Rewards and Punishments!~funishments, ideas, charts, etc.

[Guest Ion1234]

I miss giving out spankings.  

[StarfallenRobot]

I'm new to the DDLG side of rewards/punishments, but I can imagine it would have a lot of interplay with other kinks for me. I have far too many kinks, some of which could be played with punishment/reward pretty heavily.

Like, I've been... fascinated lately at the prospect of light CBT. Getting roped and tugged on down there, getting some gentle smacking and firm squeezes.

[MadamWanda]

My baby boy and I don't have a fixed rule system, but generally speaking I prefer to use positive reinforcement. He's a busy boy, he works, studies and goes to the gym. So every evening he tells me about his day, and I point out the good things he's done. I will say things like "You stood up for yourself today, I'm proud of you" or "Really ? You benched that much ? I'm impressed, good job baby !". He gets bigger rewards for bigger achievements, like a nice video or some photos from Mommy, or he can stay up a bit longer, play video games or go to the pub to watch football (he needs big boy time too, I can give him that. He's reasonable.) 
He likes being good and I don't need to use punishment a lot, I think it also comes from the fact he gets ample rewards and praise for good behavior. Once he went out late and forgot to tell me, I wasn't mad. I just explained that I had been worried and that it was okay to go out and have a social life, but we needed to communicate about it. I reminded him key points in our relationship : open communication, honesty and trust. He said he was sorry, made it up to me, and now he tells me where he goes etc... I don't have to ask. I think mutual trust is a reward in itself, for the both of us. 
When he gets naughty on purpose it's more to incite bedroom fun than anything else. He likes his spankings so we keep that as "funishment". It wouldn't be effective otherwise  

[Journey]

On 3/2/2015 at 9:37 AM, Guest taryn of arendelle said:

Hey Daddies/Mommies/Caregivers and littles, do you have a rewards system? I'm really curious to know how people keep track of theirs, if they do. For now Papa and I made a poster for my Princess Points based on three categories: rules, behavior and tasks.

There is only one thing that I reward, and that is good behavior. I also punish bad behavior, if necessary.

I want my middle to be happy and I tend to spoil her by giving her almost everything she wants, but there are some things that I won't tolerate, such as disrespect and verbal abuse. 

The reward system is pretty simple. If she is a good girl, she is more likely to get what she wants. She may even get a surprise gift. If she is a bad girl, she is less likely to get what she wants. If she crosses a boundary, like being disrespectful or engaging in verbal abuse, then it is an automatic "no." I will not reward her for bad behavior.

This way we don't have to have a specific system in place, and our relationship can be flexible. But at the same time, there is an incentive structure in place that rewards good behavior and punishes bad behavior. 

The result is that she always acts like a good girl because she gets what she wants by being a good girl. Basically, after several months, she was trained to be a good girl and the lesson has stuck. No more disrespect. No more temper tantrums. No more hurtful words or tone of voice. More please's and thank you's. And she is happier.

In my case, I am married to a middle, so there is no need to turn it into a game. But for a little, it may be more effective to turn it into a game, with rewards and stickers and things like that to incentivize good behavior. It also makes it fun. 

P.S. Some people may not like the word "train" above, but the reality is that you are either training your partner to treat you well, or you are training your partner to treat you badly. It is all about what you tolerate and reward in a relationship. And if they are submissive, they may want and like being trained. If they want a DDlg relationship, they may want daddy or mommy to teach and guide them. If that is the case, embrace it. Regardless, you should encourage behavior that is good for the relationship and discourage behavior that is toxic to the relationship or otherwise undesired. 

P.P.S. In this context "good behavior" means "desired behavior." What is desired is up to you as a couple. Just remember, what you reward, you get more of. So be careful about what behavior you reward. 

Edited September 25 by Journey

[RoseyLittle]

Daddy and I create my rules together, a lot are centred around goals I personally want to achieve our standards for myself. There are also rules that are important to Daddy, most centred around my well being and safety. Some around our relationship dynamics and some around littles space. 
 

Because we have two small kiddos at home (that have their own rewards charts etc), we need something more private. So we use the obedience app. It allows me to track things through the day, build points and spend them on rewards Daddy has created in the system. It also cues when things are missed or rules broken.

We still like to chat each night at bedtime about my day, to talk in person about these things, but sometimes life with kids is busy. Daddy also believes in lots of praise and on the spot punishments or rewards, but again, this got harder with tiny humans, so we need a system that can hold things until we get a private moment together.