Feeling off...

[MissRose2607899]

Things are going okay in life but I usually don't get talk to others and just my daddy because of my social anxiety and when I do I just feel like I don't fit in. I use to try so hard to be something that I just don't know who I am anymore.

What I know I am.

18,going to college, 5'4, clumsy, lover of psychology, partial gamer,that I'm shy.

Yea thats enough to have a good conversation but the hardest part for me us to start one or continue one.

Need tips pls

[Puppy]

Find places where you'll find like minded individuals. You like to game, yeah? So find places where gaming is involved. Local internet cafes, comic shops, etc. You love psychology? Take a class (independent from College) on it to meet others.

Starting a conversation is the hardest thing, but it's usually easy to do. If you know the other person has something in common with you (maybe based on where you and the other person are) let them know! Discuss it with them. Bring up something casual with them if needed. Confidence is an illusion, and it's an illusion that all of us can create if we really try hard enough. Breathe and tell yourself, "this cannot go bad. This can only go neutral or positive." Because in reality, most of your interactions ARE going to be positive as long as you maintain tact and come off as polite. 

 

It can also be helpful to find or talk to somebody who is more extroverted and not as shy. These sorts of people are usually super outgoing and know what they're doing when it comes to talking to others. These are the type of people that will guide conversations when you are feeling unsure on how to proceed in one. You can also learn from talking to them. Observe others and how they interact and make first impressions. You will come to find that are able to get over being shy and really engage in conversation fluidly and effortlessly. 

[Puppy]

Also, you're into DDlg, so maybe you could try to find events in your area that are either DDlg or kink related. These are great and often welcoming places where you'll meet all sorts of people. The few events that I've been to have been nothing but positive experiences for me. I have a ton of anxiety to the point I cannot function sometimes and I would be lying if I said I don't have anxiety when going to said events. BUT, everybody is very open and will approach you and make you feel right at home (as long as it is a good and credible event.) 

[Tinka]

Oh wow, that is amazing. 

Ok first of all , it is a huge weight lifter from our shoulders when we ll understand that we can`t have the same chemistry with everyone.

You might feel more comfortable with me, more awkward with my cousin, more bored to even proceed to meet my other cousin etc .

 

So step one. Trust your guts. 

If you sit on a side and watch people pass by, there is a chance you will see that with some of them you would like to start a conversation. 

With others not at all.

Both options are fine. 

Sometimes we wanna talk, some other times we dont want at all.

Sometimes we are curious about a subject and we contribute sometimes we dont and just listen.

Every single reaction is perfectly fine.

 

And i want you to make yourself believe that. That its normal. You are not some weird alien who doesnt know how to have a conversation.

It sometimes needs the right time, the right person.

A nice way is to ask and listen. Its the easiest thing. Because people love to talk. The more you ask, the more they talk.

You learn them better, and see if you got any interesting fact to add to their answers. Some kind of funny story, or some fan fact. 

 

The first "hey" is the hardest. Like the first day of school. 

Take a deep breath and try it . 

Try to see if they are interested in the things you like if not, its fine, listen to their interests and try to learn more about them too.

 

You will be amazed at how easily people can lose touch. Don`t let that happen , if you think its someone with whom you have a nice time, dont feel shy , send him /her a message again  

 The more interests you will have , the better conversation you will have. 

 

The most important thing is that the person with whom you speak with, must make you feel comfortable.

That its ok to be yourself, to open up, to enjoy a conversation without your being anxious about whether you come across as a weirdo or nerd or boring. 

These are nice people to have a conversation with.

Try it with a few of us and see how it goes, and then try it in outside world too

 

Best of luck!   

 

btw love psychology and games. So yea, you seem pretty cool and interesting to me. 

[Guest bunnybear11]

Hm I've never really been that shy, but I do relate in that fact that I don't usually fit in with everyone. I grew up with amazing like minded friends, and I was very lucky for that, but once moved away to study abroad (at a religious boarding school filled with what I thought would be preppy conservative close minded people) I found it a little hard to make friends, because I was judging them a little, but after I got to know them a bit I found those things weren't true.

 

So first thing I'd say, try not to judge someone before getting to know them, second thing, you don't always have to have the same interests as people in order to become friends, and this is a hard one I still struggle with, but just try to talk about general topics of conversation instead of specific ones.

 

Also, fake it till you make it, like they said above, it takes a while for confidence to build up, and until you get there all you can do is pretend (which is what 89% of ppl do tbh), and it works just fine.

 

Also please don't isolate yourself and become frustrated, it is a little hard in the beginning, especially starting at a new college, but don't do this because you'll miss out on so much, I say this from experience, if I could go back in time I'd do so many things differently, all we can do is try to learn from our mistakes.

 

Hope it all works out for u :33

Stay strong

Edited November 17, 2017 by carobear

[MissRose2607899]

Thank you guys. I won't give up