Idk how to word this

[Salems lot]

As states in the title I'm not really sure how to word this, but ima try. I was both a dom and little to the girl I was with. And visa versa, she was also dom and little to me. But here's what I'm having trouble understanding. She, well cheated on me a lot and was quite abusive. And since that relationship, I can't fully get into little space. I guess I'm kinda wondering if it's normal or if there's anything I can do to fix it? It's been a year and almost a half since then if that helps any. I'm bad with words, so I'm sorry if this is confusing

[Guest SUeB]

Not at all confusing. First of all, well done for getting out of that relationship.

Things like that will always have an effect. Sometimes very temporarily, sometimes longer lasting.

i am no psychologist, but in my opinion, it's likely to be a defence mechanism. She damaged your perception of this kind of relationship, possibly. So now you are afraid to let that part of yourself free. It's self protection.

Hey, i am no expert, and i might be wrong, but no matter what, you need to deal with the fall out of that experience and heal in your own time. First of all, stop overthinking things. Try to prevent yourself from questioning why this is happening right now. The more you worry about it, the more likely it will continue.

Yes i know that doesn't exactly help, but being aware of it is one step forward.

Abusive relationships can take much longer to move on from than regular ones. Yes you might think you should be "over it" by now, but that's not how it works. There is no timeline involved.

Just take care of yourself, do thongs that make you feel good. Exercise, good, nutritious food, favourite music (but none that take you back to that time), funny movies, chat to friends, look for a creative hobby or past time, get involved with local classes or clubs, offer to take a neighbours dog for a walk, long bubble baths, walks out in pretty areas nearby etc. Focus on your health and wellbeing, and maybe your little side will come back in its own time once you are concentrating on other things.

[Kvothe]

I'm very sorry you had a bad experience with this person. And I'm also sorry to hear that you're struggling with your little space!

 

Have you given any thought to how you felt going into little space earlier? Did certain environments help? Did specific words help? In my experience, it can all be in the details and sometimes it is very tricky.

 

I hope you can find a way to enjoy little time. You definitely deserve it without any abuse involved!

[Guest CuddlyPenguin]

I think what SUeB said is kinda spot on. As someone who is studying psychology and has also had the same trouble after an abusive relationship myself I do agree that I think it is a subconscious block. You were hurt while being in that space and now to protect yourself you avoid going back there. You neeed to recondition yourself to distinguish experiences you don’t want tied to her. If you want PM me and we can talk about it more! Good luck and also goood job on not letting that experience define you ❤️