I need help

[Stevert1666]

Hi there, this is my first post...

I could really do with some advice...

 

About a year ago my girlfriend told me that she was into the whole ddlg thing but it was a non sexual thing...recently she came out and told me that it is a sexual thing for her...

 

At the beginning I was willing to give it a try and see how it goes, I have a naturally caring nature and also a bit of a dominant side so I figured it'd be alright, I liked the idea of the non sexual side of it and really warmed to the idea...

 

We never really experimented with it and it lay dormant for a while...I guess she kept it hidden up until recently...

 

I also recently found out that she was in an online ddlg relationship exploring the sexual side of things...

 

 

Basically...today she told me that she loves me but doesn't see me as being her "daddy" and that's not something she'll ever see me as...part of that I'm guessing is that I do have an actual daughter around the age she identifies as...in was willing to give it a try for her because I didn't want to lose her but that's been totally ruled out...

 

Now she is telling me she needs to decide between being a little or being in a relationship with me...

 

 

Is there any compromise that anyone can suggest or is there any way we can fix this situation?

 

I love her more than anyone I've ever met, j don't want to lose her but I don't want her to give up part of who she is...

 

Thanks in advance.

[PrincessClara]

All you can do is talk to her and tell her how you feel. Discuss what you would expect out of this dynamic in your relationship and listen to what she would expect and need too. Having a daughter should not matter... I have 3 kids and I'm still a little! Ask her what she needs in a Daddy and why she doesn't feel you would work for her etc. Talk talk talk it out. Then make the decision you feel is best for you both. 

 

Good luck! 

[Nymph]

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but as far as I am concerned she is just trying to make up excuses to end the relationship... as open minded as I am (and I am ok with polygamy and being flexible with an open marriage and such)... what she did was emotional (and kinda sexual!) cheating.

 

Here is the thing, if she "gives up" on being little, odds are you will catch her fooling around online again. IF by some miracle she doesn't do that, then she will be all bitter saying she quit because of you. Even if you were flexible and did not ask her to stop.

 

I personally think you having a daughter that matches her regression age has nothing to do with it, if anything it would help because she got to see how you behave all fatherly in a platonic way before giving the kink side a try. She may have not been completely honest and said it was not sexual for her because she was hoping things would get there in a natural way but you never pushed the boundaries (probably because she didn't hint it and expected you to read her mind).

 

I suppose there is the option of opening the relationship and allowing her to have a CG that you won't mind she will be sexual with.

 

Overall she sounds quite selfish.

 

Please keep in mind the reason you might find yourself so attached to her is because you discovered the lifestyle with her, at this point you might NEED to officially become someone's Daddy and she already said you will never be hers.

[Guest chilldude]

She lied and broke your trust by having an online relationship behind your back. I'd move on. 

[Guest infinitecases]

Why can't she see you as her daddy or even be willing to try? Perhaps you should be asking her why she had to look online for the sexual side of things and whether she thinks what she did was wrong or not. 

 

I don't know the two of you so I can't really say anything. Best thing is to have a talk with her about your relationship and where she wants it to go. Personally I'd say she cheated on you, even though it wasn't in person, or she at the very least went behind your back and I'd want to know why she can't see you as her daddy, or if she needs something in particular that you aren't providing.

[Guest SUeB]

Don't have an actual answer for you, only to comment on one thing. My Daddy has a daughter that is one year older than me, and one that is one year younger. i am NOT his daughter, neither do either of us have any interest in pretending that i am. i am his little girl. The two things are absolutely nothing to do with each other.

Daddy is not dad or father.

[Stevert1666]

She told me she went online to find someone into the kink aspect because she doesn't feel I would be able to accommodate her sexual needs due to being an actual father... She felt like she couldn't even approach me about the idea due to that...

 

I suppose all we can do is let the dust settle and talk it through...

 

She says she feels ashamed of what I've found out and I've tried to reassure her that the things I've found out isn't such an issue as I've had a long time to come to terms with this and do some research...I know if she was to give it that chance I would most likely be able to give her what she wants...basically because my personality already falls in line with the cg role

 

But thank you for all the advice...I'll remember it all for when we actually sit down and talk about it...

[Guest SUeB]

So you're ok with her cheating on you?

[Stevert1666]

I'm not OK with that part and that's something we'll have to address when the time comes... I don't know how far that went but as long as it wasn't actually physical cheating I can get over it...

I'm quite open minded, used to be on the swinger scene... Obviously we need to discuss why she felt the need go elsewhere before discussing it further with me

[James.]

She cheated on you. If it was me, I'd dump her then and there, everything else going on would be meaningless to me. Cheating shows she doesn't really respect you or your relationship. The decision is ultimately yours to make, but I'd suggest finding someone who you can actually trust to be faithful to you, even if there are problems in your relationship. A good woman will communicate with you about what's going on, not look for someone else behind your back. Good luck on whatever you decide.

[Bambi95]

Personally I don't see why she didn't come straight to you when she felt like she wanted to be sexual, whether you have a child or not. That is an excuse for her awful behaviour.

She didn't have a problem being sexual with you in a vanilla relationship I assume, I don't see why it would be different as a little.

If the age of your child is really the issue for her, she will likely just encounter the same problem when she has her own child.

 

I just feel that what she did was cheating. She purposely went behind your back and for all intents and purposes, had another relationship, be it physical or not.

If you truly loved someone, you would never hurt them like that and be devoted to them.

You seem like such a lovely and understanding person and I am so sorry she has done this to you. You deserve so much better and I wish you the best of luck with whichever you decide.

[Guest SUeB]

She cheated on you. If it was me, I'd dump her then and there, everything else going on would be meaningless to me. Cheating shows she doesn't really respect you or your relationship. The decision is ultimately yours to make, but I'd suggest finding someone who you can actually trust to be faithful to you, even if there are problems in your relationship. A good woman will communicate with you about what's going on, not look for someone else behind your back. Good luck on whatever you decide.

This dude gets a cookie.

Swinging is nothing to do with cheating. The difference is consent. So you're ok with her talking dirty to another man behind your back, thinking about him while with you, secretly lusting after someone else, sneaking around, as long as they never did anything physically? For me, the physical isn't anywhere near as bad as the emotional and mental intimacy that was obviously going on.

But that's your choice.

[Stevert1666]

This is a whole lot to digest...

Physical and emotional cheating are both bad...

But I also understand why she feels like she couldn't experience that with me...my initial reaction when I found out it was secual maybe wasn't the best way to reaft...after a bitbtine researching and putting it into perspective more... I think I understand it a bit more and can now differentiate it between pedophillia and what two consenting adults get up to behind closed doors...

 

The way i initially reacted...yeah, I guess I kinda understand why she went looking for it elsewhere...

 

In just hope when we meet up next week we can resolve things...she's said she has to choose between being a little or being with me...which suckw because I don't want to lose her but I don't want her to give up part of who she is..

 

As far as cheating goes...she's going to have to put a lot of work into rebuilding that trust...if she decides she wants me...

 

If she doesn't... Well, so be it