriend so you can get his undivided attention. The fact of the matter is, you have to be an adult and choose whether or not you're happy with the scraps of attention you can get when he's not with his partner. No one here can do that for you.

[Leo_Ascendent]

No red flags? Based on what you've told us, there's enough to warrant a few of those. Sounds like he just wants to get his rocks off, which, despite what some think, sounds like a fake to me. Ditch him, cut ties, move on.

[Mommies_Little_Dino]

I honestly don't know if this is the correct forum for this..But I am looking for a mommy dom currently. I started getting into this life style about a year ago..and...well..I am just ready to have one in real life. Instead of just one online. I, of course am a little. I just want a loving relationship, but of course with rules. If anyone can help me with this, I would very much appreciate it. If it is not shown, my location is South Lake Tahoe in California. I will only meet in public places.

[LittlePupRune]

It'd 

 

I honestly don't know if this is the correct forum for this..But I am looking for a mommy dom currently. I started getting into this life style about a year ago..and...well..I am just ready to have one in real life. Instead of just one online. I, of course am a little. I just want a loving relationship, but of course with rules. If anyone can help me with this, I would very much appreciate it. If it is not shown, my location is South Lake Tahoe in California. I will only meet in public places.

be best if you put something in the personals. Thats where people go to look.

[DollDirector]

My two cents: You can't.

IMO,there is no certainty possible until you start meeting IRL,and it's time to do so,make or break,or not do so and live with the situation as it is.

 

You should read and re-read the excellent general answers that have been given already,that's food for your thoughts,and know that in such a case the forum is unlikely to behave like a voice in the sky telling you what the definite truth is. 

[PINKLILLY]

It's a fake daddy. Move along.

 

Be safe.

[DaddyPenguin]

There are daddies and littles who may not be in ddlg for the same reasons as you. If they are not than they are not for you. It does not make them fake. I know the term fake is vague but there are fake onea out there. Some of us see this as a kink and some of us as a lifestyle.

 

If they change subject when you are asking questions than stop it there and move on.

[PINKLILLY]

Okay I wouldn't say fake daddy, but I would definitely say this lifestyle is only a kink for him. He separates it from his real life. Maybe you two are not on the same page. When he's around family or people he actually interacts with, he puts you under the rug. Why? Because it's just a fantasy for him.. and maybe a lifestyle for you. Especially changing the topic. That's a big red flag of how far he's willing to take the relationship. It's up to you to decide if how he treats you is validating enough for You. Because of your post, obviously it's not. It might be time to move on love. There are plenty of daddy's who do this as a lifestyle .. don't sell yourself short !!

[ForOnlyYou47]

Hewwo I'm looking for a daddy idk where to start tho