Explaining to my family what this is.

[Guest pinklemonade]

My mum went on my laptop and found this sight about ten minutes later she starts yelling how it's for paedophiles and how it's unnatural. I come from a family who are very rejecting of anything that isn't traditional and I have always felt I do not fit in as part of it and have to be someone I am not as part of it. My mother is very controlling and never listens when I try to explain things to her, she hears what she wants to hear and flips everything back on me. Ideally she wouldn't have known about this and I could just conform until University but now she does and I am sick of giving things up to appease her. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? What did you do about it? I would be grateful for any advice anyone could give.

Thank you, 

[mylittlesidewearsblack]

if she won't listen to reason, then just don't bother. there's no reason to bring it up if you don't have to. refuse to talk to her about it. unless she's the abusive type, what is the worst she could do, scold you? Just ignore her. 

 

i wasn't into this when i was living with my parents, but i did get into witchcraft and my mom lost her shit. i just smiled and nodded and did what i wanted anyway. lol

[Guest GuardianAngel]

I am so sorry to hear about your experience, but unfortunately I have learnt to keep my DDlg life to myself and private.

 

As you can probably see from the poem I wrote, I have experienced peoples bias but when DDlg relationships work they are the best thing ever.

 

My recommendation is be private but also resilient as you won't regret this lifestyle when you have the right partner.

[Guest ~*~Sachita~*~]

if she won't listen to reason, then just don't bother. there's no reason to bring it up if you don't have to. refuse to talk to her about it. unless she's the abusive type, what is the worst she could do, scold you? Just ignore her. 

 

i wasn't into this when i was living with my parents, but i did get into witchcraft and my mom lost her shit. i just smiled and nodded and did what i wanted anyway. lol

 

Totally agree.

[Guest PrincessCakes]

Instead of letting her get you riled up with her, try to calmly explain that you feel like you can't come to talk to her about private things in your life because she gets so aggressively judgemental about it. And that if she'd like to actually understand what this is and why you do it that you'll gladly explain and answer any questions she has. Know the reason why she does this is because she thinks she's protecting you. So if she continues to do what she's doing don't be surprised, just work around it until shes willing to try to understand.

[Guest pinklemonade]

I have tried but she doesn't listen she only wants things her way. Thank you for all your help it means allot to me but right now I don't know what to do. Worst case scenario I get kicked out again I just hope she drops it.

[Mintea]

"You live under my roof, you will follow my rules."

There's no escaping that controlling type. It is going to take her a long time to accept that she cannot control your your romantic/sexual preferences. And it will take her a long time to realize it is none of her fucking business. 

As long as she is in controlling parent mode, there's nothing you can do. It's discouraging, I know. But it took a bad relationship and moving out for my Mom to comprehend anything and that's taken 5 years. 

[Saya99]

Well if it is going to get you kicked out if i was your place i would fake it like i would tell her ok i was just experimenting and curious is all. Some parents are very hard headed and its not their fault its all about where they grew up also. So just do it secretly like most of us littles do

[mylittlesidewearsblack]

the problem is that it *is* their fault. there´s zero reason to be judgmental. like things, don't like things, fine. but there's never a good excuse for being a jerk.

[Guest pinklemonade]

thank you everyone, xx

[Guest bubbles__]

Remember we can only change ourselves we can't control others. I'm hoping you have a good relationship with her to where she can just drop the subject and you just don't have to bring it up to her again. She won't ever understand it probably.

[Magpies]

Cute and innocent does not always equate "child" - which is how I explain it when people somehow find out I'm into many facets of all this. 

 

Your story is essentially why I would never let my mother on my laptop before I had to leave her behind. {Very abusive. I went no contact.} My mother kept harassing me over similar problems, and sadly I did have to take drastic measures to improve my own mental health and get freedom. ):
 

[LittleMissSquish]

I cannot tell you enough about hoe upset this makes me. When i lived with my parents they would go through my phone, tablet, computer, mail, even my trash just to try and find reasons to go off on me. I understand where they are coming from, they want you to be safe, secure and to make sure you arent hurting yourself or others. I get that.

 

What I dont understand is why they think its OKAY to scream, belittle, and punish us for feeling a certain way, or having certain likes or dislikes.

 

The ONLY thing this has ever taught me, is how to be a better liar. How to hide my tracks, to "feel" when they might go in a tizzy and take my things, got to the point Id factory reset everything or "loose" the power cord before Id hand it over.

 

I never lied, when they asked why I told them, "These are private conversations Im having with my peers and I feel like your violating my privacy."

 

They would ground me but there was nothing they could do about it.

 

My advice since youre so close to university is to wait it out, because it wont stop.