Need some advice please!

[maddie006]

Hi, I am new to the forum and I joined because I need some advice on my new situation.

 

Me and my daddy have been dating almost 3 years. We are partners and also ddlg relationship. I am fairly open to most things, and a few months ago my daddy asked me for advice for his friend, saying how they wanted a ddlg relationship with their boyfriend but their boyfriend wasn't into it. I suggested that my daddy, Reece, could be this girl's (Bea) daddy too. He said would that work? And I said maybe, and the conversation moved on. Nothing happened between them as Bea was still in a relationship with her boyfriend. Now, a few months later, Bea is no longer with her bf, and Reece, my daddy, has messaged me asking whether I meant what I said about him being her daddy too. I said yes. I am fine with it I think, but as he discussed it more, it started making my tummy hurt and my eyes water and made me cry. We were talking via texting so he couldnt see this. He talked more, asking what my hard no's were for their relationship. He said no sexual stuff between them, and some cuddling and kissing but no making out. I said yes again. I said he could do what he wanted I just wanted him to be honest with me and understand that I might be upset about certain things. He said for now he didn't want it to be sexual but maybe that could change in the future. 

 

I live quite far away from him and only see him every month if that. Bea lives very close and they hang out alot. Why does this make me cry so much when I feel like I am fine with this? How can I articulate this to him?

 

Thanks everyone...

[Princess-P]

You can start by telling him how you really feel. If your hiding the fact that your upset and agreeing to what he's asking you about when you really have not taken time to think about it then your only hurting yourself.

 

To me it sounds like you want to make him Happy, and your open minded about a Polly relationship but your emotions are telling you different. Just because your accepting and support polyamory does not mean that the dynamic is for you.

 

It also sounds like a lot of your emotion might stem from insecurity. He's found someone closer to him that can offer him the kind of relationship the two if you have with the added benefit of seeing them more often and a more physical relationship.

 

He's being honest with you. He has told you he eventually wants a sexual relationship with this girl, he obviously cares deeply for her as being a Daddy is not a light duty. You need to tell him that you need a little time before agreeing with anything. Then take that time to consider what's happening and what you feel. Be just as honest with him.

[Guest Lepus]

Yes, you need to be honest with him. And I can't really add anything more than already has been said.

[maddie006]

Thanks guys. Thats helped alot.  

[Guest Lepus]

You are welcome 

[Guest Sweetkittenbj]

If it's making you cry & making your stomach hurt, you're not okay with it on some level. You need to be as honest as you can with your partner.

[Guest infinitecases]

Sometimes agreeing to something that might make your daddy happy will not necessarily make you happy. Tell him how it makes you feel because perhaps you didn't imagine it happening when you suggested it and what it would really mean to you. I'm sure he would be more than happy to stop it if he knew you were crying because of it. There's nothing wrong with wanting monogamy, being long distance makes this even harder because he's forming a bond with her as a Daddy and getting closer to her whilst you aren't around. Just express how you feel exactly how you said it in the post and I'm sure he'll understand. 

[Leo_Ascendent]

As everyone else has said, let him know, Poly, from my exp (doing it and knowing many who do) isn't a viable form of relationship (IMO), someone always feels neglected or hurt by another's actions.

[Guest Lepus]

Hope the talk goes well for you, whatever the outcome, you will feels better after talking to him.

[maddie006]

Thank you everyone, I've written a letter to him and I will read it to him with all my feelings on show. I am rlly nervous but it seems like the right thing to do. Thanks again :heart:

[Guest Lepus]

Goods, I hope goes well for you.