(Trigger warning) Anxiety and Sex Issues

[Guest brazilianlittlenerd]

Hey there, guys. This is going to be a long post, so you can have all the details and context to give me the advice I need. Buckle up!

 

 

***I am NOT a native English speaker, so I am sorry for any grammar mistakes.

 

 

So, I dated this guy for a loooooong time, around 7 years.  It was not a Ddlg relationship, but we had some aspects of it. Right after we started dating, I was sexually abused by a classmate (I was 17), and I have been going to an awesome psychologist since then (I’m 24 now). Most of the time I can handle everything, my family was awesome and supportive, and so were the doctors, and my boyfriend at the time. We had an awful sex life, like, we did it once a week, and after the first times I couldn’t have an orgasm (I got horny, but couldn’t finish it) so I started faking it (Now that I had experienced an orgasm, I know that I was clearly wrong in the way I faked it, and he knew it too, he just never bothered to talk to me about how we could solve it). That was the only problem I could see in our relationship.

 

Then, a few months back he came with a speech about open relationships and stuff, and it scared the crap outta me. I mean, for me the next logical step would be for us to get married, we were together for almost seven years, and then he wanted to go around kissing other people?! I was so scared of not having him in my life, that I went with it. Clearly, it didn’t work out, and we broke up not long after we started this new relationship.

 

Now I have been single for a few months, and I bought a toy and had my first freaking orgasm (It was so awesome, I mean, how could I live without that for so long??!!) and I have an interview in a week to see if I am approved to do a PhD in Canada (I live in Brazil), and I am so excited about it!

 

But everytime I “play”, I get nervous and nervous and when I end up orgasming (it is not everytime that I can finish it) and crying. The intensity scares the hell outta me, that I almost always stop playing. I am afraid I would not be able to have fun with a man around me. I don’t feel like sharing this with my psychologist, because I already have so much on my plate with that interview. We have been working on my anxiety for almost a month (since I was asked for the interview), and I don’t want to lose the focus.

 

My point being a) how can I work around the intensity of feelings when I play?, and how do you handle your anxiety? The interview is a week from now and I am already having sleepless nights!

 

Thank you!

[Pikko]

Well you know your body best, so if you do it, you do it like you like it most. A partner won't know, what you like most, if you don't share it with him. So when you have a partner just share with him what you really like or try new stuff, but you shouldn'T be afraid of talking with your partner, because then it will be never really good

[Hot loving dom]

Not all women come. Some cum only during masturbation. Some can only cum from ohysicsl sex. I've known many different types. I don't think you should fake it. Just because you don't cum, doesn't mean you aren't enjoying it.

 

I've helped some littles with cumming during play. It can help but not foul proof

[maxben10]

"a) how can I work around the intensity of feelings when I play?"

i don't know

"how do you handle your anxiety?"

you face your fear, or as least for me i tell myself i'm "in the dragon's mouth", so that even thou i'm stressed, i can still handle it to get through.

[Zacky]

I generally prefer to start on pleasing her before I work on me at all (and it helps me to become really aroused too!) 

 

As for intense feelings - well, those are kind'a tough because they're a part of sex and even moreso with someone you love deeply; it may even be of some benefit to embrace those feelings and even to discuss them with your partner in the moment. It may help you navigate them if you can talk about them while they're still fresh.