Yay for the independent littles!

[Persephone_Persephone]

Just a few words that I needed to say.

 

Lately I'm finding my interactions with members of our community very depressing and irritiating. For the simple reason it seems with have stereotyped ourselves so much. On a daily basis when I interact with members both online and IRl it appears I am being classsed as 'not a true little' or 'doesn't need a daddy' and this seems to be a few things mainly that I'm independent, fairly confident and perfectly able to live my life without a CG.

 

I run a business, am a home owner, a single parent and part time student. And thats not something that rare nowadays. But whenever the topic of what my day to day life is like I'm met with disbelief and snide remarks that I dont think many people really get how irritating they are.

The usual is 'well if you really are that independant why do you think you need a CG?' Or straight up questions as to if I actually am a little as 'you dont seem it'. I get lots of attention intially off daddies and this fizzles as soon as they realise I dont actually need them to get on with my life and be balanced and successful. Or they try to put rules in place and get upset when I make it clear I'm not falling for that until I submit to one person. So they can frankly stick any ideas of how you can control me where the sun dont shine until they understand what real submission and care giving is about. 

 

This got me wondering...why has it become that a 'true little' has to be needy, requires the CG's input to make life decisions and manage their day to day routines. Surely some CGs would rather be with a little who doesnt need them but actually wants just them.

So here is to the kick ass littles who adult every day without the requirement of a CG. Who have careers, are educated and fierce in life and will not settle for the stereotype that to be little is to be dare I say it...abit useless or naive. The ones like me who who are overjoyed by their little space yet know how to put their big girl knickers on and know how to bring in a pay check, make dinner, look after kids and have a wicked sense of fun.

What worries me about this trend is we have alot littles who feel they simply cannot cope with basic life situations without the input of a CG. Sometimes I have conversations and think I'm not talking to adults who like to be little, I'm just talking to kids. As much as I respect all ages and people who come to this lifestyle I wish that people could really stick to the 'no true way' idea and that there are many varieties of littles and they all deserve to be included. Because frankly it hurts when your being told you can't have a CG because your a success in life. Especially when that comes fron other littles!

Also as a side note any person who says I dont deserve to be cared for because they find me a challenge needs to up their game. Maybe you arent suitable to my standard of CG.

[prettylilpiglette]

^{You go girl! I'm sure there are gonna be a lot of littles who disagree, but even I, a little with a CG,}

^{think it's absolutely empowering to see how passionate you are about how you feel.}

^{You don't need a CG to be a little and it's definitely great that you have high standards; self value is so important.}

^{You handle your business like a champ!
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀}⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀( ) ( )

^{⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀/( ᴼㅅᴼ ❀ )\
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀~ BunBunn}

[Little Illy]

Literally I have had this problem since I found out I was a little. 22 credit hour weeks as a triple major with 2-3 jobs because I LOVE the chaos of progress.

 

But only to be called "not a real little" because I wouldn't beg for a man to care for me. Or be grateful a guy wanted to "knock me down a peg." It is quite vexing. 

 

But then I found a Daddy who finds my independent streak as a positive, and a challenge for him to earn my submission. And he did so with a flourish. Now I found myself depending on him in a way I never expected. Because with the appreciation of my independent streak, its allowed me to open myself up to him. I know it sucks right now, but that person will be there for you. Sadly... we strong types have to wade through a lot of "youre not a real little" until we find the one that makes us feel the littlest of them all. In the best way. 

 

I wish the best for you - you got this!

[Magpies]

The concept of "role-play" is lost on a lot of people who get too caught up in the fantasy.

 

In reality, we should not actually be dependent; anything could happen to our caregivers, and if such a thing were to happen, we need to be able to stand on our own. We should want these things and crave them, but to say we need them outside the concept of the mindspace is ridiculous. {Seriously though, bless those who manage to live a lifestyle where they can act out the "need" with no worries. You're living the life! No shame, at all. You made it!}

I've been told I don't seem like a little at all because I carry myself with far too much maturity, and I have independent/cocky attitude and want my sir around rather than needing him. 
The concept of needing to rely on somebody is absurd to me, but I've been through hell and back. Knowing my sir is around because I want and he wants me is heart melting, and I feel safe and like I can finally relax and be myself because of him. I submit because I want to, and him knowing that hopefully makes it all the more special. {{I'm a kitten with some scars, but I'm still a kitten.}}

 

Also, not being able to separate fantasy from reality can lead some people into situations they can't escape from, and that is never good.

Honestly, whenever I see people who demand that you need to be this or that to fit into the setting, I just ditch them. This is my role-play, therapy, life, and way of being myself aroudn my partner. Their input doesn't matter, and they can deal with the consequences of both trying to control others, and their own lack of maturity so they learn why some littles are independent. > >

[Littlest_Bee]

I wish I had my life figured out more. Having a caregiver has been an amazing help throughout the last year but in the end we both rely on each other (as in any partnership).

 

Total dependence can foster unhealthy behaviours. Does a caregiver truly want to be completely responsible for another person's life? It's a huge amount of responsibility. I think most who pretend they'd take care of everything, actually just don't want to hear about the mundane day-to-day things, like how someone pays the bills, etc. It indicates a lack of interest in anything beyond the fantasies and it seems to be paired quite often with a kind of entitlement (the other should be available 24/7). It's completely unrealistic.

[Guest infinitecases]

I don't see why you're not a true little! I could function perfectly okay if I had never met my Daddy with university, work, business and other things, I like being busy so much that I am always looking to do new things and learning. I think it's more that I'm allowing my Daddy to have a say in all the things I do and whether I'm allowed to do them etc. I can look after myself and be independent as much as possible, especially since Daddy is far away but allowing my Daddy to control certain aspects of my life lets me feel safe and loved and cared for. I hate depending on people, so I much prefer knowing that I can do everything myself if I wanted to (and I do!) and so having my Daddy here to guide me and teach me new things is something reserved only for him and letting myself depend on someone like that is what I consider part of why I love him and a sign I trust him entirely because I would never be able to do that for anyone else. 

[Guest QueenPrincess]

I really admire that, I'm not quite as independent yet, but I aspire to be (and not at the permission/enablement of a partner)

 

I think it's also really unhealthy that people see the little community as truly helpless, like Magpies said, it's a form roleplay regardless of how often you participate. Honestly, if people think we're GENUINELY as helpless and developed as children then what is separating us and them? If a daddy dates someone who is mentally four without being able to choose otherwise when necessary (say, someone severely handicapped) is that REALLY OKAY because physically she's over 18? What does this say about the caregiver who demands a completely helpless person who will crumble without him? 

 

As much as it probably does scare *certain* caregivers away, being independent has to be the most FABULOUS filter for sorting the humans who love this kinky form of roleplay from people so insecure with themselves that they need to prey on someone they believe to be weak.

 

A big part of the reason I've set a few goals for myself before I really get into the dating ring again.

[Guest pacibrat]

So much this! In my opinion, anyone who ignores education, and independence, to rely completely on someone else is playing with fire.  You HAVE to be able to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF these days, especially if you're a woman.  People go from person to person in our society.  Gone are the days when people would get together and stay together until death.  Can it happen?  Yes, but it isn't likely.  Just look at the divorce rate.  Also, many people are choosing not to get married at all.

 

If you're a young little and your Daddy is much older, he obviously prefers young women.  Well, you are going to get older and you will no longer be what he wants.  He'll trade down for another young little.  Where will that leave the little if they've relied on that person for EVERYTHING including financial support????

 

Being little is a FETISH LIFESTYLE.  It sounds like people are getting it twisted and turning it into something it isn't.  Like you said, a little is not a child.  We are ADULTS. You should be able to leave it at the door and go out into the world and adult.  If you can't, you're doing yourself an immense disservice and might possibly need counseling to help with self esteem, etc.  

[Guest Andyy95]

WARNING: The content to follow is not appropriate for immature audience.

 

 

I COMPLETELY agree with you, and I want a partner like that, someone that is independent and can function on their own. I don't want to be with a person and have her have an anxiety attack and break down completely cause "daddy is busy and can't reply". I don't want someone that uses me as an emotional buttplug, cause let's be honest, a lot of littles do that. While I am the caregiver, the guide, we are both still adults and I need to respect and like the big you before even seeing the little you and what not. You can seperate the littles on this forum into two groups as far as i'm concerned: on one side there's those that make a sincere effort to be active in the forum and contribute to it, and want to LEARN about the lifestyle and be surrounded by likeminded people.Then on the other side there's those with barely any activity on the forum (the only activity is wwhen they cry about their "daddy" leaving them after having known him for a week alltogether) , but only go through the personals looking for a daddy to be their emotional buttplug. I'm not trying to attack littles tho, it's the same with daddys, just in a different wayy.

 

I would like to ask those littles that just use a caregiver like that, to work on yourself first rather then trying to find comfort in a daddy cause you can't cope with your issues otherwise. I know you think you are doing nothing wrong , but you are infact being INCREDIBLY selfish.

 

That's all, live long and prosper.

[Guest Olderdaddyca]

Amazing post Poppins......google has ruined the dynamic for sure!

 

I do believe however it is not role play, it is life. I think it is the most misunderstood dynamic out here. Frowned on by society. Too many use the titles as an excuse for bad behavior on both sides of the dynamic.

Edited November 26, 2017 by Olderdaddyca

[Guest Loki]

It’s bizare to me that a caregiver would want someone who can’t function. It’s equally bizarre there’s folks out there that think their way is the only way. The only “fake” people in the community are those who are out to hurt and don’t care about anyone else. Everyone else is simply different and we have different needs.

 

Just because something is bizarre to me doesn’t make it wrong. Likewise, just becuase something bizarre to someone else doesn’t mean it’s wrong, either

 

What it comes down to are people looking for what they want and getting frustrated with the search. But that’s just my opinion.

Edited November 26, 2017 by Pinkyellowblue

[Guest Sweetie77]

As a community of inclusion the "not a true..." is just ridiculous. Sometimes I feel the people that say that are just insecure in themselves. 

As for role play/ real life, I don't separate them. It is my life and I flow in and out of how I feel, but in the end I am an adult who knows how to be an adult. I just happen to have the emotional craving for little wants (protection, caring, guidance, education, love). I have been fortunate to find a Daddy/Boyfriend who likes me little and big and appreciates my independence.  He gives me so much of what I need that it gives me more strength in my adult life. Do I long for him throughout the day and squeal with delight when I see a text from him? ABSOLUTELY.  But when he is busy I understand, and try to be patient while taking care of my responsibilities. 

I do not judge those who need and want more from a caregiver, nor those caregivers who want a more submissive little. I feel we all have good matches out there, it just takes longer to find the right one.

When I first joined I was so scared to participate, feeling like maybe I wasn't "real" based on all the status updates and posts that just didn't seem to match how I felt. However with time I slowly started to see more "adult" talk from littles and people with whom I DO share similarities. It's really refreshing to be able to be little and big on here and hope I can continue to comfortably be so. 

 

Thank you Poppins, for this post. We all deserve the Caregivers we want. 

[Persephone_Persephone]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I generally agree with what most people have to say on the matter.

 

The topic of 'role play' has come up on peoples replies and to be clear I'm actually quite able to regress naturally and not a big role player. I just also happen to know when it is and isnt appropriate to be little.

What I have thought about is why people have said such things to me i.e the your not a real little. And the answer seems simple. It seems to be a cop out used by some males who when they meet an adult women who has a good thing going in her life feel they are not of value and therefore must put her back in her place or declare she's not 'right' somehow to be self sufficient. This sadly seems to be less experienced males (by no means all males).It also appears to be a technique used for girl on girl hate. To point out anothers differences and quickly put her down.

It's play ground games.

It feels like I'm going on some crusade by talking about this but its an issue that is adding to the stigma of ddlg. And it has to stop. Littles as many of you have mentioned need to in charge of themselves first before they can let another take control.

This comes from what I have experienced age 18-28 in the bdsm and ddlg lifestyle and it seems to be a more recent trend to be cute and ditsy thats watering down what the dynamic really is about.

[HampshireBloke]

I am still in the very early stages of my journey through this lifestyle, but I've already started to notice the difference between the Littles who are able to look after themselves and those that expect their CGs to do everything for them.  

I don't think that anyone has the right to say  "You're not a real X if you Y", but obviously there are people looking for different things in relationships and it is very common for people to be incompatible for all sorts of reasons, including kinks.

Personally, I don't think I would want to be in a relationship with a little who wasn't able to cope as an adult on their own.  I want a partner, not a child.  Much as I would love to find someone to be a 'Daddy' to, i don't expect to be her parent, any more than I would want my 'little girl' to actually be a girl rather than a woman.

Again, I know others want different things, and I am not judging them for that, even if I find it hard to understand how they feel.

[Guest SUeB]

All the yays for this post! Needed saying. Sick of all the rubbish that i see. Sorry but yeah, some people really need to grow up. No pun intended!

[Guest Dulci]

100% agree with you. It needed saying and I love how much support you are getting from this post. 

 

I am also sick of being accused of not being a real little because; I work 40+hrs per week, I cook, I clean.. I run my house and I pay bills. I'm not a little who's sat around all day waiting for "daddy" to come home/come online. 

 

I am independent; and if you're a daddy who is turned off by that; fine by me! I could not have a clingy daddy  

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Dependency is unhealthy. Period. It's not cute - It's stunting mental maturity.  It's fine to roleplay and I will be the first one to admit I benefit from the structure given to me by an (experienced) Dom but I can function just Dandy on my own. I am one of the older Littles on this board so maybe my circumstances would be different to someone younger but I have a Career, an education, a home, a car, bills etc etc etc that I acquired on my own while being a full time submissive. I can say being a Little is who I am but I know I can't be in little space or sub space 24/7 because I have adult stuff that has to be done. Yes, My desk is covered in stickers and Bobble heads and beanie babies but that's my way of still being who I am while doing my job. Everyone's dynamic is different, some Daddies want their subs to stay home and be subs and that's fine but if you can't function on an adult level outside of that or can't cope with day to day common stress then maybe a therapist would be a good addition to your life as there is probably some stuff under the surface that needs to be addressed for your quality of life. 

 

*runs back into her blanket fort*

[Guest SUeB]

Lol yep. Single parent here with all three kids at home. Self employed, developing a career in personal training and group fitness classes, i pay aaaaall those pesky bills myself, cook and clean, and manage to survive the big, scary world without collapsing into a heap of sulks, beating fists and whimpering spoilt tears!

[Guest Andyy95]

Lol yep. Single parent here with all three kids at home. Self employed, developing a career in personal training and group fitness classes, i pay aaaaall those pesky bills myself, cook and clean, and manage to survive the big, scary world without collapsing into a heap of sulks, beating fists and whimpering spoilt tears!

 

U go girl!

[Lil' Miss Dolly]

Lol yep. Single parent here with all three kids at home. Self employed, developing a career in personal training and group fitness classes, i pay aaaaall those pesky bills myself, cook and clean, and manage to survive the big, scary world without collapsing into a heap of sulks, beating fists and whimpering spoilt tears!

 

Oh, I will gladly collapse into a heap of kicking feet and tears but there's a time and a place! Lol! 

[Guest aphroditelaughs]

I'm so glad to see these posts.

 

Dynamic and "that's just how we do it" aside, being completely dependent on someone can be extremely unhealthy. Do I want to make that adult phone call? No, because my anxiety goes through the roof. But if I ask my CG to do it, I'm 1. giving into avoidant behavior which doesn't help my anxiety and 2. putting an unneeded responsibility on him when I'm still a fully functioning adult.

 

It's not my CG's job to run my life. He makes suggestions and supports me, but I'm capable of making decisions. I choose to go to class and go to work. I choose to write my budget and take the dog for a walk and make a grocery list. Lately I see posts where littles complain that they're engaging in things they shouldn't, yet won't stop because they either don't have a CG or their CG won't tell them no. Self regulation isn't something that should be thrown out the window.

 

You're still two people in a relationship and it can't be so imbalanced.

[Untwisted]

There is a range of ages here and while some of us old farts have lived in the big world for long long time, there are those who are barely out of school and possibly finding the grown up world a bit overwhelming, and that's fair enough (I'm making a sweeping generalisation, I'm sure there will be many "when I was 18 I was doing x, y and z" stories).

In that situation, looking for a partner who can be supportive and help it not be quite so scary is fair enough too. 

 

But remaining that needy and dependent shouldn't be an aspiration. 

 

A real (dammit, used the R word) care giver in that situation would, I hope, see their role as helping their little to grow in confidence to be able to progress in the grown up world, rather than indulge/encourage their dependence.
I suspect that the fear of losing a little who has developed the confidence to act independently plays a part in it.

Whichever side is driving it, taking on the role of carer for someone who's incapable of being an adult is a huge burden.  It's little wonder that there are so many posts from littles who can't function without daddy wondering why their relationships keep breaking down.

[Persephone_Persephone]

100% agree with you. It needed saying and I love how much support you are getting from this post. 

 

I am also sick of being accused of not being a real little because; I work 40+hrs per week, I cook, I clean.. I run my house and I pay bills. I'm not a little who's sat around all day waiting for "daddy" to come home/come online. 

 

I am independent; and if you're a daddy who is turned off by that; fine by me! I could not have a clingy daddy

 

Lovely reply!

 

We seems very much on the same page and your right it does work both ways. I couldn't be with a daddy that was needy too.

[Guest princesshoneybear]

I think nothing is wrong being an independent little. I always thought that I am very dependent but when I have a daddy I realized that I am not that dependent I mean he can go to work and I go to college, we are both busy and we take care of ourselves until weekend when we can cuddle up and have fun!

[Nikamouse5]

I am a very independent adult woman. I have a full time job, I pay my bills and I don’t depend on any one. That said, mouse is little. She is vulnerable because she is little. And it’s something I treasure. You will have to work very hard to earn Nika’s trust because she has to protect mouse. So maybe being vulnerable is being strong. It’s not easy. You get hurt being little. But, that said .. mouse is very mischievous, always looking for adventures.