Where do you draw the lines on the dynamic in public?

[Puppy]

I was just watching a Youtube video of a couple involved in a DDlg dynamic out in public, and I started thinking about this question. We all know that exposing the non-consenting public to kinks is a huge no no, but I do believe it isn't black and white. The couple in the video went to Build-A-Bear, and the little in the relationship was just extremely excited and displaying very childlike behaviors, but it wasn't anything morally wrong or anything that could make someone uncomfortable.

 

Personally, I do believe there is a thin line between what is okay and what isn't. I think childlike behavior is acceptable however pacis, bottles, or exposed diapers are not. That's all my opinion though, and I'm just curious to hear where people stand on the topic! 

[Guest pacibrat]

I agree with you. There is a time and place and out in public usually isn't that place.  People always need to keep in mind that there are actual CHILDREN around when they are out and about.  It isn't fair to them or to their parents or the general public to bring the kink out into a place where they can't help but see it.  That goes for all kinks.  I mean, you aren't going to go to the mall in ass-less chaps and get paddled by your Master in the middle of the food court, lol.  It's all about respecting others and their right NOT to see, or be exposed, to kinky things if they don't want to be.

[Puppy]

I agree with you. There is a time and place and out in public usually isn't that place.  People always need to keep in mind that there are actual CHILDREN around when they are out and about.  It isn't fair to them or to their parents or the general public to bring the kink out into a place where they can't help but see it.  That goes for all kinks.  I mean, you aren't going to go to the mall in ass-less chaps and get paddled by your Master in the middle of the food court, lol.  It's all about respecting others and their right NOT to see, or be exposed, to kinky things if they don't want to be.

 

EXACTLY. There's ways to bring kink with you wherever without exposing others to it. Collars are a great example because collar-like chokers are so popular nowadays. It only starts to get iffy if you decide that you're gonna let your Dom walk you through the mall on a leash attached to it, lol. 

[Guest SUeB]

Yep, agreed. i feel those that feel a need to intentionally shove it in people's faces are doing it just for attention. Sure, a subtle show of that childlike attitude is fine, depending on how it is displayed, but is it really that difficult to keep the obvious stuff to yourself?

Nobody wants to see it, and force feeding any kink onto people is just not right. And yep, sorry, it's defined and seen as a kink.

[Puppy]

And yep, sorry, it's defined and seen as a kink.

 

Exactly. Anything involving power exchange, no matter if it's sexual or non-sexual, is considered D/s and is definitely a kink. 

[Littlest_Bee]

I agree with you.

 

But people will always have different limits. I remember seeing a couple at a festival when I was 15 that used collars and a chain to show their bond out in the open (they were also holding hands) and I just thought it was heart meltingly cute. Which is something that helped me figure out what I wanted from a relationship.

 

There were several people shaking their heads about them but I don't think they really crossed the line.

 

And there are people who are not in the kink community who do similar things. When my best friend celebrated knowing her boyfriend for one year they went to the Renaissance fair where they had first met and his mother, who was in the late stages of cancer then, took a leather band and bound their hands together and that's how they got engaged, basically. They were determined to go through the day without loosening the knots or anything and they spend hours like that. It was intense but also amazing to watch.

Edited November 18, 2017 by Gândi_Bee

[princessfreckles]

I've seen adults get excited about Build A Bear, so I don't think that's putting your kink too far out there for the public because come on, you're building your own stuffed animal and naming it. People of all ages go there, so I don't think it would be too out of the ordinary.

 

I once read an article about kinks, particularly the D/s dynamic. A subtle way to remind the two that they're still in their roles even in public is a small something that their wearing. The example given in the article was on him a certain bracelet that he wore when he was in his Dom frame of mind even at home. For her it was a necklace. It looked pretty nondescript, but up close it was embroidered with 'His'. I think if a couple had those items as a gentle reminder that they are in their role, its fine. My 'little' reminder is ribbon tied in my hair. Usually my hair is in a ponytail or something like that, but it's a small reminder of little mode, even if I can't display it through my actions in public. 

[Puppy]

I've seen adults get excited about Build A Bear, so I don't think that's putting your kink too far out there for the public because come on, you're building your own stuffed animal and naming it. People of all ages go there, so I don't think it would be too out of the ordinary.

 

I agree with this completely! I get super excited going to Build-A-Bear. I hope my original post didn't come off as me saying I was against that. It's just what I saw in the video that popped the dialogue into my head of what is considered too much. 

[princessfreckles]

I agree with this completely! I get super excited going to Build-A-Bear. I hope my original post didn't come off as me saying I was against that. It's just what I saw in the video that popped the dialogue into my head of what is considered too much. 

No, I completely understood

[Mikaitaku]

The problem is that ddlg isn't a sex thing for most of us. It is Time to stop forcing your kink on those of us that don't see it as a creepy sex thing

[Puppy]

The problem is that ddlg isn't a sex thing for most of us. It is Time to stop forcing your kink on those of us that don't see it as a creepy sex thing

 

Nobody here was hostile, nor forcing anything on you. I never once said that DDlg is a "sex thing." In fact, DDlg is primarily nonsexual for myself. You seem to be mistaken on what is considered a sub genre of BDSM and what isn't. DDlg is a sub-dynamic of BDSM. There's the D for Dominant in BDSM, and the D for Dominant in DDlg.

 

If you don't see it as a "creepy sex thing" that's great! Most of us feel the same way! However it's still part of a dynamic that involves power exchange. It's still part of a dynamic that is related to BDSM, something that the non-consenting public should not be forced to witness in it's extremities. 

 

There's a reason why you see people say they're against underage littles. Because it is part of BDSM, whether you are sexual or not. There's people who are asexual who practice BDSM. It has nothing to do with sex. 

Edited November 19, 2017 by Puppy

[meows kohai]

(tbh I think paci's are ok in public cause ravers and their pacifiers are everywhere) 

 

But I'm the type of person that wants little to no PDA in public even. 

 

Piggy back rides ✓

Holding hands ✓

Linking arms ✓

Kissing ✗

Cheek pecks✓

Chin grabbing ✗

Butt grabbing ✗

Calling Daddy "Dad" ✓

Being called "Baby" ✓

Bottle ✗

Paci ✗ (I wouldn't personally be comfortable)

[Magpies]

Somebody who isn't a little but is still an adult can get excited over stuff like build-a-bear.
It's when you start calling somebody a rather kink-based pet name in public {or one that comes across as one}, throwing a temper-tantrum for role-playing purposes {because you shouldn't be if not}, and are doing anything remotely sexual  {groping, heavy PDA, ecT} there is a huge problem.

I plan on going to build-a-bear with the sir once we manage to get together, and I know for a fact that while I'll probably be speaking a few octaves higher than usual, gushing over the cuteness, and participating in the fun rituals, I won't be acting the way I would in my own home while regressing. That's entirely inappropriate. Same for if we go to the park, or the Disney store, or out for dinner. I'll order off the kids menu if I'm allowed, but I'm not going to act a particular way because we're in public. Literally nobody while I'm solo has questioned me buying "little" stuff because I act mature around others, even if I feel little while browsing the shelves and checking out.

I don't use stuff like pacis, but I personally wouldn't bring a sippy cup or anything of the sort out in public. I do, however, wear childish clothing, kids make-up, and plan on getting a purse that's a stuffed animal. Nobody really judges based on stuff like that unless they're really reaching for a reason to complain. 
 

The problem is that ddlg isn't a sex thing for most of us. It is Time to stop forcing your kink on those of us that don't see it as a creepy sex thing

My age regression is entirely unrelated to sex as well, but there's also a certain way that adults are expected to act in public. And sorry, we are actually adults, and need to behave a certain way in public. If not, you sadly have to accept the fact that people are going to think you're into kink, and that you're behaving wildly inappropriately, because kink or not, it is.

[Guest SUeB]

Nobody here was hostile, nor forcing anything on you. I never once said that DDlg is a "sex thing." In fact, DDlg is primarily nonsexual for myself. You seem to be mistaken on what is considered a sub genre of BDSM and what isn't. DDlg is a sub-dynamic of BDSM. There's the D for Dominant in BDSM, and the D for Dominant in DDlg.

 

If you don't see it as a "creepy sex thing" that's great! Most of us feel the same way! However it's still part of a dynamic that involves power exchange. It's still part of a dynamic that is related to BDSM, something that the non-consenting public should not be forced to witness in it's extremities.

 

There's a reason why you see people say they're against underage littles. Because it is part of BDSM, whether you are sexual or not. There's people who are asexual who practice BDSM. It has nothing to do with sex.

Give this girl a cookie!!

[Guest starsInTheNight]

This is a topic I was a bit uncomfortable with as I was expecting people to be totally in contradiction with my opinions but I see that we all pretty much agree on the same thing.

 

Being into ddlg means you are going to be in placed where there will be parents, family and kids, actual kids (toy stores, amusement parks, etc.), and I feel that they shouldn't be exposed to anything.

I'm fine with small display of love and care (or domination) like holding hands, whispering things,.. Like this one time, I was buying a plushie for and with a little whose little age was 3. the cashier jokingly asked if I needed it to be wrapped up or if it was for me and I reply that it was for a cute little 3 years old. Nothing out of the ordinary for the cashier and my little was hardly blushing but never would I have been more obvious than that.

 

the problem is how ostentatious you are about it. People will draw the lines differently and that can depends on where they live as well.

Like meows mention, pacis can be related to ravers and it is frown upon where I live and among the people I socialize with because it is directly linked to drug use, not something you want to explain to a kid as to why someone is sucking on a paci. However, if I'm at a rave, I wouldn't bat an eye.
On the contrary, I've seen high schoolers with baby paci attached to their backpack as a simple fashion item and nobody cared.

 

I do have a question though, if you ever meet a couple displaying a ddlg or bdsm behavior you find unacceptable (like loudly calling out "Daddy", talking about spanking, etc.) in a public place, would you say anything to them ?

Edited November 20, 2017 by starsInTheNight

[Guest SUeB]

No i wouldn't say anything, because that's giving them exactly what they want.

[Puppy]

If I was just overhearing their conversation I think I would just mind my own business. As SUeB said, giving them any attention is exactly what they want. 

 

Now if they were doing anything that would be considered public indecency such as exposing themselves or inappropriate touching I would either confront them or report them to whatever business they're in. 

[Guest KorgFoehammer]

There are lots of assumptions in some comments around this issue.

ddlg, ageplay and adbl are 3 distinct things in bdsm that are usually linked but not forcefully part of the ddgl relationship.

I do ddgl as it is defined, and I may agree when people say I do ageplay, but that is not entirely accurate because me and my little have 15 years of age gap, and she looks much younger and I much older than we both really are.

People may not find it strange the way she treats me in public, unless she kisses me in a way it makes some eyebrows rise, but regardless, I really dont care that much.

But it is not because she doesnt identify as a little kid that it is not a ddlg relationship, as it is understood broadly. She behaves as a "16ish teen", which she really does look to be "from afar", and I behave as a 45ish man, and I have natural grey beard, and lots of wrinkles, male pattern baldness, and all that stuff. We do not do ageplay as it is actually defined, but it can be called that way without prejudice, but not adbl.

We can pretty much keep our relation more or less open and that were never a problem for us, or caused problem for us.

It is obvious that if a 30ish year old person tried to play as a toddler, it will get some undesired heat, but that comes with the kinkyness of the thing.