Daddy wants to lend me out to a friend and I'm scared!

[Todtuga38]

Help! Daddy wants to bring a friend over next time we meet and I'm scared of what he would expect of me! I don't want to embarrass Daddy in front of his friend but I'm scared he may ask me to service him and I won't want to. Daddy said I don't have to do anything I don't want but whenever he mentioned his friend would come over I would say "no please Daddy" because I don't know him and Daddy would say I should please him and do as I'm told. Nobody else knows of my relantionship with Daddy and thinking about safety I'm not sure if I want a stranger knowing how my house is inside because I live alone, even if he's Daddy's friend. Daddy and I don't have a contract and we never talked specifically about limits. Help! What should I do? I'm concerned this private part of my life could affect me down the road because of this person I donmf know!

[LittleRae]

Oh, this is quite the dilemma. I personally would talk to Daddy about compromising. Maybe starting by meeting all together to really get to know each other before you do anything you don't want to. This type of thing has a lot to do with consent. Don't do anything that may put you, your Daddy, or someone else in harm's way. I hope everything works out for you!

[LittleGem]

Your safety is the most important thing ! If you don't want a stranger in your house that's perfectly fair enough ! If you don't want to service your daddy's friend - DO NOT DO IT ! if he makes you, or says it'll make him happy and you still don't want to - DO NOT DO IT ! He may be your daddy dom but your body is yours and you decide what you do with it.

 

Tell your daddy - talk to him - that you do not want to do these things. If he is still asking you to do stuff that you aren't comfortable with that isn't right - pretty sure that's abuse and you need to get out of there...

 

Please stay safe, communicate with your daddy, and don't do anything you are not comfortable with !

 

If your daddy wants you to meet his friend it may be better to do it in a social place like a park or coffee shop before he comes into your home.

[littlesuzy]

i agree with Bunny Queen 

 

Talk to you Daddy about it and tell how you feel about it 

[babydolll333]

Don't do it, if you are not comfortable do not put yourself if that position and don't let your daddy bring his friend round. You have to let him know that there is no way you want to be lent out to his friend and that it's a hard limit for you. He needs to respect your wishes!!! Please be safe

[Guest mlkykit]

If you don't want strangers in your home, as the home owner you have every right to say "no, please don't bring strangers into my house". You don't need contracts to outline that basic right, it's human decency to respect another person's wishes. If your Dom is unable to do so, and is constantly trying to push his wishes and desires on you while blatantly disregarding your limits, maybe you shouldn't be seeing him. Dominant =/= domineering. 

 

If he really wants you to meet his friend, suggest a more public place where you all can meet; a park, a cafe, a mall etc. . Your safety is more important than his need to have a power trip.

 

Aside from this situation, do have a serious adult conversation with him about limits in your relationship. You need to clearly communicate what you will and will not accept, and where you can compromise if necessary. Is there a TPE (Total Power Exchange) agreement between you? A lot of the dynamic is related to consent and trust, have the conversation so that everyone can be on the same page.

[Kara]

I agree with the others here if you are not comfortable don't do it.  Your daddy should respect that and should be more understanding.  Please be very careful and stay safe.

[Leo_Ascendent]

Daddy said I don't have to do anything I don't want but whenever he mentioned his friend would come over I would say "no please Daddy" because I don't know him and Daddy would say I should please him and do as I'm told.

This is a red flag. You've set your limits and he is choosing to ignore them. I know it is tough, but you need to be firm about YOUR limits. This is what being a TRUE Dom is about, a TRUE Dom respects his subs limits, and doesn't attempt to force them to do what THEY want. I don't care what the site says about "fake" Doms, this is what a fake Dom is, one who uses a title to force their subs to do what THEY want.

[MisterMomo]

Hi!  

 

I'm pretty OKay with the previous comments.

 

Seems it could be a great time to clarify rules and expectations with an adult conversation between you too! Talk ! .. Write down stuff! ... 

 

MAybe having a friend home can be fun, but you dont have to share intimacy if you dont want to. I would Love for a friend to come and Take Care of me as a Little with Mommy...  A new Friend or someone to Color wissss me !! ...  

 

I think life DDLG or not is better if it's fun and Positive for everyone... This DDLG lifestyle is intended to be Great for everyone, fill a need for you and for your caretaker...  Talk Talk Talk !! ... Find a way no one is scared in a wrong way and everyone feels great! ...  

 

Talk ! ...  and clarify limits!! 

[Guest littleloveslars]

Just wondering if he actually told you he wants to share you or if he is just wanting to have a friend over... If your daddy needs time with his friends you need to respect that. If he is trying to coerce you into a physical relationship with another man and you have not discussed that previously, its time to come out of little space and set a hard limit if you arent comfortable.

[Little Illy]

The one thing you should try is "stepping out." Daddy and I do this when we need to have a serious conversation. Stepping out means he is not to react from Daddy mode, but rather as my boyfriend and best friend. I am telling him something that he doesn't get to decide simply because he is Daddy - hard limits, when I really feel off or really need something that can be misread in the dynamic. It also lets me explain to him how I feel without me creating confusion by just "trusting Daddy." He knows my statements are firm because we are out and he takes what I say all that more seriously. As I do for him when he steps out. It is a way to learn and still be a hair in the dynamic at the same time. It links and grounds us to the DDlg us and the everyday us.

 

Basically it allows one adult to talk to another without the dynamic playing a part.

 

"Stepping out, [boyfriend's name], I am really uncomfortable with the thought of having a complete stranger in my home. Especially with you wanting me to potentially service with him here. I am not comfortable with this at all. I don't want it to happen."

 

This has created a point where he cannot say "Trust Daddy," or "Daddy knows what is best," or "he is just a good friend of Daddy's, and you want to be a good girl, right?" etc. This puts him in a position (or it should) where he has to step out of his Daddy role and realize this isn't you being a bit rebellious or bratty. But rather you, entirely you, are putting forth legitimate concern and he needs to realize it.

 

Sometimes Daddies need to hear things from the big us. Don't use "Daddy," use his real name. Let him know your discomfort and concerns as an equal. Hopefully he will understand then.

[little_titans]

I dont get it.

How could your daddy lend you out?

==

[Princess-P]

In one part m confused about why you think he wants to share your body with his friend? Is that something he's said to you?

 

Either way if you dont want him bringing his friend to your house then dont let him. He can hang out with his friend at his own house.

 

Dont let anyone ever tell you that you have to do what they want. Whether you have a contract or not no one can make you do something your not comfortable with. It sounds manipulating for him to tell you that you should do something because it makes him Happy... Even if it makes you unhappy. Fuck that. Big time.

 

Your not a little kid. Your a grown adult with the power to say no. Use it.

[jaredstone363]

The one thing you should try is "stepping out." Daddy and I do this when we need to have a serious conversation. Stepping out means he is not to react from Daddy mode, but rather as my boyfriend and best friend. I am telling him something that he doesn't get to decide simply because he is Daddy - hard limits, when I really feel off or really need something that can be misread in the dynamic. It also lets me explain to him how I feel without me creating confusion by just "trusting Daddy." He knows my statements are firm because we are out and he takes what I say all that more seriously. As I do for him when he steps out. It is a way to learn and still be a hair in the dynamic at the same time. It links and grounds us to the DDlg us and the everyday us.

 

Basically it allows one adult to talk to another without the dynamic playing a part.

 

"Stepping out, [boyfriend's name], I am really uncomfortable with the thought of having a complete stranger in my home. Especially with you wanting me to potentially service with him here. I am not comfortable with this at all. I don't want it to happen."

 

This has created a point where he cannot say "Trust Daddy," or "Daddy knows what is best," or "he is just a good friend of Daddy's, and you want to be a good girl, right?" etc. This puts him in a position (or it should) where he has to step out of his Daddy role and realize this isn't you being a bit rebellious or bratty. But rather you, entirely you, are putting forth legitimate concern and he needs to realize it.

 

Sometimes Daddies need to hear things from the big us. Don't use "Daddy," use his real name. Let him know your discomfort and concerns as an equal. Hopefully he will understand th

 

This is sound advice. You need to make it clear to him that your answer is NO and that it's not up for discussion.

[Guest DaddyDean]

You are getting some pretty sound advice.  Like the previous poster hand mentioned, you need to have an "adult" conversation.  That conversation should always consist of Hard and Soft limits, Expectations, Boundaries etc.  This is not just for "playtime" it is a basis for a relationship.  You must remember that you have control in your relationship and you alone can set YOUR boundaries based upon how you feel and your expectations.  I will say this.  Your boundaries today may change over time, and that is ok.  If your Daddy wants you to meet his friend, you must set expectations.  If you are nervous, then maybe you all meet in a public place and grab a bite to eat.  Whatever you do,  don't do something that you feel is compromising your safety and sanity...

[Guest London Daddy]

Sounds more like master slave behaviour to me than ddlg

 

Tried it hated it

[Todtuga38]

Omg you guys!! Thanks so much for the advice and encouragement! Everything you all say sounds exactly what I had concluded from reading articles and trying to educate myself online; I just had to put it out and ask for the opinion of other wonderful DDlg's (such as you!) make sure I wasn't wrong!

 

To answer your questions:

*We always hang out and play at my place because he has a daughter (even though I'm also not super convinced about that being a solid reason since she goes to college and sees her mom too, etc, but that's another story), so when he said he would bring his friend over, yes, it meant he'd be coming to my house.

 

*About servicing his friend: Daddy has mentioned multiple times that I'm such a good girl and service him so well that he wants toshow his friend how good I am. Joking or not, he has mentioned sucking his friend's c*ck multiple times .

 

*We don't live together and probably see each other once per week at the most since we both travel for work and such, but we txt A LOT and do some video time.

 

Thankfully he hasn't mentioned the friend coming over again, but I will be ready to "step out" next time he brings it up!

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!! :D

[Todtuga38]

I dont get it.

How could your daddy lend you out?

==

Little_titans, Doms and Daddies can let another Dom/Daddy borrow his little for many reasons. Check this explanation of some reasons: http://dominantguide.com/4116/ask-anything-my-dom-wants-to-loan-me-out/

[LittleSkarlette]

YEs they can. but. the little also has the right to say *NO* its not a slave/master relationship. there is choice. there why there is rules red flags and hard limits. even in a dom / sub relationship the sub  also has right to say no.  they and we as littles are not SLAVES. and imo if someone can not respect my hard limits as a person then tbh they do not deserve me.  even in vanilla relationships i've seen this. women traditionally think this is okay behavor and *ITS NOT***  i totally dislike when i see other littles treated this way! makes me so irritated and upset!

[Johnny Hammersticks]

Yeah, "lending out" to me, falls under the slave label, not the little label. I don't know why anyone would wanna lend out their little. But, to each their own, I suppose.

[Guest mlkykit]

YEs they can. but. the little also has the right to say *NO* its not a slave/master relationship. there is choice. there why there is rules red flags and hard limits. even in a dom / sub relationship the sub  also has right to say no.  they and we as littles are not SLAVES. and imo if someone can not respect my hard limits as a person then tbh they do not deserve me.  even in vanilla relationships i've seen this. women traditionally think this is okay behavor and *ITS NOT***  i totally dislike when i see other littles treated this way! makes me so irritated and upset!

 

Slaves also have the right to say "no" in their dynamic. It all depends on if the parties involved agreed to 'Consensual Non-Consent' or a 'TPE' (Total Power Exchange) arrangement, and even then, the Slave still may have some limits.

 

Yeah, "lending out" to me, falls under the slave label, not the little label. I don't know why anyone would wanna lend out their little. But, to each their own, I suppose.

 

Actually, some Littles do integrate 'Consensual Non-Consent' or 'TPE' in their relationships which allows the Dominant to "lend them out". There are no rules governing any dynamic. People adjust their relationships to suit them, so there's nothing that "falls under" anything because relationships aren't static. "Lending out" may be common in Master/Slave relationships, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen in other dynamics.

[SouthernDdy]

Im a new daddy hope its ok to chime in here problem has probably already been solved but well to be honest i have to say i have a fairly open relationship with my new little i say new because we are both new to this. But the point is if she ever begged for it not to go down i wouldn't keep pushing it. The lack of concern for your feelings sends up red flags in my eyes untrained as they may be

[Baby Brookie]

This is hard for some people but when I need to have a serious conversation with my daddy, I come out of little space and have an adult to adult conversation. I know you want to do everything you can to make your daddy happy because you love him and it's what a good little does, but your safety and comfortability is what's most important.

[Guest Aquarius]

A BDSM relationship is between two people who both want the same thing. In some couples that looks like standard dom/sub. Some couples love ddl/lg. Others love sadist/masochist.

 

What makes these couples mutually satisfying is that the daddy WANTS to be a daddy and the little WANTS to be a little. The masochist WANTS to be hurt and the sadist WANTS to hurt.

 

There are some slaves out there who WANT to be lent out to other doms just because that's what their owner wants. It turns them on being lent out BECAUSE they know it turns on their owner.

If the slave wants this, then great.

 

But if you're a little… and don't want to do things that a slave would want to do… then this is where you NEED to be able to be honest with your partner about what you DO want. If you don't tell him, very matter of fact, that this is NOT something you want in the slightest, then it is ultimately your fault if you end up in a bad situation with your partner.

 

If, however, your daddy brings it up again AFTER you have already expressed that you don't this, then the problem is your daddy.

He's trying to change you into something you're not.

A little needs to be with a daddy, and a daddy a little.

A slave needs to be with an owner, and an owner a slave.

If your daddy wants a slave, you can't be moulded into a slave… at least not permanently. You can try to do it, just to please him, but if it's not what you truly want then it won't make you happy, and the relationship will slowly deteriorate.

The only solution is to just be honest with your partner. Hops this helps!

[Guest DaddyMaster]

I don't usually like to provide relationship advice but I think if he even had the inclination to say this you drop him like it's a hot rock.